1. The great conflict between schools of object relation theory (1930s and 1940s);
Anna Floyd believes that children's self-function is very weak, and when they receive psychoanalytic treatment, they need more education and guidance.
Melanie klein believes that children's self-function is not weak, even stronger than that of adults. How to ask adults and how to do it for children.
2. Winnicott established a middle school independently of the two factions. He is the chairman of the British Psychoanalytic Society. On one occasion, learn to have a meeting, and German planes circled over London. As chairman, he stood on the stage and said, "Let's take refuge in the bomb shelter." But the two factions in the audience argued endlessly and no one paid attention to him. The conflict between the two factions is as huge as the smoke of World War II.
He worked in a children's hospital in England for 40 years. During World War II, he was also assigned by the government to work in a children's shelter. Statistics show that he directly helped 64,000 mothers and babies.
Winnicott has a famous saying: "There is no such thing as a baby in this world. Because babies can't exist independently. If you see a baby, you must also see its mother. " This also shows the importance of mother-infant relationship to children's growth.
5. Winnicott is Klein's disciple. At the same time, one of Klein's children is also undergoing psychoanalysis by Winnicott.
6. Winnicott has written many books, but there is only one translated version of Little Pig's Story in Chinese mainland. He also made many popular science lectures on psychology by using the TV that just appeared at that time. In addition, he also invented some "technical terms" that don't look like technical terms, which are very popular.
7. Winnicott has a very unique milestone perspective. He is no longer only concerned about the single state of mother or child, but about the relationship between mother and child and how their interaction can promote or hinder the development of children. This perspective also became the pioneer of later self-psychology theory.
8. False self and true self
False self: a bit like a shell wrapped around the real self. The source is that there are many dangers in this person's early living environment, and it is necessary to establish a protection system so that his true self will no longer be beaten by the wind and rain outside.
True self: at a very young age, if the mother can feel the child's feelings very delicately and provide the child with needs in time, the child's true self can grow well. On the other hand, it is difficult for children to form a complete psychological self, and their personality may be in a broken state.
9. Winnicott's question: "In fact, in the relationship between a mother and a child, there must be a lot of hatred for the child in the subconscious besides the love that can be perceived at the conscious level. Can you perceive this part? "
He wrote 17 lines to support this argument, including:
(1) After the baby is born, it is not what the mother imagined.
(2) Babies are not childhood games. Every little girl has played house with dolls. When a little girl becomes a woman and a mother, the baby she gave birth to is too different from what she imagined, which will also constitute her rejection of the baby.
(3) The baby is not a father's child or a brother's child. All little girls fantasize about marrying their father or brother, but the children she really has as an adult are not the children she imagined to be born with her father or brother.
(4) The birth of a baby is not a myth at all.
(5) Babies will interfere with the mother's personal life.
(6) Babies will bite their mothers' nipples, which may be related to narcissism frustration and hating that they can't nourish themselves. This kind of behavior will make mothers feel very painful.
(7) A mother gives birth to a child to appease her mother, because she needs children.
(8) The baby's attitude towards his mother may be that he can come and go at the drop of a hat, which may also make his mother feel uncomfortable being used.
(9) The mother has done too much for the baby, but the baby has done nothing for the mother.
(10) Babies may show idealized disillusionment with their mothers. "Mother is like this."
(1 1) The baby may not know the great sacrifice made by his mother, or the baby may refuse to be close to his mother, or it may lead to his mother's disgust.
Psychoanalysis (17) Winnicott's mother-infant relationship
10. Psychoanalysis provokes the relationship between mother and child, so that children can continue to grow up healthily. If a mother can only realize her love for her child, but can't realize her hatred and complaints about her child, she may devour the child and the child may suffer from serious personality disorder or schizophrenia. On the other hand, if a mother feels that she loves her child 100%, she will do whatever she wants in front of her child, and the child will lose the basic breathing space.
1 1. Many mothers never even ask their children, "What should a mother do to be a good mother?"
A mother asked her 2 1 year-old daughter, and her daughter replied, "Leave me alone, you will be a better mother." (voiceover: If you have a little bit of rejection and hatred for me, then the distance between us will be farther, and I will be more likely to be myself. )
12. If parents can express a little hatred for their children during their growth, it is equivalent to giving them a "gentle push" to grow up and shaping a truly healthy personality.
It's like painting. If you let the painting fill the whole paper, it will give people a feeling of tension and restraint. A good painter knows not so much where to draw on paper as where to draw nothing, that is, not to draw. Similarly, a good mother also knows what not to say and what not to do to her children.
13. As soon as a boy touches a blank piece of paper, he feels trembling all over, as if he had been electrocuted. The reason is that the boy attended a painting class in the Children's Palace. The homework assigned by the teacher that day was to draw apples, and the child wanted to draw monkeys. The teacher resolutely opposed it and taught the child a lesson. The child went back and touched a blank sheet of paper that night, and symptoms of general nervous shock appeared.
Boys' subconscious is not very deep, and the reason is easy to find. The counselor said to the boy, "From today on, you can draw whatever you want, and no one will interfere with you anymore." What do you say? " The boy said, "Then I will draw monkeys every day!" " "After a while, the consultant handed him a blank sheet of paper, and he didn't show any nervous symptoms.
Two months later, the boy's symptoms recurred, and there was no direct cause. The counselor said, "My uncle taught you a simple way to put your electricity underground. This is a kung fu, I won't teach others. " The boy was very happy and agreed. The counselor handed him a blank sheet of paper and said, "When you touch this blank sheet of paper and feel an electric shock, you will secretly try to get your toes back and say to yourself,' Go!'" "The feeling of electricity will spread to the ground." The boy did, and sure enough, the electricity disappeared.
The consultant's narcissism was greatly satisfied, and the boy and his mother went out with the bill. After a while, the consultant met the assistant, and the assistant said to him, "That mother really has a problem." The consultant was surprised and asked what was going on. It turned out that after the mother left the clinic, she never doubted that her son's illness was cured so quickly. She took a piece of white paper and put it in her son's hand and said, "Try again! I don't believe it will get better so soon. "
Psychological counselors realize that they should not rush to solve children's problems, but should first adjust the relationship between mother and children. Otherwise, the child's problem seems to be solved, but it actually covers up the problems in the mother-child relationship.
14. A mother took 19-year-old son to see a doctor. She said, "My child has three problems, the first is inattention, the second is forgetfulness and the third is emotional instability." After interviewing the child, the doctor found that the child was a general adolescent problem and said, "There are indeed some emotional problems. Let's do a systematic psychotherapy. " I did it three or five times, but the child didn't come for two or three months.
Later, the mother appeared again with her children. It turned out that the mother thought the child was making too slow progress, so she took him to see a brain psychologist. The doctor prescribed antipsychotics, chlorpromazine and clozapine, both of which are used to fight hallucinations and delusions, and do not meet the symptoms of the child. Psychologists can't say anything, medication is the business of other doctors, so continue to do systematic psychotherapy.
After three or five times, the child didn't come for half a year. It was a family of three when it reappeared. The child walked in the front with a bandage on his head, followed by his mother, followed by a little old man, who looked weak and even shrank at first sight. That's the father of the child. Mother casually sat on the sofa and said to the therapist, "I recently took a radical approach and took our son to the south for a brain operation, which partially cut off 200 million nerves connecting the left and right hemispheres." The child did seem a lot quieter, but the therapist was very sad after listening to it.
This is an ordinary worker's family, and it took a long time to save money to raise 50 thousand yuan for surgery. On the conscious level, the mother can only perceive her endless love for her children, but she doesn't know that she is actually persecuting her children in a very shocking way.
15. Parents have some contradictory ideas about their children at the conscious and subconscious levels, but as a professional therapist, don't directly point out, "So you hate children." This will make them feel more guilty. In order to make up for their guilt, they will control their children more or do harm. More technically, "I know you love your children very much, and you love your children more than yourself." However, the way you treat your children may lead to a consequence that you don't want to see. We can discuss together what you expect from your children at the subconscious and conscious levels. "
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