This is not only a book to lose weight, but also a book to heal the soul. Sometimes our obesity is not only related to our living habits, but also to your growing mental pain. I think this book feels the same way. I almost overeated once. While I am eager to lose weight, I constantly use food to get a little comfort and happiness, just as the author wrote in the book: If you always eat more than you need, then this food is not what your stomach needs, but what your heart needs. And our hearts don't need food, what they need is tolerance and love. In addition, this book also wrote a lot of feelings and contradictions between the author and his mother. In fact, there are many places worth discussing in Chinese mother-daughter relationship. Many times, the daughter is infinitely dependent on her mother and wants to escape from her mother. This mother-daughter relationship can be said to be "love and kill each other" on a certain level. Many scenes described in the book with her mother also happened to me. I watched it many times with tears, but I really felt cured after reading it. In a word, I strongly recommend this book.
? If you always eat more than you need, then this food is not what your stomach needs, but what your heart needs. Our hearts don't need food. It needs love, tolerance and acceptance. Every bite of food you eat may fill your unmet need for love.
? My "betrayal" first shows that I am no longer afraid of being happy because my mother is unhappy, and I am no longer influenced by her emotions. Every time I go home to visit her, if she still can't help telling me what grandpa has done recently and how to make her unhappy, I will listen quietly, feel her emotions silently, understand and sympathize with her, don't judge her too much, and wait until her emotions are relieved before leaving. After going out, I put this matter down completely, and I won't be suddenly depressed by my mother's emotional contagion as soon as before, either calling my husband to complain or complaining to my sister. In short, I will not only become unhappy, but also continue to "pollute" others. Slowly, I can do it: as soon as I leave my mother's house, I will isolate her emotions from me. I am no longer afraid of being out of sync with her emotions. Instead, I will watch movies whenever I want and get together with my friends whenever I want. I will never dare to enjoy my happiness because of inexplicable guilt. I will learn to be the master of my emotions.
? The powerful self-criticism mechanism puts me in a dangerous state of being out of reason and emotion. I don't accept my emotions and feelings, and I don't believe the information that my feelings convey to me. When you can't feel love, you have to force yourself to believe that there is love. I clearly felt the pain after the injury, but I didn't allow myself to admit the fact of the injury.
? Accepting feelings will calm our hearts, which is a shortcut to reconciliation with ourselves. Nothing divides us more than not being happy when we are happy, not being angry when we are angry, and not being sad when we are sad. After all, there is no sense of right or wrong. No one can criticize the feelings of others, nor can he criticize his own. Learn self-acceptance, let me slowly not embarrass myself and allow myself to have various feelings. There is nothing right or wrong. All emotions and feelings deserve our 100% acceptance and respect.
? Many middle-aged women have the same confusion as I did then. When dealing with the relationship between oneself and the family of birth, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the relationship between husband and wife and even the relationship between parents and children, one often can't distinguish one's own responsibility from that of others. Especially in China, women as wives and mothers have a common feature, that is, they take on too many responsibilities.
? As a result, I found that most of the things that bothered me and took up a lot of my time and energy were not my own business. The reason why I have been trying to intervene in these years is because sometimes the boundaries are unclear, sometimes I can't chew my teeth, and sometimes I just have nothing to do when I am full.
? A tutor told me that this is a manifestation of my habitual self-blame, taking on responsibilities that are not my own at all, and criticizing myself for it. She said: "If we can't reflect on this issue, we will go back to the old road and be vague on the boundary of responsibility, which will lead to many situations."