It's all for the good of the children,
Everybody step back a little,
It may be better to compromise.
What if parents disagree on the education of their children? When the concept of parenting is completely different, parents need to communicate and support each other, and then decide who is more important in this matter and which party will solve it in a way that everyone needs. Parent-child relationship is linear. If parents think that the parent-child relationship is a triangle, it will be troublesome, because children will observe the relationship between husband and wife and then decide who they can put pressure on to achieve their goals. If parents are more independent in parenting, it is difficult for children to find some gray areas, leading to marital discord. One spouse is not responsible for the relationship between the other spouse and the children. If one party wants to have a closer relationship with the child, he/she must work hard for this relationship by himself/herself. A mother said to me, "His father and I have different ways of dealing with parent-child relationship. I found that the relationship between children and us is also different. Some things they will tell their father, and some things they will only tell me. " If a person often treats his children with punishment, then when the children no longer open their hearts to him, he should reflect on his behavior and change his methods, instead of making the other half as strict as him. Although it is our traditional habit for both husband and wife to play bad COP and bad COP, this view needs to be changed. When a father sees that his mother is too tolerant, he tends to be more severe; Or the father often travels on business, and the mother will especially love the children to make up for the absence of the father. This is a common behavior pattern. But if this complementarity is too obvious to be balanced, then husband and wife should find a time to talk alone and see how to solve the current situation. It's not good for anyone to blame your spouse in front of the children. Usually, behavior is the best way to teach each other parenting methods. Research shows that most of fathers' parenting methods are learned from their mothers. As long as one party does not always compromise the other, it is normal for children to see the differences between their parents. It is more important for children to communicate and solve problems with respect and equality, because this is the blueprint for their future relationship with their spouses. All roads lead to Rome. There is more than one correct way to educate children. All decisions can be reconsidered. When the relationship with your spouse is too tense, you can calm yourself down first. Another way is to try each other's methods for three days if you have differences with your spouse. If not, then go back to the original state. You can also read books together or have parenting classes together. Don't expect to be consistent in all details, but it will be helpful if you can be consistent in some general directions. A member of a mother's group said, "Tell him what a terrible thing your friend's husband did, and you're glad he didn't do it." This is the most basic encouragement. Parenting tips When I teach my parents' father in the studio, they often say: Give me a task. Mothers should learn a mantra: "I am not the only parent of a child." Most importantly, mothers should learn to avoid criticizing their fathers' parenting methods. Fathers and children have their own unique ways of getting along. If you don't agree with the way a father treats his children, you should show what you think is right-quietly. Usually, when your father sees that your method is feasible, he will try it, but don't say it himself (that is, nag)! When I teach my mothers in the parents' studio, they often say: Dad should take the responsibility of raising children by himself. A father should know his children's living habits and the arrangement of things at home without asking his mother. For women, the sexiest time for a husband is to take care of the children. If either spouse is ready to blame the other, they should ask: Is the child in physical or psychological danger now? Will this bring irreparable harm? Am I always responsible for this? Is this one of the three most important things in the process of parenting that we decided before? If so, can I communicate with him/her privately in a respectful and equal way? Is the outcome of this matter more important to me, or to the relationship between my spouse and children? How can I show the change I want with my actions? Father's participation in the parenting process is not only very important for children, but also crucial for the relationship between husband and wife.
What is the effect of parents' disagreement when educating children? 1. Insecurity.
When mom and dad play the role of bad face and white face, they must consider whether the baby will receive contradictory or inconsistent information. Once the baby feels the inconsistency in education, it may make the baby feel unpredictable and further bring insecurity.
2. Confusion of values
The education method of "bad face and white face" is not applicable. One beat and one nurse, and the baby doesn't know if he did something wrong. Different standards are likely to confuse the baby's values, make it difficult for him to distinguish right from wrong, and may also make the baby's future personality easy to be opportunistic and even avoid problems.
3. Because of fear of losing your mind
A baby who grows up under the education mode of "black face and white face" may make him rely on "external control" and lose his own ideas and opinions. Therefore, before implementing the education method of "bad face and white face", parents should first think about a question: What can the baby learn if he is scared? Will it only make the baby learn to retreat, and even make him afraid to express his opinions and communicate with others when he grows up?
Accustomed to making excuses
If the baby does something wrong, parents will use scolding or beating to solve it, and then comfort the baby later. In the long run, the baby will think that no matter what he has done wrong, he will be forgiven without reflecting or adjusting his behavior. This may form a personality characteristic of making excuses and avoiding things in the future.
5. The destruction of parent-child relationship
In addition, the role-playing of "bad face and white face" may make the baby feel close to "bad face" and afraid of "bad face", resulting in the alienation of parent-child relationship, which not only loses the original educational purpose, but also may make the family lose more precious emotions. Therefore, parents must carefully consider whether it is necessary to sacrifice parent-child relationship to achieve an "immediate" educational effect.
6. Affect personality development
One of the problems caused by the education method of "black face and white face" is that both the father and the mother who play the "black face" may feel the anger and unhappiness of the "black face" for a long time, so no matter what happens in life, they are unwilling to share it with the "black face", thus inevitably alienating their parents and children. Once this happens, it will be very difficult to repair, and if the baby grows up in a family with estranged parent-child relationship, it will also have a negative impact on the development of the baby's personality traits, and even become a serious burden to the whole society.
The above-mentioned external control behavior, the concept of alienation and atrophy of parent-child relationship, etc. Not all babies brought up under the education mode of "bad face and white face" will have the above situation, but when they are not sure whether this mode will be bad for their babies, parents should try their best to avoid this mode, but try their best to use consistent education methods to prevent possible adverse consequences.
There are different opinions on how to solve the problem of disagreement in educating children in the family, but the key is not to express it in front of the children, and there are different opinions. We should discuss it first and then educate the children. In fact, the purpose is to make children grow up better. As long as we communicate well, it's no big deal.
Parents educate their children to communicate and coordinate privately in case of disagreement, so as to reach agreement in learning. Remember not to have conflicts in front of children, which will have a bad influence on children.
When there are contradictions after disagreement with parents and elders, we should learn to treat them with a (sincere) attitude, communicate hard and enhance mutual understanding.
What should I do if there is a contradiction after I disagree with my parents and elders? For the first time, I want to carefully analyze whether my point of view is wrong. After all, I am still young and I don't see as many markets as my parents. Take the initiative to listen to your elders if you are wrong.
Secondly, after analysis, I firmly believe that I am right, so I can consult my teacher and tell my elders from the teacher's point of view to see how the effect is.
Finally, if the elders still disagree, it depends on the specific situation. As a junior, you must be patient as long as you don't violate the general principles. Violate the general principles and never give in.
Parents and children disagree. Who should you listen to? You respect your child's opinion, and you are sure he wants to express it. You are a great parent.
What is the specific opinion?
What if parents disagree on their children's education? On the issue of children's education, both husband and wife will inevitably have disputes. At this time, the two sides should actively communicate and try to find a solution acceptable to both sides, instead of arguing or endless arguments. You know, unnecessary quarrels will not only hurt the feelings of husband and wife, but also hurt the baby's heart more easily.
Husband and wife have different growth experiences.
People can't think exactly the same, not to mention that both husband and wife grew up with children. Because I grew up in different families, I naturally have different views on bringing up children. However, if both husband and wife insist on what they see and think that their views are right, and even eventually turn into a simple debate about who is right and who is wrong, it will deviate from the main purpose of education. Not only is neither husband nor wife a winner, but the child caught in the middle may also be the biggest loser.
According to Chairman Liao Qingbi, due to the different growth experiences of husband and wife, different families have different ways to raise children, and naturally they will have different parenting concepts when they grow up. For example, my father is the eldest son of the family. If I have seen my parents love my younger brother and sister since I was a child, then he may love younger children more when he grows up. On the contrary, he may love older children more because he wants to make up for his lack of love. Therefore, as long as we have different understandings of educating children, we will have different wishes, which will ultimately affect our educational attitude towards children.
Don't let parenting disputes ruin your family.
In fact, there is no absolute right or wrong between husband and wife. Everyone is trying to educate their children better. Why are there conflicts? You should open your heart first, put down your persistent views, listen to what the other party is saying, and then discuss it calmly. This can not only avoid unnecessary conflicts, but also help to have a deeper and broader understanding of educational concepts, and then find the most beneficial educational methods for children. At the same time, the child will feel that this family is extremely warm and can give him enough sense of security.