1.@? I just analyzed your husband's childhood, he is loveless, and the focus is on 0-7 years old! Not after a year!
Dink: Many people have miserable childhoods, so I think it's painful to bring children into this world! A particularly strange idea, even though he is already rich, but the subconscious childhood pain, unloved, deeply affects them.
@ More than a year? It is estimated that you are strong and have a strong desire for control, but there is a mentality of dependence and salvation behind your strength. You should also think about why you chose your husband! Think about it! What attracted you to him! Marriage problems must be the result of collusion between two people.
@ More than a year? You can ask him where he lived when he was young, 1-3 years old. His father goes out to work, what effect does it have on him! Knowing more about the motives behind his behavior, you can get rid of his behavior and set yourself free. Many times, it's not how much the other person's behavior hurts you, but his behavior evokes your old wounds and makes you feel pain.
@ More than a year, yes, your husband was injured, and his previous feelings were unfinished events (love), which was particularly unforgettable for him, that is, he had been filled with unfinished events in his heart! This is not particularly easy to love! Because he always has a "Bai Yueguang" in his heart.
2.@ Rebirth @ Jiang Jiang Good evening. When I was in middle school, I always thought my father was "ugly" for a long time (in fact, he was not ugly at all, just plain), and I didn't want my classmates to see his "ugly face". I want my father to change it into a "sunny, bright smiling face". But he is still himself.
For example, some people have a bad relationship with their fathers, so they will find fault with their husbands, that is, they will project their dissatisfaction with their fathers on their husbands.
At that time, I was shocked when I realized that what I wanted was actually fatherly love.
3.@ Fangfang Dalian? Uh-huh, yes, we must have an internal card point, which will make our energy very low. I used to be like this, and I was also a child with inner fear! Therefore, it leads to low energy and strong sense of worthlessness, which will attract men with low energy.
@ Fangfang Dalian? It really doesn't matter much. I forgot that I was divorced. My husband is five years younger than me now. I eat young grass! The point is really to grow up and heal yourself. Do you want a divorce? Don't worry, practice with your husband first!
@ Fangfang Dalian? [snickering] [snickering] This is also a restrictive concept. Life is an experience. If you have experienced more than others, it means that you have entered the playground and played two of the most exciting amusement projects. Others may just play bumper cars. You play jump shot, it's exciting, and your heart beats faster [snickers] [snickers] [snickers]
@ Fangfang Dalian? [snickering] [snickering] [snickering] If you live your whole life, it's equivalent to others living for two lifetimes. You are so funny! Made a lot of money.
@ Fangfang Dalian? Did you read the question and answer at the back of the textbook? A girl said that her mother and her grandmother had been married many times, and she was afraid of divorce and marriage failure ... What did the teacher say? Why does divorce fail? ..... put down your judgment. Later, the girl said that she found her mother and her grandmother to be particularly attractive women [smiling face] [smiling face]
@ Fangfang Dalian? Be sure to find someone from a relatively stable family to marry! This is really important, but the subconscious part has not healed well, so I can't help being with that man when I meet him!
4.@ sunflower? You insist on your understanding of home, which must be related to your growth process, that is, two people are living their own family lives under the traction of their respective families! Teacher Huang Qi once said in a class that if you stick to your own ideas, it will be difficult for you to say yes to him! Then it's hard for you to go in the same direction. You think this is the right thing to do. You go to the left, and he thinks it's right. He walked to the right. Only one of you is willing to say yes to each other and respect each other to go the same way! There is no right or wrong in this concept!
@ Sunflower? You and your husband are a couple: dependent and evasive. Only when one of you changes can this endless cycle be broken. For example, if you no longer rely on him, you need to subconsciously make a move to reconnect with your father and fill the hole in your heart that lacks love, so that you can accept your husband and your husband will change from the role of escaper to the role of actively taking care of the family.
The more dependent a person is, the more he wants to find emotional sustenance, and the easier it is to find evaders who evade responsibility! Because of a dependent person, there will be an inner little girl who longs to be saved. Usually, she will save some men with poor family conditions and satisfy her desire to save. But there is a hook behind this act of redemption. In fact, it is eager for the other party to redeem themselves, feel sorry for themselves, love themselves unconditionally, and don't give up on themselves. However, this kind of girl who especially loves to pay has the desire to save, and usually pays too much. People who pay too much will attract people who have no sense of responsibility. Therefore, you must first learn to save your inner child. If you love her enough, she doesn't need to ask others for love and dependence, so she can love the injured man!
@ Sunflower? Only you, and only one person, will never leave you, whether or not to abandon you! This is what you need to see in your life! And practice [hug] [hug] [hug]
@ Sunflower? [Giggle] [Giggle] You are all children, asking for unconditional love from each other!
@ Sunflower? [Yi tooth] [Yi tooth] His growing experience is insecure, so he just needs money to satisfy his sense of security. You can see if your husband and father give money to his mother! This is also the result of a family education.
There are also internal family motives in different places. You stand with your mother and blame your father! This kind of family motivation makes it easy for you to find a different place, even if it is not a different place at first, you will live a life. He works and lives in different places.
Your words remind me! My husband doesn't want to love me wholeheartedly. Is it because his previous feelings were hurt? (He commented that the previous relationship was "hard to remember my heart". At that time, he was going to propose, but his mother strongly disagreed, so he learned to save himself and exchange money for love in his relationship with me.
You don't want to accept yourself deliberately, so you are passive. You just want to let love flow, let love flow out of your heart, then flow to your husband and come back.
You may be escaping from some of your own characteristics. What you don't want to face is projected on your husband, and then you want to escape.
Love, love yourself, accept yourself, and then drive your husband to let love flow.
@ Sunflower? The arrival of your husband is to let you see yourself and what you need, and then learn to love yourself unconditionally.
No matter how boring he is, you should make yourself happy [yi tooth] [yi tooth]. Let go of his expectation and criticism and make yourself happy.
Change yourself first, let go of the idea that you want to change the other person or need the other person's response. Just do it yourself first, and there will be changes after you do it. You should feel the positive changes in yourself and each other every day and feel the coming of happiness.
Transform his mind. Take it back and reform yourself.
In other words, you have to be mature before you can attract mature lovers.
Men need respect, recognition, encouragement and support. He treats you like a princess.
Creating a little romance and a sense of ceremony in life will drive him up.
Such people need to be driven.
You just drove him.
Husband and we are equal, what's so tiring? Someone always lets love flow.
Come home from work every day, a loving hug, and a small ceremony every day when you go to work.
You just want to drive him. You often prepare some small ceremonies, such as wedding anniversary, buying a cake and cooking a candlelight dinner.
Create some two-person world, watch movies together and do some meaningless but happy little things together.
Long-distance love is a big killer!
It's not that he can't help, but that your heart is still resisting him. I used to be like this. My husband also works in other places. I feel that I am a good player both inside and outside, and sometimes I don't even need him at all. Now I know I was all wet. I started practicing yoga to soften myself, and then found our similarities. It's really hard to find them slowly. We all like food. Every week when he comes back, we will take our daughter to punch in and eat delicious food everywhere, and then I will learn to do it myself. He loves sports. I didn't like sports very much before, but now I like it gradually. I am doing yoga beauty maintenance now, and I am learning to take classes to enrich myself. Then my daughter learned everything properly. My husband comes back every week and says I have to refuel, otherwise I can't keep up with you.
I have changed the light bulb and curtains before, and I have turned myself into a woman, feeling that I am very powerful. Now that something is broken, I'll wait for him to come back and change it, and then tell him that I really can't do it without him at home. When he came back and finished speaking, I gave him a good compliment. He can't be romantic, but he will help me fill up my car before leaving every week. I will praise him hard (this has become a sense of ritual between us). I used to blame him for not giving gifts for his birthday. Now that my birthday is coming, I just need to tell him what I want and he will satisfy me. I thought, why should my husband guess? I am not a worm in your heart. As long as he satisfies my wish, I will be very happy. Then it's his birthday. I will bring my daughter a full sense of ceremony and make him feel love. There is a saying: people who have never loved don't know how to love. Do what you want him to love you, and he will be gradually influenced by you when he feels love.
What you worry about will attract you. I was also asked that your husband is so excellent. Aren't you worried about other possibilities for him to be outside? I'm really not worried, because he got the satisfaction of love from me. He also saw what I did for my family. I don't depend on him, I don't beg him, I am spiritually independent, and I nourish him while doing myself well. There must be people who go outside to find something at home that they are not satisfied with. We're all satisfied physically and psychologically, so why should we look outside? He is not stupid. He can also calculate the price.
Yes, accept and surrender. No matter what the result is, think about what God wants me to get by giving me this gift.
Take responsibility for your own life, let your husband stand in his own position and create his own life.
6. Start by making yourself beautiful [Rose].
Yes, the subconscious will control you before you realize it. This is what we call fate!
So Jung said: What you don't realize is your destiny.
The teacher said, live in love or live in fear.
@ Rebirth? Yes, a man needs money, energy and power to prove himself. Can you tell him about this demand?
7. I used to educate my daughter to be more tolerant of others, but later I found that she would lower herself to cater to others. Then I told her that respect is mutual. If you respect others, others still despise you and trample on you, then go back rudely and get your confidence back. Now in class, I taught her to look at the reasons behind others 360 degrees. Some people who are strong on the surface are actually very fragile inside, and the compassion that rises inside is another strength.
Now I think others have other people's choices and destinies. If you really want to solve the problem, you still have to grow up on your own.
8.@ Lucky Xin, you do the practice of linking with your parents, and save your inner child first! Love her, protect her and accompany her! When you no longer need others to save you, you can become an adult! You can be responsible for your own life, and you don't need to save others [hug] [hug] [hug] to save yourself.
Tell yourself in your heart, life, you see how brave and tenacious I am! Life, I will respect you! Let's work together to make my life worthwhile.
@ Teaching Assistant-Deng Feifei? Okay, okay. It's lit this passage is great: we may really have to pay a lot to get close to the light, but who says that standing in the light is a hero?
In fact, most of us are trying to grow in a bright direction, but we never give up ourselves and our efforts. Isn't that great? We are our own heroes! [Love] [Love] [Love]
@ Rebirth? Yes, yes, but why should she attract this family? She needs to see something. She's talking about someone else's problem! I don't see my own problems in this relationship, and her own problems are the main reasons that determine the development of this relationship.
@ Kevin？ When in love, girls want to be spoiled more. If your understanding makes him understand you better, love you more and cherish you more, that's good. I'm a little sorry that I didn't fall in love at the right age and didn't get the love and tolerance that girls want, so it's impossible to get [cover your face] [cover your face] in marriage. After becoming a mother, I want to repair myself. Although it is a heroic journey, it is also a bloody road [covering your face].
You can also see your marriage relationship in the five languages of love, which respectively represent the five languages of love: 1. Accompaniment, 2. Gifts, 3. Touch, 4. Service, 5. Like and sure!
[Hug] [Hug] [Hug] Let's try to make ourselves fragrant first [Grin] [Grin] Just like those beautiful flowers, let's bloom as much as possible, whether it's cloudy or sunny [love]. So, let's think about what Teacher Bo Huang said in the live Q&A session: Honey, I chose what I chose, which was the best I could choose at that time. Let's just say it's not good for my husband, and it's not good for me, and that there is something wrong with my choice [naughty] [naughty], then we can be happy.
Everyone is the same, no matter he is strong or weak, there is a kind of power behind him. The power of life, his life is his choice, and his weakness is his choice.
9.
When I was young, I had tense moments like yours. It's cool to vent your emotions, but you still have to pay the price afterwards. After having children, I was thinking, I want to set an example for my children anyway, so I have never blushed with my husband in front of the children, even if there are contradictions, I have communicated afterwards. At that time, I didn't know what a hug was, but now I know that it was what the teacher said when I endured it at that moment. Now I can see my husband's difficulties better. We women can cry and relieve our emotions. They always carry things on their backs, so I am softer and more willing to tolerate and dissolve him with tenderness and love. After doing this, my husband felt loved and learned to interact with me in a loving way. This is a virtuous circle.
The key is to be angry once or to be very tired.
When it comes to emotional outbursts, everyone has them. We can calm down and reflect and look back at this emotional direction. It is clear what we refuse and what we want. Otherwise, this pattern is easy to repeat. We are a little timid when we are in a daze.
10.
He said something about me, which probably means that every time I get angry with him about sleeping, I am unhappy for a while, but when I think about it, he doesn't sleep as well as me. He didn't quarrel with me about it, although I always disturbed him while he was sleeping. Then I held on. Besides, if you are angry with others, why can't others be like you?
God, this sentence is too powerful. My husband is too great. In order to help us grow up, he will lose his temper at the expense of health.
It's so broad at once, thanks to China's good husband [love]
Therefore, he is always the same person, and we always deal with him in the same way, so we will get repeated results. Actually, it's nothing. At least so far, no one has changed. We just need to see that whenever we want to change, we can.
Both of them need comfort. There is a sentence in the related knowledge I read before, which is called: The world is an echo wall, so you can give whatever you need. If you need his comfort, you should also care about him properly first. @llucky？ Of course, when the mood is there, I may not be able to hold it.
I understand that after you express your feelings, the other person's reaction is like that, but he is in a state of illness and low energy. He just can't give you what you expect. What should I do? Love yourself first, meet your expectations first, embrace yourself, be your own parents and take care of yourself.
There is no pain if you can hold it, and there is no enemy if you have compassion.
Directly say that you are self-centered, feel good about yourself, link yourself and go back to your parents' courses. Why can't you two meet?
It's not easy to hug you two. One coughs, the other suffers from insomnia. If you can see the pain of his cough, he can also see the pain of your insomnia. There is a high probability that you will not annoy each other because you have done something wrong. At that moment, you all need to be loved, warmed and taken care of.
Can we accept our own emotions, and can we accept our husbands' emotions? [Love] @llucky? .
If the other person can't hold it, practice it yourself.
Do some exercise, and when you have enough strength, you can hold on. Holding requires strength and wisdom.
Try not to fight is allowed.
1 1. Accept or say yes. When we observe it, we will find that the more we reject something, the more it will follow you.
Yes, it is. What I have personally experienced in my own life is that the more repulsive things are, the more bitter [wow] [bitter]
12.@ Weng World? Praise your husband, thank him, recognize him, don't care if it's worth it, don't care about gains and losses, and a happy family nourishes each other.
You jump out and look at you. Your husband is actually seeking comfort and courtship from you. Look at your husband's love for you When you see it, you won't feel that you have different frequencies.
Don't always get stuck in this point, you still put yourself in the victim's pit and refuse to look up at the wonderful outside.
All divorced couples are ungrateful and agree.
I tell you, the more a person looks like a prick, the more fragile his heart is, and the less he loves. On the surface, he swore and bared his teeth to hide his inner fragility. In fact, the language behind him is, come and love me, accompany me and praise me.
@ 京京京京? Now that we are together, we are the right person. If it is not the right person, it will not be together.
[Hug] [Hug] Can you say to yourself?
Yes, I chose this person, yes, I chose to express my expectations with respect, yes, I chose to do something alone in this situation, yes, I chose to bear the consequences of all this. Yes, I am not happy now.
@ 京京京京? When I was a father link, I walked up to him and found that this was my husband. I was disappointed that he appeared in front of me. All I know is that I have always treated him the way I treated my father! Play the projection game!
I had a dream the other day that my husband was with that ex-girlfriend. I am very sad, but I persuade myself to bless them. Although I can't find the reason for dreaming, I have learned the principle of family faction, which I think can be explained by it. My heart doesn't have enough strength. Not strong enough, so not confident enough. In fact, this is just my unilateral illusion, which has nothing to do with my husband. I can't say it's an illusion, but if I have enough strength inside, even if such a thing really happens, I won't feel anything and have enough strength to deal with it.
@ Rebirth? The worst relationship is not divorce, but a chicken feather! Left, but two people live in peace! As long as parents don't attack each other, it really won't affect too much!
Yes! If both sides are injured, the child can't grow up well. But in real life, too many people have no courage. Or we were not peaceful when we left, but we hurt each other.
Thank you @ Runxin. Yes, I practiced reconciliation with my father until I got stuck there, but I didn't continue because I resisted this exercise internally and I didn't want to reconcile with my father [pouting]. From this perspective, it reminds me that I am more or less with my mother.
I isolated a divorced colleague, and my husband came back to find his daughter. The two men had another big fight, and even took out a knife to cover their faces. The noise is so loud that I'm scared [pouting].
Well done. My parents divorced and have never had a good relationship. My mother insisted on a divorce when I was a senior in high school. My mother has instilled ideas since she was a child, and my father is not good either. In the year of their divorce, they got good grades. Later, I learned about the family arrangement, which is a typical family dislocation.
I had a similar "illusion" when I first got married. I don't think I'm his favorite and most admired person. Later, I learned that I still didn't accept myself. The object I always cared about actually had some parts that I wanted but didn't live. Later, I went to appreciate that person and enjoyed it with my husband. In this way, I actually stood with my husband, and the person I care about naturally became an outsider.
Mm-hmm, the average woman, if her father cheats at home, can easily attract cheating men as partners! Subconsciously, people always want to have a deep connection with their father. When they were young, they always wanted to change their father, but they felt powerless. Then when she grows up, she will find a man who cheated like her father as a partner. A man is loyal to his father. Another reason comes from changing my father's wishes. If he changed his father, he could save his mother and his childhood self. Only by being treated correctly once in the subconscious can he grow up!
My ex-husband cheated on me, and I learned the bloodline theory. His motive for cheating is that he comes from a family, which has nothing to do with me! My father loves his family and my mother very much, so I firmly believe that there must be someone who loves me. In the process of my blind date, no matter how good his material conditions and excellent work are, he will leave at once! Some women are often confused by things, houses, cars, or what men call cheap! Figure he is good to you! It is the reason why most girls are cheated.
@ Ling? Don't be confused by foreign things, but analyze his family background, his parents' relationship, and his relationship with his parents! Whether his personality is similar to your three views, and whether his temper is complementary or similar! Of course, we must also have the ability to make money! Have a car and a house!
@ Ling? Mm-hmm, learn to understand him and the source of your husband's personality! See the reason of his conflict, and you can understand him well! And learn to accept yourself unconditionally! Love yourself! Only by accepting yourself can you accept each other! Know what you want, and guide him to see what he wants in communication!
@ Sunflower? You all expect each other to take the initiative, much like a child losing his temper: I ignore you! Then stubbornly stick to what you think is right! "If you try to approach him from the heart, see if it will affect him! You can do some exercises in your mind: for example, thank him for having loved you and brought you children. He once met you in his best years, fell in love with you, and thanked him for going all the way. Now we are separated, let go of past anger and judgment, and then do the practice of thanking him in our hearts and feel close to him! Do it a few times more, and when you are peaceful, he will feel it slowly! He will come near you, too!
@ Sunflower Well, you can change yourself from now on and create a better future for your son and yourself! Also allow yourself to be imperfect sometimes, remember to love yourself and your son, and don't pin your hopes on others!
@ 晞+Sales+Mianyang, Sichuan? You did a good job. Indeed, separation is a matter for adults! Take the initiative to let the child contact his father, the child needs parents!
I think if I get divorced, I won't want to contact my ex again. Maybe I'm too passive. I always fantasize in my mind that I did well, and then he did badly, so that my heart would be balanced and my mood would be good.
@ Fangfang Dalian? Don't think like this, it's hard to be happy! Because you have resentment in your heart and the energy of resentment is very low!
@ Fangfang Dalian, you treat your grandmother as a mother! Grandma, think of her as the neighbor's aunt. She can give you a hand and thank her. You don't care if she doesn't help you! Because having children is our own business, we plan and choose by ourselves! I am responsible for my own children.
@ Dong Mei-Project Manager (Marriage Emotional Counselor)? You are absolutely right. All the choices we make, the children we have, the decisions we make, the responsibilities we take, don't ask others. That's not someone else's responsibility and obligation! We are grateful when others help us, and we don't complain when others don't help us. We just do it silently!
@ More than a year? In fact, this is part of human nature! Say yes to human nature! Law of entropy increase! Relationships tend to be disordered and separated. We just use love to restrain our behavior and choose not to separate, so that we can stay in the relationship! See his motivation in the relationship and encourage him more!
Even if you are divorced now, it is also a series of processes, healing yourself, loving yourself and being yourself. Just put this process in your current marriage, and when you are ready, who can say what will happen in the future?
It's because of a sentence by Dong Xiao: In fact, your pain is not because of the wrong behavior of the other party, but because he evokes the inherent pain in your heart.
@ More than a year? Not necessarily, it depends on whether your heart is full of love, overflowing love to others, without expectation, and others return your love, which you think is icing on the cake. If not, it doesn't matter! When you really love each other, it is not that kind of purposeful love! The relationship must be good!