Although sincere love is only the fit of the soul, it can be thousands of miles away, as if it can be soulmate without companionship. But most people are not cowherd and weaver girl after all, not to mention that even cowherd and weaver girl have to meet on Tanabata, otherwise the feelings are really hard to say.
The ancients had great wisdom and even considered the importance of companionship when making up stories, which created opportunities for cowherd and weaver girl to date on Tanabata.
There are many couples who know each other better and have closer feelings because of their companionship.
But marriage is life after all, and many factors hinder companionship. There are also many couples who become strangers due to lack of companionship and eventually become passers-by.
First, a woman who is wronged by love
How can couples get along for a long time to make their marriage more harmonious?
This should be a "stubborn disease" in many people's marriages, but the problem cannot be generalized because of the differences in marriage and circumstances.
I once met such a woman. At the age of 38, she doesn't lack food and clothing, and she has a big house to live in. But she said that the marriage was unhappy, her husband didn't want to touch her, and she was confused and worried about the marriage.
Her name is Shanshan and she has been married for 15 years.
Shanshan's children live on campus and go home once a month. Only she and her husband are at home. She loves her husband very much, and he loves her. Since she got married 15 years ago, she seldom quarreled. However, due to the busy work, the husband and wife had to separate beds. My husband is very tired after work all day, and he doesn't want to touch her. He always avoids her approach.
Shanshan expressed her bitterness and bitterness: We used to love each other very much, mainly because he was very enthusiastic about me, as if he had unlimited energy. Even when the children are at home, we will find opportunities to be quiet together in the middle of the night, and my husband always asks me. We were very close at that time. He loves me and makes me feel like a happy woman.
I remember that I always thought he was too restless and always disturbed my rest. But my husband is looking forward to the child growing up early, sending him out to school early and not interfering with our close love.
But now I've been married for 15 years, my children are no longer at home, and I'm not afraid of tossing around, but my husband has separated from me. He is no longer as tired as he used to be, and he doesn't understand my suffering. 1 For many years, not only can't we share the same bed, but he doesn't want to touch me. Every time I enter his room, he always blames me for disturbing him and kicking me out despite my pleading.
I am a woman who believes in love, and I know the value of family. Some people are interested in me, but I dare not mess around. It's always embarrassing to say it. I'm only 38 years old, and I haven't reached middle age, but marriage is like a stagnant pool. Think about the future. It's too difficult to go on like this. I'm worried. I'm really worried. Can you understand? What should I do?
Second, aggrieved women can easily find the seeds of marriage change.
I answered her, how to answer specifically, I can't think of it without reading the chat record, but I still remember the main meaning.
I told her that if you ask others, they might suggest that you improve your charm. For example, dress up more and arouse your husband's interest in you. For example, create a romantic atmosphere and make him curious about you again.
But this is secondary to you. The first thing you have to do is to keep your initial heart and tell yourself repeatedly that you are very loving. You can't think about it, you can't seek comfort outside marriage. Secondly, we should improve ourselves, dress exquisitely, make use of "unexpected accidents", look for opportunities to create romance and cultivate intimacy.
I can probably understand your concern, and I have met many women who have similar experiences with you, and all have similar ideas with you. Some people can stick to themselves, know what to do and what not to do, and know how to avoid the ambiguity of the opposite sex. Some people accidentally make emotional mistakes when their minds are hot, and they can't clean up the situation anymore.
In fact, women in marriage have some pains in their hearts, and others will never understand if they don't tell them. But if you say it, it's easy to give up your persistence. The grievances and entanglements you said are easily taken as hints by others.
Your worry is not only that he is in love with someone else, not only that he doesn't love you, but also that you will do something stupid to hurt your marriage in the future. If I guess correctly, you should have a goal in mind, but you haven't made up your mind, otherwise you wouldn't ask.
I just want to suggest that as long as the marriage is still there, forget it. Because if you cross that step, maybe you will experience greater suffering and even regret it for a lifetime. Like a road that can't be turned back. As long as you cross that step, it will be difficult to complete it satisfactorily. Please learn to love yourself.
The biggest grievance in many women's hearts may not be material lack or physical fatigue. It's that my husband doesn't know how to take care of himself and express himself. In the long run, women who feel wronged can easily become "stupid" and accept the pursuit of others.
When marriage is in crisis, it is difficult to turn back.
Third, the confession of a middle-aged lady.
I met a middle-aged woman who was divorced 1 year, and she wanted to remarry her ex-husband. Her name is Pepe and she divorced at 46.
Pepe and Shanshan have a similar marriage. They have similar experiences and ideas, but their husbands don't want to touch themselves.
Pepe was pursued by people around her, and she realized that the "wish" and marriage were lost. Divorce 1 year later, I realized it was too late to regret.
Let me briefly talk about Ms. Pepe's experience. For most women, middle age is painful. But don't be stupid because of suffering, it will bring sadness.
Pepe, 46, and her husband have been married for 24 years, and their feelings are slowly dull. That year Pepe made a mistake and the couple divorced.
I used to walk in the wind and rain, as long as I held hands, I could feel the warmth. But after being married for a long time, her husband didn't want to touch her. Although he knows that Pepe is the most important person in his life, some things are boring.
Pepe is different from her husband. Even though she is 46 years old, she still looks forward to romance and needs company. This is the same characteristic of women, not to mention 46 years old, but also looking forward to romance at 64 years old. Pepe feels hurt because her husband always avoids himself.
Is it because you are not attractive enough, or is your husband tired of yourself?
Whenever I think of these questions, Pepe will feel very wronged. After all, clever women are reserved, and even if they are helpless, they are embarrassed to speak.
In the process of her grievance, a man walked into her life and stayed with her. Pepe comforted herself again and again. This is just a game, no feelings. After 24 years of marriage, my husband and I have been inseparable in this life. I will not affect my marriage feelings by doing so. I know I should cherish my marriage. I know I can only love my husband.
She thinks it's too simple. She thought she could let go at any time, but she never thought she would fall in love with him. She began to get tired of her husband, became emotionally dependent on that man and filed for divorce.
Not long after the divorce, the man left her and she became single. She is very regretful and ashamed, and just wants to remarry. Even if you don't have the married life you want, it's better than being single. Just tried several times, and her ex-husband didn't want to forgive her.
Fourth, emotional mistakes are hard to make up, and cherishing marriage has a future.
Many women's emotional experiences are just like Pepe's marriage, and the randomness in their feelings has made her suffer enough.
I thought I could control the rhythm, but later I realized that it was not that simple. Some things were wrong step by step. And the rest of the loneliness and grievances seem to be borne by themselves.
For women, especially after middle age, there will always be some small entanglements and even big grievances in marriage. Some can only face the inevitable, and some are more and more wronged.
A lady said: I cried secretly many times, as if I could not see the future. Many times, I couldn't sleep in the middle of the night, but my husband snored and slept soundly. After shouting for a long time, he stopped talking. He finally woke up, but went to the back room to sleep with a pillow. I really don't know what other uses this kind of marriage has besides cohabitation. If he does this to me again, I'm afraid I can't hold on.
Another lady said, I was so loving at that time, but now I'm tired of my husband. This marriage is unfair to me. I really want a divorce when I meet such a husband who doesn't even want to perfunctory. But after all, after living together for so long and having children, how easy is it to give up marriage easily? There are also several times when I want to walk outside casually, but I dare not think of a stable family. I've had enough of him. I'm so wronged.
For men in marriage, this injustice of women is also a wake-up call for men. Marriage is not for one person, and a good emotional foundation is to give to each other, not to escape.
Although dreams are always beautiful, everyone lives in reality and there will always be entanglements. Some emotional mistakes are irreparable. Cherish marriage, cherish lover, and sincerely pay for a better future.