Coordinates |? Shenzhen
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The second child is in the second month and meets the boss's adolescence. ......
People who don't know my past can't imagine: I am a "bitch" who used to quarrel and divorce with my husband every day. I slapped her husband for two days, and even gave her a black hand.
From a "bitch" to a gentle, considerate and happy woman of four, what have I experienced in this process?
In the process of this transformation, I am most inspired by two sentences.
The first sentence is: education is a process of gradually discovering one's ignorance. The more I learn, the more I realize how ignorant I used to be.
The second sentence is: awareness is the entrance to change. Because of a consciousness, I changed again and again. )
20 16 In March, when my son Bauer was born, my daughter was 13 years old and was in middle school.
The state of our family is that I got married for the second time. I took my daughter to marry my current husband, and he got married for the first time.
The already complicated family relationship, coupled with the confinement of the second child and the adolescence of my daughter, started my nightmare in life.
When my daughter was over three years old, my ex-husband and I divorced. He cheated me in the marriage, which hurt me deeply.
I live alone with my daughter. If you fail to start a business in Shenzhen, go back to your hometown in Guangxi and then start a business in Shenzhen. In the next few years, I succeeded.
In 20 14, I met my husband now, we dated, and got married in 15, and everything felt wonderful!
But since I confirmed that I was pregnant with my son, my husband's attitude towards his daughter seems to have changed.
He accused his daughter of playing with her mobile phone, not cleaning the room, not doing housework, and letting her pregnant mother take care of her, and her opinions were growing.
Whenever he sees his daughter, he always finds fault with her, saying that it is because he doesn't want me to work too hard, and he doesn't want her bad habits to bring bad sons in the future.
I always defend my daughter and quarrel with my husband.
However, even though I tried my best to protect my daughter, I still saw her getting farther and farther away from me every day.
02
From happiness and sweetness to husband and wife fighting. ......
During that time, as soon as my daughter came home, she went straight to her room and locked the door.
Her room is a mess, like a garbage dump, and she doesn't go in to clean it up.
Without telling us anything, she became more and more strange.
The husband loves his son very much, and he feels afraid that he will melt in his hand. I feel even more wronged when I think that his attitude towards his daughter is so different from his attitude towards his son.
During confinement, I looked at my son and thought about my daughter, crying every day.
I cry, feel sad, wronged and sad for no reason every day. I really want to leave this house with my daughter.
I think I can't stand my husband more and more. He is very gentle and patient with his son. He looked dissatisfied when he mentioned his daughter. As long as her daughter comes home, I'm afraid of what her husband says.
Once, I quarreled over my daughter. He said that I only care about my daughter, not my son.
I feel particularly wronged and angry. I feel that he can't see what I have done for him and his son. I said loudly, "Divorce!"
Say that finish, I entered the room and slammed the door.
My son was put on the bed in the room. I guess my husband is worried that I will scare my son. He also lost his temper and pushed the door into the house in a hurry. I pushed the door hard and refused to let him in.
He pushed the door open hard and slapped me when he came in. I dodged and he hit me on the head.
I was scared and angry. I'm afraid he'll keep hitting me. I'm angry that he hit his wife!
I raised my hand and slapped him in the face. Like a madman, I kept slapping my face and saying, "If you hit your wife, you can't live this life!" " "
I can't remember how many times I slapped in a row. I only remember that after hitting him, my palm was very painful and spicy, and I felt that my hand was going to be disabled.
My heart is pounding, this is the first time I hit a man in my life, or a man who once had deep feelings for me!
My husband may be scared, too. He went to the sofa in the living room and sat there without saying a word.
Now that I think about it, I really look like a bitch.
His face was still red and swollen until the next day.
I think it's really boring to quarrel like this every day. I'm going to consult a lawyer for divorce when the child is weaned, whether he agrees or not.
I naively blamed my daughter's abnormal behavior on her husband. I think it is because of him that my daughter is so unhappy.
03
Get hooked on learning and start to change.
On such a day when chickens fly and dogs jump, one day, I saw a mother recommending the course "Improving Psychological Age" in a reading group.
The title of this course attracted me, and I was thinking: can psychological age be upgraded?
Isn't that what I need most? Because I feel too impulsive, too naive, too immature!
I never even thought about it. I immediately added my friend and asked how to sign up.
This course brought me into the door of the wings of happiness.
This course taught me how to look at my inner open and closed state when communicating with others. It taught me the importance of overall situation, order, boundaries and acceptance. I know how to look at problems objectively, and I also know that communication must be reasonable first.
I separated from the problems of my husband and daughter and saw the overall situation, so that I could handle their relationship with the psychological age of an adult.
My mind is much calmer, and I am fascinated by the course of Happy Wings.
Later, I took the course of "Balancing Emotions", and I understood that emotions will accumulate.
If every time an emotion comes, instead of facing it squarely and transforming it, it will be dealt with in a depressed and inclusive way, and as a result, it will break out when it encounters a little thing.
For example, every time my husband nags my daughter, I fly into a rage. In fact, it is all because the accumulated emotions have not been addressed and dealt with.
The course "Cultivating children's self-confidence" made me understand that not only children's self-confidence can be cultivated, but also my own self-confidence.
When I first started studying, I realized that I was particularly insecure and everything went wrong. Dabao didn't get a good education, Bao Xiao didn't get a good education, and the relationship between husband and wife was a mess.
I pay special attention to external comments. If my husband just says a word, I will have a lot of ideas. I don't like this kind of life very much, and I don't like this kind of myself.
The 0- 100 acceptance method in my class taught me to accept my true state. I have never liked myself, but I have seen little progress.
There is also the 34 1 affirmation method, which I use to affirm myself and pay attention to what I have done. I also list my own advantages to praise myself.
As I feel more and more positive about myself, I am more willing to try various methods to improve the relationship between husband and wife and parent-child relationship. Through constant attempts, my ability to manage family relations has been continuously improved.
When my ability is getting stronger and stronger, I have more and more confidence in myself, and my confidence is slowly coming back.
Our son benefited the most. I studied the course "Physical and Mental Basis of Learning" when my children were young, so I gave them ample opportunities and space to explore.
My son has a good sense of integration and development, a good sense of security, a good learning ability and a better emotional balance than other children of the same age.
With my study, our family relationship is getting better and better, and I often express my emotions. My son learns quickly.
However, it was the iron triangle of life that completely changed me.
When you learn the iron triangle of life, you learn to grade your parents. I don't care what they didn't do, I just saw what they did.
Moreover, I received everything they did and thanked my parents from the bottom of my heart.
This gratitude connects me with my parents' love and gives me the courage to be myself.
04
Know how to love, learn to love, and everything will be smooth.
In the process of exploring myself, I began to understand my daughter's grievances and adolescent troubles. I understand that behind her understanding, she needs my care and warmth.
I use the pit-filling method in the course "Cultivating Self-confidence" to fill up the holes dug for my daughter in the past and the injuries caused to her one by one.
My daughter felt my understanding and cried and said, "I like it best when you kissed me as a child. Here, here, I will kiss my whole face."
I hugged her and we all cried. I told her, "When you grow up, I don't know how to get along with you. Now I know that no matter how old you are, you want your mother's love, and you want your mother to love you as you did when you were a child, right? "
My daughter nodded sharply and I kissed her face. She smiled and shed tears of happiness.
Since then, our love bond has finally been established!
Just after listening to the remedial class, I ran to my daughter's room and said to her, "Mom learned a new method of filling holes. Do you want to hear it? " The teacher said that if the mother had dug a hole for the child in the process of raising the child before, she could fill the hole in this way! "
I successfully aroused my daughter's curiosity. She said, "Tell me, how to fill a hole?"
I steadied my mood, sat in in her bed, held her hand and looked into her eyes: "Are you particularly sad?"
She thought for a moment: "well, there is nothing particularly sad!" " "
I won't give up. I remember when she was over three years old, I sold the house in Shenzhen. Later, she often asked me, "Mom, why did you sell the house?" When will we buy a new house again? "
I reminded her, do you remember that house?
At the mention of the house, her tears came out.
She said that she especially liked the house, its furnishings, sofa, TV, bed, the pictures she painted on the wall, the boys who often played with neighbors, and the garden downstairs. ......
My daughter described it carefully and cried so sadly.
I put my arm around my daughter and patted her on the back:
"Mom formally apologize to you. The separation of mom and dad has caused you a lot of harm.
I can understand what that house means to you. Your childhood memories are all there.
Mom has never cared about your feelings before, just asking you to come with me. "
The valve of memory opened, and the daughter told her the past events that made her particularly sad.
I really ignored her along the way. I apologize to my daughter after every memory.
We talked about hugging and crying when we are sad, hugging and laughing when we are happy.
After that, my daughter and I changed from "familiar strangers" to "bosom friends".
My 17-year-old daughter is willing to give me a full face kiss, which she said was her favorite thing to do when she was a child.
She will share her joys and sorrows with my friends. She likes to talk to me about her good friends and classmates, and let me analyze their personality characteristics.
Yesterday, she also said that she had plenty of time to study online at home, and she wanted to learn Wings of Happiness with me.
?
Our husband seems to be a different person now.
All changes have to start with my changes.
For a long time, I wondered if my husband didn't accept his daughter because he always found fault with her.
Also, when we had dinner at home, I had a good chat with my daughter. He will suddenly lose his temper and say that I am too busy chatting to pay attention to my son.
Every time this happens, I feel that he doesn't like his daughter.
Later, I groped myself and found the root of the problem. I saw the demand behind my husband's behavior.
In love, I have always started to seek survival. I only know how to protect myself from harm, but I dare not show my feelings.
Because the first love hurts too much, I dare not be nice to others. I am afraid that my efforts will bring back more harm, so my husband can't feel my love at all.
He feels insecure in this family. My daughter is jealous when I talk to her or treat her very well. He expressed his uncomfortable feeling by losing his temper. He wants me to pay attention to him.
I told myself that the past is over and I don't need to wear armor all the time. I love my husband very much, so I told him I love him and do what I want.
But I have to let go of my expectations of others. I just need to be myself.
So, I began to express my love to my husband-
I will kiss his face and tell him that I love him very much;
I will care whether he has eaten or not, and whether he is tired or not;
I will listen to him patiently and stop talking back to him;
I will thank him for his contribution to this family and for taking care of the three of us so well. ......
When he cooks, I will ask my daughter and son to thank my father for cooking for us and praise his delicious dishes.
I told myself: I must put my lover's position in front of my children and I can't ignore my lover.
The miracle happened slowly in our family-
My relationship with my husband is getting better and better. We haven't quarreled for a long time.
During the epidemic at home, my sister often plays with my brother;
My sister also proposed to release the somatosensory game, and my father, sister and brother had a good time.
Dad knows that his sister has a bad mouth and will specifically ask her what she wants to eat. She said she wanted sushi, but he wrapped it for us without saying anything.
Knowing that his sister likes to drink old fire soup, he often buys materials for her to cook. ......
Now the picture at home is that our husband and wife love each other, and then we love our daughter and son together!
The law of happy wings-changing yourself is the only way to change others, which has been proved again.
When I concentrate on myself, when I realize it, countless changes miraculously occur.
I am more and more confident, firm and calm. I have never loved myself as much as I do now!
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