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? In this extroverted society, introverted and sensitive people seem to suffer everywhere. They are shy, shy, quiet and unsociable. Our social culture is also sparing no effort to promote extroversion. For example, parents told us to "take the initiative and make more friends"; The teacher told us that "in order to get good grades, we must speak actively in class"; Stepping into the society, nine out of ten people will say "we must actively participate in activities and expand our contacts".
? I have been an introverted girl since I was a child, which is in sharp contrast with my second sister, who is cheerful, outgoing and smart. Of course, my second sister is lovable. Introverts are usually considered ungrateful and insecure. When I was in high school, I once created a history of not saying a word to my classmates all day. Once, I took my daughter to Zhengzhou to participate in a speech contest in Henan Province. By the way, I contacted my high school classmates I haven't seen for years. She and her husband are both my classmates. The male students were busy and didn't come out. His mind is still the image of the school. He said to my wife, "I wonder if she is still so introverted." How can she be a teacher? "
For a long time, many people think that extroversion is a necessity on the road to success. Only by actively participating in activities, expressing yourself enthusiastically and expanding contacts can we be seen by more people and get more opportunities. So, how can introverts have success and happiness?
? The author of Highly Sensitive Introverts is Sylvia Loken, who is a doctor of linguistics and a senior corporate trainer. She has been engaged in teaching and research for many years in the German Academic Exchange Consulting Center. Because of these unique work experiences, she has a strong interest in personality research. Since 2003, she began to provide consulting services for the specific group of "introverts". Over the years, Sylvia has witnessed many introverts succeed step by step, including business and scientific leaders, as well as social workers, freelancers and other people from all walks of life.
Many successful people are also introverted, such as Einstein, Bill Gates, Buffett, Haruki Murakami and other social elites. Moreover, the author Sylvia is also an introverted and sensitive person. She turned disadvantages into advantages and wrote in her own time. Her series of "Personality Psychology in Life" works, such as Introversion Beyond sensitive person, Personality Puzzlement and Introversion Psychology, have all become bestsellers and are well received by readers.
? First, introversion and extroversion are just personality preferences, regardless of good or bad.
? In daily life, we often use introversion or extroversion to describe a person's personality. If a person is lively, cheerful and expressive, we say that he is extroverted; If a person likes quiet and doesn't like talking, we say he is introverted. However, when it comes to introverted personality, people associate it with shy, quiet, sensitive and unsociable words, especially in society, introverted people are often rejected or discriminated against.
? In fact, the essential difference between introverted personality and extroverted personality lies in the different sources of energy. Extroverts mainly get energy from the external environment, such as communicating with people, participating in activities and talking. They need to keep in touch with the outside world to stay energetic. Introverts get energy mainly from the inside, such as thinking alone or reading books. Long-term social activities will make them consume a lot of energy and even make them want to run away. Because of the different energy sources, extroverts like to seek a lot of external stimuli, which leads to their thinking jumping. They like to get together and make friends. They want to dabble in everything because they are eager to get more information from the outside world. Introverts, on the other hand, like to think alone and enjoy quiet leisure. They like to focus on one thing. Sometimes, sitting quietly for an afternoon with a cup of coffee and a book is a great satisfaction for them. Therefore, their concentration is stronger, and they are more inclined to dig deep in a certain field and make achievements.
? Personality is actually a bit like a spring, and everyone has their own length. But this spring can be stretched. When stimulated by the outside world, everyone will show different lengths, and when the outside stimulus is lost, the spring will return to its original state. Introversion is the natural state when spring is not stimulated, but it does not mean that its length is shorter than others. As long as you meet the right time, you can also show different States. As Sylvia, the author, said, "Introverted personality just constitutes the advantages of introverts. For example, they seem timid, but they are cautious and can avoid more risks; They seem to be unsociable, but actually prefer one-on-one effective communication; It seems that they are not good at teamwork, but in fact a quiet environment can stimulate their strong creativity. Therefore, introverted personality is not a shortcoming but an advantage. "
Secondly, introverts have five typical advantages.
1, introverted people are more creative.
Most introverts like to work and think alone, which is a necessary condition to stimulate creativity. For introverts with high sensitivity, the quiet atmosphere when they are alone is like a nutrient solution for creativity, which provides introverts with a space for divergent thinking. There, they can stay away from all chaotic thoughts and external interference, concentrate on things or explore inward, and gain new strength from their hearts. For example, the famous musician Beethoven, who likes walking very much, often stays alone in nature. Many times, his musical inspiration comes from such a quiet and comfortable moment. Another example is Japanese best-selling author Haruki Murakami, who also likes to be alone. Every morning, he gets up early and runs for an hour. When running, he enjoys the beautiful scenery around him while focusing on the content of the novel of the day, which is a kind of physical and mental enjoyment for him.
The beauty of being alone is self-evident. In a quiet and leisurely environment, introverts with high sensitivity can get rid of external interference, listen to their inner voices, and get a steady stream of energy to help them think better, thus stimulating more creativity, which is what extroverts lack.
? 2. Introverts are more cautious and can predict and avoid risks more accurately.
For example, introverts with high sensitivity always think about all possible things in advance, estimate the existing risks in advance and think about solutions in advance. When there are sudden conflicts and mistakes, they can immediately come up with prepared solutions to deal with them. Caution and preparation in advance are the magic weapons of sensitive introverts. The data shows that this sense of crisis and the habit of preparing in advance can help them avoid many unnecessary mistakes, which is also the reason why many successful people are introverted. They are always more cautious and comprehensive, so that things are not easy to get out of control and are closer to success.
? Introverts with high sensitivity tend to be much more cautious in dealing with people. When entering a new environment, they will not immediately befriend others, but wait, keep a polite distance, carefully observe other people's personalities and then start to act. Therefore, sensitive introverts seem to be warming up slowly, just because they have a particularly strong demand for security. However, although caution is an advantage of introverts, the amygdala, the fear center of their brain, is relatively more sensitive than others and may cause excessive stress or fear. You know, fear can inhibit creativity, which is exactly one of the advantages of introverts with high sensitivity.
So, what should we do when the highly sensitive introverts fall into the predicament of fear?
First of all, you can take a deep breath and temporarily relieve the strong emotions caused by fear.
Then, you need to consciously think about what you are afraid of, and never use escape to paralyze yourself. Fear is not a person's weakness, but the basis of new things.
Second, pull out the teeth of fear. That is, to express your emotions in another way. When you are afraid, you can say "I'm a little excited now" or "I'm a little nervous", but never say "I'm afraid". By linking fear with other words, the motivation of fear can be effectively weakened. Of course, you can also imagine the worst result, and then keep asking yourself, and then what? When you ask it three or four times, you will find that the result is not so terrible.
? Finally, thoroughly solve the source of fear. We should focus on specific actions and carefully weigh what to do first, then what to do, and then what to do. When you concentrate on what you should do, your heart can slowly calm down your fears and stop being hindered by them.
? 3, more focused.
A study in the United States in 20 13 showed that 80% of the employees interviewed in12,000 said that they could not concentrate for a long time at work. This is not surprising at all. In this era of rapid information development, people can get a huge amount of information from a small smart phone, and we are easily attracted by some entertainment gossip. Therefore, the current lifestyle makes it more difficult to concentrate. Fortunately, introverts with high sensitivity perform better than extroverts, although they also have the problem of insufficient concentration.
Why are introverts more focused? First of all, they like to think alone, just like doing more exercise can exercise their muscles. The more they think, the better the area of the brain responsible for concentration is exercised. Moreover, compared with extroverts, they enjoy the pleasure of concentrated thinking and are less likely to feel tired. Secondly, the reward center in the brains of highly sensitive introverts is not very active, and they don't need much external feedback. Unlike extroverts, they tend to be distracted immediately because of a little stimulation. Although introverts with high concentration sometimes pay too much attention to details, which leads to slow progress, this problem can be solved as long as they can consciously use and control it. Fourth, introverts with high sensitivity have strong emotional ability. Highly sensitive introverts have a more developed nervous system than ordinary people, which means that they can pay attention to many important details and are more sensitive to the needs of others.
After years of application, this ability has formed a powerful emotional ability. Because of this, highly sensitive people are more empathetic and can put themselves in others' shoes. On the other hand, they are also more likely to gain the trust and praise of others and establish good close relationships.
4. Highly sensitive introverts are better at listening.
Because of the structural characteristics of neurons, they are often busy getting and sorting out information, so they often play the role of listeners in daily communication. They can feel the subtle differences between the speakers' words and hear the implication. This ability, whether in private life or in the workplace, is very much needed.
Well, this is the second point we are going to talk about today: the creativity, caution and concentration of highly sensitive introverts can help them improve their core competitiveness. And super emotional ability and listening ability can help introverted and sensitive people to establish high-quality interpersonal relationships.
Third, how should highly sensitive introverts have a happy life?
? The author points out that the key to a happy life is to cultivate self-esteem. Self-esteem is our perception of our own value and a deep sense of faith. It makes us believe in ourselves and affirm our value.
For introverts with high sensitivity, although they have many advantages, they sometimes fall into a vicious circle of self-denial. For example, they have achieved some excellent results, but they feel that this is just luck; For another example, they will try new challenges only if their own conditions meet the requirements. The root of these performances actually has a lot to do with their growing environment. Many highly sensitive introverts did not pay enough attention to their own needs in childhood, and often compared with extroverts when they grew up, which further prompted introverts to belittle themselves and not recognize their abilities, thus ignoring and suppressing their real psychological needs. Many times, they will feel that even if they put forward their own needs, they will be ignored, attacked and even insulted by others. In order to avoid these risks, introverts will feel that if I don't expect and express my true thoughts, there will be no pain and disappointment.
If we always refuse our inner desires, we will feel inferior, dare not step out of our comfort zone and get farther and farther away from our dreams. In fact, the external evaluation is not that important at all. Psychologist Zhan Sen Dopff once pointed out that what others think of us in our eyes is actually a projection of our inner thoughts. In other words, these views are not necessarily true, but probably just our imagination. To overcome this problem, we must first improve our self-esteem, learn to give ourselves value and respect our needs, so that others will love you, respect you and recognize your value.
Then, how should we cultivate the self-esteem of introverts with low self-esteem?
First of all, learn to live consciously. No matter what we do, we should reflect on our present situation and try to live soberly in the present. As introverts, many people are good at analysis and independent thinking, so we must make use of our own advantages and live consciously.
? Second, accept who you really are. Accepting ourselves is an important condition for us to give ourselves a sense of value. When we fully agree with ourselves and recognize ourselves, we will believe in our own value and improve our self-confidence.
Sensitive introverts tend to have strong self-criticism. They may often ask themselves: How can they become outgoing and lively? Although they ask these questions in order to become better, they all show an idea: I am not good now, I want to be someone else. Pay attention to the advantages of others, but ignore your own advantages. In fact, introverts with high sensitivity can be excellent without extroversion at all. They just need to affirm their introverted personality, give full play to their advantages and become better themselves.
In addition to consciously living, accepting the true self, the last point of cultivating self-esteem is to stick to yourself. This means that even if you encounter more obstacles, you should stick to your wishes and needs and maintain your positive values. However, it is very difficult for many introverts, especially when they have conflicts of interest with others, they will be under great pressure and sometimes even give up expressing their needs.
Each of us should take the initiative to choose the one that suits us best and is most likely to make us happy. Only in this way can you be truly happy. If you want to practice this, you can start with small things and gradually improve your requirements. For example, put forward the opposite but valid point of view in the meeting, or refuse a friend's request to borrow money, and so on. Slowly, your self-confidence will increase day by day until you can bravely stick to your own ideas.
Introverted and sensitive people must believe in their own strength and happiness is in their own hands. In the future life, we should consciously change, bravely stick to our own views, take advantage of introverted personality, continue to act and become a better self.