My youngest daughter's knowledge of Chinese studies is shallow, which can't restore Mr. Hong En's witty remarks and unique eloquence. She can only share with you a few points I have absorbed, and at the same time let herself wake up:
First, explore the reasons.
-In today's era, why are parents the hardest, children the hardest and have the most problems?
1. Wrong education direction: only pay attention to wealth, not to morality, only to material, not to spirit;
2. Short-sighted educational goals: sprint can attach importance to the starting line. If the marathon runs at the speed of 100 meters, it will definitely fail;
3. Wrong educational methods: The common wrong educational methods are indulgence, repression and fancy moves.
4. The education situation is worrying: in the past, parents ignored it, and society and teachers could help you, but now they can't, so now parents will feel bitter, tired and worried.
Education is a big project, and the division of labor must be clear. Therefore, teaching children worry-free orientation is a class only for parents.
Second, start with me.
? -Why can't parents teach their children well?
As the saying goes, to know yourself and yourself, you must first "know yourself and yourself". How can we know ourselves? This requires learning. What we need to learn is the learning of adults, that is, our own learning, not the learning of villains, that is, the learning of others. My Lord, the villain is only for a moment. Being a villain is more and more painful, and being an adult is more and more happy.
So how do you learn from adults? "University" has a cloud: the way of a university is to be well-known, to be close to the people, and to stop at perfection. It means: find that your heart is always there, so that you can find that everyone is really there and feel at ease now. In fact, I think this is what we often say in modern times: being in the present, seeing is believing, hearing is smelling, and eating is knowing the taste.
"To cultivate one's morality, be upright first; If you want to be right, you must be sincere. " Self-cultivation-oriented, sincerity first. Teacher Hong En thinks that sincerity means telling the truth instead of deceiving yourself. Self-deception is more stupid and terrible than deceiving others. Self-deception is to find excuses and reasons for yourself. In fact, the definition is given by people. How can you be sure that your standard is everyone's standard and your answer is the correct answer?
Sincerity is like a line, sincerity is like a point, and points are connected into a line.
Third, the godson of inaction.
One who is not hurt by children (no anger, no infatuation)
Tip: Parents should not be teachers.
Quit Anger: If you lose control, you will make trouble.
The way to control anger is to "calm down". The first level: realize that it is your own problem and not be disturbed by your emotions. Intermediate: Know that other people's emotions are not manipulated by others. Top management: influence and dissolve other people's emotions. "I am doing nothing and the people are from the top, I am quiet and the people are from the top."
Get rid of delusion: confusion, absurdity and heresy.
Idiot 1: Parents are children's best friends.
Many friends, but only parents; Father and son go up and down, respecting the heart can only be disciplined; Father and son are equal, lawless and become little emperors; The real society is unequal, and the family is the best place to practice.
Idiot 2: Parents are originals and children are copies.
The consequence of full parental responsibility is infinite repentance+hypocrite. The bottom line of parents' introspection: kindness, father-son courtesy and sincerity (three questions: do I really love him? Is it for him? Have you ever lied to yourself? )
No harm to children (no greed)
? Tips: Teach students in accordance with their aptitude, lower their expectations, and only be parents, not teachers.
1. Inherent knowledge, self-taught, sanctified, let nature take its course.
2. Learn what you know, be sensitive and eager to learn, become a saint and choose a good teacher.
3. Learn from difficulties, get lost, succeed, and encourage moderately.
4. If you are stuck, don't learn, stay silly, be an adult and keep the bottom line.
Ask yourself: Do you want your children to live an ordinary life?
Of course, I will help him if he doesn't want to.
Three children don't hurt others.
Tip: Don't be self-righteous and arrogant.
1. It is evil to make a child not listen (keep the bottom line of education)
Can children fight? Who will call?
If you break through the bottom line, you can fight (national law, ethics, bad mouth);
The son is not the godfather's fault, but the family law needs the mother to enforce it.
Father's duty: coordinate parents, authorize wife and eliminate interference.
Mothers' duties: directly implement kindness, cooperate with being a villain, and maintain the image of husbands and husbands.
2. Benefits of reference grants.
Disadvantages: Pornography (alcohol and tobacco); Bad friends;
Tension stimulates interest, repression creates rebellion.
3. Love goes deep into the bone marrow
The difference between doting and loving is whether to follow the former two.
Four children were not killed (no doubt)
Tip: The clearest way to calm your child is to calm your heart.
"Empty your heart, strengthen your stomach, weaken your will and strengthen your bones"-Tao Te Ching
1. Guilty: Not overstimulated.
2. Real belly: Don't give too much.
3. Weak ambition: Don't compare with others excessively.
4. strengthen your bones: don't care too much about them.
Fourth, small test knife
When I left the meeting, Director Chen took me by the hand and said meaningfully, "I must have a good talk with you when I have the opportunity!" "I said," I know what you want to tell me. Through these two days of study, I deeply realized that my role was chaotic. I have multiple identities: mother, school teacher, and lecturer in discipline. Under the control of these characters, my behavior completely violated the godson of inaction! "
Myth 1: loving mothers are not kind
Whenever I think of loving mothers, the word that comes to mind the most is "loving mothers often fail". I found myself obsessed too deeply! I think dad is very busy, and I am responsible for the children's eating, drinking and sleeping, so I have an unshirkable responsibility for the formation of his habitual character. I am afraid that he will spoil me, and in life, it is often more severe. And the more my elders and father spoil him, the worse I am.
After class, I fully realized that I had usurped the throne and occupied the role my father should have played. Before going to bed the next day, my son suddenly said, "Mom, I think you are a little different today!" " "I asked," What's the difference between me? " "You are so gentle today! "At that moment, I was particularly ashamed. Isn't it natural for a mother to be gentle with her children? But when he came here, it became a luxury. No wonder he often praises the gentleness of his two favorite female teachers in kindergarten.
Myth 2: Be a good teacher.
As an 8-year-old teacher, I have met too many excellent children and too many troublesome children. Every time I see excellent children, I always think, if only my children could be so excellent in the future. But when I saw those troubled children, I made up my mind that I must not let my son become such a person in the future. Therefore, unconsciously, my requirements for my son are getting higher and higher.
After research, I realized that I was too greedy. It is human nature to expect children to become sages, but children have different natures and abilities. What we should do is to teach students in accordance with their aptitude. Why can my child become a saint? Maybe he is not the material at all! My parents, on the other hand, insisted on hurting their children, causing pain to both sides.
Of course, my demands and efforts have indeed paid off: he is obedient, sensible and smart, and his development in all aspects is not bad. However, I always vaguely feel that something is wrong, and sometimes I am confused and hesitant. Am I so opinionated and obey the rules? Because although the child came according to my wishes, I can feel that he is not convinced and is more forced by my arrogance. Thinking about children is actually quite pitiful. There are strict teachers in schools and social rules in society. When I got home, I ended up with another teacher, and I didn't enjoy that kind at all.
Even so, I have no doubt about the significance and value of positive discipline, but this study has made me deeply realize that my words and deeds are not consistent, "I can only do well if I feel good", "I should connect first and then correct", "I should have imperfect courage" and "kindness and firmness go hand in hand" ...... Sometimes I will deviate from these positive discipline attitudes. It turns out that the road is really simple, whether Chinese or western!
Always introspect and don't blame yourself! I always remember the sentence that my tutor gave us when I graduated from the lecturer class of active parenting: "We grew up in the normal school, but we are not perfect in the normal school!"
Myth 3: Don't do to others what you don't want them to do to you.
My understanding of the godson of inaction is not to completely ignore children, let alone spoil them, but to influence and influence them with behavior.
In the past, when it was time, I would urge my children to brush their teeth and wash their faces, but I still stared at the mobile phone. Let him pack his things, but I haven't done it yet. I have the habit of putting things back where they were. Now when I face the children, I will calm my heart. I will ask myself, what happens if children don't brush their teeth occasionally? What if he doesn't wash his face occasionally? What if he only eats a chocolate once in a while? The answer is that the earth will still turn.
I found that when I let go of my obsession with education, my heart relaxed and I was indifferent to children's problems, because I began to leave myself a way out: it's no big deal not to brush my teeth once in a while. Without control, the magnetic field released by this mentality is stronger.
I will brush my teeth silently in the meeting now, instead of staring at him and urging him. After brushing my teeth, I will shout, "Dr. Li, come and show me." Did I clean my teeth today? " Then he examined it carefully and said, "Well, it's clean." It's much easier for me to ask him to brush his teeth again.
I used to urge him to fold the quilt, but it may not be folded yet. Now, after I folded the quilt neatly, I called him, "Officer Li, come and see, how is my recruit's bed made?" He said, "The top of the sheet is uneven, and you need to improve it." I said, "OK, no problem. I said, what about your bed? Then he actually made the bed seriously for the first time. I also popularized the historical allusion "How can you sweep the world without sweeping a house?" He listened with relish.
Before going out, he asked for a chocolate. If I had said, "Stop eating, you just ate so much for breakfast, and you will have to accumulate food later.". Come back from school at night! " "He will definitely go to school complaining and complaining. I was thinking, if you eat more of this chocolate, he will certainly accumulate food? The answer is no, I don't know if he will accumulate food because of this chocolate, but I know he will be unhappy. So I said, "Yes, you can have one! ""So he took two and offered to share one with me.
During the whole process, my heart was very calm, and I felt that my children could also receive my magnetic field. When he left home, he said goodbye to his grandmother happily. He took the initiative to thank his grandmother for carrying his schoolbag and pressing the elevator door for me. He was very happy and peaceful during the whole process. I suddenly realized that, in fact, he sometimes didn't respect and be polite to his grandmother, perhaps because I put a lot of pressure on him, and he had nowhere to let go, and his grandmother who loved him became a punching bag.
When eating, he offered to help me pick up vegetables. Before going to bed, he beat my back for a long time. A warm current welled up in my heart. I realized for the first time that the power of inaction can be so great. I firmly believe that when my heart calms down, my children can feel the same as me.
Finally, I end with a favorite passage of the audience:
? The road is natural, so don't be quiet. Doing nothing is easy, drinking without luxury is clear, lying without desire is peaceful ... If you follow nature and do nothing, you will be healthy. Back to nature and camp, then god was confused and his body was damaged.
-Lao Tzu's Tao Te Ching