In modern society, with the rapid economic development and social transformation, people's views on the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are also changing. However, people's traditional ideas are still at work. In some families, the status of mother-in-law is much higher than that of daughter-in-law and she has certain authority. Then, the following is the analysis of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law I provided. Welcome to read and browse.
I. Overview of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law
The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law refers to the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law as a social relationship, and the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a special family relationship. There is neither a close marriage relationship like husband and wife nor a stable blood relationship like mother and daughter. Compared with other family relationships, family relationships are weak [1]. The two sides are a legal relationship established through the role of a man, that is, husband and son. They are not familiar with each other, have a weak emotional foundation, and are prone to contradictions and frictions. They belong to the relationship that "friends should make up but can't get married".
In my opinion, the reasons for the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law mainly include the following aspects:
First, values and living habits are different. With the rapid development of society, people's way of thinking has also changed, and it is not surprising that there is an ideological generation gap between the two generations. What the older generation wants is a stable and traditional life, a regular daily routine and a planned life for their families. Mother-in-law pursues husband and wife, takes care of grandchildren and enjoys her old age. However, under the influence of modern concepts, the younger generation pursues a free and exciting life, which is casual and has a unique view on people and things. Daughters-in-law often pursue the sweetness of their own world and don't want anyone to interfere in their private lives. This difference in thinking causes conflicts between the two sides in trivial matters of life.
Second, spiritual possession and authority struggle. For two people who love each other, whether the mother-in-law wants a son or an unmarried son, the facts have been discussed with her, and the son is asked to stand by her unconditionally. Daughter-in-law believes that the husband, as his lover, should defend himself, not against his mother. In the traditional concept, the mother-in-law is the person in charge of housework, and is responsible for teaching the daughter-in-law how to manage the family diligently and be a good daughter-in-law. A mother-in-law has absolute authority over her daughter-in-law. However, the modern concept emphasizes equality, equality and mutual respect between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, which weakens the authority of mother-in-law to some extent and shakes the family status.
Third, emotional fragility and lack of communication. The two sides didn't know each other before they became mother-in-law and had no emotional foundation. When there is a contradiction, they will not consider each other's feelings, let alone consider the problem from each other's standpoint, which will expand the contradiction and even make it irreconcilable. When a conflict occurs, both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law stick to their own principles, can't communicate effectively, sometimes attack each other in language, or can't express clearly. These are the reasons for the conflict.
Fourth, the intermediary's adjustment is not effective. The middleman here mainly refers to the man, the son of the mother-in-law and the husband of the daughter-in-law, and the middleman is closely related to both sides. If the mother-in-law is not satisfied, she can talk to her son. Daughter-in-law can also vent her opinions to her husband. At this time, the intermediary should be willing to be angry with the splint, be more reasonable in it, and be a good "firefighter" to make the contradiction from big to small. If there is a situation of favoring one side, it will add fuel to the fire and intensify contradictions.
In addition to the above four main reasons, there are many reasons for the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, such as the concept of consumption, education, leisure and entertainment, and the intervention of brothers and sisters in the family.
Second, the necessity of family social work intervention
family social work
Family social work is the application of social work in the family, aiming at solving family problems, adjusting and improving family relations and promoting family harmony and stability. Different scholars have given different definitions of family social work. China scholar Wang Sibin pointed out that family social work is a family-oriented social work intervention, that is, social welfare and services that mobilize social and family resources and promote the normal operation and development of families [2]. Generally speaking, family social work includes the following elements: first, the object of intervention is family and family members. According to its problems and needs, design service plans to provide services; Second, intervention means rely on professional knowledge, technology and ideas. Under the guidance of professional values, solve problems and provide services with scientific methods; Third, service providers are professional social workers. Social workers use their professional knowledge to provide solutions from a professional perspective in a professional capacity.
(B) the necessity of family social work intervention
In today's society, it has become an irreversible trend. For two unfamiliar people, there is not enough time to communicate, let alone build deep feelings, which is undoubtedly worse in the event of conflict. The unique psychological characteristics of women generally include weakness, delicacy, tenderness and sensibility. Specific to the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the biggest influence is jealousy. This feeling is a strong feeling of hatred, eager to exclude the superior position of others, or eager to destroy the superior position of others [3].
The traditional mediation of the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law mainly relies on the oral persuasion of close people such as family members and friends, and it is difficult to completely resolve the contradiction and treat the symptoms rather than the root cause. In contrast, family social work, as a major, has the following advantages in intervening in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law:
First, family social work has a professional knowledge concept, which can solve problems in a scientific way, maximize benefits and meet the needs of the case owner. Family social work not only adjusts emotionally, but also uses rationality to help establish the emotional foundation of both parties and make scientific plans according to specific problems. Compared with the traditional adjustment methods, just like volunteers and professional social workers, the former is enthusiastic about helping others but has no professional technical means, so it is difficult to achieve "medicine to cure the disease", which also highlights the professionalism of family social work intervention and the professional concept of helping others and helping themselves.
Second, family social work pays attention to the use of internal and external resources of the family system and emphasizes the harmony of the whole family, rather than counseling individual members. The contemporary contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law involves many factors, such as economic property, family status, children's education, family facilities arrangement and so on. The forms of conflict are more diverse and complex, involving a wider range. Traditional natural resources supervision is difficult to cope with the changing situation and its means are rigid. Family social work will make comprehensive use of family internal resources (including interpersonal resources, material resources, etc.). ) and external resources (including grassroots organizations, legal departments, etc.). For double intervention, proceed from the real needs of the case owner, comprehensively solve the problem, and use legal adjustments when necessary to promote satisfactory results for both parties.
Third, family social work pays attention to spiritual help, which helps to cultivate the awareness of mutual understanding and accommodation, help mother-in-law and daughter-in-law communicate effectively and enhance their feelings. In the past, village committees or community workers just talked about things and often criticized education, but they did not fundamentally solve the problem and failed to help the two sides communicate in time. Family social workers will first start from the perspective of people, pay attention to the transformation of emotions and thoughts, and enlighten people from the depths of their hearts.
Fourth, family social work follows the principles of individuality and confidentiality, ensuring that family privacy is not leaked and safeguarding family dignity. In different families, different family structures and backgrounds lead to different family relationships and different causes of natural conflicts. Family social workers can design schemes and provide services according to different family needs, which is more diverse and flexible than the traditional adjustment method of persuasion and compromise. In addition, family social workers will sign a confidentiality agreement with the parties when they intervene, follow the principle of confidentiality, and will not disclose family privacy to others, greatly eliminating the concerns of information disclosure of the parties.
Third, the theory of family social work.
As a specific major in the field of social work, family social work has its own system theory based on social work theory, including family system theory, family life cycle theory, family conflict theory, family communication theory and so on.
(A) the family system theory
According to the system theory, the family system consists of several subsystems, such as husband and wife system, parent-child system and hand-foot system, which are interrelated and mutually restricted, thus forming the orderly operation of the family system [4]. When the "change mechanism" and "balance mechanism" in family system theory conflict, they will change and adjust the conflict, so as to keep the family system in balance.
(B) the family life cycle theory
Family life cycle theory holds that family development has cycles, and each cycle stage has its own tasks. Only by successfully completing the tasks in one stage can we smoothly enter the next stage, otherwise the accumulated needs will not be met and will develop into contradictions and conflicts at a certain moment.
(C) the theory of family conflict
Family conflicts are considered normal. According to the theory of family conflict, conflict is due to the differences of family members' values, hobbies, lifestyles and action goals, as well as the differences between members who compete for family resources and power status. Family conflicts include situational conflicts, personality conflicts and rights conflicts.
(D) Family communication theory
Family communication theory holds that good communication between family members is the key to maintaining the relationship, and communication can enhance emotions and clarify roles. The complexity of family structure makes members assume multiple roles, which easily leads to role tension and role conflict. If you can't communicate in time and vent your emotions, it will cause family conflicts.
Fourthly, the intervention methods of family social work.
There are many ways to intervene in family social work. In order to meet the needs of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the author mainly introduces the following methods, including family case work, family group work, family service and family therapy.
(a) family work case intervention
Although there are two sides to the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, it can be adjusted by case consultation, providing services according to their respective needs, and directly contacting face to face to meet the needs of both sides and solve problems.
Simply put, casework is a personal job that provides consultation and counseling for the parties. Case work is a professional social worker who provides material or emotional support and services to individuals and families by using professional knowledge and skills. The purpose is to help individuals and families reduce stress, solve problems and achieve a good welfare state of individuals and society. Family casework has the general characteristics of casework. Such as paying attention to the needs of the case owner, stimulating the potential of the case owner and enhancing his confidence in facing problems and solving problems independently [5].
First of all, by establishing a good professional relationship with the case owner and his family, he can dispel his worries, let the case owner talk about his problems and allow him to vent his emotions; Secondly, discuss the causes of the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law with the case owner, determine the main factors and formulate specific service plans; Finally, pay attention to the self-development of the case owner and respect the rights and freedoms of the case owner in the implementation process. In case intervention, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can be served separately, so that both sides can grow together, realize their own problems and promote both sides to actively resolve contradictions.
Due to the sensitivity of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, it may be difficult for the case owner to express his views or ideas when receiving services, fearing that his family will be exposed. The advantage of family casework lies in its independent service, strong confidentiality, no disclosure of private secrets, and the elimination of the concerns expressed by the case owner, so that workers can clearly and accurately understand the root of the problem, formulate detailed solutions, and achieve the purpose of helping others.
(b) family working group intervention
The main feature of group work is to use the strength of the group to solve problems, promote the growth of group members and achieve the purpose of helping others. By organizing a group of members with the same problems and needs and under the guidance of group workers, family group work can promote full interaction among members, share experiences and opinions, and achieve common growth.
When dealing with the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, we can organize a group of people with the same needs to exchange experiences with each other in a good environment, so as to solve the embarrassment, and at the same time let them know that this kind of problem is normal and increase their confidence and motivation to solve the problem. In the group, publicity and education can improve the cognitive ability and cultural accomplishment of mother-in-law or daughter-in-law, cultivate their good communication skills, and let them acquire the ability to communicate with each other in daily life.
Family work-community participation
Family community work mainly uses various resources in the community to provide services such as life education, medical care and home management. Strengthen family functions, realize family development and promote community harmony and stability.
In view of the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, family community work can start from the following aspects:
First, provide knowledge to maintain the harmonious relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and improve their ideological quality. By carrying out relevant educational activities, both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are involved, so that both sides can know how to deal with contradictions and solve problems.
Second, teaching housework management skills can help mother-in-law and daughter-in-law become "good wives and good mothers", so that they can jointly manage housework, avoid power struggles, have the same topics and promote mutual communication.
Third, provide consulting services. When there are contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, we can provide timely consultation services and give the most appropriate solutions or guidance, which will avoid the accumulation of contradictions and promote the healthy development of the family.
In addition, in family community work, we should pay attention to the service to the whole family, mobilize the participation of family members, and create a good family atmosphere, which is helpful to establish a good family relationship.
In short, in the process of modern social transformation, the change of social environment is the complexity of family contradictions, and the contradictions and conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are also diversified. Family social work can make up for the shortcomings of traditional adjustment methods, adapt to changeable contradictions and meet the needs. The intervention of family social work will not only solve problems by professional means, but also enhance family relations, help improve family structure and determine family roles. When dealing with the problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, workers can use advanced western experience and theory, professional knowledge and methods to analyze specific problems and solve problems in an all-round way, which is also the inevitable trend of family social work to solve problems.
References:
Zhu Qiang. Family sociology [M]. Wuhan: Huazhong University of Science and Technology Press, 20 12. Page 7 129
[2] Wang Sibin. Introduction to social work [M]. Beijing: Higher Education Press, 2006. Page 5243
[3] Liu Jianfeng. Multi-dimensional perspective on the reasons that affect the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in China [J]. Journal of Shandong Women's College, 20 13. 10 Stage 5
[4] Zhu Meihua and Wen Jun. Handbook of Social Work Practice [M]. Beijing: Social Science Literature Publishing House, 2006. Page 2240
[5] Han Lili, family problems and the intervention of family social work [J]. Journal of Capital Normal University, No.2, 2005
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