We have been included here.
Understanding and handling of practitioners in practice
List excerpts from books and articles.
And the psychological analysis of teacher Zhao.
I hope it can inspire you.
"The consultant said"
Senior psychological counselor: When I first started consulting, this question bothered me. Visitors often change from one topic to another. I feel that I can't keep up with the changing speed of tourists, as if I can't stay somewhere. I feel that I am holding a shovel, staring at the place that is easy to dig, and then digging a lot, very confused. I always listen to every word of visitors carefully for fear of missing any important information. My brain is also busy processing, looking for strategies. I feel very hard: I work hard, but the method is wrong.
After some interactive experiences, my nervousness and self-expectation of "what must be done" have decreased. I can slow down, listen slowly and wait slowly. In addition, with the increase of one's own experience and the enhancement of sensibility, one should make more use of one's own feelings in the consultation interaction, and perceive and experience the events, thoughts, doubts, emotions and emotional states described by the visitors as a whole, such as putting what the visitors say into a background of feelings and experiences to understand the inner world of the visitors. The pace of this kind of consultation is slow, free and natural, and it doesn't feel hard. On the contrary, it can enjoy this interactive process.
Psychological counselor grounding: I will worry about the visitor's "realistic problem": "Why is the problem still there after consulting for so long, life is still not improving, and my mood is still bad ..." At this time, I seem to be stuck in the same quagmire, stuck in the same narrow passage as the visitor, unable to move, in a dilemma.
Looking back on my experience of supervision and personal therapy, supervisors and therapists "fished me out" again and again. I think they did two things: jump (* * *), jump out (keep thinking, analyze empathy/anti-communism, parallel relationship, etc. ), and then leave a breathing space for my narrow predicament in a few words.
These words are described in the book as follows: "The reconstruction of empathy interpretation provides us with an opportunity to form an alliance with the ego (ego) of the visitor. It invites visitors to look at the problem from the same angle as us, which frees them from their nervousness.
For example, if the visitor is suffering from "a mother/superego who can't meet the demanding requirements by solving various problems in life" and the visitor pushes us to another position of "high-pressure parenting" out of empathy, we can't help being "anti-empathy" and worrying about these unsolvable problems and children who are never good enough. If you jump out and show the empathy process of "like another mother", then the space of "maybe you don't have to solve all the past problems now, and life can go on" will naturally appear in the visiting heart.
Consultant Miao Xiaoke: You may be able to start from any aspect. As a novice, you can try to find something you are familiar with, good at, more experienced and understanding, which will make you fall in love with visitors more easily. Looking for a better side in your personal growth will make visitors go further. No matter which package you untie, you will see the characteristics of visitors. No matter where you start, it will eventually lead to visitors' unique mental scripts, which are also applicable here. No matter where we start, visitors and psychological counselors are two complex and comprehensive systems, which experience and interact with each other. When the internal experience of visitors changes, the original problem may no longer be a problem.
Consultant Xin Qinghao: When I first met this situation, I always tried to respond to the questions thrown by visitors in time and try to understand and discuss every topic mentioned by TA. If there is any omission, I will give an explanation.
Later, I found out that when I kept telling my problems to my supervisor, he didn't handle them like this. I think he can always surround me and let me take care of them. After that, he will ask me, "Which of these problems do you want me to help you solve?" At this moment, it suddenly dawned on me that some of those were really problems, and some were no longer problems.
For novice consultants, or just entering the stage of consultation-visit relationship, it is necessary to keep a certain interactive rhythm around visitors at all times. If the visitors develop a certain self-organization or processing ability through interaction, then the consultant can jump out of the companion posture from time to time and become a leader, taking the visitors to actively think about and deal with these practical problems, and change from solving problems by himself to developing the ability to solve problems.
Consultant Xiaohei: Share my own experience as a visitor. At the beginning, I also threw many clues, events and people to my consultant. In fact, I don't know what I want to solve or grow up. I just want to express it. The counselor listened to me quietly and gave me some responses with nonverbal signals. I talked for more than 40 minutes before I stopped. Then he said to me, in your speech just now, I think there may be some problems ... He said four times, and I felt particularly shocked at that time. He said, I have never thought about these problems, but they are really my problems, which bother me to varying degrees and are included in my speech. On the one hand, these problems immediately triggered a lot of thinking and memory, and some gears that felt stagnant slowly began to run. Later, I chose a topic that I am most interested in at the moment as the focus of discussion at this stage.
As a consultant, I actually feel that many problems are interlinked or the same thing, but this is the background work and thinking of the consultant. At the front desk, it is very important for visitors to find topics suitable for their growth stage. Consultants should always adhere to the principle of taking visitors as the center, respect the interest, understanding and urgency of visitors, and choose the current core topics.
"What does the book say?" ?
Excerpts from spiritual hierarchy theory
The theory of spiritual hierarchy expounds people's spiritual activities, including desire, impulse, thinking, fantasy, judgment, decision, emotion and so on. Occurring and proceeding at different levels of consciousness. Different levels of consciousness, including consciousness, pre-consciousness and subconscious, seem to exist at different levels of the crust, so they are called spiritual levels.
Consciousness: consciousness, that is, any psychological activity that people can perceive is consciousness, which belongs to the surface of people's psychological structure, perceives the external realistic environment and stimulation, and reflects and summarizes the rational content of things with language.
Pre-consciousness: also known as subconscious, it is an intermediary mechanism to regulate consciousness and unconsciousness. Pre-consciousness is a kind of subconscious, which can be recalled and summoned to conscious consciousness. Therefore, it links consciousness with subconscious, making it possible for subconscious to be transformed into consciousness. But its function is more reflected in preventing the subconscious from entering consciousness, and the subconscious full of instinctive impulses is mostly controlled by it, so it cannot become pre-consciousness and enter consciousness.
Subconsciousness: also known as unconsciousness, is the internal driving force of all human behaviors, including human primitive impulses and various instincts, as well as various desires related to instincts. Because the subconscious is primitive, animal and barbaric, and cannot tolerate social rationality, it is suppressed under the threshold of consciousness, but it has not been eliminated. It is always kept in the dark and requires direct or indirect satisfaction. It is these things that dominate people's whole psychology and behavior at a deep level and become the source of all people's motives and intentions.
Excerpt from psychological defense system
Psychological defense mechanism is ubiquitous in people's psychological activities, and its function is similar to physiological immune system. When people are about to or have fallen into a state of tension and anxiety for some reason, they can use self-defense mechanism to alleviate or avoid their inner anxiety and pain, so as to better adapt to life.
Self-defense mechanism is a psychological strategy used by the self to protect itself from various conflicts experienced in daily life. However, self-defense is not always omnipotent. "Repression" can make people unconscious of some ideas, but people can still experience the emotions that accompany them. When the repressed impulse is seeking, expressing and satisfying more and more, so that the repression mechanism is difficult to play its role, the repressed impulse is in danger of breaking through the restrictions and entering the field of consciousness. When people are aware of this danger, they will have anxiety. Anxiety may make people use more intense repression, but the intensity of repression is limited.
Excerpted from Fu's "Consultants need to" listen "to the fifth floor if they want to catch visitors"
1. When tourists come, they will tell us a lot. How do we listen? The simplest thing is-listen at the level of consciousness.
Next, we need to listen to what the other party has to say about him. Some visitors will take off their clothes when talking about private affairs, which is very direct; Some visitors will hesitate, and they will test your reaction, such as taking back a little.
We should listen to the motivation. What is his motivation in life?
What you want to hear is his status. He is calm, anxious, uneasy, or has many worries or questions. Inner emotional state, that's all we need to hear.
Finally, I need to listen to my own reaction, that is, the counselor's inner reaction, which is the most important and difficult.
The consulting room is a field where visitors put conscious or subconscious information into this treatment space. This field is a whole. When you are with him, you need to have the function of accommodating other fields and absorbing other fields without interrupting his output. Try to let him send at his own pace and speed.
The more we can relax, the more we can absorb and accommodate; The more nervous we are, the more we are in a state of resisting pressure. The more relaxed the therapist is, perhaps the best time for visitors to feel working with you. In the process of accommodating, we should also pay attention to our own reactions. You should always know your thoughts and feelings at this time, which is often related to visitors. The visitor arouses your reaction, which is what is behind him.
Excerpted from Li Ya's How to Understand the Meaning Behind Visitors' Words? 》
There is no nonsense in the consulting room. Sometimes visitors prepare these topics, but what they say after sitting down is unprepared in advance. In fact, these are very meaningful. ?
In the consulting room, the consultant is constantly doing these "translation" jobs, and seeing what the unconscious wants to say through the words and deeds of the visitors' consciousness. Many times, the love, hate and inner conflict we really want to express are not as easy as we think.
When a person's sadness, fear, anger and desire, etc. Being truly seen and truly responded to, people will feel the experience of living in another person's mind as an independent person, which is truly connected.
Through the verbal and nonverbal information of visitors, the professional knowledge of consultants and the feelings inspired by themselves, we can understand the person in front of us: what is surging in the place of ta at the moment, and what past experiences are staged between ta and consultants at the moment; How does ta feel about the consultant in front of you and how to use ta's consultant? These are all channels for psychological counselors to get to know visitors in depth.
"Teacher Zhao said that?" ?
Some visitors have clear topics, while others may be disorganized and illogical. Even if there is a clear topic, other topics will pop up, which is very common in consultation.
When visitors' statements and expressions jump back and forth between real problems, emotions, contradictions and conflicts, and associations in their minds, visitors express themselves with their inner conflicts and pressure experiences, and present unspeakable pains and dilemmas, unavoidable needs and pressures, and difficult-to-define problems and challenges to consultants through various topics, troubles and puzzles. This is the process for visitors to seek answers and shelter in the left-right conflict. There is not only the motivation to take care of others, but also the cry of your inner voice.
At this time, as a consultant sitting opposite the visitor, can we get to know the visitor through these introductions? How deep can we know the visitors?
Suppose our life is a river. This river has been around for decades, with 365 days every year. Every day, we are rowing the boat of life. The ship of our life may carry not only ourselves, but also many people related to us. How many people are on the ship we live in, and where is it going? In what way should we go to the other side of life?
Our job is to help the tourist's boat move in the direction he wants to go and become what he wants. What do tourists want to do? What do you have to bear? Into what? If the counselor can deeply understand and appreciate the unspeakable troubles and expectations of the visitors in these complex challenges, then the encounter between the counselor and the visitors will really begin. Visitors' various topics or questions are told to the psychological counselor without logic and jumping, and they are also looking forward to this moment.