~ why?
? Because it's really amazing and helps me see myself bit by bit.
~ See yourself?
? Yes, just like in the past, I have been walking in a dark room by feeling, and I will meet tables, chairs and benches from time to time. It hurts, but I don't know why or how to avoid it.
Encouraging consultation is like a lamp in a dark room. With its lighting, I can see the layout of the room, where I am, and what might hurt my desk and chair.
~ what will happen if I see it?
? Seeing it doesn't mean I can make this room what I want. It doesn't mean I won't feel pain when I touch a desk and chair. It doesn't mean I can leave this room or make this desk and chair disappear.
See, for me, the biggest meaning is that I have the right to choose.
~ the right to choose?
? Yes, when I see a desk and chair, I can choose to bypass it, or I can choose to touch it gently without being hurt by it. I can also choose to move the desk and chair to the corner, without blocking my walking position, and let it change from something that prevents me from hurting me to a landscape I pass by.
This metaphor is very interesting, but what does it have to do with seeing yourself?
? Good question. Let me try to answer it.
? Encouragement counseling originated from Adler's individual psychology. Adler believes that the formation of everyone's personality depends on three factors, namely, innate genes, acquired growth environment and the explanation of the client. In Adler's view, individual interpretation is the core and key factor that determines our personality.
Translation started when we were very young. As we grow up, we encounter all kinds of events. When we were young, we had our own interpretation. Over time, we formed our own beliefs, also called private logic. Positive parenting classes and encouraging consultation groups will have detailed explanations and experiential activities to help understand this point, which will not be carried out here.
Simply put, our character when we grow up depends largely on the interpretation of the events we experienced as children and the private logic we formed. When we grow up, when we encounter some triggering events, we will respond according to our own private logic. Some will help us solve the current problems well, while others will drag us into deeper pain, just like hurting our desks and chairs.
By encouraging negotiation, we can help us to see our own private logic in the event, and thus have the right to choose whether to continue to use this belief or make other choices.
~ sounds a little dizzy. Can you give an example?
? Of course.
For example, yesterday, I happily posted the salon information in the membership group, expecting everyone to sign up enthusiastically, but a few hours later, fewer people signed up than expected, and most people in the group didn't respond. During the waiting time, I fell into my own emotions, depressed, anxious, irritable, worried and nervous. I tried to create a PHIC for myself by encouraging consultation.
One weekend when I was 8 years old, my parents took me to my grandfather's house. They had something to do, so they left me alone and said they would pick me up when I was finished. But they didn't come back all day. It's already dark, and I'm scared, worried and even scared. What I was thinking at that time was whether my parents didn't want me, whether they didn't love me, and whether I was unloved.
I still remember that time, I stood alone at the stairs, with the dark yard outside and the dark stairs behind me. I dare not go out and don't want to go back to my room. I just stood there stubbornly and anxiously, waiting for my parents to come back.
That kind of feeling is very similar to the feeling of seeing a few people sign up for the membership salon yesterday. I made a similar decision, that is, I waited there alone with all kinds of emotions.
When I did this, I thought of many times before. I sent a message to a very important person, and the other person didn't reply. I also had similar emotions. The same scene, the same emotion, appeared in different events in different periods.
I practice awareness, acceptance and action for myself:
? My consciousness: I am eager for people I care about to give me a response, even if they refuse my request or need, it is better than no response.
? My acceptance: Yes, I really need to respond quickly to people I care about. This is the logic of my childhood, which still deeply affects me today. Isn't it interesting?
? My action: Share my exercises with divines, draw a Dora card and see if there are any new ways to help me make different choices.
I drew "Nellie who didn't love the past", and it said on the back:
? "The future is full of light, but you are addicted to the past. Nelly, who doesn't love the past, suggests that you learn to let go, make a list, write down all your dissatisfaction with life one by one, then tear it up and bury it in the yard, and then make a second list, write down your real yearning for life, don't think about how to realize it, who will help you realize it, just write down your wishes. Many people like to complain and speak ill of others behind their backs. Don't do this. Instead, put the second chapter list in your pocket and go out for a walk with a smile on your face. Mrs. Dora promises that when you come back, you will be a different person and your life will be better. "
I did the exercise as suggested. The first list was, "Nobody needs me, nobody loves me, I am an unimportant person". Tear it up and throw it in the trash can.
The second list, "Many people love me, many people need me, and many people think I am very important to them."
I put it in my heart and go out for a walk.
I'm really relaxed after coming back! Besides, I really don't worry about membership registration anymore. I know that whether they respond or not, whether they come or not, I am a valuable and needed person to them. At the same time, I decided that no matter how many people signed up, I would be a salon as scheduled.
Then, I told my "God" that I would share my exercises with you. If I send you a message in the future, I hope you can reply to me in time. Even if I am busy now, I will reply to you. They all replied to me as soon as possible and said, no problem! ?
Haha, you see, the change has just begun, isn't it amazing ~