The first thought after reading the book was, why didn't Fang Siqi tell her mother after so many things happened?
But this is actually a false proposition, and Fang Siqi did tell her mother about it.
When Fang Siqi was violated, she once said to her mother:
Fang Siqi went to high school in despair and lived with Li Guohua. But she also thought it was not good, so she mentioned it to her mother again.
Obviously, this is ineffective communication.
Some people say that what Fang Siqi said is too obscure. Why didn't she make it clear?
This involves the next question:
This is the name of another book, the full name is "how to say, children will listen;" How to listen, the child will say.
It is mentioned that an important principle of intimate communication is to understand children's emotions and accept them. Only in this way can children be willing to communicate with you.
In Fang Siqi's family life, there has never been the role of "father". It can be understood that the burden of family communication falls on the mother alone.
But from the above communication, we can see that this mother cares about right and wrong, moral evaluation, and she has never paid attention to her children's emotions. It can also be said that she never paid attention to the children at all, and even condemned them all the time.
As can be seen from the above, in daily communication, Fang Siqi's mother also ignores her children. Every time there is communication, both sides are not on the same latitude:
After this situation has accumulated, children are increasingly afraid to tell their parents what happens every day, because there is no encouragement, no acceptance, only evaluation and condemnation.
When a child can't bear a big event, he should mention it lightly in a way that seems to be a third party. This is a temptation. Look at mother's attitude. If mother can accept it, say more. If not, stop here.
But the mother's reaction was obviously not what Fang Siqi expected, so she stopped talking.
So we can see that it's not that Fang Siqi didn't tell her mother, but that the way her mother listened to her children made them unwilling to talk.
So, let's go back to Fang Siqi's first question:
Please note that we directly ignore the question of whether families need sex education. Apparently, they do.
What we care about is what kind of sex education we need.
In this regard, we must recommend Professor Hu Ping's Understanding Virginity, Growth and Sex. The former is for parents, and the latter is for children or parents.
When understanding virginity, Professor Hu Ping has a very important point:
Sex education begins with the birth of a child. If parents do well, your child will talk to you about every problem in sexual cognition. If parents don't do well and don't have enough respect, understanding and acceptance, children will learn from places other than their parents, which obviously increases the probability of being violated.
Of course, these problems also have an important principle:
What should I do if I didn't do it well in the early stage?
Don't worry, children's growth is in stages. Problems that can't be solved in the previous stage will appear in the next paragraph, as long as you notice:
In children's world, the first thing is to pay attention to yourself, not to care about right or wrong. Children's attitude towards right and wrong is imposed by parents and teachers.
In other words, many times children do something abnormal just for their own needs. If parents can pay attention at this time, put aside right and wrong and judge, and just listen and not accept, it is possible to communicate effectively and then find problems, then the abnormal behavior of children will disappear.
Take the Fang Siqi case as an example. Obviously, the mother didn't tell her children anything about sex. At this time, Fang Siqi took the initiative to ask these questions, which is an abnormal behavior and a cry about her own problems.
As a result, Mrs. Fang blindly evaluated and condemned, and the last opportunity was missed.
Time flies, and you will eventually be a parent. Are you ready?
(End)