When watching their son consciously live a poor life, take on housework for his parents and help them save money, many parents feel gratified and feel that their children are growing up quickly and sensible, but is this really a good thing?
First of all, we must understand what poverty is. The exact meaning of poor support is: let children experience setbacks from childhood, learn to be independent and self-reliant, and cultivate a strong heart. This is the original intention of parents to raise their sons in poverty.
For a man, learning to be independent and self-reliant is the most important significance. With a tough and tenacious personality, he doesn't have to worry about being crushed by "wind and rain" when he first enters the society, because he can stand up by himself in a thunderstorm.
However, in reality, what kind of situation are poor foster children prone to?
A case shared by a psychological counselor is particularly classic: a young man was originally from a good family, and it was not easy to earn money by education since he was a child. He should scrimp and save, and be hard-working and simple.
It was good, but according to his memory, as long as he wanted to buy something, his parents would always refuse it on the grounds of "waste" Over time, he felt as if he was not worth the money his parents spent. After being depressed about money, he concentrated on his studies and was finally admitted to a famous university.
Everything seems to be going according to parents' expectations.
However, when he was born in a society and faced with independence, the essential problem appeared. When he was interviewing a classmate who graduated from another ordinary school for a position in a company, he was pushed down by the other party. The young man didn't understand and ran to ask the interviewer.
The interviewer's answer was realistic: I kept looking underground because I was too insecure. He obviously has a gold medal degree, but his salary is much lower than the other one. And that position just needs a particularly confident person, so he feels that he does not meet the requirements.
There is a classic saying in the surreal diary of an Indian teenager: poverty will not give you strength, nor will it teach you to persist. No, poverty will only teach you how to become poor.
Pygmalion effect is a kind of social psychological effect, which means that people with high status are eager for people with low status to get the expected effect dramatically, and people will unconsciously accept the influence and hints of people they like, worship, trust and worship.
For example, children are to parents, students are to teachers, and subordinates are to leaders. When these people underestimate our ability and think that we are not self-motivated and do not perform well, we will internalize this concept and show the expected bad behavior of the other party.
As parents of poor adopted children have shown, children receive the wrong message: they are not worth the parents' spending so much money.
Many parents think that "poor support" is a good thing, and it is euphemistically called exercising children's willpower. However, cultivating willpower is really not as simple as limiting money. Poor support refers to material poverty, but excessive material poverty will lead to a kind of "spiritual poverty." The so-called mental poverty means that parents criticize and belittle their children too severely and lack encouragement. To put it bluntly, poor support can exist.
However, excessive poverty makes many boys live in a haze all their lives.
Because of the gap under countless comparisons, because of the disappointment under countless expectations, and because of countless self-deprecations-because they are "unqualified" and have poor spirit, children have evolved into character defects.
The most wrong thing for overnourished parents is to suppress their children's desires. However, repression will only make children's desires stronger and stronger. Even when I grow up, I get it in an incorrect way.
Just like the poor rich second generation in Metamorphosis, he always thought his parents were sick and his heart was full of resentment against them. When he grew up, he "slaughtered" his parents through crazy consumption.
The correct way for parents to raise their children in poverty is not only to limit money, but to teach children to learn to delay satisfying their own desires: you can use mom and dad's money, but you have to prove that you can get it through your own efforts. In our ubiquitous problem life, delaying satisfaction is a very feasible way of life, such as exam results, cooking, delaying salary and so on.
In the process of delaying desire, the test is the boy's comprehensive willpower of self-regulation, restraining impulse, resisting temptation, delaying satisfaction and perseverance.
This ability of self-discipline, controlling one's own desires, strictly demanding one's own behavior and accomplishing a desired goal, is particularly remarkable for a child.
Only in this environment can poor boys have strong self-confidence and social competitiveness, and can better cope with setbacks, pressures and difficulties in life; When pursuing your own goals, you can also resist the immediate temptation, so as to achieve a longer-term and more valuable goal and achieve success in life.
This is the real meaning of raising children in poverty.
If the child just wants to enjoy it first, and runs away when encountering problems, it shows that parents are enriching and indulging their children. Such children are often enthusiastic about doing things, unwilling to use their brains and think more, not to mention delaying the joy and fun of satisfaction.
However, children who are excessively poor are in a state of confusion and confusion. Without goals, guidance, demonstration and care of parents, it is easy to find the direction and it is difficult to grow into a child with a sound personality.
Parents can tell their children to give them clear rewards, which is what children really want. For example, children can have a good time after finishing their homework, so when they encounter problems, they will not choose to escape first, but face the problems and the troubles and pains caused by them, understand the seriousness and priorities of things, solve them step by step, and finally get greater pleasure.
Poverty destroyed three generations. Even if a boy is rich and powerful one day, he will get used to frugal consumption and become a "poor father" in spirit. His children will also look at the world from a vulgar perspective like him and be cautious about everything they have paid.