When people are depressed, they can't realize their own problems, and they often don't realize that their own problems are the biggest problems. So as relatives and friends, the most important thing is how to guide them to realize their own problems. Many people will earnestly persuade the other party to go to the hospital or seek help from a psychological counselor, but the other party often turns a deaf ear. Everyone understands the truth, but it is easier said than done. Depression has very complicated psychological causes, which cannot be explained clearly in a few words. Instead of being eager for quick success, it is unrealistic to hope that they will have an epiphany overnight.
2. If you want to help them, you should be tolerant unconditionally first.
It can be seen here that real guidance is not interference, but unconditional tolerance. People are lazy when they are depressed, but they don't enjoy such laziness. They have no power to change this state, and at the same time, they are afraid that people around them will not understand, so they will unconsciously close themselves up, which is unreasonable to normal people around them, just like the mother in the above case. Seeing her daughter locked herself in her room like a dying old man, she was anxious and angry. She tried every means to let her go out, and wanted her to socialize and travel like children of the same age, but too much interference led to conflict, so she kept complaining about each other and eventually the contradiction escalated, which was counterproductive!
You can find the healed wounds from the people around you.
To a great extent, people with depression can find the cause of depression from people or things around them, but as people around them, they ignore this point intentionally or unintentionally, and then turn to the outside world to package all the problems to psychological counselors or hospitals. This is unrealistic. The cause of depression can often be found in people around us, which is the so-called restrictive belief of "healing the soul". In the long river of human growth, our minds will gradually shape an image for us, so that we can feel safe in this collective society and will not be attacked by other people's consciousness for no reason. This awareness is consolidated and strengthened through the reflection of crowd interaction. With such a label, we dare not cross the line in our life, and this kind of personal consciousness will be strengthened and adapted to this unconscious state of security, so you can't be what live high wants. When a person forms his own restrictive beliefs and becomes the norm of life, for example, we are often taught not to talk to strangers, which leads to the loss of many great opportunities in life with the growth of age, because this loss leads you to question and challenge this restrictive belief and will make you depressed!
4. Pull your consciousness back from the other person and tell your feelings.
To see is to observe. You can't buy this prescription from any pharmacist. You have to change your inner chemistry to have it. At present, the chemicals in your heart have produced an unconscious and unconscious state. But it can be changed, and its automatic mechanical properties can be lifted. When this mechanism is released, you will pay attention to your proprioception, so you only need to say your proprioception, so you won't hurt each other. This is also the best way to get along with people with depression!
If you want to help others, your own psychology is very important.
So if you want to help others, your own mental state is the most important. Many relatives and friends around depression patients have similar experiences. When you want to help them, you finally find yourself depressed. This is because pain is contagious. Whenever you talk about your pain with others, you are conveying them a painful life and thinking mode. That person may just want to "just listen", but inadvertently, the pain quietly took root in him, leaving a potential scar on the subconscious level. Only people who are in pain will go to the temple to pray and find someone to talk to, but that won't help. If pain exists, let it exist, stay in it and flow in it. The only condition is to stay awake. Through awareness, the ego will surrender to the noumenon and achieve the unity of body and mind.
6. So if you want to cure others, you must first become your own healer.
It is mentioned in Healing the Eternal Heart that only when your consciousness rises to awareness can you heal yourself. Awareness begins with observing your breathing. You breathe here and now, you can't breathe tomorrow, you can't breathe yesterday, you must breathe at this moment, but you can think about tomorrow or yesterday. If you breathe consciously, you will find that your mind is more focused and there is no internal chatter. When your body changes, your breathing can also change; When your breath changes, your mind can also change; When your mind changes, you can be changed, and pain will become consciousness!