Nowadays, there is a kind of "husband post system code" circulating among fashionable women in Nanjing. For a time, the topic of "relationship between husband and wife" became the focus of "clicking" after dinner for married men and women. Now, let's take a look at the ten suggestions that my husband gave us!
Viewpoint 1: Force your husband into a "dragon"
Tian Ming is a doctoral student in a northern university. After a hard semester at school, he can't wait to go home, hoping to return to his wife as soon as possible and enjoy a warm and relaxed holiday. Who knows that the young couple had not talked for a few words before his wife coaxed him. In front of Tian Ming, she kept saying that her husband recently got a full scholarship from the United States; A certain husband became a doctoral tutor; So-and-so's husband came back from abroad after studying MBA, and was taken fancy to by several foreign companies, with an annual salary of 80 thousand dollars and so on. In order not to lag behind her husband, Tian Ming began to study hard from the night he came home. He couldn't leave the front door or the second door.
The original holiday plan can't be realized. Before the end of the holiday, Tian Ming said helplessly, "Although I have a seemingly bright future, I feel like a boat in the sea, deviating from the channel and unable to find a safe haven."
Expert comment: Obviously, women who have this idea are often vain, and the so-called "husband and wife are expensive"; In addition, they often have a strong attachment mentality. The so-called "only vines bind trees, and no trees bind vines." In order to satisfy their vanity and dependence, they put all kinds of pressure on their husbands. Of course, there is nothing wrong with encouraging your husband to work hard, but if you don't create pressure according to the actual situation, it may be counterproductive. Bottom line: A woman who drives her husband to succeed is stupid.
Viewpoint 2: No pruning.
Mr. Li likes well-dressed and fashionable women, but his wife is increasingly disappointing him. Mr. Li said: My wife doesn't know how to choose clothes according to her body characteristics, let alone how to match colors. I gave her advice, and she accused me of being a villain and caring too much. Once, I joked that men like beautiful women. Aren't you worried that I will be seduced by others? Who knows, the wife snorted arrogantly and continued to go her own way. She always thinks that her family conditions are better than mine. Despite her parents' opposition, she married me. She believes that her "righteous act" has "trapped" me, so she dares to live a lazy life. Although I am not the kind of man who is fickle, I always lose something when I see a well-dressed woman in the street, and sometimes I even dream about it.
Expert comment: There are many such women in China, especially after giving birth to children and gradually entering middle age. Such women often have the following psychology: First, they are "safe", thinking that after the "revolution", they can leave their horses to Nanshan, so they dress casually and no longer pay attention to decoration. The second is slack. It is to stop being "strict with yourself" and muddle along. Everyone loves beauty. Will a woman like you disappoint her husband? Maybe the husband won't say, but he knows. This is the real danger. Bottom line: A woman who is slovenly and willing to be a yellow-faced woman is too careless.
Viewpoint 3: Suspicion and arrogance.
Mr Cui is the boss of a company in 4A. Because of his work, he often takes the female employees of the company out to eat with customers. Whenever this happens, his wife's phone will follow: "Where are you?" After Mr. Cui answered truthfully, his wife would continue to ask, "Why is it so noisy?" Or "Why is it so quiet?" When she got home, she would still sweet-talk Mr. Cui's heterosexual movements and then say, "Why do I smell perfume?" Then she said, "Don't move, I'll pull out a white hair on your head"-in fact, she wanted to check if anyone left lipstick on her husband's neck.
Madam, how can these little tricks escape the eyes of Mr. Cui, a businessman! But he often pretends not to know, so that she can feel at ease when she gets nothing. On one occasion, some friends of Mr Cui advised his wife not to be too nervous. In turn, his wife earnestly asked them, "Our child is still young, so you should take care of him for me."
In recent years, Mr. Cui's business is not very good, his mental pressure is too great, and his demand for sexual life naturally weakens. His wife suspected that he was having an affair with another woman and even hired someone to watch him. Mr. Cui said: "My wife's behavior completely violates the essence of love."
Expert comment: Suspicious women are often out of confidence and lack of confidence in marriage. Because of lack of confidence in marriage, she is always worried about her husband's emotional change or behavior derailment; Because I am not confident in myself, I am afraid that I will be abandoned by my husband one day. The fundamental reason for the lack of self-confidence lies in the lack of independence and understanding of the nature of marriage. As for an arrogant wife, it often makes her husband depressed and speechless, which directly affects the harmony between husband and wife. Bottom line: A suspicious and arrogant woman is pathetic.
Viewpoint 4: Ignoring the dignity of the husband.
Mr. Zhang said: "I am a person who is oppressed by low salary and feel no dignity." One day, I want to treat my wife to a restaurant with the payment I just received to save my self-esteem as a man.
During the dinner, I happened to meet two good friends and dared to ask them to eat at the same table. I don't want to exceed the budget when I check out, and I don't have enough money, so I have to borrow money from my wife. Two friends laughed. Is your home AA? She was so angry that she pointed a jade finger at my heart and said, "Ask him how much he earns a month. Can he afford the AA system? " Say that finish and left.
Finally, Mr. Zhang said bitterly: "Don't men have no dignity without money? Why don't women understand that a man who lacks money but has dignity will always have the hope of development; But a man without money and dignity will always be poor. Does my wife want me to be down and out forever? "
Expert: You can satirize a man's ugliness, but you can never laugh at his incompetence. Ability-earning ability and sexual ability are two aspects of a man's dignity. Men who don't feel dignity often give up on themselves and feel inferior. Therefore, a smart wife always tries her best to protect her husband's dignity and encourages her husband to sail and break the waves through various "sweet words" and "technical means". Bottom line: A woman who doesn't know how to protect her husband's dignity is too ignorant.
Viewpoint 5: Love to compare with others and love vanity.
Mr. Li is a cadre at the level. This year, my father-in-law was 70 years old. The eldest son-in-law who is the general manager gave a Rolex watch, and the second son-in-law who started his own company gave 10 thousand yuan in cash, while Mr. Li's gift was only 1000 yuan. When Mr. Li's wife saw it, her face immediately showed displeasure. Knowing that she was uncomfortable, Mr. Li quietly reached out from under the table and held his wife's hand, not wanting to be kicked by her with all her strength. Mr. Li said, "My wife is good at everything, but she is too self-centered and vain. For example, her friend bought a piano for her child, and whether our son is interested or not, she will buy one and put it at home.
She must have some jewelry that is popular in the market. In recent years, she has been addicted to changing her mobile phone. Well, as a civil servant, it is really troublesome to have such a vain wife. "
Expert comment: Some people describe women as a landscape of the city. Therefore, without the competition between women, how can the scenery be "bright"? However, it is futile to keep up with others blindly according to one's own economic conditions. This kind of excessive vanity often makes those "deep pockets" men nervous and even at a loss. Bottom line: A vain woman who loves to compare with others is too "horrible".
Viewpoint: considerate and inconsiderate.
Mr. Yuan complained that his wife was inconsiderate. He admits that his wife cares about his daily life, but doesn't care about his spiritual feelings. Mr. Yuan, who was born in Niulang, said that shortly after their marriage, relatives from their hometown came to their home and accidentally burned a hole in the carpet while smoking. His wife flew into a rage at once, which made the guests extremely embarrassed. Later, his wife mercilessly warned Mr. Yuan that people from your hometown would not be allowed to enter this door in the future. Because of this, their son is 5 years old and has never met his grandparents. Before the Spring Festival, Mr. Yuan's parents offered to come to the city to see his grandson, but he dared not agree. He quietly wrote a long letter to his parents and sent several hundred yuan. He didn't want to be found by his wife again, and the two sides had another big fight.
Mr. Yuan said: "My reputation in my hometown is completely gone. My parents lost their son, but they also lost the respect of the villagers. Although I have repeatedly told my parents, relatives and friends that I was born in the red land, they don't believe me. Although I live in a tall building in a metropolis, I have a lovely wife and a lovely son at home, and I look very happy. Who actually knows the pain in my heart? In the dead of night, I often face the direction of my hometown and repent to the villagers to alleviate my guilt. "
Expert comment: thoughtfulness is a common problem for those who consider themselves "good wives". Some wives are complaining about their husbands: they care about him and take good care of him, why he is still not satisfied. But she may not know that she intentionally or unintentionally snubbed or belittled her husband's relatives and friends, which led to her husband's disgust. The combination of men and women is not only the interaction between two people, but also the interaction of different social relations (such as relatives and friends) between two people. Ignoring this social relationship will often deepen the sense of "besieged city" in marriage and breed the desire to rush out of "besieged city". Bottom line: An understanding woman is so sad.
Viewpoint: ignore
Mr. Guo complained that his marriage "has no sexual happiness". He said that after five years of marriage, his wife has never taken the initiative in sexual life, and every time she lives as a husband and wife, she seems very reluctant, like a zombie. In order to inspire her, Mr. Guo often recommends some newspapers and magazines about sexual knowledge to her, and even shares them with her by borrowing relevant CDs, but she is still walking dead in practice. Mr. Guo said that now, he doesn't want to go home after work, and he is even more afraid of sleeping in a bed with his wife, because it will strongly stimulate his desire. In order to escape his normal psychological needs, he fell in love with alcoholism and mahjong.
Mr. and Mrs. Cheng are both government officials. He said: "We were married 13 years, that is, two years before marriage, and lived a normal husband and wife life. After my wife entered pregnancy, I was worried about fetal gas and gave up. " After the baby was born, my mother-in-law came to help and took my bed. I can only admit. After my wife gave birth to the baby, I went back to bed, but she almost forgot my existence. She even ordered me to move to the next room to sleep so as not to be awakened by my snoring. The child slept with us until he was 6 years old. His wife is determined to sleep in separate beds, but she still has to sleep with her daughter every three days. Occasionally, on the day of reunion, she is either tired or ill. Once, maybe I pushed her into a hurry, and she blurted out the truth: the child is so old, do you still want to do such a thing? Family planning Now, I can't have another child. We might as well save some energy to raise our daughter, so I won't worry when I get to my menstrual period. "Mr. Cheng finally said with distress:" I am a normal man with a well-organized family, but I can't live the family life that a normal middle-aged man should have. My wife sleeps next to me when I have sexual impulses, but I have to hold on. It's really hard to describe. "
Expert comment: Due to the influence of feudal thoughts for thousands of years, most people in China talk about sex, especially women's sexual desire is suppressed. Their voluntary sexual demands are considered "indecent" and "adultery". Correspondingly, they just regard marital sex as something they have to do in order to carry on the family line and have children. This deviation of sexual concept keeps them away from sexual pleasure and enjoyment, resulting in the de facto separation of sex and love. Modern marriage should be the harmonious unity of sex and love. Harmonious sexual life is not only conducive to the deepening of love between husband and wife, but also conducive to the physical and mental health of husband and wife.
Viewpoint 8: Lack of housewife consciousness.
Mr. Chen and Miss Li got married two years ago. Only after he got married did he find out that a librarian's wife couldn't do housework at all, let alone manage money. He said his own home was like a kennel. Everything he touches is gray, and everywhere he goes is gray. My wife's clothes are always stuffed in the cupboard and always wrinkled. If she goes to work at 8:30, she must get up at 8: 10, and then grab a dress from the closet and put it on. She rushed to the bathroom to tidy up, put on the dirty shoes she wore yesterday and rushed out. I don't want to cook after work. I always cook scrambled eggs with tomatoes, fried meat with carrots and steamed fish. I reminded her that we are no longer single, and we should consider how to live a good life and persuade her to change her living habits. Hearing this, she either blushed at me or ignored me. Although we have been married for three years, she is still afraid to have children.
Expert comment: The housewife's consciousness is closely related to the housewife's ability. In the final analysis, both of them are related to how women play a good role in the family-mainly referring to the roles of wife and mother.
There is a saying: "If you want to catch your husband's heart, you must first catch his stomach". Of course, this statement is too traditional, but it also reveals some truth. The influence of women with poor housekeeping ability on marriage and family life is self-evident. "Going out of the hall into the kitchen" should be a pursuit of modern women.
Viewpoint 9: Feel free to disclose privacy.
The biggest headache for Mr. Yue is that he has almost no privacy because his wife has "selfish desires". Mr. and Mrs. Li Yue work in the same bank and live in the bank dormitory. More than half of their social circles are the same. Originally, it was nothing, but it happened that having a wife who likes to "expose herself" often made him embarrassed and impulsive, and even thought about divorce.
Mr. Li Yue said that one day shortly after his wedding, a colleague in the opposite office suddenly asked Mr. Li Yue to read an advertisement for treating beriberi in the newspaper, saying that his wife told her that his beriberi was very serious.
Faced with this concern from female colleagues, Mr. Li Yue felt very embarrassed. Afterwards, he reminded his wife not to talk about her family. Although she agreed, the next time she saw those "girlfriends", she still couldn't control her mouth. To Mr Li Yue's anger, his wife even shared the private life between husband and wife with friends, which made him look down on others. His wife's infidelity and the jokes of men and women in the "circle" made him very unhappy. He said, "What I hope most is that someone can cure my wife &; Solipsism. In this way, we will all live happily and harmoniously. "
Comments: Family is the closest place, and marriage is the closest relationship. Some women don't know this, and like to talk about family "secrets" or even private affairs between husband and wife among their female companions, and compare and evaluate each other to get some psychological satisfaction. In fact, this is very undesirable. It "betrayed" not only her husband, but also herself and the whole family. People often say that family is a warm harbor. If personal privacy is not guaranteed, can marriage and family life be warm?
Viewpoint 10: "controlling husband's desire" is too strong.
Mr. Hai Hao lamented that it is too hard to live with a wife who is too "controlling her husband's desire"! Mr. Hai Hao is a wage earner. He gave his wife all his monthly salary, and she was responsible for all the expenses at home. Mr. Hai Hao said: "When I need to buy coats, pants, underwear, socks and shoes, she has to do it herself, and even I have to obey her taste when I go shopping with her." She gave me all my pocket money. She checks how much money is in my wallet every week and asks me where I am. It is difficult for a big man to remember every expense, so I have to "hang" the money I can't report on the fuel of my motorcycle.
I started doing some business last year, and my social activities increased and my expenses increased. Every time I eat with someone, she always asks me who pays the bill. If I pay, I will tell her the exact amount. She also needs to know who I had dinner with and what we talked about. Perhaps out of revenge, after I made my first business, I quietly saved some money without telling her, mainly to escape her control. But she has the ability to find my partner and know everything. My disaster has come, and I must confess to her. Later, I told her truthfully: I did it to get rid of her control, and I didn't want to interfere with my actions. But she thinks I have other intentions. In her opinion, since they are husband and wife and have a child, the two halves add up to one, so she must know everything about the other half, including some details. I can't accept her theory and I can't convince her. It is in this "control" and "anti-control" that our family life is increasingly inseparable from each other.
Expert comment: excessive "controlling husband's desire" is actually a "common disease" in modern marriage. There are many reasons for this "illness": the wife is suspicious because she is not confident, worried about her husband everywhere because of her "care" for her husband, and constantly wary of his "deterioration", and so on. If the "desire to control her husband" is too strong, it is not only her husband who is stabbed, but also herself-she is always in a state of anxiety and tension and can't control herself. There is a good saying: "The Tao is one foot high, and the devil is ten feet high." "Control" and "anti-control" will never stop. Why not be a smart "husband" and let him be a "free man" happily and willingly in your field of vision?
If you want a stable relationship between two people, and you want a woman to reflect on her behavior, maybe your seemingly good behavior is unreasonable in the eyes of the other person.