In this article, we will sort out the common consulting skills together:
1 Listen and pay attention
For counselors, please always remember that listening is for understanding, not for responding. The premise of listening is to concentrate.
Before meeting visitors, make sure you are calm and ready to start working with them. Make sure your visitor can see and feel that you are absorbed in the time with him.
Eye contact is the best way to show that you are listening to the visitor, which means that you are absorbed in him. By keeping eye contact, the counselor sends a message to the visitors that everything you say is valuable. Of course, for some visitors, direct eye contact will make them uncomfortable and even feel disrespected. At this time, when looking at visitors, we should pay attention to the length and focus of time, and don't turn natural eye contact into staring at visitors.
The sitting posture of the consultant also conveys to the visitors how hard the consultant is. Make yourself more relaxed and comfortable, so that you can pay more attention to the visitors rather than the consultants themselves. Appropriately leaning forward is conducive to making listening more friendly and showing closer attention.
Counselors should pay attention to their body language. Sitting there with arms crossed will be seen by visitors as an obstacle to communication. Please show visitors a more open sitting posture.
A Greek philosopher once said: We have two ears and one mouth, because we need twice as much listening as speaking. This is an appropriate proportion of listening and responding in the consultation process. Good listening skills need to be matched with the counselor's appropriate responses, which reflect the thoughts and feelings expressed by the visitors in the consulting room.
Gerald Egan refined five key elements of active listening and formed the SOLER model. According to the SOLER model, consultants can keep their attention and be truly "present".
Sit up straight
O-shaped open posture
Lean forward, lean forward
Electronic eye contact eye contact
Take it easy
2 Establish a harmonious relationship
The establishment of the relationship comes from the satisfaction of a series of conditions, including: the counselor showed deep feelings; Consultants create an atmosphere of welcoming and respecting visitors; In this relationship, the visitor becomes a real and enthusiastic person; Visitors receive unconditional positive attention from consultants.
3 Silence
Silence is perhaps the most underrated consulting skill. Silence can be used at any time during consultation, especially at the beginning of consultation, when visitors want to discuss their troubles. By using silence, visitors can express their feelings and thoughts in a more orderly way, feel that they are being listened to, and also give counselors time to sort out the information provided by visitors, so as to get to know them better. At the same time, it also gives counselors time to organize appropriate responses.
4 Interpretation interpretation
Interpretation is the core point for psychological counselors to respond to visitors' stories. Interpretation is like a consultant holding a mirror and letting the visitor see his own story.
Interpretation can let visitors know that the consultant is paying attention to him and listening to him. Interpretation gives visitors the opportunity to correct the counselor's understanding and provide more supplementary information. Interpretation can also make visitors feel the power of their own words.
Here is a small example:
Visitor: My father is seriously ill and I am worried. He lives far away, so I have to go to see him by train. But I'm short of money now and can't afford a train ticket.
Counselor: You are very concerned about your father's health, and the travel expenses are also bothering you.
It should be noted that interpreters need to reorganize what visitors describe in their own words, rather than simply repeating what visitors say, just like parroting.
5 feedback reflection
Feedback is a skill that can be combined with explanation. Feedback is mainly aimed at the feelings expressed by visitors.
A small example:
Visitor: I don't know why my father chose to move so far away from me! He knew that he would get sick one day!
Consultant: You look angry because your father moved too far away.
Visitor: Yes, I am very angry. I need to travel to most provinces to see him now!
In this example, you can see the combination of explanation and feedback.
6 clarification
Sometimes, visitors give too much information at once and feel good about themselves. But for consultants, it is easy to get confused. By clarifying (asking a related question), the counselor can better understand the visitors and the details of their troubles.
7 summary
Summary is a long definition, generally used before the end of a consultation or before the next consultation. By refining and presenting what visitors said and felt in this consultation, visitors can realize that what they said and expressed has been understood and accepted by the consultant, and they can also realize the end of this consultation.
Summary can also be used in the consultation process to help the counselor clarify what the visitor said and expressed his feelings, understand whether the visitor was correctly listened to, and allow the visitor to correct and supplement the counselor's summary.
Summary skills can also be used when visitors are interrupted or don't know how to go on.
A summary example:
"Now you feel sad to break up with your boyfriend. You are curious about what your life will be like if you are still together, and you are worried about how you will continue your life after your boyfriend leaves, and you have to face the pressure from your family and colleagues. This has just happened, and you are still dealing with it. I don't know how to deal with it properly. "
8 focus focusing
If visitors come with many questions, focusing is a very useful skill, which is usually used after 1-2 consultation. By asking the visitor which question bothers him the most, the counselor and the visitor can make clear the focus of their work. Generally speaking, when consultants and visitors focus on the main problems, secondary problems may be easily solved.
Focusing is a thinking process that prioritizes problems. If we give priority to one problem, how will it affect other problems? What does this mean for visitors? The result of focusing will involve the length of consultation, which is also the part that consultants and visitors need to discuss.
Focusing also involves the setting of goals and the contract with visitors, which is a realistic evaluation of the possibility of problem solving.
Through focusing, the consultant also evaluated his own experience level. Does the consultant have the ability to solve the troubles of visitors? Do you need a recommendation?
Attachment: How to grasp the rhythm and rhythm of consultation
Finally, there is a little rhythm of consultation. How to grasp the rhythm of consultation is a challenging thing for novices. The following are four guidelines for reference, which will help consultants form their own consultation rhythm in the consultation process:
1) Don't worry about silence. Silence is the counselor's friend.
As mentioned earlier, silence is the most underrated skill. Allow visitors to keep silent, let them sort out the ins and outs of their troubles in silence, and then talk to you.
2) Ask questions appropriately
Psychological counselors ask questions to clarify and understand the troubles of visitors, not to investigate and interrogate. Counselors need to ask open-ended questions so that visitors can express themselves more. If the counselor can't help asking questions, please stop and ask yourself a question: Is this question for visitors? Or because of my curiosity?
3) Be patient
Sometimes, visitors need a lot of time to tell you clearly what they have experienced. Confidence-building is an important part of the effectiveness of consultations, which does take time.
4) Work at the pace of visitors.
Please consult according to the speed of visitors. Don't rush the visitor even if he walks slowly. All you have to do is stay with him.
A visitor is like a flower. If you want to see the stamens, you can choose to break the petals forcibly, but this may cause harm to the flowers. A better way is to wait for it to blossom by itself. What the consultant should do is to help the visitors complete the blooming in the consulting room by themselves. If psychological counselors can use the above skills reasonably, they can establish a relationship of mutual trust and respect with visitors, so that visitors can see and embrace their own changes.