Poor projection identification can easily immerse both parties in a "pseudo-intimate relationship".
By bringing this phenomenon into the relationship between two people in the plot, we can see why this relationship is always caught in an inexplicable entanglement.
The first projection: similar people can fall in love.
Singularity begins with a crossword puzzle, Joandi. Whether the singularity is intentional or random, it is a mistake. This game was her favorite when she was growing up in an orphanage, so this way made Andy feel more intimate. A misunderstanding began, misunderstanding how there is another self who is so similar to himself in this world.
Similar selves may come from similar childhood experiences, so when Andy first exposed his childhood to the singularity, he subconsciously considered this. Andy's childhood was lonely, because talented people were regarded as heterogeneous, and he had to rely on this to dispel the loneliness without small partners.
Singularity plays crossword puzzles not because it has the same experience as Andy, but because it is a romantic routine that men pursue for women, and it also tests whether Andy's IQ is on the same channel with himself. He thinks that if Andy is a person who matches his IQ, some conventional pursuit methods will definitely not impress her, but these are just singular views. Singularity covers up inner inferiority with its own advantages. I think without these advantages, some types of women can't be moved by external conditions and others, and only people who are similar to themselves can understand themselves. This is a starting point of inferiority and narcissism. As a guide, Singularity brings Andy into a similar narcissism, because Andy does have this advantage, although this advantage is not her only advantage. After they reached the knowledge of * * * here, they were all immersed in narcissistic fantasies.
The second projection: the patient needs to be loved.
After Andy exposed his orphan's life story naked, Singularity was actually shocked. However, Singularity doesn't know that Andy exposes himself in this way, in fact, in order to dispel Singularity's guard. Andy did this the first time he hid his name from Singularity. She told Singularity that her screen name and real name were Andy, and Singularity didn't realize it, but she felt that Andy was wary of herself. It seems a bit indecent to continue the romantic routine at this time, so Singularity feels that she can't spell IQ. He showed self-righteous emotional intelligence. Singularity is still working hard for this relationship, just forgetting how to love. Obviously, Andy's childhood was not single. It's really hard to empathize, but Singularity insists on this "identity". Andy said he might be "sick", and Singularity's obvious answer was "You are normal and smart." In behavior, he became Andy's doctor, instructing Andy how to fall in love like a "normal person". When I kiss, I have to tell you what I want to do now Damn it, do what you want. Need to explain the original needs of wild humans? Singularity has seized the role of doctor many times, desperately chasing Andy to the source of "illness" (without asking Andy whether to abandon her father, she took the initiative to arrange to meet him, thinking it was a surprise). If Andy wants to maintain this relationship, he can only play the patient. Andy is tired several times, and the rejection of those limbs is actually the rejection of the role of "patient". Unfortunately, the singularity is getting deeper and deeper in role identity.
The third projection: I can love you without weakness.
In the eyes of Singularity, Andy is a blank sheet of paper, and his own experience must be far above her. In order to love her, he should not only play her "doctor", but also play her "consultant" of human nature. The most important thing is to cultivate her ability to face the cruel reality like herself. But Singularity forgets that he is not perfect, and he will get hurt. There is a small detail in the film that Andy asked Singularity when he was in the orphanage: Did his behavior hurt Singularity, but Singularity didn't show anything. Although Singularity wanted to get rid of Andy, he couldn't take off his guard. Andy had no chance at all, so he had to cooperate passively again.
Singularity is a habit to help Andy analyze everyone around him when there are many people. Whenever someone tries to break Andy's habitual defense, Singularity stands in front of her. Everything was well protected, and Andy was weakened like Singularity's daughter, so Andy called Singularity "idol", which made Andy more passive and lost his vitality in this relationship. Singularity gradually assumed the experience that Andy should have experienced and grown up by himself, and cultivated Andy's irresponsibility. Singularity often emphasizes that it is affordable and infinitely tolerant of Andy, and slowly accumulates subconscious pain and dissatisfaction.
This unconscious backlog will eventually erupt. Although the plot has not yet reached that explosion point, it is not far from that point.
No one is perfect in intimate relationships.
No one is perfect, no matter Andy or Singularity, the exchange of real needs and dissatisfaction is the virtuous circle of the relationship. Andy doesn't need another old tan around him. He is a bosom friend who communicates with each other, not a partner who integrates with each other.
Although projective identity will cause misjudgment, if it is discovered in time, the relationship can still be corrected. This includes realizing in time that this person is not as beautiful as you think, that you don't love this person, or that this person is not so annoying. In the following story, you will see the arrogant package manager. Andy had a "projected identity" with him at first, and this "identity" was also biased, but later it became clear that this person was not so bad and they got together.
The failure of Singularity is that he has been struggling in the dark and finally met Andy in the dark, eager to hold a group to keep warm, but forgot to light a lamp first to look at Andy's expression carefully. If Andy really wants to ask him for help because of his psychological problems, the premise is that Andy is willing. Even so, he can only ask a professional consultant to solve Andy's psychological problems, instead of going into battle shirtless without knowing the depth, and eventually being provoked by himself in the dark, with heavy losses.
Many times, our love and care for a person is not because the other person or ourselves is perfect, but because of the fragile inner desire for * * * and attention.