Ask five people for funny sketches about the draft

Original sketch script manuscript release date: February 28, 2007 14: 10: 03 page views: 960  No.1 Intermediate People's Court 2007 Spring Festival Gala dialect comedy sketch manuscript (created by the research office of No.1 Intermediate People's Court) Stage props left: 1. Sofa, coffee table (with telephone attached), right chair: desk, office chair, folder (with some paper attached) Stage figure Jia Xiaoyu: female, 30 years old, general manager of the company, mature, dignified and independent; Secretary Li: Female, young, beautiful and fashionable; Jia Fu: cheerful, peaceful and henpecked; Jia mu: pungent, strict and autocratic; Lin: Male, 38 years old, handsome, chic and lively. The curtain of the play was opened and the stage was lit up by lights. Secretary Li accompanied Mr. Jia to work with his briefcase. Secretary Li hummed and cleaned the sofa, coffee table, etc. , and then stretched himself and yawned. Li Mi: Oh, Mr. Jia, recently your mother's old man made a "first love" for you, which made my brain grow big. Manager Jia: That's my privacy, the one that told you to make it public to the society and the media. Li Mi: But your mother's old man is holding my expenses every day, which makes me afraid to answer the phone and report to you all day. (At this moment, the phone rang and Li Mi got a fright. She is afraid to answer the phone. ) Mr. Jia: Answer it and tell him I'm not here. Li Mi: Hello, Manager Jia said she is not in. No, no, no (changed to Mandarin, delicate voice) Hello, this is March 8 information consulting company, which provides you with eight aspects of information such as "buying lottery tickets to catch rape, men and women getting married and having children". I don't know which one suits you. Jia Fu: (voice behind the scenes) It's a mess. Who are you? I, I'm Li (your) secretary. Jia Fu: (Trump, angry) Who are you? Can you speak Chongqing dialect? Li Mi: (Chongqing dialect) It's a company policy. I'm, I'm Li, the secretary of General Jia's office. Did the old man get it? (loudly answers) Jia Mu: (behind the scenes) Hey hey, sister, don't talk nonsense. That was my dad just now. You are secretary Li of March 8th Company, right? Li Mi: Yes, what do you want to consult? (Very impatient) Jia Mu: I want to ask about your super money order. Li Mi: Do you want to sign up? Are you good enough? (Disdainful tone) Jia Mu: (Angry) Sign up, sign up for what, sign up for a shovel! I am the examiner of this competition, my old man is the assistant examiner, and your manager Jia is only the director. If you don't do well, I'll fire you. Li Mi: (suddenly realize, exclaim) Oh, I'm sorry; Wow, I'm really sorry. So it's Uncle Jia and Aunt Jia. Jia Mu: Don't arrest me. Tell me about the work in the previous stage. Li Mi: (nervously) Go get it, go get it, right away, right away. Candidates, as of 0: 00, 0: 00 and 0: 00 last night, * * statistics 17 batches 1799 people. (Proud) After my means and strict preliminary examination, 37 people met the requirements. Jia Mu: No, it must reach the predetermined number of 38 people, otherwise, the procedure is illegal. Our son's lifelong event must not be sloppy. This 37, 37, separated, sounds unlucky. You can't be careless Li Mi: Yes, yes, if you have difficulties, you should go, even if you have no difficulties and create difficulties. Oh, no, no, we're in trouble. We won't go without it. Okay, okay, bye, bye. (hangs up the phone, sighs, and collapses on the sofa without saying a word) Manager Jia: Secretary Li, Secretary Li (nobody answers), (touching Secretary Li's head) What's the matter? Are you sick or taking the wrong medicine? Hey, who was on the phone just now? Li Mi: (suddenly stands up) Ah! That was the phone call of the examiner and the assistant examiner just now. Wow! General manager Jia: (angrily) crazy, worrying blindly. (Turning to the audience) I tell you that our teacher Jia always forgets to play with his friends in order to do great things after graduation. In the blink of an eye, he was covered with 30 laps of skin. Her mother was anxious and dragged her to pair up everywhere. Those stupid and precious things were all PK by her. As a result, the two old people used their quick wits to make the first move, an open draft. Ah, what conditions do you ask? It's very simple: first, height1.8m, weight 168, age 38, all you want is good luck; Second, single and unmarried, able to sing and dance, talented and beautiful; Third, the appearance should have the ability to sink fish and fall geese, and the appearance of being ashamed of flowers is closed, because our general manager Jia is just so-so, ranking third in the country. Hello, comrades, friends, uncles and aunts. If you meet the requirements, please register at the scene quickly. High salary and attractive prizes! Our advertising slogan is: The story of the people is told by the people, and everyone chooses his goal. Li Mi: Pay attention to it, see it, and those who want to sign up will come on stage. Bao Xiao: (Voice behind the scenes) This is the first time I have been touched. Which turtle rich boy is in the beauty contest again? I'll tell you when I put on makeup. (Dressed as a man, she goes on stage while talking) I change, I change, I change. (Modeling) I am a big S, but I can still catch up with Sister Furong! Li Mi: Is there anyone else who hasn't signed up? Bao Xiao: I hug, I hug, I hug. Li Mi: Welcome, sir. Wow, what are you pretending? We chose a tough guy, not a super girl. Bao Xiao: Oh, my girl, this is what you want. You should have said it earlier, which made me scream and make some orchid fingers. I'm choking. I'm a man, standing on a pine tree. Li Mi: Ah, you are Jie Fangbei Zhong. You don't swing it. I think it is necessary. Here, fill it out first. Bao Xiao: Oh, OK! (Fill in the form and give it to Secretary Li) Please keep it safe. Li Mi: OK, OK, OK. PK will start right away. Wait in the waiting room. (Bao Xiao turns to the background and hands the watch to Mr. Jia) Well, Mr. Jia, this man is really a once-in-a-century experience. Manager Jia: (glancing at it and signing it) Take it to my mother's old man. Li Mi: (on the phone) Hey, report to the examiner that the number of applicants has reached 38. You can start the exam. What? Come here right away! Okay, okay, go get it! Go get it! (Jia Fu and Jia Mu hold roses in their hands) Jia Mu: (Singing) Today, I choose my son-in-law, and I want to be my father-in-law ... (Li Mi greets me and Jia Mu competes for the position of examiner) Jia Mu: Dead old man, throw away the money. Jia Fu: Easy, old woman! Li Mi: The examiner and the deputy examiner are invited to conduct a public examination of the applicants. Jia's parents: (turning over several forms) This one is too thin, this one is too fat, this culture is too low, and this major is not very good (constantly throwing the form aside), (suddenly staring at Form 38) Oh, okay, okay, take this 38. Li Mi: (shouting) March 8th, March 8th. General Manager Jia: (angry) Secretary Li, he has three dads and four dads. His name is Lin, No.38. Li Mi: Oh, right, right, right. No.38 player Lin goes on stage. Bao Xiao: Report, contestant No.38 has come to the competition. Examiner, examiner, director and audience sit down. Jia's parents: OK, please sit down. Jia Mu: (Trump imitates the leader's speech) Hello, contestant No.38, welcome to this interview. There are three simple questions in this interview. Please think carefully and answer them. First question, please make a one-minute campaign speech. Bao Xiao: I'm contestant No.38 Lin. I am healthy and handsome. I have no wife and no house. I have excellent quality, survival of the fittest, and extraordinary ability of eugenics and optimal combination. Answer over. Jia Fu: Correct answer, plus 10. Jia Mu: No, (referring to Jia Fu) for violating discipline, add 20 points. Jia Mu: (Trump) The second question, please sing and answer, and now the assistant examiner will ask questions. Jia Fu: Where do the contestants live and who do they live with? Bao Xiao: (singing) My family lives on a high loess slope. The sun shines through the hillside, on my cave, on my arm, and my cow follows me. Jia Fu (pulls Jia Fu away): (angrily throws off his hand and sits back) Wrong answer, deducted 10. Jia Mu: Full of live singing, correct answer, plus 20 points. The director has any new questions, only once. Manager Jia: (Mandarin) Yes. Excuse me, player, what is your favorite hobby? Bao Xiao: (Singing) I'm used to seeing the spring breeze of autumn moon, and a pot of turbid wine is happy to meet, so how many people laugh at all times. Jia Fu: The answer is just what I want. Add 20 points General manager Jia: unfair judgment, typical drunkard consciousness, deduction 10. Jia Mu: Overruled. In view of the old man's love, there is no one at home to accompany him to eat and drink. The answer to this question is also correct, add 30 points. Jia Fu: Clap your hands and say "happy, good, comfortable, comfortable". Jia Mu: (pulling Jia Fu's ear) Concentrate and listen to the instructions. Jia Mu: (Trump) Last question, the dance talent show, please show your love to the person you love through dancing. Bao Xiao: Tell the examiner that I need a female partner, otherwise it will be difficult to show it. Li Mi: Report to the examiner. I can afford it. Jia Mu: Sit down! Is this a family matter, or will the examiner handle a wrench himself? Jia fu: old woman, gnome male-",you old arm and leg, be careful of a shot! Jia Mu: Old, am I old? Jia Fu: I think you are just like Granny Liu. Jia Mu: (angrily tugging at Jia Fu's ear and turning around) Does anyone still appreciate people like you? Hmm! Manager Jia: That's good, that's good. The director thinks I can shoulder the heavy responsibility of fighting against Korea. Jia Mu: Son, honey, be careful not to get burned. Don't be fooled by him. Ok, the game is officially started. (Bao Xiao jumps with Jia and Jia Fu, and Secretary Li reminds them to return to the examiner's seat. Jia Fu: One is a crow flying in the sky, and the other is a yellow dog chasing on the ground. Okay, okay, I'll give him 20 points. Jia Mu: What are you talking about? They were made in the sky and on the ground. Add 30 points. General manager Jia: (dancing and watching affectionately) crooked! (Mandarin) He is Yun and I am Yue; He is Feng, and I am Liu. I'm looking forward to chasing the moon. What I need is the wind blowing willow. I want him. I want to give him 40 points. Jia Fu: OK, OK, we all aim at it, that's him. Jia Mu: I see, I see. If you agree with the director, add 40 points. Please be seated. Jia Mu: (Very excited, Chongqing dialect) Next, I will announce the results of this super show on behalf of my children's grandparents, grandparents, seven aunts and eight aunts, and Wang Ermazi next door. No.38 player Lin finally became the champion of this draft with 250 points. Finally, please all stand up and applaud the acceptance speech of contestant No.38. Bao Xiao: (Trump) I'm so excited, so excited. (takes out a tissue to wipe tears) I really don't know what to say. At this moment, on behalf of Huangnibang People's Commune and in my own name, I would like to thank the examiner, the deputy examiner, the director and the audience present for giving me this stage to show myself, my colleagues for their warm help, and especially the leaders for their training. Finally, I want to sincerely thank my Tang Ke for their strong support for my participation in this draft. Thank you all. Thank you. Manager Jia, father Jia, mother Jia, etc. Ah, it turned out to be parallel imports, so climb quickly. (curtain call)