1, use
Our communication usually has three purposes: to convey information, to convey feelings and to resolve conflicts.
More is to convey feelings with friends and relatives, more is to convey information with colleagues and other specific things, and there are many things to solve contradictions with friends and relatives, colleagues, strangers and so on.
For example, if your purpose is to convey information, then accuracy and organization are more important. Your purpose is to convey feelings, so equality and modernity are more important. Your purpose is to solve contradictions, and more importantly, your position, current situation and guidance.
You should pay attention to what your purpose is and don't be forgotten by other factors.
2. Accuracy (sex)
Everyone's level is different, even if the level is similar, there will be cognitive differences (such as cognitive dissonance, first cause effect and suspension bridge effect) for the same concept and definition.
Often you think others know what you mean, or you think you know what others mean. People sometimes speak euphemistically or vaguely, or they don't have a coherent and focused speech. You may have a strong understanding and cold reading ability, but sometimes you have to help him sort out the language, repeat his point of view and let him confirm it. Or a concept has multiple interpretations, you should make sure that your understanding is consistent with his definition.
Redefine, state opinions, and verify. For example, you mean ... right? You mean ...?
Step 3 guide
Guidance is usually used to solve contradictions and influence others.
When we have contradictions, don't try to persuade others by dominating them, or ask others to do something. Who are you to lecture me?
When you want to convince others, let them think that you are thinking of them, and sometimes don't directly reveal your real purpose. Even if the other person is a person with high emotional intelligence, he will know your real purpose as soon as he listens, but he is willing to accept the language from his point of view. People with high emotional intelligence also want to save face, not to mention the average person.
Solve contradictions or influence others, find a good reason, and make him feel valued and accepted in a comfortable way.
In addition, when subordinates do something wrong at work, try not to directly accuse and emphasize his fault, and guide him to pay attention to how to learn from it and how to solve the problem. Because he did something wrong, and he knew it. If you emphasize his fault again, you will lead communication to negative emotions. On the one hand, it may dampen his enthusiasm, on the other hand, it is not conducive to solving the problem in time. Of course, if you do something wrong, your salary will be deducted. There must be rules.
Step 4 be sure
Enthusiasm, that is, stakeholders, have the same responsibility.
It is meaningless for a person to communicate with a dog in the street, because the position is completely different. Usually we want to know a girl, and your buddy happens to know that girl, so we can establish effective communication when we come out to play together, and you can know that girl smoothly. When you chat up a girl in the street, it is usually difficult to establish an effective relationship if you have nothing to do. When you are doing something, she is playing a game. Just play and see what she is doing. She likes running and food, but you just like it, so you can have a pleasant conversation, which is far from the point.
At work, you work in the sales department. You communicate efficiently with your department, but you don't get along well with people in the product department. At this time, you just want to communicate well. When chatting and sharing benefits and experiences, include others. For example, when chatting, you told the product department that I bought a product today, and the customer has been praising the product for its good workmanship. He bought it because he took a fancy to the master's craftsmanship and made the other party feel involved. For example, if you are a department manager, during the discussion, you should mention that you are also responsible for employees' mistakes, so that employees can feel valued, that is, the responsibilities are the same and the work can be carried out.
There is a short story about a man who brought his girlfriend home. His mother didn't directly praise his girlfriend's beauty, but said that "her son has the same vision as his father and can pick people", and praised four people in one sentence.
Actively influence the will and atmosphere of both parties. Try to find a similar position to cut into the dialogue and try to consider the problem from both sides. If the position is too different, you can only show your position, and communication is not necessarily a good way.
5. Equality
Equality refers to the attributes and attitudes of both parties.
There are many types of people, and everyone has his own important things and ways of speaking. Talking to people is nonsense.
When talking to a man, pay attention to his face. Talk to a woman and pay attention to her mood. Talk to the old man, don't hurt his self-esteem. When talking to a child, pay attention to his innocence. When you talk to your subordinates, you should pay attention to their quality. Pay attention to the time when you talk to high-level successful people.
Equality here means that what you say should be close to each other's attributes. For example, men are proud, as long as you don't tear your face, you all have the possibility of communication. Women are easily emotional. You may coax or take care of her emotions, or even criticize her. As long as you can balance her emotions, you can't directly criticize another man.
Equality here means that the effect of what you say should balance you with him. For example, if you chat with an insecure person, try to lower yourself a little and praise him more, and he will feel the same way. For example, a conceited person, you should raise yourself and try to confront him head-on. He often only looks at those who are more powerful. The more you praise him, the less he looks down on you.
Equality here means that the communication experience of both parties reaches a certain balance. Interpersonal communication is a process of interaction between two people, and equality is the basis of communication. Too wronged communication is self-sacrifice, too squeezing others is bullying. When you chat with the goddess, you often take the initiative to find her, and she seldom looks for you, so you should reduce the number of times to find her and improve the quality of your chat. Usually, a good chat is often based on equality. Otherwise, you flatter others. What do others think of you? Can you blame others for ignoring you? Because you didn't adjust your position. Of course, some people don't like us and ignore us, so we will reduce this kind of chat. Not everyone likes their own, and there is no need.
To sum up, choose the appropriate language according to the object and adjust your attitude according to the other person's attitude.
6. Current nature
We need to know the current state before communicating.
For example, a, maybe others have a bad impression on you, and previous communication or some things have misunderstood others, so it is difficult to eliminate them at once. Therefore, you have to understand that communication expectations may not be very good. You should work hard, but don't let the previous events affect the current communication, and don't doubt yourself because of the poor communication this time. For example, B, someone chats with you, and you have been dissatisfied with this person because of other things, or you had a bad communication with him before, but try not to bring the previous things into the current communication, and talk about the facts, which will make your's communication effective.
In addition, the state of communication is constantly changing. You can guide or balance. Sometimes the emotions that appear in interpersonal communication are inappropriate, and you may need to calm down. You should pay attention to your communication process. It is possible that one second you are happy and the next you are embarrassed by saying the wrong thing, so try to change the subject and lighten the atmosphere.
Organized
Not to mention this, it embodies a person's logical thinking. Whether the speech is organized, focused, hierarchical, framed and flesh-and-blood requires a little IQ. For example, in various speeches, various leaders can "I'll say a few words briefly" with an outline and then say a lot. These are actually the results of a set of exercises and accumulation. Regarding the organization of language, you can try to decompose the elements of a thing, such as what it is, why, how to do it, what its meaning is, how to treat it dialectically and so on. And then assemble it yourself, say what parts and how to arrange them. At this time, you will have a general framework when you speak, so that others can keep up with your thoughts.
Finally, good communication skills, even think that a person's high emotional intelligence, in addition to his understanding of the world, is more of a constant practice of reflection and correction, that is, perennial habits. Of course, if you have high IQ, strong understanding ability, strong attribution cognitive ability, strong thinking angle and logical chain, etc. These will greatly increase the spread and can also be promoted in a short time. This question can refer to the thinking mode and elements of smarter people in Zhihu. Generally speaking, it is the best solution to grasp the way of effective communication, properly understand some skills, and control skills by Tao.