For those who have been educated since childhood that girls should be independent, restrained and reserved, now they can be "simple and rude" or say "please be simple and rude to me!" I feel very happy!
Let me talk about two experiences related to "simplicity and rudeness".
One year, when I returned to China for a holiday, a friend invited me to his home. Just call him Lao Zheng. We haven't seen each other for years. That afternoon, when he opened the door through the garden, he was wearing an apron. It turned out that he cooked the food that day. I'm a little surprised, because in my impression, Lao Zheng is a busy man. Later, a friend said that today, the small pot of rice noodles cooked by Lao Zheng touched my light. I just remembered what I wanted to eat most when I went back to Kunming, old Chen Uen, on WeChat before returning to China. I answered "small pot rice noodles" at that time.
After a hearty meal, it's getting late and friends say goodbye to each other. Like all previous parties, Lao Zheng asked his friends to take me home.
When I got home, I politely sent a message to Lao Zheng, saying that I was safe and thanking him for his invitation. He replied to me quickly, saying that he was looking forward to meeting again when he returned to China.
I asked him a little jokingly, "Why, you never send me home, but you ask my friend for help?"
Lao Zheng replied, "Because, I don't want you to go."
In the face of his reply, I froze, not sure whether he was joking or sincere.
After a short silence, I said, "If you said this to me 10 years ago, would our life trajectory be rewritten?"
It took a long time to receive his reply: "Maybe! But I am also very happy to see that you are living the life you want now! "
These pieces of information, like some clues, instantly string together the past.
10 years ago, I met Lao Zheng because of my working relationship. Although there is no cooperation in business, we have become friends, that is, friends who have dinner together several times a year, chat and occasionally give each other small gifts. I occasionally wonder if he wants to chase me, but after every party, he asks his friends to take me home, and I don't think much.
When he learned that I was going abroad and invited me to dinner at noon one day, he asked me, "Is there anything I can do to help you study abroad?"
At that time, I wanted to study abroad. There are indeed many problems to be solved, from the preparation of application materials, bank guarantees to the living expenses of studying abroad. I must try to solve them one by one. However, I have always been very independent and sensible, and I have never thought of asking my friends for help, even my parents, because I am always afraid of causing trouble to others. Friends and relatives around me seem to be used to it, thinking that I can solve everything by myself and never need help from others. In fact, under such a strong appearance, there is a soft heart that needs care and love.
So, when I heard him ask this question, I felt unspeakable warmth and moved, and I really wanted to nod. However, the inertia of independence and caution made me put on a smile and shook my head gently. "Nothing, I can handle it!" "
I noticed a disappointed expression on his face, but soon he started talking about other topics, as if the conversation had never happened just now.
Later, I occasionally think of this scene. After all, only he asked me this question. Although I refused, I have always been grateful to him. Sometimes, I fantasize about what would happen if I asked him to lend money to the bank as a guarantee. Will he ruin my good impression in his heart because he thinks I am tacky in talking about money? Will our pure friendship deteriorate because of his help? Maybe he just said it politely. Wouldn't it be embarrassing if I really nodded?
I have always been proud of this matter and feel that I have backbone. This is probably a little idealistic thinking style!
However, I regret shaking my head that night. It suddenly dawned on me that shaking my head in those days was not only to refuse a friend's help, but also to refuse a man's request to approach you euphemistically. I blame myself for being too strong, too independent, too "sensible" and too idealistic. If I had nodded at that time, we would have more topics, more exchanges, more opportunities to get to know each other and more possibilities in life. Even if it is not love in the end, it is possible to build a deeper friendship.
Perhaps, we are all too rational, too respectful, too cautious, thinking too much and too complicated, afraid that too direct confession will make the other party feel rash, so that we dare not express our true thoughts.
If only it could be simple and rude at that time!
When Lao Zheng throws out questions, I don't want to suppress myself, I have to nod calmly and express my feelings; And Lao Zheng had better say "I don't want you to go" simply and rudely without even asking. At least, let me know that there is still a way to choose in life.
How enjoyable this plot should be!
Although life is like chess, I have no regrets, but at the moment I have thought through this experience and feel particularly relaxed. It is also a good opportunity for men and women who are too cautious and "sensible". Don't miss the opportunity again.
Go on, Robert's story.
I saw in the lobby of the office building that there seemed to be a problem with his communication with the front desk, so I took the initiative to help him translate. Later, I learned that he was from London, liked Kunming and wanted to buy a suite in this building. I happened to work in that building, so I promised to find him. After he saw the listing information in the intermediary, he would come to me, call him and accompany him to see several suites. Finally got a set. Robert was very satisfied and decided to buy it, but the agent refused to give the price. He hesitated.
One day, I was asking if the house in the front desk building was for sale. A man next to me said he had a set for sale, so he took me to see it. It happened to be the one that Robert liked. When I asked about the situation, I found that the intermediary increased the price too much. Later, I talked to the landlord several times. Finally, not only the house price is much cheaper, but also the agency fee is saved. I also helped the landlord and Robert complete the house sale formalities. Robert asked me how much I should get paid, but I shrugged and said, You're welcome.
A few weeks later, Robert said he wanted to buy a mobile phone and asked me to help him go to the mall for consultation, so I went. As a result, he didn't discuss it with the waiter at all, but pointed to a mobile phone and told the waiter to ask for two. After checking out, he put one of Sai Zhang into my hand. I unloaded the box and asked him what was going on. He said it was a gift. I refuse.
As a result, he said to me sincerely, "You deserve it? ! You deserve it! You deserve it! ) "Then he told me what features of this phone are particularly suitable for me, which must be very useful to me. Of course, I also mentioned that I helped him buy a house, and so on, and didn't give me a chance to refuse at all.
He told me that it is right for friends to help each other, but they should be grateful after helping. For the same thing, if he asks a stranger to do it and needs to be paid, then if he asks a friend to do it and does it so well, shouldn't he be paid twice as much? Friends should not be cheap or free labor. Everyone's contribution is valuable and should be affirmed.
I blame him for giving me my mobile phone without consulting me in advance, which made me feel at a loss.
He apologized for his reckless behavior just now, and added that if not, I would definitely refuse his kindness again.
Finally, I said that I just refused casually, neither respecting the giver nor respecting myself. ......
Finally, I was persuaded by Robert, accepted the gift gladly, and joked with him, "I will pray to God tonight. Please give me a dozen friends like you! " .
He smiled and said, "Yes, you deserve it! Yes, you really deserve such a promise! )"
Later, I also found that no matter at work or when getting along with friends and partners, the style like Robert is sometimes a bit simple and rude, but the effect is particularly good. Don't waste time and energy on all kinds of guesses, imaginations and unnecessary politeness. Sincere and direct expression and action are more useful than anything else!
Through these two stories, I also want to say that many girls who are independent, sensible, have strong self-esteem and are used to forbearing are not good at taking, and do not argue or rob, but this does not mean that they do not need help, care and guidance from others. The best way to treat such girls is to be simple and rude. Don't ask them questions and answers, but express your feelings directly, whether it's love or gratitude. Do it when you should.
On the other hand, we can also say this generously to those who are too cautious, because they care too much about us. "Please be simple and rude to me!"
Chen Yinxuan wrote it in Dijon.
2065438+May 3, 2007