Divorced, what about the children? This is the title of a recent analytical article in the American Christian Monitor. Simple and clear points out the most vulnerable children in divorce cases. There is nothing wrong with them, so we should try to make them less hurt. In fact, this is indeed a big problem that cannot be ignored in the United States. In this country, every year, 654.38 million children and newly divorced parents start an incomplete family life. 1997, in the United States140,000 single-parent guardianship parents, nearly120,000 or 85% were mothers and 2 million were fathers. However, in most States in the United States, both parents have the right to custody of their children. But how do American parents get along with their children after divorce? It is usually like this: one parent is usually the father. You can pick up the children or visit them on weekends. This is a family world arranged by calendars, alarm clocks and courts. Parents can keep in touch with their cherished children here, and children can try their best to find their lost family from here, although they can't find it completely. Second, don't be with children.
There are many various social organizations in the United States, and the father-son alliance is one of them, because after divorce, it is often the wife who gets the custody of the children. Diana 183, executive manager of father-son alliance; Thompson said that after divorce, fathers should try their best to maintain a normal visiting schedule, which is helpful for the normal growth of their children. John183; After the divorce, Martin became a single father. When he went to see his daughter, he did housework with her-washing clothes and running errands, and then they played together. He wants his daughter to experience a normal family life, not think so? Quot oh, here comes dad. What park or movie will he take me to today? However, Susan 183, a Virginia family statistician, is the author of Disneyland Dad and Disneyland Mom. Stewart found that more divorced parents prefer to do leisure activities with their children, such as playing, picnicking, watching movies or exercising. Bill183; Zamov is such a father. If the weather is fine, he will go to his ex-wife's house after work and take his daughter Jacqueline to the nearby park to play. If the weather is cold or wet, they will play in the children's activity room of the library. Jacqueline likes puppets, magic and other dramatic things. Bill looks for those strange children's theaters on weekends. They watch such performances once or twice a month. He said: The performance was very interesting and touching. I hope children can get the fun they deserve in childhood. They also go to children's museums or aquariums once or twice a year, and they also go to zoos and acrobatic fields. Bill avoids large-scale activities. He arranged for Jacqueline and one of her friends to go to the movies once a month. They like playing at his house very much. Bill makes a list of family weekend activities every week and sends it to 800 parents in Boston by email, most of whom are non-custodial fathers. He said: Make a detailed plan and don't deal with the time with children casually. That's priceless. For parents in other cities, Bill suggested that they go to the newspaper to see what good activities there are. The local parents magazine and library will also provide some ideas, or you can surf the Internet, www.znjy.cn. In fact, through the father's good performance, the ownership of custody sometimes turns upside down. September 2006 5438+0, Debra183; Gordon became a mother without custody, and her 14-year-old son Jonathan went to live with his father in Virginia Beach. Debra explained: His father really cares about him. The child is in his teens. He can't just stay with his mother when traveling. Third, be careful not to let the children down.
Every other Friday at 4 pm, Mike183; muko 183； Mick will climb into his Plymouth Voyager and drive north to perform an important family task: to pick up his 6-year-old son Jimmy for the weekend. His destination is Somerset, which is 0/80km away from his home/kloc-just between his home and his ex-wife's residence. Almost at the same time, Jimmy and his mother will also drive to Somerset. After the meeting, Jimmy and his mother hugged goodbye and climbed into his father's car. I can spend 45 hours with my son, including 8 to 10 hours in the car. There will be some problems driving with children like this, but it will give Jimmy and I a lot of time together, Mick said. We can spend a long time on the road. They listen to CDs, sing songs and talk about school. We want each other to know that we like to be with him and strengthen contact, because it is difficult for us to meet in the next two weeks; Mick hopes that parents without custody will spend as much time with their children as possible no matter what difficulties they have. He mentioned that he drives 25,000 miles every year to visit his children. He said: Even if it is troublesome, don't give up. Don't let your children down, they need you. If you leave them, you will regret it. Last year, about 40% children living in single-parent families never met their father. Some mothers who have custody of their children refuse to comply with the visiting arrangements stipulated by the court. Sometimes, it is because fathers who have no custody live too far away from their children, or gradually fade out of their children's lives. For children living in single-parent families, this is their most disappointing but helpless thing. Another thing that easily disappoints children is that divorced parents are abusive to each other. Susan warned fathers who visited their children that many topics were taboo, such as talking about their mothers. Bill, the divorced father, thinks it is foolish to make children hate their father, and those ex-wives often embellish such stories. She takes care of everything at home, while he is happy outside. In fact, for a normal family, this model is extremely bad. No matter how serious the problems between you and your ex-spouse are, please remember that your children love you both. Fourthly, how to make the arrangement more reasonable?
In order to minimize the problems after divorce, some states require divorced couples to take a course to learn how to make it easier for their children to accept their parents' divorce and how to visit their children more easily. Martha 183, a social worker who teaches this course in Massachusetts; Arthur admits that divorced parents will face difficulties. She said: It is really difficult for parents without custody to establish close relationship with their children, because you can't see them every day. Moreover, due to the limited time for unsupervised parents to accompany their children, the discipline of their children will be very lax. There is another problem with visiting at night: if the children are at school, parents' visits will become very hasty. Arthur said: They pick up the children, have dinner together, help them with their homework, and then send them home. She suggested that eating can be simple so as to leave enough time for homework. She also urged both parents to keep in touch with their children's schools, which will help reduce the pain caused by separation. However, even if visiting children goes well, some parents without custody still find a basic flaw in the system. They want to distribute their time with their children more equally. Mrs. Thompson said that visiting every other week is not good for both parents. In a week's time, the mother should tell the children to finish their homework and do housework, so that the children can live a regular life; But on weekends, the father wants to make full use of his time with his children, so he takes them around. The child's life is completely cut into two parts, and the child's impression of parents becomes single and absolute. In fact, even if divorced, both parents should cultivate the same interests as their children at some time, while at other times, both parents should be strictly disciplined. Both parents can make a difference in cultivating children's discipline and clarifying their responsibilities and obligations, and they will not be regarded as bad people. Parks advocates that parents should educate their children in the same role. She gave an example: If the father is with the children from Friday night to Tuesday, he will play a more active role, help the children do their homework, observe discipline and let him learn to do things in an orderly manner. Parks said: Although we are two different families now, parents should try their best to be the best parents. Parents should respect the family where their children are now. This is the attitude of Mick and his wife Tracy. His current wife also lives with him with three children. We will try our best to make it look like a complete family with four children, he said. No matter what we do, Jimmy is a member of this family. Sometimes their family of six will visit museums or have picnics together; If it is spring, they will play softball on Saturday; On Sunday, they go to church together early in the morning, so that they have time for lunch, and then send Jimmy home at 2: 30 pm.