There is a third party in marriage, which often doesn't happen overnight. Let's start with your current situation. It's hard to say when she started and how long it lasted.
First of all, you should ask yourself, what do you think of marriage? What is her position in your heart? What do you know about her? Do you know what she craves and needs most in her heart? Do you know how much she loves you? Boldly speaking, do you know why she needs to seek emotional or physical satisfaction outside of you? Just because I ask this question doesn't mean it must have started with you. Please don't misunderstand me. I just want to say that in marriage, whether it is a man or a woman, whether there is an affair or not, it is not as simple as ordinary outsiders think.
I am also a man, but I dare say that if a woman wants to have an emotional or physical relationship with other men except marriage, family and children, she will definitely experience a certain ideological struggle, unless she is a slut in life.
Before you decide how to deal with it, you should also ask yourself, apart from the reason why she cheated, how long has this happened, and can you forgive her? If she is willing to give up this relationship completely, you can forgive her and never mention it again, right?
Take a step back. If you tell her about it, she won't give up on you and the children, and she won't let go of this relationship. How would you treat her? Are you willing to wait for her to change?
In a similar situation, the first thing many people think of is divorce. What I want to say is that it is still too early to consider divorce. There are actually many problems and things you have to deal with, including your disappointment and anger at her, your opinion of yourself, the relationship between you two and your children, and so on. These are actually much more difficult and troublesome than simply saying divorce. Really think that there is no way out, must divorce? There are more problems to deal with after divorce.
Well, I asked so many questions and didn't make any suggestions! But I think you will probably understand what I mean.
These things must be dealt with. Unless you think you can accept and tolerate her to continue this relationship, you don't mind, you can really ignore it, don't complain and ignore it. But she is your wife. Unless you have never loved her, how is it possible? So you can't ignore it like you don't know.
But before you deal with talking to her, I suggest you make some preparations. Your mind is a mess now. It will be very difficult to prepare your mood and thoughts and consider many of the problems I mentioned above. I suggest you seek professional help.
At present, there are many professional licensed psychological counselors, some of whom specialize in helping people deal with marriage problems. I suggest you go to a psychological counselor first, and make psychological and ideological preparations. Then talk to her. If she still has expectations for your's relationship and this family, you can go to see the counselor again and ask the counselor to help you rebuild your's relationship and family.