First, technology and transportation were underdeveloped in the past. Needless to say, when I was a teenager, it was about two or three miles to visit my aunt's house. Note that it is not a kilometer, but the distance from 1000 to 1500 meters, which is what we are talking about now. It felt so far away. I don't know if you have ever had such an experience. After all, adults walk fast, so they often walk between their elders. Just another aunt married fifteen meters away from her home. But it is this kind of distance, I don't know why, we should get closer and closer, but the rift between relatives is getting bigger and bigger, and the distance is relatively safe. But now with the development of traffic, it is so convenient to visit relatives. Less than 100 km by car. There are many contacts, and some relationships are not bad. However, frequent contacts have also exposed many contradictions that were not obvious in the past. Meeting once a year used to be a good word for New Year greetings. Now, they often walk around. After all, they are all mortal. Although they are related by blood, it doesn't mean that they agree. If they have more contact, they will appear and brothers and sisters will kiss each other.
Secondly, in the past 30 years, China's economic development can really be described as changing with each passing day, but it is the constant change of this society. Because of the differences in IQ, ability, opportunity and educational background, there is a great gap between the rich and the poor among relatives who once had similar living standards. Gone are the days when they walked happily with a basket of steamed bread and a bag of snacks. At that time, everyone's living standard was similar, and everyone only talked about their parents' shortcomings and cared about each other. Now together, the rich will inevitably show off, the poor will feel ashamed, and the distance in their hearts will become wider and wider. In the end, they will only deal with each other.
Third, with the development of distance and economy, mutual cooperation and economic exchanges have become more frequent. China's traditional concept is brotherhood, and it is hard to find relatives. Therefore, the phenomenon of borrowing money and things often happens, and people have to swallow it because of emotional problems. However, relatives have different qualities and different economic conditions. If they are not relatives or good people, they will not cheat. Borrowing money is often easier than finding relatives, and many people become enemies after a while. When other relatives become officials, poor relatives come to you and want nothing, they will hold a grudge and spread to you everywhere, and the contradiction will be deep. As you can see, there have been more and more disputes caused by these reasons in recent years.
Fourth, because of work, everyone is very busy now, and they are all rushing for their own lives. Unlike before, life pressure is heavier. People who do business can't stop during the New Year, and some people who work outside the home can't go home for years. This situation is increasing. There are few opportunities to meet and chat, and it is easy to alienate if you are not often together. We all have this experience.
Fifth, young people have completely different views on family and life from their elders. The hearts of relatives are getting weaker and weaker. They just play mobile phones and seldom communicate with their parents, let alone their relatives who seldom meet. With the change of information exchange mode, it will be less and less for young people.
Society is developing, so we should pay attention to kinship. I agree that relatives should move around properly, but we should think more about each other and understand the difficulties in communication. After all, blood is thicker than water! I believe one day, my family will come back!
The flow between relatives is not because of who is poor and who is rich. Just because we have worked hard for a year, walking with each other will bring our relatives closer. If you don't walk around, you will alienate and become more and more strange.
There is a big family in my hometown. Not much, there are more than 120 mouths. My brothers and nephews, in order to make everyone more interesting, have been celebrating the New Year together since last year.
All expenses are borne by young people. In addition to giving red envelopes to children, they also give red envelopes to people over 60. First of all, kowtow to the deceased ancestors and kowtow to the older generation; The second is to wish each other happiness and make a fortune in the coming year; The third item is that each family has a program, and there are many jokes, which are particularly lively; Finally, * * * have dinner together. Just say that you are sitting at 12 table this year. Their new year's day is really full of flavor. In the evening or tomorrow, I will send you many photos of their Spring Festival. I hope everyone will take the Spring Festival seriously. If we eat and chat together, our relatives and friends will get closer and closer. Young people pay more and spend less, so they save their money. Whoever has difficulties will take it out and help him solve it. They also invited me to go home for the New Year, but I have to take my grandson abroad every year, which really can't satisfy their wishes.
Now the feelings between relatives are getting weaker and weaker, perhaps because of economic development, perhaps because of the changes of the times, perhaps because of going out to work. But as far as my personal experience and feelings are concerned, the fundamental reason for the weakening of family ties is the lack of a person who can tie the family together.
Grandma is a famous wife and mother in her hometown, grandma. Dad often tells us: "As long as grandma is here, she must go home for the New Year." One year, because my brother-in-law got married in the Spring Festival, he didn't go home to spend the Spring Festival with his parents. On New Year's Eve, I received countless phone calls. Brother in the lobby said, "How come (in my hometown dialect) eight brothers need one of you to drink!" The elder sister in the lobby said, "Why don't you come back for the New Year with the clothes you bought with your siblings?" My cousin said, "You are driving, and I am driving one to call my aunt. You didn't come, so I went with my second brother alone. " Uncle said: "Your family didn't come back for the New Year, so this year's family photo can't be taken." For this matter, grandma also ordered that everyone must come back for the New Year next year. I am in this home. If I have a home, I should get together more, otherwise it's called home. There is no shortage of one in the Spring Festival the following year. After grandma died, his family didn't come back this year, and didn't come back the next year because of something. There are fewer and fewer parties, and fewer and fewer people get together!
My grandmother's family, half relatives are in their hometown and half relatives are in Shanghai. After grandma died, there were many people in my hometown and Shanghai, but there was less contact between my hometown and Shanghai! But in recent years, driven by my mother, there have been more and more contacts between my hometown and Shanghai. The more contact, the closer the family ties!
As the saying goes: friends rely on interaction, and relatives rely on walking. The more you move, the closer your family is. The less you move, the weaker your family is!
Neighbors change bowls, relatives change bowls. This is the simplest principle for ordinary people to communicate. It doesn't mean that anyone who has a family plans many things, but that if you don't walk around, the nearest neighbors will die of old age and close relatives will gradually alienate.
Yimeng mountain area still maintains the tradition of inviting family members to celebrate the New Year, that is, inviting the deceased ancestors to go home for the New Year. On the first day of New Year's Day (in some places, it is the second day of New Year's Day), the ancestors who offered sacrifices were sent away and they began to visit relatives and friends until the fourteenth day of the first month.
When I was a child, I visited relatives in my hometown and had a basket on my arm. Generally, fifty steamed buns, two catties of dried noodles, two biscuits and a bottle of wine are put in the basket, which is called four-color ceremony. Because at that time, everyone was poor, and no one would want to eat the things in the basket. You come to my house and I'll send it to another one. If the wrapping paper of the vermicelli biscuit is broken, wrap another bag. The steamed bread is really cracked, so change it with your own.
When my mother packed the bamboo baskets, we little brothers and sisters all gathered around her, hoping that she would share the bad steamed bread with us. Sometimes my mother warns us seriously that we can't eat these steamed buns. Some lazy mothers count steamed buns in the basket without washing their hands in the morning, which is very dirty. We ate the exchanged steamed bread, which was delicious and didn't feel any different.
A distant uncle's house is very close to ours. In times of difficulty, the two families help each other, which can be called the difference between life and death. My uncle's home is far from mine, spanning two areas. Every year after the Spring Festival, my parents let me pick a basket and take my younger brother and sister to see my uncles and aunts. When my uncle and aunt met us, they were as close as my father and mother. My brother and sister stayed with my uncle and aunt for a few days.
Many years later, I settled down in the city, lived in the city with my father, and walked less and less with my uncle's family. I was just over thirty when my father died. I don't understand the way of the world in the countryside, and I am extremely sad. I didn't tell my uncle the news of my father's death, and I didn't let my uncle see my father for the last time. My uncle was very sad when he learned of his father's death. In grief, he complained to me that it seems that my nephew is not going to recognize me as an uncle.
Thinking of my uncle's tearful scene and impatience, I blame myself for being young and ignorant and careless about the world. However, the past can never be redeemed.
People in our time were simple-minded. Don't say that relatives and friends often interact, that is, neighbors are like relatives, and whoever makes something new will send it to everyone to share. Nowadays, people are "only saying three points to anyone". Why? How did this happen? ! That's my brother and sister. After careful consideration and analysis, it turns out that they are all "money troubles." At the beginning, I kindly paid for their son to go to college. Later, his family was going to build a house, and I was silent. Because I think reading and building a house are completely different concepts ... and it has been a bad result ever since. No wonder some people support poor students to go to school, and the result is not good. Now some young people change their faces faster than turning pages and don't work hard. On the other hand, they say they get rich first, so why don't you support them? Sometimes I think colleagues and friends can communicate in the same language more easily than relatives. ...
Tell me if my opinion is right. People in our country don't have much savings at home. On-the-job employees work, eat and consume, and it will be ugly if they don't pay for three months! There is not much surplus food, so relatives and friends don't talk when they are in trouble, and they really can't give much when they talk! Afraid to speak. Difficult! therefore ...
The emotional relationship between relatives is weak now, which is mainly caused by the following reasons:
In the past, because of low productivity, low living standards and backward production tools, people mainly relied on labor to create value. Everyone needs to help each other to complete some things, and the production tools are scarce and even need to be exchanged and borrowed to complete a job. However, with the update of social production tools and the progress of material civilization, many things can be done by one person, and even a lot of mental work has replaced manual work. Everyone can get things done by sitting in front of the computer or on the mobile phone, and there is less communication. It is also possible to finish a job by yourself, the dependence between people is decreasing, and the division of labor between people is becoming clearer and finer. Now one person can do what a group of people could do in the past. Therefore, the interaction and communication between relatives has gradually decreased.
In this highly developed information age, it can be said that great changes have taken place compared with the closed era and the era when information needs to be transmitted by people. In the past, people needed to send messages. Now just sit at home, you can get it with your mobile phone, you can know the latest news without leaving home, and you can buy what you want without leaving home. There is less and less communication between people. With the widening gap between the rich and the poor, people are more snobbish than in the past. People pay attention to interests and despise human feelings. There is also a lot of information and multi-channel entertainment, which distracts people's attention, and people's living space is becoming more and more independent, resulting in very weak feelings between family and relatives.
The gap between urban and rural areas is narrowing. Many relatives and friends have gone to different cities and different places to work, and rarely meet each other, even for several years. The fast-paced, efficient and high-quality lifestyle has increased the pressure of modern people's lives; People's demand for material culture and spiritual and cultural life is getting higher and higher. In order to pursue a high-quality life, people struggle hard, separated from their relatives and relatives for a long time, and live in different circles. After a long time, people don't rely on it or even understand it. They live in different circles, so the affection between family and relatives is more and more marginalized or even exists in name only.
In short, with the progress of society, many high-tech technologies have replaced the backward labor methods in the past, people's lives are getting richer and richer, information is getting more and more developed, and people's communication life will become more and more digital. Artificial intelligence replaces the contact between people and reduces the intimacy between people. People's pursuit of quality of life is becoming more and more efficient and fast. With high technology replacing a lot of manual work, people's communication scope is becoming more and more insignificant and independent.
Now the relationship between relatives is really getting weaker and weaker. They don't contact each other all the year round, and some don't even know their phone numbers. If the old man is still alive by the end of the year, everyone will get together for a meal for the New Year. When an old man dies, he dies of old age. It's not bad to send a blessing on WeChat during the New Year. Then, why do the feelings between relatives become indifferent? We can roughly divide them into the following four categories:
First, in the era of planned economy, relatives often walked around. Everyone can help each other in an era of material scarcity. Even in winter, our family lacked a pressure cooker, so we borrowed one from a relative's house, cooked by ourselves in winter and returned it after eating. However, now everyone needs everything. In the past, people had a lot of leisure time after work and could walk around each other. Nowadays, many children have to study, young people have to fight for their careers, and old people also play games online or read WeChat. Everyone has a lot of things to do, and after a long time, they gradually alienate.
Second, there are fewer and fewer topics to talk about at gatherings between relatives. An old gentleman told me that he has three brothers and sisters, and he doesn't usually get in touch with each other. At the end of the year, everyone got together for dinner, but during dinner, they began to show off their wealth and talked about how they enjoyed their life abroad or bought a house last year. There is nothing really meaningful at all, and they have not talked to you about their future ideals and goals. With the gap between people, such a party is meaningless.
Third, relatives are weak because they are afraid that you will borrow money from them. Many young people like to borrow money from their elders. Will they give it to you or not? I lent it to you. What should I do if I don't return it in the future? How to calculate the interest? If you don't borrow it, family relationships are meaningless, so many rich relatives don't want to see poor relatives, for fear that you will borrow money from him.
Fourth, it is caused by high housing prices. In many families, parents have died and left property. If brothers and sisters can distribute calmly, some people will suffer more or less, and the one who suffers will not want to go with others. If relatives go to court or even fight over the division of real estate, then family relationships have long since vanished. Therefore, the gap between the rich and the poor has gone, and the high prices have made the affection between relatives in this society more and more indifferent.
Generally speaking, our society in China is about close relatives, but some families are alienated from each other, which is also engraved with the brand of the times. For example, with the rise of the Internet, people can video chat, so they don't have to get together often. At the same time, young people are under great pressure to study and work, and they also ignore the importance of family ties. More importantly, now relatives talk about tickets and houses together, and some people find it boring to get together. There are also high housing prices, which turn relatives against each other and keep them from each other.
Standing on the mountain has distant relatives, but being poor in the street is ignored! At this time, encourage people to make progress and let their loved ones walk around!
Let's leave now. Relatives have the taste of Chinese New Year. We found that many people like to visit relatives, even if they don't bring anything, as long as they are related by blood. I'm staying for a few days, too. This era is basically the era of the chairman. For example, the family is rural, one place has a river, and the other place has no river. The former grows rice, and there is rice.
I have an uncle and a fourth aunt, and that's it. She gave us 5 Jin of rice for each family, that is, relatives are still moving. Sometimes we go to the big play in the first month, but people can't see it. We can go to dinner. I basically don't go when I grow up. If I leave, she will leave. Or does every family send representatives to Memorial Day?
In fact, I feel that it is an economy-centered product. Not that we don't want to go. Our faces make us feel bad. Would you be embarrassed to go out with another bag of rice? We have all grown up, and each of our families is not all rural areas, cities or even all parts of the country as in the past. There are so many places to go, sometimes I can't help myself!
There are also people who have embarked on official careers and are busy all the time. It's just that when they go in, many people who want to go can't get out. The bigger the official, the higher the status, the more so. Maybe it used to be related to relatives, but now it has nothing to do with children. Who can ask for help? It is very troublesome for people. Mobile phone WeChat is so developed that it is sometimes installed in New Year's greetings. I feel that this is the enhancement of human hypocrisy. Some people have not been out of the countryside for less than 30 years, and some people have not developed cleanliness, and they all go home like donkeys. Some women are more serious. What about the people they control? What about the children they raised? It is conceivable! Therefore, people's cultivation is not necessarily the case now. Bad words are terrible. Some people treat their parents like this. Can you emphasize kinship? !
In the past, my third aunt was in the city, and my grandmother sent pork to kill pigs every year. Especially 1988, my third aunt went to the Spring Festival because of uremia and sent half a pig. These three sons have no family and only eat lean meat. Also, my second aunt killed a sheep and asked the children to send the sheep's goods. Their city doesn't really understand such kinship. He took it for granted. My aunt has left. Do you think someone else will give it to me? Just my uncle's wooden head! Some people say that the relationship between relatives in cities and rural areas is one generation. High school goes to school in the city and lives on Saturday and Sunday. Out of the school, never lived once, of course, take things to see his uncle. I gave money to his grandson, and he didn't know to give money to my daughter! Later, our family got married, the old man walked around and my uncle walked for two years. Three sons, the boss can live. The second child went to Hainan Nanpiao and was not married. The third said that the daughter-in-law would come to see him when she had a son as the village head!
This is basically a common phenomenon in the whole country. People can't tell who is watching who, and many relatives borrow money indefinitely, and some don't pay it back all their lives! Just like some people say that there is nothing else but borrowing money! So you are poor, and people can't hide!
In addition, there are many people who break their promises in this society at this stage. No matter how clever a person is, he may lose his mind, and there is no shortage of people who are not cheated. I finally made some money and was cheated away by a liar. How can there be so much money to maintain kinship? Every day, many people can only give up!
People have money, you borrow money, and people will evaluate you instantly. If you know you are a beggar, many people dare to refuse at once. He knows you are useless!
So this society is very realistic!
No matter what kind of emotion, it is impossible to be independent of the background of the whole society. People can't avoid the influence of social atmosphere on emotions.
Relatives, lovers and even brothers and sisters are using all means to get rich. Relatives make good use of the media and kidnap relatives with interests is the usual means of many lawless people. For example, the "pyramid scheme" that can't be killed, and the "borrowing money" that cries. There is also a "law of interest" between friends and colleagues, and relatives can justify borrowing money without paying it back! Over time, many kind people no longer attach importance to the weight of family. Small to eat "rub" and big to refuse to pay back the money. This is the result of social atmosphere. What can you do?
A clean and upright humanistic environment is the only prescription to change this distortion of human nature. There is no need to nag and complain. Starting from me is the only way to change the atmosphere.