Here, I collect the knowledge and treatment of practicing consultants in practice, list the excerpts of books and articles, and analyze the supervision expert Zhao Dongshan, hoping to inspire you.
Senior consultant:
My first face-to-face visitor did not leave home until the appointed time. I arrived on time. The teacher in charge of reception is under great pressure. I tried my best to rationalize and understand her. I didn't take the initiative to mention it in the consultation, which also extended the time for her. But it may still affect me, and I am not very active in the interaction. This is a long-distance analytical perspective. I think we have a tacit understanding of "never meeting again". I suppressed my emotions and completed the consultation with some blameless high posture, while I was already attacking the visitors. I was in a different situation from her.
Consultant Miao Xiaoke:
In the face of visitors being late, I will review the previous consultation process and reflect on whether there is any problem in my handling, whether the consultation has reached this point, what challenges the visitors have encountered, whether the visitors are emotional about the consultant or the consultation-visit relationship, whether the visitors are late because it is difficult to complete their homework, whether the consultation pace needs to be adjusted, and whether the visitors need to "rest".
Then in this consultation, listen to the visitor's statement about being late (if the visitor takes the initiative to mention it) and respond. Accept the lateness of visitors, and make appropriate adjustments in the negotiation in combination with the self-expression of visitors and the above considerations.
Consultant Kobayashi:
Some visitors I received were punctual at first, but with the progress of consultation, they became late; Some started very late and became very early with the progress of consultation; Some arrive on time one minute at a time; Some will arrive more than half an hour in advance every time; Sometimes late, sometimes early. I haven't discussed this issue with any visitor, but I will think about the information conveyed by the behavior, and try to understand the visitor and his/her state and predicament in combination with the consultation process and other details.
Consultant Xiaohe:
For me, whether the visitor is late because of resistance or attacks me with late behavior, holding is the basic attitude that a consultant should uphold. In the relationship between consultation and visitors, the consultant is the object of visitors' work. Resistance, attack and rejection are all meaningful in the relationship, and they are also opportunities for in-depth consultation. If the counselor can't tolerate the weakness, incompetence, attack and control of the counselor, the promotion of visitors in real life will be limited.
Consultants select land:
The lateness of visitors will certainly cause psychological counselors' inner turmoil, such as curiosity, doubt, worry, impatience, anger ... No matter what you experience, you need to be aware of the troubles caused by your own problems, and you can discuss them with those who have experienced them personally and try to avoid bringing emotions into the consultation and interview interaction. This is the so-called golden mean. At the same time, anti-empathy is also an important tool to understand visitors, which needs to be detected, marked, discussed and dealt with in supervision.
Consultants should keep the position of "receiver" and be curious about every expression of visitors. Being late is also an expression/complaint. If we just stop asking for specific reasons, we will close this docking channel. Therefore, perhaps we can pay attention to the attitude, feelings and handling methods of visitors to being late. For example, visitors feel anxious-will they be punished by psychological counselors for their poor fantasy performance? Is the visitor's lateness a test of your interest in him? Does the visitor understand some of his emotional experiences by keeping you waiting? In short, leave a space for visitors' own content to appear.
Excerpted from Yan Wenhua's Introduction to Psychological Counseling Case Supervision
When visitors are late, the consultant should evaluate the reasons for their lateness.
Visitors' lateness may be due to objective reasons, and may also include visitors' attitude towards consultants and consultation. If the time is ripe, you should discuss the problem of being late with the visitors. If the time is not ripe, the counselor will inform the visitor of his decision (whether to extend the time) and explain the reasons for doing so.
Excerpt from the discussion of psychological counseling technology: Do you need to analyze every time you are late?
What can reflect the consultant's level is to distinguish which lateness is the key node with subconscious significance, instead of treating each lateness as a so-called "resistance" and making the same mechanical reaction as answering the exam. Seeing all lateness as an obstacle to counseling may be a narcissistic illusion of novice counselors about themselves and this job (imagining themselves and counseling as too important to visitors).
Sometimes, this mechanical analysis may be the psychological counselor's own anti-empathy: the novice psychological counselor sits there five minutes in advance, expecting to behave well today, but when the time is up and the visitor hasn't come, he/she becomes anxious: What happened to the visitor? Does he/she not attach importance to psychological counseling? Does he/she have no respect for me in his/her heart? Does he/she have a problem with me? Think I'm incapable of helping him/her? It must be his/her impedance. I wonder what impedance it is. Analysis of lateness has become a way for psychological counselors to alleviate the anxiety accumulated during waiting for visitors.
Excerpted from Wu Hui's Being Late is Another Kind of Being Present.
The other side of being late is arriving early. It seems that you are particularly eager to see the counselor, or you are obedient and so on. This is also worth discussing with consultants and visitors. There are also some visitors who step on the spot and are reluctant to be on time every time, which naturally needs to be discussed.
For dynamic consultants, it is very necessary to strictly abide by the settings. It is precisely because of this that only those who are late, leave early and on time can conduct analysis and discussion under the framework of dynamics and promote the growth of visitors.
Therefore, being late is an impedance, and being too early and too punctual is also an impedance. After all, psychoanalysis is everywhere.
Teacher Zhao Dongshan said:
In the process of consultation, when we touch the deep inner world that visitors can't express clearly, visitors will use the behavior of being late to form an expression. We live in a world of appearances, and "time" is an appearance. The universe has no birth and death, and there is no concept of time. We create time to achieve a sense of control over death anxiety and perception. The behavior of being late can be regarded as the psychological condition that the visitor is disturbed or caused by the consultation.
Usually, we will be late for discussion, research and analysis in the relationship between consultation and interview. Why? Why? This process can make consultants gain more experience and sense of control, while visitors can gain more experience and sense of control by asking questions and have more experience of their own operations. Through this process of constantly learning about themselves, both sides can achieve promotion.
We can also change a more romantic perspective, without research and analysis, purely from the perspective of visitors. When the visitor is late, the psychological counselor also enters the visitor's heart, becoming a part of his inner emotional structure and a symbol of his inner world-such as a negative empathy object. In this process, the counselor is no longer a bystander, but a participant in the inner world of the visitor. In his inner situation, which was full of pressure and difficulties, he experienced and shared it together, which comforted and healed the visitors. When the psychological counselor can participate in the deep emotional structure of the visitor, it will provide the visitor with an opportunity to rewrite the internal representation function, help him become the protagonist of his own story, and make it possible to rewrite his own life course.