Understand and observe
Several times, the news was like this: an old man was dying, and he told his wife about his affair before he died, hoping that his wife would understand. However, most of this practice will bring great pain to his wife. In other news, his wife simply killed the old man.
This approach seems selfish. But there is a hidden wish: please "you" see my sin, please accept my behavior and forgive me. In this way, "my" sin will be cleared by you.
Also, some girls, who fall in love with a man, can't help but want to tell their boyfriends everything in the past, including their bad experiences. In rare cases, they will be together, and in most cases they will break up.
Many western philosophers have made a similar statement: you exist, so I exist. "You" here may mean God. In the above-mentioned events, perhaps these protagonists should not seek the sight and understanding of their partner, that is, this fragile "you", but should seek the sight and understanding of the divine "you".
In the past, Christian priests played this role and listened to the confession of every vulnerable person. It can be said that the source of psychological counseling from the west is the role of priests.
Revenge and seeing
There is often such a plot in movies and TV series: the masked killer will pull the mask aside before killing a person completely, so that the other party can see that I am the enemy who killed you. Of course, there are many masked killers who don't do this. If they kill people, they will flee thousands of miles away.
There is a key difference between the two killers: the latter masked killer kills for others, while the former masked killer is revenge. Killing for others, either under someone's orders or in order to make money, then the killer will have an inevitable account, and his behavior will naturally be known, so there is no need to show the victim a mask.
But revenge is different, not only for your own people, but also for your opponents. If the opponent dies before knowing who did it, revenge will lose half its meaning, so the masked killer of revenge will definitely have a very strong impulse to unveil the veil for the opponent.
In order to convey the hatred for each other and the feeling of "I am strong and you are weak" to each other, this is also the feeling of being seen, but it is not love, but hate.
Be seen
This principle can be extended to many places, such as 9 1 1 event. If the CIA is extremely incompetent, after years of analysis, it still can't find the murderer, and no one in the world can guess that this is bin Laden's behavior, then he is likely to jump out and say that he did it.
If someone takes the lead and blames himself for the crime, it is also recognized by the world. Then bin Laden will be very angry and curse the guy who stole his "credit" and people from all walks of life for being stupid.
Anyone who does an earth-shattering thing will be eager for others to know that he did it. If no one guesses him, he will feel very uncomfortable.
There used to be a serial killer in America. After the first murder, he read the newspaper the next day and found that there was no report. He was very disappointed. Therefore, after each murder, he will write or call the media, provide clues to reporters in a secret way, and take the initiative to leave clues at the scene, so that the "stupid police" have some hope for solving the case.
Even when the police check the scene, they will hide nearby and watch, and then the pleasure of killing will reach its peak again. It sounds horrible, not a unique practice of a serial killer, but the same practice of most serial killers.
However, murderers who only seek profit generally don't do this. Such murderers will try not to leave any clues, because their ultimate goal is for profit, not for morbid pleasure.
It sounds horrible and abnormal, but it expresses the same meaning: "I want to be seen by the world."
Can you keep a secret?
Can you keep a secret alone? The answer is, no, after a long period of reflection, I found that almost all secret things have been shared with at least one person, and those most secret things, even if they have not been shared with anyone, always have an almost irresistible impulse to tell a specific person, even anyone.
Everything is a relationship, and relationship is everything. In a relationship, all our actions must be understood. There is no such thing as "absolute loneliness". What we often say about "enjoying loneliness" is always just a fragment. Sometimes I meditate in loneliness, draw strength from loneliness and grow up in loneliness, but in the end I will be eager to tell others what I have gained in loneliness.
/kloc-Spinoza in the 0 th and 7 th centuries often thought alone in an abandoned stove and never approached the opposite sex in her life. But he still left such a difficult and obscure work as Ethics, which let the world know what he was thinking in the stove.
I went west, rode Qingniu or Hangu Pass, and was forced to stay by the customs officers. It seems that he was forced to write the Tao Te Ching, but this may also have his sharing expectations.
In In the Mood for Love, Tony Leung Chiu Wai kept his love affair with Maggie Cheung a secret, but in the end he told the story to a tree hole in Angkor Wat.
Psychological counselors also exist like "tree holes", and confidentiality is an extremely important professional ethics of this profession. However, psychological counselors feel that when they accumulate too many secrets in their hearts, there will be a special kind of irritability, which is the unique job burnout of psychological counselors.
In this regard, it is generally understood that psychological counselors have too much psychological "garbage" in their hearts, which seriously affects their inner harmony.
However, there is no "garbage" for counselors who truly understand human nature. So Mr. Wu thinks their "job burnout" may be more essential. They can't keep it absolutely secret, and they must find at least one person to tell the story they heard.
Therefore, psychological counselors have their own counselors, and there will also be a higher-level tutor to supervise their own cases. As for those teachers with the highest level and the greatest reputation, they will refine and sublimate the secrets hidden in their hearts by teaching and writing books, and then tell them skillfully.
use
Everyone wants to be seen, which is also an extremely essential demand, so how to use this truth?
If you are a criminal policeman, you can use this to lure criminals and tell their secrets;
If you are an entrepreneur, you must pay attention that your employees not only want material benefits, but also want their work to be seen;
If you are a teacher or a parent, you also need to know that when problem children create problems, they are often seeking your attention. At this time, what you have to do is not to ignore him on purpose, but to look at him well. You can see that he has positive energy, which can transform his problem behavior and guide him to develop in a positive direction.
You can also ask yourself, in what way do you want to be seen? Teacher Wu has a joke about this.
He once told a friend that he wrote so many words just to share knowledge and influence his reputation, and he had no desire. She laughed at him and said: people who have no desire for fame and influence have always been active in the media and from the media.
Pursuing fame and influence is also looking forward to being seen. The need for narcissism and the need to be seen are extremely basic. If we think we don't, we may not realize it.
abstract
Everyone wants to be seen, which is as fundamental as narcissism. People long for the feeling of being seen, not only for "love" but also for "hate" being seen.
Because I am eager to be seen, it is difficult to keep a secret completely;
Everything is a relationship, and relationship is everything. It means that all our actions should be understood in relationships. There is no such thing as "absolute loneliness". Sometimes we meditate in loneliness, draw strength from loneliness and grow up in loneliness, but in the end we are bound to be eager to tell others what we have gained in loneliness.
think
In what way do you long to be seen? 1 is the performance. Feeling that someone is watching, especially the beautiful opposite sex, will deliberately make some exaggerated actions, such as amplifying the sound and expanding the range of action.
The second is writing. Why write? Because I feel that I have a lot to say in my heart, secondly vanity needs to be satisfied, and finally I want to make money.
The third kind of special purpose behavior. As I said before, I am impulsive and want to call my relatives and tell them that I am very powerful and strong.
Many times, we ask ourselves to be self-disciplined, positive, sunny, upward, restrained and delayed in order to show our value, be recognized, seen, needed and liked.
Why do you study? Because of anxiety. Why are you anxious? Because of fear of the future. I know more after learning, and I want to prove that I can, and I want to be seen, recognized, understood and paid attention to.
Now I understand, and more importantly, I see myself. Just like writing every day, I can't wait to send it to my circle of friends.
Thank you for your appreciation. This view comes from Wu Zhihong's psychology course. Do you have any other ideas about being seen? Welcome to leave a message and discuss with me.