Although this is a bit one-sided, Lin Jun observed that most families are like this, especially when women have just got married and have not yet established a good relationship with their husbands' families. A woman who just got married in the past still has a "strangeness" in the eyes of her husband's family. Once there is a contradiction in their lives, the husband's family will regard women as "strangers".
This is not surprising, and women don't have to be angry about it. Everyone is like this. Compared with relatives who have been together for decades, the idea of newly married women will naturally not be valued. This is also a phenomenon that is not fully integrated into the husband's family. Although she is married and lives in her husband's family, in the eyes of her husband's immediate family, there will still be barriers between women.
Only when a woman is familiar with each other will she gradually integrate into a new big family and gain a foothold. But before that, a woman will inevitably have some friction with her husband's immediate family, but after the friction, her husband's family will naturally stand on their immediate family's side. Although the woman is well-founded, she will be forced to endure silently, but enduring does not mean the end of one thing, but the beginning of her indifference with lineal relatives.
Many people are curious about why some women have been married for a long time and their relationship with their in-laws is still lukewarm. In recent years, they must be too familiar with it. Actually, the answer is simple. In fact, the occurrence of this phenomenon planted a curse when women just got married, so that after several years, women as parties still can't let go.
"My husband has a younger sister, that is, my sister-in-law. How can I say the relationship between my sister-in-law and me? You know, the kind where you don't talk to each other. Maybe it took my sister-in-law too long to forget what she did to me, but I remember that maybe women hold grudges. When my sister-in-law needed my help when she got married, she didn't think about why I always chose to turn my face in public. "
This is a private letter from reader Xiaolan to Lin Jun. Xiao Lan has always had a problem that bothers her. She doesn't know whether the way she treats her sister-in-law is right or wrong, and Xiao Lan doesn't want to know the result. For Xiaolan, turning her face in front of her mother-in-law is the most Japanese thing she has ever done. After turning her face, Xiao Lan's knot was finally untied. Although she offended her husband's family, Xiao Lan thought it was very worthwhile.
After marriage, Xiaolan, like many women, focused on dealing with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. At that time, Xiaolan felt that if she wanted to live a stable life in her husband's family, she had to go through her mother-in-law. While trying to maintain the relationship with her mother-in-law, she forgot to have a good relationship with her sister-in-law. At that time, Xiaolan thought that as long as she had a good relationship with her mother-in-law, no one else in the family wanted it.
Xiaolan is very diligent in her mother-in-law's house. She takes the initiative to do all the housework, buying food and cooking by herself. When she and her mother-in-law disagree in life, Xiaolan will take the initiative to give in. Mother-in-law said that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has become similar to mother and daughter under Xiaolan's management, and Xiaolan's mother-in-law will be called Xiaolan no matter what she does. When the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law heats up rapidly, Xiaolan
Because Xiaolan's sister-in-law is a "middle-aged woman", she is naturally spoiled, and not only has she got the whole-hearted love of her parents, but Xiaolan's husband also takes good care of her own sister, and can't tolerate a little mistake, which leads Xiaolan's sister-in-law to develop the habit of being arrogant and ignoring anyone in disguise.
While Xiaolan and her mother-in-law are warming up, they are disgusted by her sister-in-law. In Xiaolan's sister-in-law's heart, Xiaolan is undoubtedly deprived of her love, which comes not only from her mother, but also from her brother. Xiaolan knows nothing about this, but regards her sister-in-law as her sister, not too enthusiastic or too cold.
For Xiaolan's little sister-in-law, Xiaolan gets along happily with her mother every day, and her kindness undoubtedly gives her a sense of crisis. She was afraid that her brother and parents didn't like her and began to dislike her, which was impossible for her. She fantasized that she might be left out in the family in the future, and her resentment against her sister-in-law became deeper and deeper.
Sister-in-law did not dare to embarrass her, so she had to start from other aspects. When she was trying to find a way, she suddenly saw her favorite flowers on the table and couldn't help thinking from the heart. When she had a plan, she picked up a hammer and cracked the edge of the flowerpot. Xiaolan was washing dishes at home at that time. She said to Xiaolan, "Sister-in-law, it's not convenient for me now. You can put my potted flowers outside in the sun. "
At that time, Xiaolan had a good feeling for her sister-in-law. Although she is a little arrogant, she is her sister after all. When she heard that Sister-in-law wanted to help, she wiped her hands and walked from the kitchen to Sister-in-law's bedroom. Xiaolan was not only happy to see her sister-in-law move the potted plants herself. She knows that the potted flower is my sister-in-law's favorite flower, and others are not easy to touch. Obviously, my sister-in-law asked her to move.
"What are you doing! You crazy woman, you don't know to be careful. Do you know that I spent a lot of money on that pot of flowers? Do you know how expensive it is? If you think I'm unhappy, you don't have to take it out on me. There is no need to hide anything when you come to me. Do you think I am unhappy and want to drive me away by throwing my flowers? " Little sister-in-law say that finish, xiaolan was about to explain. With a bang, Xiaolan froze. She didn't expect her little sister-in-law to slap her. Just when Xiaolan was in a daze, Xiaolan shouted at her: "Go away and get out of our house. You are not welcome in our family. "
Xiaolan couldn't tell all the grievances in her heart, so she ran out of her sister-in-law's room and sat on the sofa crying. Although she is sorry to have broken her sister-in-law's flower by mistake, this is not an excuse for her sister-in-law to hit people. For Xiaolan, if the flowers are gone, she can buy them again, but there is a rift in her feelings. Can she make it up? Obviously, you can't.
Xiaolan's husband came home and suddenly saw Xiaolan crying there. He was surprised and hurried to ask Xiaolan what had happened. When Xiaolan looked up, Xiaolan's husband saw the slap print on Xiaolan's face that had not disappeared. He couldn't help getting angry and shouted, "Who is this? Come out with me. " "I called. What happened? You didn't ask her what she did." Sister-in-law said she didn't forget to stare at Xiaolan.
When Xiao Lan's husband heard that it was his sister, he was at a loss. When he learned that Xiaolan had accidentally damaged his sister's favorite flower, he couldn't help sighing in his heart and said to Xiaolan, "Don't be careful, that's my sister's favorite flower." Xiaolan didn't expect her husband to have such an attitude. At that time, Xiaolan didn't have much emotion on her face, but her husband's words made her heart start to twitch.
There is no good way to deal with Xiaolan's husband in this matter, so we have to call her mother. Xiaolan's mother-in-law was worried when she heard that such a thing had happened at home. She gave up her favorite square dance and hurried home. At that time, Xiaolan thought: "My mother-in-law is still good to herself, so hurry home and uphold justice for herself." I can't help expecting my mother-in-law to come back soon.
After Xiaolan's mother-in-law came home, she blamed Xiaolan indiscriminately: "I said Xiaolan, can you be careful?" Such a big man has no weight in her hands. That's the flower my daughter spent a lot of effort on. I want to buy it now, but I can't. You let me say what you are good at. " She turned to her daughter and said, "Daughter, did that flowerpot hurt you? Your sister-in-law is very careless. Don't be angry. " After comforting my daughter, my fingers turned a little blue: "What are you doing? Come and apologize to your sister-in-law, idiot. "
Xiaolan was shocked at that time. She didn't expect that besides her husband not talking to herself, her mother-in-law who had the best relationship with herself also blamed herself. Xiaolan couldn't help thinking, "She hit someone. Don't you care why she hit people because of a pot of flowers? " But at that time, Xiaolan's mother-in-law and husband were all around Xiaolan's sister-in-law and didn't care about Xiaolan at all. When Xiaolan's mother-in-law urged Xiaolan to apologize again, Xiaolan wanted to leave, but she didn't want to ruin her happy family because of this incident. She had to move to her sister-in-law step by step and say the words she didn't want to say: "I'm sorry."
Simple three words, as if pulling Xiaolan's strength away from her body, could not help but make her collapse to the ground. Xiaolan's sister-in-law only responded to Xiaolan's apology with a word "cut", and then went to her room to clean up the broken flowerpot, but before leaving, the playful color in her sister-in-law's eyes awakened Xiaolan's blank brain like ringing a bell.
Life goes on, and the days pass slowly. This little storm was forgotten by my family intentionally or unintentionally, so I won't mention it. But for Xiaolan, Xiao Yan's slap in the face has always been in her heart. Whenever I think about it, Xiaolan feels a burning pain in her cheek. Although Xiaolan's sister-in-law has forgotten that she has done such a thing, this memory has become more and more clear in Xiaolan's mind as time goes by.
When a man is older than a woman, Xiao Lan's sister-in-law will inevitably get married. However, in order to pursue the most beautiful love in her heart, Xiaolan's sister-in-law chose a man who has no other advantages except face value as her life partner. Knowing that her boyfriend couldn't afford a wedding room, her sister-in-law took all the things about buying a house on herself. Although Xiaolan's in-laws were very angry, she had to eat it in order to make her daughter live better.
Xiaolan's mother-in-law asked her son, who said "no problem", but the couple's savings were in Xiaolan's hands. If they want to take out the money, they need to ask Xiaolan for it. Therefore, Xiaolan's mother-in-law held the child in front of Xiaolan and talked about it: "Xiaolan, her mother-in-law has never treated you badly and never made things difficult for you at home. You see, your sister-in-law is going to buy a house and won't let you help directly. " Rubbing hands, she changed her voice and said, "Daughter-in-law, how about a hundred thousand bride price when your sister-in-law gets married?" "She slapped me." After hearing this, Xiao Lan couldn't help blurting out this sentence in a hurry.
Sister-in-law and mother-in-law were confused by Xiao Lan's words and asked, "What slap? Who hit you? " Xiaolan replied, "Hey, how long did it take? I forgot slapping myself in the face. I still feel my face hurts now. If you want me to borrow money, you can ask your daughter to apologize to me now. I will borrow money. This is impossible. " Hold, I'm waiting for my sister-in-law to apologize to her. My aunt was still wondering at first, but after Xiaolan's advice, she immediately knew what it was, and her face turned red, and she couldn't help but become angry from embarrassment.
"That's all. How can you remember your thoughtfulness? You are a family and there is no room for discussion. As for what you remember, don't think about apologizing. This is obviously that you made a mistake first, so don't blame me for treating you like that. " When the sister-in-law finished, Xiaolan said, "Oh? Is it? Is it really what you said? Again, don't apologize, I won't borrow this money. " At that time, Xiaolan's sister-in-law was anxious and shouted at Xiaolan: "If you don't borrow it, you won't borrow it. I don't want it. " After that, I slammed the door and went out.
"Xiaolan, I don't remember that. Your husband also agreed to borrow money. Forget the original thing and come back. " Little blue mother-in-law had just finished speaking when her voice changed and she added, "You made the mistake first. Don't blame my daughter. If you want to take it out on me, lend the money to my daughter. " "Again, I won't borrow money without an apology." Say that finish, Xiaolan opened the door and went out. Until later, although Xiaolan's husband also accused Xiaolan of being narrow-minded, Xiaolan still insisted on his own ideas.
Small blue don't know what I did is right or wrong, only know that pent-up in his heart that angry ruthlessly vent out, for small blue, no matter what you do is right, as long as the heart is comfortable, and small blue persistent think, when the slap was really a little loss, small blue sister-in-law in the final analysis, also want to respect your sister-in-law, that slap really nothing, and small blue in the later life, still insist on yourself.
It is difficult for us to comment on Lin Jun's affair with Xiao Lan and her sister-in-law, but obviously, Xiao Lan has always been the aggrieved party, and we can't figure out what motivates Xiao Lan to persist in living after being wronged, but obviously, Xiao Lan's life must be very uncomfortable after experiencing this storm. If she stands on Xiaolan's side and puts herself in her own shoes, Xiaolan's approach is actually correct.
Therefore, women should not only face the problem of how to deal with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but also face the problem of how to adjust lineal relatives. Only when they think and look at the relationship between relatives in a fair way in their marriage life, the storm Xiaolan encountered will not exist in your family life, so that family conflicts will not easily appear, and family and marriage will become what we imagined.