The topics are all about parents, who jumped ship, who got married and who gave birth to children. Most people are talking about money, but few people will mention the word dream.
Maybe ordinary people don't deserve dreams, but most people, together with me, sometimes don't even know what they want to do except money.
0 1
20 19, I'm 27 years old, and I still have three years to become a 30-year-old boy.
One day, I took a bath and looked in the mirror, only to find that the abdominal muscles that followed me for more than ten years completely disappeared and my stomach became round.
In the second year of marriage, I gained a little weight, Xiaoding got pregnant and both of them grew up slowly.
We are all slowly entering middle age.
1992, I am about to enter middle age.
It's terrible.
I have seen a sentence describing middle age before: "I wake up every day surrounded by people who depend on me."
Now that I think about it, it's true. Although I just had a child, my elders have not become very old.
However, because of the company's opening, it has to pay a lot of rent, mortgage and salary every month, and the child is still lying in the neonatal intensive care unit, which can cost a freshman a month every day.
Whether from an economic point of view or an emotional point of view, the responsibility on my shoulders has gradually become heavier.
Like me, half of my friends are going through the nesting period-looking for a partner who is willing to put on the shackles she gave, put aside all her dreams and work honestly to support their families.
The other half, single after 90, is still "refusing to enter life", traveling everywhere, passing through the flowers and not touching the leaves.
When bamboo explained marriage, he said a passage:
"I think, when you look at our early twenties, we are doing unreliable things every day, and we can't wait to make money for fun. We rely on youth to forget the troubles of life. What about buying a house, investing, giving birth and providing for the aged? These words are so vulgar that we have no time to deal with them. But do we care about these things from that moment on? Just like we were on the phone just now, we spent hours frowning and discussing these annoying problems. However, the root of the matter is that we have caused these problems. We don't have to buy a house or manage money. We will spend this year and talk about it next year. "
"After all, we chose to enter life. What we discussed most on the phone was what color the terrace floor was. "
Indeed, in the past year, Xiaoding and I have discussed the most, not where to play and where to date, but the family arrangements in the future.
Therefore, marriage is "two people working together to solve life and make life better."
In the days when I have become a father, I hope I can do two things-"I have everything" and "soft sea urchin".
Hold up a family, a team, "I have everything."
Set up a hard shell full of thorns, but give your soft heart to your family and become a "soft sea urchin."
02
20 19 I hardly take pictures.
Behind photography is the love of life.
In recent years, I have been eager to prove myself and become a money-making robot, not loving life.
I don't touch new things, I don't communicate with anyone, my creativity dries up, and I become a mediocre person who is tired of dealing with massive information all day long.
I refused to accept it, on the one hand, because of my wild ideas and what I wanted to do, on the other hand, because of reality and family, I needed to stop to make money.
This reality of standing still creates a tearing feeling of struggling back and forth between the ideal and the status quo.
I was born to join in the fun, but I can't settle down and study a thing well.
Daily contact with a lot of information, but all know:
"It is useless to pay, know, learn and get. Only in this way can confidence be generated; The more you know, the less you can do, and the more anxious you are. "
I met Jiang Sida at the scene of the WeChat open class a few days ago. He said something that seemed illusory, but in fact he was quite impressed.
"I am ashamed of this growth."
Many people have grown into people they were not ashamed of when they were young.
What moved me the most was Bi Dao, the doctor Tsinghua who studied the running rules of boring things in the world all day. He said:
"Curious people live in Neverland."
I can clearly feel that when my friends grow up, they are busy making a living and gradually become an adult who is insensitive to everything in the world.
I can't be as curious about the world as Peter Pan, and be a Peter Pan who often finds surprises in trivial matters.
No curiosity, no exploration, just repeating the day before every day.
No blood, no future to look forward to.
03
During the Chinese New Year, information about the COVID-19 epidemic spread wildly, regardless of the big screen or small screen, which not only alerted everyone, but also made everyone's mood roll like a roller coaster with the progress of the epidemic.
Whether it was the Han Hong incident or the 15 second communication event, everyone seemed to be watching love beans, eating melons and discussing each one.
This just confirms what Chen Danqing said:
"People's desire is to listen to stories, and the best story is the appearance of the living ... Great paintings and literature gave birth to today's film and television. But people's desire quickly pounced on new media. Many old media have been destroyed by new media, many types of art have disappeared out of date, and people's desires have not changed at all. No bottom: people always want to see themselves and know what men and women in other windows are doing. "
Most people are bystanders, spying on other people's lives through various media, but never trying to be the creators of their own lives and stories.
I have been trying to be "information fast" for a long time, and people's attention is limited. It is better to know less than necessary information.
Besides, I haven't written anything or created anything for a long time.
Roland barthes said: "I write to be loved: loved by someone, someone far away."
One of the ten million possibilities brought by creation is that your stories, your pictures and your own works can span a long distance and touch the soft heart of a stranger.
In the coming year, I hope to write more rambling but valuable information to share with you.
04
Xiaoding and I were in the hospital for 15 days. I have to take care of Xiaoding in bed every day when I open my eyes, and I can fall asleep with squinting.
There are two beds in our ward, and seven or eight pairs were changed during the bed next door.
The first one is a 42-year-old woman, who suffered from amniotic fluid rupture and bleeding at 24 weeks. The fetus was kept for 26 weeks, but she could not be born. Twin boys and babies weigh just over a kilo.
Their father wore a mask in the ward, and when he went out, he was fully armed, wearing a motorcycle hat, protective clothing, gloves and foot covers, reminding me not to leave the ward as much as possible.
At first I thought, "Is he a little overprotective?"
However, after the baby was born, I changed my mind. I am over 40 years old, and two children have just been born. If anything happens to him, it is no exaggeration to say that the whole family will collapse.
Can't do much protection.
Later, several pregnant women came in. Most of them gave birth at full term, stayed for one day, and happily took their children home the next day.
We heard through the curtain that someone's child was born more than 7 kg, close to 8 kg, and it was sad to think that our child was only more than 2 kg.
And these big fat boys are strong and loud, and they can cry all night without stopping. I can't stop crying when I turn on 80% volume with headphones on. Insomnia and noise are a double blow.
We were discharged from the hospital these days, and Xiaoding recovered fairly well. She was kept at home, and my sister and I took care of her.
The baby is estimated to stay in the hospital for at least two months. During special periods, hospitals are not allowed to visit or deliver milk.
Xiaoding milks her breast every day and puts it in the refrigerator. I wonder when the baby will come back for a drink.
"Why should we have a child?"
I will ask Xiaoding this sentence every one or two days.
Today, we can't believe that the baby has been born. It seems that he is still lying in Xiaoding's stomach.
In fact, the child is lying in the hospital, and the crib at home is empty.
05
On the second day after discharge, the child should have a name because he wants to go to the household registration to do medical insurance. The "Cai Xiyue" mentioned earlier is for female dolls.
I didn't expect that we had a baby with a handle.
After several discussions, the final name is:
Cai Yichuan.
I chose this name because I want him to be a simple person in a complex world.
The strokes are simple, only four. When he learns to write his own name in the future, he can finish it in one second, and then he can make fun of children with complicated strokes such as sunrise, wings and Hao.
My dad said that Yichuan can also be called "a Ma Pingchuan".
Although he was forced to learn to spend money lavishly when he was born, I hope he can cross this "first hurdle in life".
I'll sell my dream and exchange it with you.
As for me, I gradually adapted to the skin and life near middle age, the increasingly scarce hairline and the rising economic pressure.
While growing up, reconcile with yourself.
"Cross out childhood fantasies, dreams and ideals and gradually accept the fact that you are an ordinary person."