Therefore, people who have never studied or experienced psychological counseling often have an unrealistic understanding of psychological counseling because of the lack of specific information to refer to, thinking that psychological counseling is to go to outpatient clinics, attend classes or do spiritual massage. Anyway, after complaining and waiting for the "expert" to give a golden sentence, the troubles of life can be improved instantly. These inaccurate understandings prevent many people from entering psychological counseling, and also make those who have just entered feel at a loss, and even affect the counseling effect.
So, what exactly is psychological counseling, and how to describe and perceive it by "speaking people's words"? Today, I want to compare the process of psychological counseling with three life scenes, hoping to give you some real inspiration.
Consulting is like cleaning a room.
The spiritual world is intangible, but we can compare it to a room visible to the naked eye, especially a single room. You may have seen or experienced a messy room. Too many things are scattered irregularly, things you need can't be found, useless garbage can't be thrown away, the lights are dim, the walls are covered with plaster, and insects rustle in the corner. ...
You may stand in the middle of the room for the first time, and you can't even find a place to sit. You will soon feel uncomfortable, unhappy and depressed, and want to escape. You may stay here for a long time, get used to the surrounding environment, get used to sitting in the corner and feeling depressed, feel useless and can't tell you why.
These experiences are similar to those when many people came to consult before. Psychological counseling gives us an opportunity at this time. With the support and company of psychological counselors, we have the courage to have a look, tidy up and clean up our chaotic "soul room".
In the safe and warm consultation relationship, we begin to experience feelings and seriously see our inner "space".
We finally look straight and admit that there are many feelings like "things", and we are willing to take responsibility for our "space".
We began to pour out our hearts, just like sorting out and storing "things" to restore inner order. Some feelings are no longer needed, and we have already begun to block them out when we say them. Some feelings need to be kept, so after we make it clear, we can put up a shelf in our minds and use more "space" to accommodate them.
We begin to heal the past, just like cleaning up corners that we don't want to touch. Secrets, wounds and shame are often hidden in the corner of the room. We thought we had forgotten them, but we were more controlled by them. When we are willing to pull them out, dust them off, clean them and take them apart, we can leave resources that are really useful to us now and release more free space.
After this finishing process, our soul room will be completely new. Clean, fresh and bright, neat and orderly, spacious space. We like ourselves like this, believe in our inner beauty, clarity and strength, know how to deal with internal and external disturbances, and are willing to open doors and windows, let sunshine and air in and out freely, and experience healthy contact with others.
Psychological counseling is like raising plants.
I wonder if you have the experience of raising a pot of flowers or green plants? Visitors are like that pot of soil, which contains seeds and necessary nutrients, but its vitality is weak, dim, non-germinated and dry. Consultants are like gardeners who cultivate green plants. They can't see the roots with naked eyes, and they can't replace or accelerate the growth of seeds.
What the gardener can do is to provide an environment suitable for growth, form a whole with just right sunshine, temperature, air, moisture and nutrients, and patiently irrigate the soil and moisten the seeds. The same is true of psychological counselors, who will approach the spiritual world of visitors with care and curiosity in week after week of communication, so that visitors can feel the warmth in their hearts in an atmosphere full of sincerity, affection and unconditional positive attention, and some forces are quietly accumulating and breaking through.
But when will this pot of seeds germinate? In fact, no one knows. Consultants, like gardeners, do what they can, and then wait patiently, and visitors will brew their own changes. Perhaps there is a very ordinary moment, after the seeds take root deeply, they finally jump up and germinate! It's like a visitor suddenly having an epiphany, knowing himself deeply, being willing to be closer to his inner self emotionally, opening up new ways of thinking and action, and accumulating new vitality. Visitors are not transformed into another person by magic, but under the constant and stable care of consultants, they dare to reorganize or excavate resources on the original basis and open up new branches and buds.
A supervisor once told me that psychological counseling is just asking about cultivation without asking about harvest, that is, "planting a good seed." I am very touched to hear that. What a consultant can do is to constantly sow the seeds of vitality in the hearts of visitors. These seeds may be called care, goodwill, respect and acceptance, so that visitors in trouble can feel that TA is so beautiful and so "worthwhile". Even though many times the consultant may not have the opportunity to see the seeds germinate and grow up, these seeds will accompany, nourish and protect TA in the ups and downs of life after TA, even if TA has forgotten it.
Psychological counseling is like fitness exercise.
Many people who come to ask for help have sorted out their confused feelings and gained new insights as described above, but they still feel "not enough". Yes, no matter what kind of feeling and understanding, it will eventually fall into action and be reflected in the solution of practical problems in life, so that we can truly say with confidence that we have passed this hurdle. This stage is like we go to fitness, and psychological counseling is like shaping a new "circuit" in the brain with fitness methods.
For example, if you finally make up your mind to go to fitness, you will probably find an experienced fitness instructor. TA will evaluate your physical function, and then discuss the appropriate goals with TA to ensure that you respect the reality and limitations and have the possibility of long-term development. Then, you will make an action plan that conforms to the SMART principle to achieve the goals you know, and find out the resources and methods that are conducive to achieving the goals together. After that, TA will encourage you to stick to it, discuss your card points, share your joy, and finally promote the realization of your goals in the process of realizing your fitness plan bit by bit.
This process may also occur in psychological counseling. When you gain some insight and are ready to solve the problem with action, the consultant will continue to support you in this process, just like the fitness coach, cheerleader and consultant. The consultant will discuss with you whether the goal you want to achieve is realistic, encourage you to explore concrete and feasible methods, support you to persevere bravely, and help you accept the setbacks in this process. No matter how hard it is to practice change every week, think that a partner will always be there for you and tell you that you will have more patience and perseverance.
The difference is that a counselor is not an expert who designs a plan for you directly like a fitness coach, nor is he an expert who gives advice. Because people's spiritual world and living conditions are so unique that they are far more complicated than their physical structure, the scheme directly talked by the counselor may have been tried a long time ago or there are still many difficulties, which are usually useless. Only when you decide to make changes yourself and cultivate the real ability to cope with life according to your own situation can the changes you make be truly helpful, lasting and solid.
However, what I want to say most is that whether psychological counseling is compared to tidying the room, raising plants or exercising, the core and most common point is "love". When we are in pain, the psychological counselor is willing to be close to our feelings and patiently accompany us to sort out our thoughts and never give up. When we have no direction, counselors are willing to irrigate our hearts, wait for our transformation gently, and are not in a hurry to achieve success. When we want to take a step, the counselor is willing to witness our attempt and support us to grow our ability without interference. If we peel off the shell of the profession of psychological counselor and look inside, isn't this like the love that ideal parents give their children? Pure, stable, just right, without asking for anything in return, is a necessary condition for the growth of life.
However, this kind of love is hard to find in real life, because no matter how good our parents and lovers are, the real love we experience is always imperfect and scarred. This is our innate helplessness, but it also gives us an opportunity to promote inner integrity. True psychological counseling that follows ethics and settings is one of the methods. It can shine from those wounds with the love of specific time and space and boundaries, so that we have the opportunity to experience love, learn to love, and finally love ourselves healthily through the love given by counselors. When you are ready, I wish you can experience such psychological counseling and love.