As the first threshold of marriage, we need to examine trust. If both sides don't trust each other, the result is obvious. Both sides will only consider the problem from their own perspective and strive for the maximization of their own interests. They will not empathize with each other, but will only calculate each other.
When it comes to marriage, the most feared thing is calculation. One party's calculation will affect the purity of marriage and hurt the feelings of both parties.
Calculation will have a profound and lasting impact on marriage. Even if it ends with one party's compromise and tolerance, married life will still be full of unstable factors, which may not last long.
What you get for calculation is calculation. Don't expect the other person to give you sincerity. When you start to calculate each other, the other party will give back the calculation. In mutual calculation, the meaning of marriage will no longer exist. Getting married or not getting married will be a tragedy for both sides.
If you really want to get married, Yan Fang hopes that everyone can think and reflect on this issue, don't be too selfish, don't take yourself too seriously, and can seek their own interests, but not on the condition of harming the other party's interests. A marriage that loses trust, a marriage that can't empathize with others, and the result it will face will all be a farce of penny wise and pound foolish.
At present, you may think it's right, but looking back later, you will eventually find how stupid you were when you defended yourself. It's really not worth missing a beautiful marriage.
In the marriage discussion between Mr. Liao and his girlfriend, the calculation of the woman's family made him feel distrustful and hurt. In addition to being angry, he also used more extreme methods, responding to calculations with calculations, playing games and killing each other. Nowadays, the situation is becoming more and more dangerous, and marriage may not be concluded.
But he told me this, not to save it, but to tell more people with his story. When it comes to marriage, don't be cautious, and don't think you are extremely smart. When you start to calculate, you must understand the consequences you have to bear. You will lose the other person's high regard for you and lose your preciousness. From the moment you start to calculate, the original fate begins to change.
Mr. Liao is 28 years old and was born in an ordinary family. His father is a construction worker and his mother is a supermarket salesman. They are all honest people.
Teacher Liao is also simple and honest, and his grades in school are average. He has always been a middle school student in his class. After graduating from high school, he was admitted to an ordinary university. Like many people, he had no ideal and spent four years of graduation. When he graduated, he suddenly realized that he had no advantage and could not find a good job. After staying in a big city for more than a year, he returned to his hometown with the help of his parents.
Mr. Liao's mother used to grow fruit trees and sell them. With the help of his mother, Mr. Liao was basically not frustrated by many novices at the beginning of his business. This shop has been open for several years now. Although fruit shops have sprung up like mushrooms after rain, compared with Mr. Liao's previous business, it is not the only one, but with reasonable prices and good service attitude, it has accumulated a number of repeat customers, and the business is still very stable.
Now, Mr. Liao has made a little progress in his career, and his parents are beginning to worry about Mr. Liao's marriage. Mr Liao has a girlfriend who has been together for two years. She is a local girl introduced by the matchmaker. Her home is basically suitable for Mr. Liao's. Her parents run a small restaurant. As the only child in the family, this girl is very popular with her parents. After graduating from college, she returned to her hometown like Mr. Liao because of her hard work. But the girl's family is not in a hurry to help her find a job, but is anxious to arrange a marriage for her so that her daughter can enjoy it without hard work.
Now girls occasionally help in their own shops and occasionally visit Mr. Liao's fruit shop, which can basically be said to be unemployed. Although Mr. Liao wants to help his girlfriend find a leisure career and prevent her from doing nothing all day, the girl refuses to agree and doesn't want to go to work. Because of this incident, he said that Mr. Liao disliked her, quarreled several times, and then dropped it.
Now when it comes to marriage, the girl's family is unambiguous. It is said that her girl has been spoiled since she was a child. She can't bear hardships, can't do housework, and is very arrogant. I hope Mr. Liao's family can tolerate me.
This actually made Mr. Liao very unhappy at that time: "In fact, to put it bluntly, our family wants to treat his daughter as an ancestor. Don't make her tired and bitter. Marrying my daughter means letting her come to my house to be a housewife. Isn't that what it means? "
But Mr. Liao is an honest man after all. He complained and was unhappy, but after all, he had feelings for girls and finally put up with it. His parents also advised him that girls are generally like this now. The old couple helped him and reassured Mr. Liao.
Later, the girl's family asked for a bride price of180 thousand, and the local bride price of 10 thousand or so. 180,000 bride price is significantly higher than the local bride price standard, and the girl's family said that the bride price is a show, and most of them will be brought back in the end, which will reassure Mr. Liao's family.
Mr. Liao's family finally believed the woman's words, and they didn't want to guess each other maliciously, let alone doubt each other and create contradictions, which cast a shadow over the marriage that could have been happy.
However, the response of the woman's family made Mr. Liao completely lose his trust.
The girl's family did return a large part, but on what basis? This matter is going to talk about the wedding room of two people. It was originally agreed that the man's family would be responsible for the wedding room. As long as the address and apartment type of the wedding room are agreed with the woman, the man's family will make a down payment and the rest will be repaid by the man's parents. At first, the girl's family did not object to the result.
But when Mr. Liao's family gave the bride price to the girl's family, the girl's family changed her mind.
"This bride price money was originally agreed by our two families. After giving it, our family will return most of it. Now you can clearly tell your family that our family will return 10 million yuan as a bride price. "
In fact, this makes Mr. Liao very happy. He thought the woman was kind and did as she said, but what her parents said next made Mr. Liao unhappy anyway.
"However, this hundred thousand dollars is still paid. After all, your family gave us a bride price. After all, it's already our home, and it has nothing to do with yours, don't you think?
So this100000 should be regarded as our dowry for our daughter, and it is also a sign of sincerity to give it back to your family. We don't ask much, so we think it is reasonable to add our daughter's name to the wedding room. "
As soon as this was said, Mr. Liao ignited an anonymous fire in his heart: "What is reasonable? What do you mean by too much? Oh, with our family's money to invest in our house shares, we didn't spend a penny ourselves, making us think we still owe them. Our family should thank their family for their profound understanding of the great righteousness. This abacus is really loud. Are we all idiots? It is simply bullying honest people! "
Mr. Liao didn't have an attack, but the more he thought about it when he got home, the more angry he became. He felt very uncomfortable. After summing up with his parents, he decided decisively to pay the house down payment the next day before telling the woman.
"Our family summed it up. If I don't start now, I don't know if it will go up in the future, so I bought it immediately. This is the key to the house, and now Qian Qian has it. "
At first, the woman's family was quite happy, but when she learned that there was only one name in the family, the woman immediately became anxious.
"Our family also want to pay. Why do you say buy it? Why didn't you tell us? Why not add a name to the real estate license? "
Mr. Liao responded calmly: "Now the down payment is made by our family. This is an iron thing. It is not impossible to add a name. As long as your home has decoration money, the name will be added as usual. what do you think? I think this condition is also very reasonable. "
However, the woman's family directly and decisively refused, saying that Mr. Liao's family was too calculating. Buying a house in advance is simply to act first and then act, just to fix them up and resolutely not pay the decoration money.
Mr. Liao's family resolutely refused to pay for the renovation. The families of both sides were quarrelling as a bee, and no one would let go. The differences in the marriage room completely broke the trust established between the two sides and the relationship fell to freezing point. Now it seems that this marriage may not be possible, but Mr. Liao's performance is meaningless.
"Their family said that I was shrewd in calculation. Obviously, I was a good Samaritan and took a bite back. I used trust to calculate first, but in their family, which one used the bride price as a dowry and used it to buy shares in the wedding room? I'm really unhappy. Our family is honest, but it doesn't mean that our family doesn't understand right and wrong. Our family can't do such a shameful thing. If they do this, I will never reluctantly agree! "
It turned out that the man's house refused to add a name and let the woman decorate it. This man will be the target of public criticism. The woman's family also saw this and made a lot of noise. This is well known in the local area. But this time, smart people were not accused, but supported. Even Mr. Liao himself was surprised. He is ready to accept the blame, but everyone's eyes are sharp. Knowing the cause and effect, the woman became.
"The man's money into the man's house, not the kui is a businessman, too will beat around the bush, want me to see, this young man did a good job, you calculate the somebody else, they are not allowed to calculate you? I didn't do anything shameful, but I protected my own interests and didn't harm your family. If you don't want to marry, don't marry, and make a scene. This is great, makes people laugh, and is so smart! "
Now the woman's house is pointed at as soon as she goes out, her face is thrown on the ground by herself, she is trampled on, and she can't lift her head anywhere.
After listening to Mr. Liao's story, I really sympathize with that girl. What did I get in the end? The dead duck kills the egg, the marriage fails and the face is lost, which not only ruins the girl's happiness, but also damages the reputation of the whole family. What is this for?
Perhaps many people will think that the girl's family is as calculating as the local saying, but in fact, according to Mr. Liao, the girl's family condition is also good, and she is also an only child. She wants to calculate these things, perhaps not for the money, but for her daughter's family status, and seize the man's family from the beginning, so that the girl can live more smoothly in her husband's family in the future.
However, this kind of love for my daughter is really a bit too much. If you want to get the respect of the man's family, you can't desperately ask the man's family to pay more to make your daughter precious, nor can you rely on shrewd calculation.
Respect is mutual, and so is trust. If you really want girls to get respect, you should be more considerate of the man and his family.180,000 bride price can be less. Even if you want more, you should understand when you return it. This is the original agreement, or it should be. Make a fuss about the returned bride price and let the man return the favor to show your small pattern.
Moreover, even if the husband's family can accept the bride price as a share, according to Mr. Liao, the wedding room he prepared is very high-end, and the family paid more than 400,000 down payment, and the woman's family took/kloc-0.00 million to get the share of the wedding room, which was really unbearable.
Smart calculations end in nothing and are useless. Now, the woman should also understand what a stupid thing she has done.
No matter before marriage or after marriage, calculation is the most undesirable. Perhaps the other party will compromise, but in the face of unreasonable demands, the other party has every reason to refuse. If you can't afford such consequences, I advise you to be sincere and practical. For your own happiness, don't be too selfish, understand each other more and be less shrewd.
Many people think that it is difficult to talk about marriage and it is easy to have problems, but it is not all egoistic ghosts. You count, the other party counts. Can it be simple?
But from another perspective, both sides are honest with each other and are working hard for the happiness of the same nation. Is it still difficult to talk about marriage? I hope you can get rid of it, and then you will find that it is actually very simple to talk about marriage.