I once read a story shared by Zhou Xiaopeng, a marriage counselor:
Once upon a time, a sheep fell in love with a donkey. The donkey said to the sheep, "If you can allow me to yell at you and kick you, it will prove that you love me."
So, the sheep accepted and endured the roar and kick of the donkey every day for one year, two years, three years … ten years. Finally one day, the sheep quietly left the donkey.
Someone asked ta: "You have persisted for so long, why not persist for a lifetime?"
The sheep replied, "It took me ten years to prove that I love him, and it took ta ten years to prove that ta doesn't love me, and it won't change a bit for me."
Finally, Teacher Zhou Xiaopeng said, "Isn't that what unhappy marriages are like? One person gives everything, and one person is indifferent. "
02? I indulge you, but you don't respect my parents.
I saw a couple who came to mediate the love war in Tianjin Satellite TV.
Male guest Tucki and female guest Yue Yue meet in the university campus. In their three-year relationship, Tucki has always liked Yue Yue, but now he feels that he can't hold on any longer.
Tucki said that Yue Yue was always willful in front of him, and she did whatever she wanted, so she had to indulge her blindly.
In his junior year, Tucki asked Yue Yue if he wanted to take the postgraduate entrance examination. Yue Yue firmly stated that she didn't have this plan at that time, so Tucki also gave up the idea of taking the postgraduate entrance examination and turned to find a job.
After he worked for a period of time, one day Yue Yue suddenly told him that she was going to take the postgraduate entrance examination, because all her classmates and friends were taking the postgraduate entrance examination, so Tucki had to quit her promising job and accompany Yue Yue to take the postgraduate entrance examination.
Besides, Tucki felt that Yue Yue didn't respect his parents enough.
After the postgraduate entrance examination, Tucki and Yue Yue discussed taking her home to meet her parents, and Yue Yue agreed.
In order to impress Yue Yue's parents, Tucki took Yue Yue to buy gifts in advance and asked Yue Yue to send them directly to his home.
Tucki's parents attached great importance to this meeting. On the appointed day, they prepared a large table of dishes at home and invited relatives and friends to come.
Tucki was also very careful to drive to Yueyue's house to pick her up an hour in advance. As a result, he didn't expect to find her out when he got home.
It turned out that Yue Yue followed her mother to a relative's house. She said that she thought it was too late, but she didn't expect to delay the time when chatting with relatives.
As a result, Yue Yue was one hour late for the first meeting with Tucki's parents.
03? You don't care about my efforts.
Tucki also felt that Yue Yue always ignored all her efforts.
Once, Tucki was busy cleaning the room when she suddenly received a short message from Yue Yue saying that she wanted to eat his cooking.
After receiving instructions from his girlfriend, Tucki immediately put down his work, ran to the market to buy food, and then went home to cook a good table for Yue Yue.
But when he was cooking hard, Yue Yue said that she would not come back for dinner because she was going out to eat with her classmates.
On another occasion, the two agreed to go to a free lantern festival. In order to watch the Lantern Festival, Tucki went to the scene early and queued for more than two hours.
When Yue Yue arrived, she learned that she had to wait a while to enter the arena, so she gave up immediately. She doesn't think it's necessary to be greedy for this little advantage. Anyway, there was nothing to see, so she left with Tucki, regardless of his hard work for more than two hours.
During their graduate studies, Tucki paid close attention to Yue Yue's daily necessities and often gave her care and greetings, while Yue Yue was ungrateful and even annoyed.
Tucki felt very sad, more than three years of tolerance and understanding failed to win the other side's gratitude.
But in Yue Yue's view, Tucki is too haggle over every ounce, and she thinks what she has done is not wrong. On the show, she kept saying that she felt there was nothing wrong with herself.
04? A good relationship requires joint management by both parties.
Whether it is love or marriage, the cultivation of any good relationship must be jointly managed by both parties. If one pays everything and the other is indifferent, it is inevitable that true happiness will not be achieved.
First of all, I want to say to the person who loves much more in my feelings that tolerance and consideration are needed in my feelings, but tolerance does not mean connivance. Even if you love someone again, you should have principles, and let the other person know your principles.
If you indulge a person unprincipled and spoil ta to get carried away, you will have to bear the final bitter fruit yourself.
Just like Tucki and Yue Yue, because Tucki's love for Yue Yue has always been unprincipled and spoiled her, even if Yue Yue has done something outrageous, she will feel at ease that she is right. When Tucki bears a grudge, she will in turn accuse Tucki of haggling over every ounce.
In addition, the continuation of a relationship really requires one of them to make concessions first. Just like the sheep in the story, ta has to prove that she loves the donkey by enduring its roar and kicking.
However, your good partner must know how to appreciate, not always take it for granted. If the other person has been ungrateful, it is better to let go.
Teacher Tu Lei said, "A person's kindness depends on whether another person appreciates it. If the other person understands your good job, it makes sense; If the other person doesn't understand your goodness at all, then you will continue to pay. To put it bluntly, you don't pay attention to yourself. "
Wearing inappropriate shoes hurts your feet; Emotional dislocation, distressed.
Secondly, I also want to say to the one who is favored in feelings, if you really don't love someone, then let ta go; If you love someone, don't be so cold. Don't take everything for granted. Why do people always treat you well and tolerate you?
In this world, except that parents can pay for us without asking for anything in return, any other relationship needs to be responded. If the other party doesn't get any response from you for a long time, then one day ta will get bored and leave.
The cultivation of any good relationship does not depend on one party to pay unilaterally, but must be jointly operated by both parties. I can do anything, but you can't be indifferent.