The value of something you have longed for for for a long time will be over-amplified in your mind, and eventually you will get it at a disproportionate price.
Like traveling.
If you really like to travel, take time to travel anyway, and don't wait until you are "rich and free". The fun of traveling soon fades, and it's not worth fighting for all your life. I saw someone finally unbearable, completely give up their career and leave. After walking for a year, I found that people can't leave their careers, but they can't go back.
In Lijiang's inn, there are many such people who pretend to be poor but full, but it is difficult to hide their inner anxiety about the future. They already know that they are wrong, but they have no courage to admit and correct their mistakes. Instead, they cover them up with false happiness. The result is to make more serious mistakes, and the unlucky ones become "Sanhe Great God".
Such as matter.
If young people like something very much and have the ability, they will bite their teeth and buy it. After you have it, you will find that there is nothing. Don't be depressed when you find that it's not so good. You bought mental health. Suppressing material desires will distort the value of life, but it is easier to fall into misfortune. With simple motives, things will be easier to succeed. Life will be easier to be happy after the motivation of life is simple.
Like love.
A typical example is Mano's If You Are the One, which once "would rather cry on a BMW than laugh on a bicycle". It must be that material desires have been suppressed too much since childhood, and the value of BMW has been infinitely magnified. In fact, you can buy a BMW for more than 300 thousand. Now the middle class can afford it, and most people in China can afford it in the future.
This kind of person harms others and himself in this life, because he gave up love, so he infinitely magnified the value of love. Either you are unhappy all your life, or you are derailed by middle-aged and elderly people. People are willing to marry you, a poor man, and give you half of their wealth for the rest of their lives. Isn't that love? The result is not only love, but hate that he stole his "love". Especially after BMW soon got tired of sitting and found BMW rotten street.
No one can tell what love is. Some people spend their whole lives with their partners, but they don't think it's love. Some people pay for a one-night stand, but they think it is love. In fact, love is as common as breathing, and you won't feel anything when you get it. However, if you give up the so-called "love" on your own initiative, you will imagine it very beautifully and spend your whole life pursuing the fantasy that you are unwilling to give up. It's like chasing your own shadow all your life. In the end, life will be destroyed, because the so-called "love" in life is only a small part, and the meaning of life is very broad and rich. How foolish it is to give up the whole forest for non-existent green leaves.
In fact, BMW does not mean that there is no love, and bicycles do not mean that there is love. So young people should be less calculating and more sincere. Department is too smart to miss Qingqing's life.
The principle of this is called "willpower compensation mechanism". Willpower is a more precious cost than time. When you have to suppress your sincerity, you need to consume willpower. The more willpower you consume, the more compensation you need.
For example, when we go to school, we need to spend 45 minutes of willpower in each class to stay focused and quiet, and we can make up for it by taking a break of 10 minutes. Students can still sit still in the second class. But what if it lasts 450 minutes (7.5 hours)? Even if students persist, I'm afraid they have to rest for a week to indulge themselves before they can regain their willpower to listen to the next class.
If a person uses willpower to suppress his heart for 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, it is not difficult to imagine that one day, when he can't hold back, how much indulgence is needed to make up his willpower? This is how the old house caught fire. It is also the principle of many young people who were excellent when they were young and suddenly became extremely rebellious after graduating from college.
In addition, every day, everything, everyone needs to consume different willpower. Willpower is a kind of subjective energy, which is inseparable from emotion.
For example, when a person loves another person, cooking and washing clothes consumes little willpower, and it can even be a kind of happiness, such as the contribution of normal parents to their children. But if you don't love or even hate another person, then you need to consume great willpower to force yourself to do the same thing.
A woman who cooks a meal for a man she doesn't love needs huge compensation to balance her heart. Therefore, the ladies have to charge, and this is the compensation price of her willpower. If a person doesn't love his partner, it is conceivable that in daily life, other partners don't feel sweet or even sweet, but it takes a lot of willpower.
Therefore, it is inevitable to ask your partner for huge compensation. And the partner doesn't actually get more, so it's hard to understand why the other person is so unbalanced. This imbalance will produce frequent contradictions, and the solution of contradictions needs more willpower and more compensation. As a result, an endless cycle of marital misfortune has been formed.
The same is true of work. If a person is engaged in a job he loves very much, he doesn't need to consider the compensation of willpower. Work is charged, and he often gets a "flow experience". But most people may not have this blessing, so we must consider our own willpower compensation mechanism and not be too depressed. Otherwise, psychology is easily distorted.
2. The cornerstone of society is status, not skills.
Many people will attach too much importance to socializing and specialize in so-called "social skills", thus going astray. You have to have a place before you can talk about socializing.
A high-ranking person occasionally tells a joke, and everyone will feel close to the people; A crosstalk performer tries his best to amuse everyone, but people still think that he doesn't have enough jokes. Your boss will give you a cup of tea and you will be moved. You take it for granted that the waiter is busy for you. Even between relatives, people of different status are treated differently.
We should note that socialization is an interactive process. People with high status socialize, others will take the initiative to cater to his emotions and topics, and smart people will also take the initiative to "avoid taboos for respected people", of course. People with low status need to cater to other people's emotions and topics, and their own status is usually ignored, which is naturally difficult to do.
Therefore, the higher a person's social status, the less so-called social skills he needs, and the greater the energy exerted by the same social skills. The lower a person's social status, the more he needs "social skills". The same social skills will have very limited effect.
Therefore, it is easier for people to get along with people with similar status. You don't have to cater to others, and you don't have to be catered to by others. Just relax。 Of course, if a person is simple enough, it is easy for him to be with anyone, and it is easy to be with anyone. On the contrary, such people are popular everywhere and can ignore the so-called class.
After all, people are basically themselves. "I" comes first, and then "we".
3. The core of EQ is emotion, not skill.
Let's analyze Lu Yu's interview with Lei Yu, who was scolded by netizens for his low emotional intelligence.
(1) In an interview with Yun-peng Yue, Yun-peng Yue talked about being scolded by customers for three hours when he was a waiter, and then he changed careers.
Lu Yu said: Then you should thank him. .....
(2) When interviewing Hugh, Hugh mentioned the car accident that he narrowly escaped. Zhang Mian, the assistant, died suddenly on the spot, and Hugh was badly disfigured.
Lu Yu said: You should be grateful for the car accident. .....
(3) When interviewing Zhou Xun, Zhou Xun recalled his star career: "Tony Leung Chiu Wai, Liu Qingyun, WU GANG, Yan Ni and Dong Chengyi are all directors I have always wanted to cooperate with. Then all of a sudden, everything was in front of me. Can you imagine my happiness? "
Lu Yu said: I can't imagine. .....
(4) When interviewing Shen Teng, Shen Teng recalled his mother: When I was a child, I hated reciting what the liberal arts needed to recite. My mother is with me every day. She can recite every question, but I still can't. "
Lu Yu: I'm good at reciting these.
Shen Teng: Right ... just, just, is there any way or? ...
Lu Yu: No, I gave birth.
Did you find a pattern? It's hard for Lu Yu to get into each other's emotions. She is either in her own state or rational to the point of indifference.
If you learn "EQ" one by one, it is as futile as trying to master arithmetic by reciting "1+1= 2,2+2 = 4". It is impossible to memorize it, nor is it possible to just use it. You must master the algorithm. The law of interpersonal relationship is "* * * love".
The essence of EQ is the ability of "* * *". If we can achieve "* * * affection", we can naturally make humanized responses according to different occasions. No matter how many emotional intelligence skills you recite, you can't know the standard answer. What you need to do is not calculation, but "sincerity", feel each other's heart and express your true "conscience" at the same time. What a sincere person does sincerely, another sincere person will always understand and appreciate.
* * * The premise of love is to be able to understand your own "love". There is "my affection" first, and then there is "* * * affection".
Ceng Zi said: "The master's way is loyalty and forgiveness." . Confucius' Confucian learning, in the final analysis, is two words "loyalty" and "forgiveness". Loyalty is "loyalty+heart", that is, being able to observe and follow one's own heart, which is what Wang Yangming said. "Forgiveness" is like+heart, treating other people's hearts as yourself, that is, "* * * love", and being able to put yourself in others' shoes, "Don't do to others what you don't want others to do to you." Of course, this is not easy. Confucius said, "Seventy years old is not too much." To achieve this state, everyone needs lifelong sincerity and self-cultivation, in order to keep his family business and rule the country.
How to improve the ability of "* * *"? There are three ways. First, learn from children. Parents should be able to immerse themselves in the heart behind their children's emotions, not like an educational robot. The second is to learn knowledge and understand a little psychological knowledge; The third is to learn from literary classics. Great literature shows the elusive parts of people's hearts through artistic amplification, so that readers have a more "real" life experience than reality.
Feel those sensitive hearts that you avoid and ignore. This is certainly not easy, because we often protect our soft heart and prevent it from being hurt. For a long time, we couldn't feel our hearts, let alone others'.
If emotional intelligence is really not high, don't worry. Lu Yu is a top talk show host in China, with so many low-level mistakes, not to mention ordinary people. People's abilities are comprehensive. Even if a real estate agent's EQ is high, Phoenix TV can't ask her to replace Lu Yu.
4. Have common knowledge of economics and comparative advantages.
The core of economics is to study how to realize the optimal allocation of resources. For example, Apple can of course set up its own factory, which is probably better than Foxconn, but it is more cost-effective to entrust Foxconn to do OEM, and it can focus on more valuable brands and research and development. The same is true as an individual. If you are better than others, you don't have to do it yourself. You should pay attention to the opportunity cost.
For example, the boss may drive better than the driver, but the boss doesn't have to drive instead of the driver. Instead, he should sit in the back row and engage in higher-value decision-making work. Even if you spend more money, the overall value is better.
Do professional women spend five hours cleaning on weekends, or do they spend 250 yuan to ask others to clean and take time to recharge?
A person is good at both writing and management, both of which are better than 90% people. Do you do both? The answer is to be the best of yourself. For example, the value of writing is higher than management, so you still write, and entrust management to people whose ability may be inferior to yours.
If the resource allocation efficiency of the society is optimal, the society will be more prosperous. If people's energy allocation efficiency is optimal, people are more likely to make achievements.
The common fault of ordinary people is that they don't want to benefit others. They want to do everything by themselves and don't want to impersonate others. As a result, their limited energy is allocated to too many fields, and their own value is not maximized. The better people are, the more likely they are to make such mistakes.
5. Education is a lifelong career.
Animals only have biological attributes, while people have three attributes: biology, society and soul (sorry I used the word soul, although I am an atheist, I can't find a more suitable word to describe people's spiritual attributes). The difference between humans and animals is the latter two.
Let's talk about the role of education in social attributes. At any time, education is one of the main means of class division.
The cognitive changes brought by education do not increase nonlinearly. Doctor's education time is 2.5 times that of undergraduates, and doctor's level is 2.5 times that of undergraduates? About 250 times.
Many people give up self-education after graduating from college. As everyone knows, this is the time to really start education. Because, at this time, you have the ability to choose the education you need, not to be imposed. College is only four years. And a person who continues to insist on self-education after work will spend forty or sixty years studying. How do you compare with others?
Education is more important to the attribute of human soul, and education shapes human soul.
Soul growth is more like the essential attribute of human beings, and the other two seem to serve the soul. In the Journey to the West, it is called "Heart", and the Monkey King's most powerful role is called "Heart Ape", and he goes to the western "Lingshan" to learn from the scriptures (heart and heart are the same). The "heart" controls the body and identity, and the soul is the person itself. Since the birth of the soul, with the babbling of children, its essential attribute is lifelong growth.
Our education determines our soul. The little Panchen Lama who received Tibetan Buddhism education in Tibetan temples, the little untouchable who received caste education in Indian slums, the little monk who received Catholic education in the Vatican, the primary school students who received atheism education in China, and the tribal children who naturally grew up in the tropical rain forest all have different thoughts and spirits. Is it because their original souls are different? No, their education is different.
Adults stop self-education, which limits the growth of the soul, and things that go against nature will not be happy. Adults can choose their own education, that is, they can choose the direction of their own soul growth. The soul determines who we are. Our choice of education determines our soul.
Education can also make the soul enjoy loneliness. An uneducated soul gets bored easily. If you have no money, you should be busy with your work, because you have no time to relax and suffer. With money, you can stop working and relax every day, but you are miserable because of boredom, so you squander your money on alleviating boredom. As a result, the rich second generation, who were rich and free together, was sent to prison by pornography and gambling.
The essence of loneliness is just being with your own soul. The reason why you feel bored is because you can't stand your empty soul. A soul without depth is so boring that it can't stand it.
Therefore, people who stop self-education will not be happy even if they have money.
Finally, accept the fact that you are not smart enough.
The most valuable wisdom in life is often simple and unchangeable for thousands of years. The wisdom in The Analects of Confucius still applies to most people today, but how many people in ancient and modern China and abroad can fully do it?
Wang Yangming said: knowing without doing is not true knowledge. What we usually call "knowing" is actually the same as knowing these words after reading my answers. Without life experience, especially unforgettable setbacks and pains, it is impossible to really "know". Knowing and doing are one thing.
Many people often regret their past lack of wisdom, suffer from their present lack of wisdom, and worry about their future lack of wisdom. Actually, it's not necessary One of the manifestations of human wisdom is to know that human "wisdom" is limited.
Even Confucius, a saint, was interested in learning at the age of fifteen, and only at the age of seventy could he "do whatever he wants without overstepping the bounds".
The arrival of human soul on the earth is a process of growth through exploration. If you know every plot of a movie by heart, don't you feel bored watching it? If you know all the pits in each level of a game and can easily pass through it, won't you throw up when you play?
A Dream of Red Mansions is also called A Dream of Red Mansions. Yu Shi in Goddess of Mending Heaven saw a monk and two immortals passing by and begged to take them to the world of mortals. The immortal said, "There is nothing in the world of mortals except the word" fly in the ointment, how easy it is to grind ". In the end, it is better not to go. "
Hearing this, the stone became more energetic and insisted on asking. The fairy said, "You are smart, but you are stupid." Forget it, since you are stupid, let me help you. So the stone went to the gentle and rich township. As a result, as the fairy really said, "There is a fly in the ointment, so it needs more grinding", but it is still empty.
However, before leaving, the stone is a stone; After leaving, are stones still stones?
Every one of us is that stupid stone. If you are really smart, you shouldn't be reborn on the earth at all. The purpose of coming to earth is to see how stupid you really are and to be smart when you leave.
Throughout the ages, including your parents, I don't know how many people have been stupid, and they have left many similar "suggestions". These suggestions are as incomprehensible as the fairy's advice to the stone. It's troublesome to really understand-boring.
Go to the world silly, personally starring in a "stone". When you are old, wipe a handful of bitter tears and leave a bunch of "full of absurd words" that they don't understand.
This is life: a fly in the ointment, how easy it is to grind. Wisdom or no wisdom; More wisdom or less wisdom. It's a great surprise to be able to visit.