It's too difficult to meet such a man:
When the relationship is good, I will constantly tease you and create all kinds of ambiguity, but I will never take the initiative to confess;
When you can't help but confess, the other party accepts it in action, but never takes responsibility, never leaves the relationship clear, and has no commitment;
Moreover, they also take an open attitude towards the goodwill of other opposite sex;
Never take the initiative to leave when the relationship is not good;
He lost touch soon after he got married. ...
It seems that you are in love with a fog, and you are talking to yourself.
You don't know if he really loves you, or even if you are really in love.
You just want him to come back and shout in his ear:
What the hell were you thinking? !
Do you have me in your heart? !
Do you love me or not?
But often even if you ask, he will be ambiguous, look around, or simply say: I don't know.
Many women are going crazy:
How on earth did I get involved in such a doomed love!
1) ambiguous beginning
For many people, the scale of establishing a relationship is different.
Some people think that accepting my flowers is the default, and going to the cinema is the beginning of the relationship between men and women; But some people think that even if we have sex, we are not in love.
So a lot of wishful thinking, or a tacit understanding between the two sides, began.
2) Ambiguous ending
In the consulting room, I met too many "crazy women". With the deepening of consultation, women often cry and tell me:
Why would I do that?
I hope he can be more cruel to me and make me stop and despair, but he is always so ambiguous and always seems to give me a glimmer of hope!
Sometimes, I wish he had been killed by a car, and then I would be free.
Such men will never say "break up" with you, they will only lose contact.
Never say those two words, as if your relations always seem possible, although a lot of facts have proved that you are impossible.
3) The process is always chaotic.
What's more, many men's behaviors are contradictory:
If I say I want to break up with you today and have sex with you tomorrow;
Ignore you today and take the initiative to talk to you tomorrow;
Obviously, I want a divorce, but I talk to you about my future marriage life;
I have broken up, but I still care about you. ...
This kind of contradictory performance makes you never know what his real intention is. The more you catch it, the more you feel like watching flowers in the water and fog.
4) Multi-line operation
Spare tire: He seems to have no shortage of women. How many good sisters do you have? These "alternate members" always seem to appear around your relationship.
Hidden marriage: in the circle of friends, you will never see photos of your love. If you don't know your partner, you will think that this person is single and your circle of friends is isolated from each other. In his world, you are just an infiltrator.
This kind of love will often become like this in the future:
Men are "three noes" and women chase them;
When women are tired of chasing and stop chasing, men start to approach instead;
At this time, the woman rejects each other instead, and the man stays away again;
Women wake up from a rude awakening and start chasing men again. ...
This game goes on indefinitely until the end, but everyone can't stand it: please leave me alone.
It's really hard for a woman to meet such a tangled love.
I had to scold that man: bastard! Love rat! People's mouths, lying ghosts! Seriously, you lost!
Scold yourself: Why do I always jump in knowing it's a pit?
In such a twisted love, can you only endure or roll?
Can I have a happy and sweet love and grow old with him?
After our marriage and family therapist, psychological counselor and emotional nurse practitioner took over thousands of cases and years of research, the answer is undoubtedly yes.
As long as you do it in a down-to-earth manner, 90% of love can be easily erased!
Step one: hit the man's "focus"
Some people will think, what happened to "three no men"? A disease eager to stimulate freshness!
Don't refuse-someone is nice and I'm not interested in her. Why not "be friends"?
Not taking the initiative-the woman's attraction is not enough to take the initiative. Anyway, the woman will take the initiative to invite, there is no need to take the initiative. Not responsible-what is the responsibility of the relationship between the two? !
Or even more women cursed him: he was just joking about women's emotions!
If you think so, what you actually see is only the appearance of "illness".
Treatment can only cure the symptoms, not the root cause.
What is the most important thing in treating diseases?
The right medicine.
Only by grasping the root of a man's illness and hitting the key point can you cure your twisted love.
First of all, you should make it clear that 90% of the "three noes" men you are tossing are not villains (the real antisocial personality disorder is only 1/25 in the crowd).
There are five main factors that make it impossible for them to have a clear relationship:
1) Overresponsibility
We have said many times that all irresponsible people in the world are often over-responsible.
Because they exaggerated their responsibilities, they simply cheated in the end: too many lice are afraid of biting.
There are two kinds of people who are over-responsible:
One kind of people are overly responsible for others and have been parents' helpers since childhood.
One is to live in a family that parents seriously expect, and parents hope that he can realize their dreams that they have never realized before. ...
The complex of these families is that he must become a part of his parents, but he has to give up his interests and needs as a child and a person.
When he grows up, he will be very afraid to enter the relationship, because he instinctively knows that in the relationship, he can only win the love of others by being a blood bank and constantly paying for others.
That's why he is so afraid of establishing a clear relationship.
2) Fear of abandonment and rejection
One sentence can describe the mentality of these people: in order to avoid being rejected, I refuse others first; To avoid being abandoned, I abandoned others first.
Because such a person has a world view: since I am destined to be rejected, abandoned and hurt, then I will turn my back on my customers. As long as the relationship approaches the warning line, I will immediately jump to the next relationship, or divide my eggs in different baskets to avoid being wiped out.
But it's like losing weight. Great hunger and emptiness will torture a half-starved heart.
3) Fear of boredom
Some people describe it as: Many times, I feel that my home is the grave of the living dead. When I eat, I can't even hear the sound of chewing. It's so quiet that I can hear a needle fall to the ground.
When I was a child, I thought I lived with my robot parents because they couldn't hear me and always talked like a repeater.
My parents always quarrel and are never happy. Especially afraid of parents frowning and shouting. It's disgusting to see the leader frown now.
Living in an environment of excessive poverty, emptiness or excessive stimulation, many people will regard intimacy as an anesthetic, turn love into a drug that anesthetizes nerves and stay away from inner trauma.
4) Lack of good templates to deal with conflicts.
Such men are often a "fear of marriage" group, and their pain lies in their understanding of what an unhappy marriage is like.
For more than twenty years, they have heard and witnessed their parents' unhappy marriage every day. They don't know whether there is a truly happy and long-term relationship in this world, and they don't know how to deal with endless conflicts, so they simply refuse to enter a long-term relationship.
5) Love, not disease
Emotionally, there is a kind of person who seems to be cursed and will fall off the chain at every critical moment:
When I was about to be promoted, I suddenly made a low-level mistake and lost an excellent opportunity;
When the emotion is about to heat up, I suddenly lose my feeling and regret it after missing it;
In a word, their life is: all kinds of "mistakes", and finally they have to return to zero.
Why?
Because they have an inexplicable fear of a better life.
Digging deeper, we will find that they will have a sense of "survivor's guilt".
Often they love their parents very much, but their parents' lives are not good, or they feel that their existence is an important reason for their parents' bad lives: their mothers lost their life opportunities because they gave birth to themselves; Father neglected his mother because of his good relationship with himself. ...
In short, they are tortured by deep guilt and shame, so they can't really accept their "right" to live a good life.
So they can't really "live a good life" and can only eat "three points full".
These five kinds of men seem to take the initiative in the relationship, but in fact they don't believe that the relationship can last long, and they have no confidence in the relationship and their abilities.
If you encounter a difficult problem in your marriage, you may have tried many ways to save it, but you still can't deal with that big pig's hoof.
So now you can trust us privately, consult one-on-one, and let a professional consultant prescribe a prescription for your relationship and become your strongest backing.
Step 2: Calm your "uneasiness"
In fact, a man with "three noes" and a woman with "seeking certainty" are often two sides of the same coin.
Activists of "three noes" suppress their desire for relationship by alienating them.
The "determinist" avoids his "doubt" about the relationship by pursuing the certainty of the relationship.
So you are all insecure people in essence, full of fear of attachment.
The woman who "seeks certainty" adopts the strategy of "lion": chasing; The "three noes" man chose the strategy of "antelope": escape.
So, once a man does something to trigger your "safe" button, such as not answering the phone, you will immediately get manic.
At this time, you must tell yourself: this is an abandonment wound formed in my childhood, not a fact.
Tell yourself a few more times, and slowly, you can effectively control your emotions.
Step 3: adopt "cat teasing method"
How to save this hot and cold man?
In the face of this antelope, a man who runs away at the slightest sign of trouble, you can't be a lion anymore.
Otherwise, the curse of chasing will never stop.
You must be a cat.
1. as light as a cat:
Choose a relaxed topic, don't express your feelings for him urgently, and avoid heavy content such as apology or reflection.
For example, your favorite Hua Chenyu CD will be released the day after tomorrow. It seems that there will be an event in XX. It is also a good practice to provide favorable information that surprises the other party.
2. Curious as a cat:
Choose a topic that is related to or interesting to the other person and ask simple questions skillfully.
For example, someone gave me tickets to team XX and wanted to ask everyone who is the best star player. I am looking forward to watching the game.
Avoid difficult questions that you have to bother to answer, or simple questions that only require yes or no.
If you don't receive a reply, and the content of your message is clear and appropriate, then the reason is usually one of "busy" or "forgotten", so you can treat it with a normal heart, and there is no need to keep "chasing".
If the other party is busy and has to find time to reply to the message, you should avoid frequent contact, so that the burden on the other party will be less.
3. Cute as a cat:
As long as he replies to you, be considerate and give them more affirmation and encouragement. For example, the other party complains that the workplace is boring and the work is aimless.
In that case, you can especially praise each other. For example, if you stay in that company, you are wasting your ability!
Sometimes cold and sometimes clingy cats are the best learning objects. Sometimes you can flirt a little, but licking them with a barbed tongue can be sweet and exciting (for example, you can say: I hate you on the first day without you), but don't scratch him with your claws! I think you have someone outside! )
Of course, all methodologies are based on a stable mentality.
First of all, you should quit your "love addiction" to men. Only when you give up your obsession with him and stop chasing him can you easily use all kinds of moves to get him close to you and take the initiative to chase you.
Believe me personally, I'll teach you seven steps to quit addiction summarized by foreign marriage and emotional therapy experts in 20 years, so that you can completely quit your addiction to him and master the dominance of love.