In fact, the real minimalism is to understand that 99% of the things around us are meaningless, so we put our time and energy into 1% of the beautiful things.
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When I went to the lecture, I mentioned one thing: A few years ago, when he was busy looking for ancient civilization sites in the world, a media boss was very moved and said to Yu, "Last stop, I will accompany you!"
"good!" Yu agreed.
Looking for ancient sites is equivalent to leaving society, not watching TV or reading newspapers. Knowing nothing about what happened in the world in recent years, he said to the media boss, "Make up lessons for me."
It took the boss less than ten minutes to tell what happened in the world in recent years.
Yu Yu Qiu asked, "Is that all?"
The boss said, "That's all."
Yu Yu Qiu asked, "What about China?"
The boss only spoke for five minutes about what happened in China in recent years.
The boss looked at Yu's loss and said, "Yu Qiu, the day after most things happened, I didn't even have the interest to tell it again."
After listening to this sentence, Yu secretly rejoiced: "I haven't cared about it in recent years, and it seems that I haven't lost anything." Focus on what you like and gain a lot of happiness. "
In fact, it is really like this: it seems that all kinds of people and things are surging around us every day. In fact, 99% of information has nothing to do with us, 99% of characters have nothing to do with us, and 99% of things have nothing to do with us.
But we spend a lot of time and energy on these 99% people and things that have nothing to do with us, and ignore the 1% part that we should take seriously most.
02
A high school classmate is very busy. Because she likes to pay attention to others.
She will make a hullabaloo about cheating in this article. Bao Qiang is divorced, so she should give her a good scolding. She wants to get involved in any news anyway.
Besides, she likes to follow the trend. Seeing a colleague's tattoo, she wanted to follow suit. Seeing what books her friend bought, she also wanted to buy them. Even if others hoard things, she will join in.
She said, "If I don't care about these things, I will be considered out of date." As a result, she made a mess of her life.
Another colleague in the newspaper is very idle.
When everyone was talking about cheating, she was making a birthday cake for her husband in the kitchen. When millions of people went to Weibo to scold Ma Rong, she was sitting under the window doing handicrafts.
Looking through her WeChat, I found that she never commented before any topic. Wechat is full of things she loves to do, wants to do and has done.
She said, "That's someone else's life. What does right and wrong have to do with me? " She is recognized by the unit as the most alive person.
Once, I asked her the secret of life.
She said: "It's very simple, don't care too much about others. It is better to live your life in a down-to-earth manner than to get hot-headed at the slightest sign of trouble. " If we get rid of the waste of time of "paying too much attention to others", our life can be greatly simplified.
Don't care too much about others-this is minimalism.
03
In 20 15, Germany selected the annual bad language, and the first bad language turned out to be a good person.
Strange, right? Actually, no.
Because the troubles we usually encounter most often come from good people. Their slogan is:
I did it for your own good.
"Don't associate with that man any more, he's a pain in the ass."
"Don't wear this kind of clothes, it's too ugly."
"You have to read books with depth, which are all rubbish."
"Divorce? For the sake of children, you can bear it again! "
When you open your mouth to explain, they will immediately answer:
"I am for your own good. If I were someone else, I wouldn't care about him. "
Such good people are everywhere around us, or we are such good people ourselves.
We always like to impose our values and preferences on others. "You should like what I like. You should hate what I hate. " Our life seems to be incomplete without telling others what to do in life and pointing out the mountains and rivers in the world.
But the truth is: other people's lives are none of your business. You are wasting your energy, but you are not flattering me. Why bother?
Lian Yue has a good saying: If you don't mind other people's private affairs, don't interfere, and allow others' morals and lifestyles to be different from yours, you will eliminate more than 90% of the troubles in the world.
Don't interfere in other people's lives at will-this is minimalism.
04
"To Bitch" wrote:
"There will always be people who will use your major to come to you to do all kinds of things.
Don't you learn English? Help me translate a paper.
Don't you learn Chinese? Help me write a speech.
Didn't you study design? Help me design a LOGO. "
If you refuse, you will get a bad reputation.
"I am still a classmate, so I won't help you."
"Are you ashamed of not helping so much?"
If you are afraid of a bad reputation and are reluctant to refuse, congratulations, and you will be in trouble from now on.
I especially appreciate the practice of psychological counselor Wu Di. When he opened the clinic, he made several rules: if the consultation appointment is charged, it is not free. If you want to consult, you must be in the consulting room, not in the cafe restaurant.
…………
People often say to him, "I invite you to dinner and talk to you about my emotional problems."
He immediately replied, "I'm not interested in eating." If you want to consult, please make an appointment. It is 1000 yuan per hour. "
Someone said, "I am someone's friend."
He immediately replied, "It doesn't matter who your friend is."
Many people think he is cold, but Wu Di said, "You can't accept my boundaries, so alienate yourself!" " As a result, most people finally understood his principles.
Wu Di said, "Establish psychological and behavioral boundaries, and don't let others interfere in your life at will. This is not a matter of haggling over every ounce, but it is convenient for all walks of life not to interfere with each other. "
Don't let others interfere in your life at will-this is minimalism.
05
Writer Li Shanglong wrote an interesting story: a friend of his contributed to a big newspaper before he became famous, but every time he contributed, he fell into the sea. A year later, his book unexpectedly sold well, and the founder of that newspaper came to him personally for a manuscript. Now they have a good relationship, because one wants to sell books and the other wants a good manuscript.
Someone asked: Why do you have such a good relationship with this newspaper?
He once said: Equivalent exchange produces equivalent friendship.
Li Shanglong himself is also like this. When he was in college, he loved socializing and joined three clubs. As long as there is activity, he will make a soy sauce. Catch whoever you see and leave your cell phone. But in an emergency, when he wanted to ask someone for help, he called all over, and no one was willing to help generously. Later, after he finally became a celebrity, people gathered for whatever he called for.
He realized that only when the relationship is equal can we help each other. If you are not awesome, it is useless to know more awesome people.
Many people are used to asking for resources, channels and relationships when managing their contacts. But in the end, the bamboo basket often draws water with a sieve.
Really smart people are used to looking inward: give up 99% useless social interaction and try their best to improve themselves.
Because they know that the connection is not in others, but in themselves. Only when you get stronger can you get useful contacts!
Give up 99% useless social interaction-this is minimalism.
06
My aunt's cousin is only 25. During this time, she was very anxious. Because both her classmates are married.
"I want to get married before the age of 26, have a second child before the age of 30, and then teach my husband and children. This is a woman's standard life. "
She looked serious and made me laugh.
In recent years, "standard life" seems to be very popular. How old should I buy a house and a car to be the head of the department?
………
In order to live such a standard life, many people in China have turned their lives into an arena. Once they fail to achieve their goals within the specified time, they will be deeply anxious.
When studying the cultural differences between the East and the West, scholar Xiao Gongqin found a problem: "China people like to indulge in the enjoyment of material life. Usually the content of conversation is nothing more than houses and cars, and they have a strong herd mentality in the enjoyment of secular life.
In Europe and America, although some people care about material life, more people are pursuing an interesting life all their lives. Some people like adventure, but they are quite casual in material enjoyment. Some people have become billionaires, but their lives are still simple.
They don't care how others live and how good their material life is. They only pursue and focus on what they like and live the life they want instead of being envied by others. "
Many Europeans and Americans are happier than us, not because they have money, but because they never set standards for themselves, nor envy others' standards, nor ridicule others' nonstandard standards. They only pursue and focus on their own "personal tailor".
Su Dongpo said: people's taste is pure joy. Qing Huan is good because it is detached from life, pays no attention to material conditions, and only pays attention to the taste of the soul. Return to nature and let life return to the most comfortable state.
What is minimalism? Just come back and be yourself. Do what you want to do and live the life you want.
Mr. Jiang Yang said: "We have been looking forward to the recognition of the outside world and finally realized that the world belongs to us and has nothing to do with others."
Come back and be yourself-this is minimalism.
07
When I was chatting with my friends some time ago. He said he was thinking about one thing:
One thing he didn't do well, his colleague said that he nodded his head like a garlic: "Yes, yes, yes, pay attention next time."
But as soon as he got home, he complained to his wife.
The wife said, "There is something wrong with you ..."
He immediately became angry: "If others don't understand me, forget it. You don't understand me. "
I always give my worst temper and my worst side to the people closest to me-this is the reflection of my friends.
In fact, we often make such stupidity-being too polite to strangers and too harsh to close people.
On the African grassland, millions of rhinos are migrating, and the scene is spectacular. It seems that they rely on the collective and live together.
But in fact, only a few rhinos live together all day in their lives.
Hundreds of elephants walk together as a family. In fact, they stayed together all day, but only for five or six days.
Anyone here? How many people do people have to deal with?
Sociologists have found that no matter how big your circle is, it is usually eight or nine people around you, or even four or five people, who really influence you, drive you and influence you. But we spend a lot of time trying to please the unimportant people and leave our bad temper to the most important people.
What is minimalism? It is better to pity the people in front of you than to miss the mountains and rivers.
Focus on pleasing the people who are most important to us-this is minimalism.
08
Kyle, a professor at Emory University in the United States, once said: "One of the signs of a person's maturity is to understand that 99% of what happens around us every day is meaningless to us and others."
The subtext of this sentence is that we should devote most of our time and energy to the beautiful things of 1%. People who live to the extreme must be simple and simple. 99% is useless, and smart people only live 1%.