Husband and wife have different ideas about parenting. What should we do?

It is quite common for couples to have different parenting concepts. We should maintain a high degree of consistency in the general direction of parenting, including parenting concepts, children's views and main parenting methods. Husband and wife maintain a high degree of consistency in the above aspects, which is conducive to children's stable sense of security and clear boundaries, which is the psychological cornerstone of children's healthy development. On the contrary, children will feel at a loss and the boundaries are unclear.

If the general direction is different, we should still find opportunities for rational and peaceful discussion. On the premise of respecting each other's wishes and understanding each other's needs, listen to each other's ideas, express their ideas in a friendly way, fully discuss and negotiate in a friendly way, and strive to reach an agreement.

1. On the premise that the general direction is consistent, we can seek common ground while reserving differences. There is no need to insist on consistency in small details. Different viewpoints are conducive to the collision of ideas and generate new sparks.

2. The premise of influencing the other party is to enhance your influence, not to force the other party to obey you by preaching, controlling, threatening or withdrawing love. It is better not to agree with each other than to force them to obey their own views.

Inconsistency in parenting concepts is not a problem in itself, but how to deal with it. How do children feel when the couple discuss their views on parenting? Is it an expression without judgment or a personal attack? Is it a peaceful discussion or a heated argument? What did we pass on to the children? Should we face diversity with a peaceful attitude, or should we force each other to adapt to things different from ourselves? This is far more important than the conflict itself.

Children can't live in a vacuum and can't be surrounded by parenting experts. Even if they are all parenting experts, everyone's views may be inconsistent. Therefore, the couple's good response to the disagreement is to show the children how to deal with interpersonal conflicts intelligently in the future and cultivate their empathy and influence.

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