1. The ideal of longing for a happy marriage and the reality that it backfired.
Like everyone else, the first marriage I met was my parents'. However, what they brought me was not a positive influence-their marriage was terrible: they quarreled for three days, quarreled for five days, fought on holidays, divorced when something happened, changed dishes and chopsticks frequently, and the TV often broke down.
So when I fell in love, I decided not to lead my family like this. I hope my wife and I are close friends, and our children don't have to live in a tense family atmosphere.
Contrary to expectations, my girlfriend (now my wife) and I have been in love for less than two months, and an argument broke out. I find myself more and more like my father, easily angry and criticized, but she is like a creature from another world, which is completely incomprehensible.
For example, when we went to a party, my friend and I waited on the platform for 15 minutes, and she hasn't gone out yet. In order to avoid being late, I took a taxi to pick her up, and I couldn't help accusing her of having no sense of time in front of the driver's friends.
Of course, she was unhappy, but it didn't change anything. A few days later, we caught the train, and she undoubtedly let me jump on the platform again-
The train leaves in 50 minutes, but we have to take 1 hour for 20 minutes. Besides, the bus hasn't come yet. And she refused to admit her mistake and complained that I had arranged it in a hurry. It was only an hour from work to departure, and nothing was done.
Later, when I was doing premarital counseling, I realized that we were typical "urgent doctors". She is used to planning her trip two or three days in advance, and I am a model of "just leave".
More and more, we find that we can't escape the characteristics "inherited" from each other's family, so we will repeat the marital status of the previous generation.
2. Pre-marital consultation on mine clearance and the initial effect after marriage.
In order to prevent the relationship from deteriorating and causing tragedy, she suggested that we go for premarital counseling. That was the first time I heard what psychological counseling was needed for marriage. I refused without thinking: "What consultation should I do to get married?" We will learn these things naturally after marriage, and we don't need to learn them. "
In the end, I couldn't resist her "axis" (which is also one of her different personalities from mine. The complementary relationship has brought me many benefits, such as premarital counseling, haha. ) I didn't get married without consulting, so I compromised.
In the process of tutoring, we found our different personalities (one or two can be seen from the above), which made us know each other better. The communication skills and conflict resolution methods we have learned have greatly reduced our chances of quarreling after marriage (in fact, we have never quarreled so far).
Husband and wife's role, parenting concept, financial management, in-laws relationship ... all the problems that may be encountered after marriage are shown in pre-marriage counseling, just like giving us a lightning protection map after marriage, so that we can not jump into the pit at any time when we really enter the marriage journey.
Therefore, after nearly three years of marriage, even after the test of separation (I work abroad) and childbirth, we still trust each other and are still romantic.
In front of her, I can show my weakness with peace of mind, and I am not afraid of ridicule and contempt. And I am also the person she trusts most, and her troubles and inner struggles will tell me at the first time.
A few days ago, we walked hand in hand in the community, and the neighbors were surprised: "It's so romantic, you still push the road." Yes, couples with children are either overwhelmed by their children or exhausted by the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and the relationship between husband and wife is basically cold.
And we also have a separate street every week, at least once a month for in-depth conversation, and we will also prepare gifts for festivals and birthdays.
[If! Support list ]3. [endif] Around and big data show that most people don't know how to run a marriage.
According to the data of the National Bureau of Statistics, 201kloc-0/420000 couples registered to get married in China, while the number of registered divorces actually reached 4 150000 couples! This means that at least one out of every four people who go to the Civil Affairs Bureau to register for marriage and divorce is registered for divorce.
Divorce is a seemingly simple word. However, as we all know, we won't make this choice unless we have to. In other words, divorce is a serious problem in marriage that cannot be adjusted. In order to curb this situation, it is necessary to treat minor marital diseases before they deteriorate into marital cancer.
However, not many people in China have heard of premarital counseling and marriage counseling like me.
The marriages around us are basically intellectuals, but we still encounter the same problems as our parents: poor communication and constant quarrels. Ask questions for each situation:
"I am less and less passionate about life. This is not the case before marriage. "
"I would rather work overtime in the company than go back to face greedy mother-in-law/nagging wife and messy children."
"When we have no intimate romance, isn't marriage very dull?"
"I didn't know that men are scum until I gave birth to a child. Now I want a divorce every minute! "
"Our money is managed separately, and we don't trust the other party to manage it."
But every time I hear such a description of marriage, I really want to help them. No, marriage is not like this. Marriage has its own management methods and efforts.
As a beneficiary of premarital counseling, and I want to help those who are about to get married and have problems a few years before marriage, I am determined to take this road. This is a question of whether I did it well or not, but I'm afraid I will regret it if I don't do it.
[If! Support list ]4. [endif] What kind of people can do premarital counseling?
Premarital counseling, as its name implies, is aimed at couples who are ready to get married and is also the most effective. Of course, if you get married without similar counseling before marriage, and the current marital status is not satisfactory, not very romantic or there are many abnormal quarrels, it is also possible to make up for it.
We hope that through our own experience and satisfactory marital status, we can also help more families and build more happy marriages. We can also learn from each other together and go further and further on the road of happiness.
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This article was written in the tone of my husband, and people are different from before.