I've been thinking, what do people get along with? If you think about it carefully, you still have to rely on people to give each other sincerity.
But it's really hard to give. Everyone has the idea that it is indispensable to guard against others. When you get along with others, you will guard against each other and be afraid that others will calculate yourself. Under such an idea, how to hand over your sincerity?
As we all know, in marriage, couples should trust each other. Trust is the cornerstone of marriage. If there is no trust in marriage, it is equivalent to water without roots and cannot last long.
In marriage, couples have to face too many difficulties, and it is easy to lose trust with a little carelessness. Among many difficulties, the relationship with family of origin members is undoubtedly the most difficult.
As someone said, in our country, marriage is often not between two people, but between two families. Conflicts often arise when family members get along, which is undoubtedly a blow to the feelings between husband and wife.
However, the complicated membership relationship of the family, coupled with the huge differences in the environment and educational concepts between the two families, can easily lead to conflicts.
-02-
Husband and wife are easily influenced by feelings and make irrational behaviors when they treat members from families. In fact, we can understand it from the perspective of others. After all, we are our own family, even if we do something wrong, we can't bear to fight with them.
You can't fight with relatives from your family, so you have to compromise with the other half. In fact, just from the impact on marriage, this practice is very irresponsible.
How to choose between "small family" and "everyone" has always been a matter of distress for every couple. Choosing a "small family" will make the relatives of "everyone" feel chilling; If you choose "everyone", the other half of "small family" will have trouble with you. Whichever side you choose, you will feel distressed.
How to strike a balance between "small family" and "everyone" is something that every couple should learn.
In fact, many times we think a complicated problem is just that we think it is complicated and the solution is actually very simple. Just like our relationship with family of origin members, as long as we maintain a proper sense of boundaries, we can deal with most problems.
Keeping a sense of boundaries is the simplest and most effective way. As long as couples learn this method, I believe that most contradictions can be solved calmly.
-03-
My friend Lu Xiao got married six months ago, which was originally a festive event. However, one thing happened after marriage, which made Lu Xiao feel very angry and had a quarrel with her husband. Now the two are still at odds. Lu Xiao often comes to me to complain.
Xiao Lu said: I have just been married for more than half a year, and I have encountered such a situation, which has affected the feelings between husband and wife. If the future does not change, I feel that the future is very slim.
Lu Xiao, 27 years old, works in a real estate company with a good income. Husband A Chao is a salesman. Two people met by buying a house.
At that time, A Chao and his parents wanted to buy a house, so they went to the company in Lu Xiao to find out the situation. Xiao Lu received them. At that time, Chao saw it was beautiful and asked her for contact information.
Chao often asks Xiao Lu out, and Xiao Lu is very fond of Chao. So the two contacted several times and felt that the other party was not bad. We haven't been together long.
And that house has become the wedding room for two people in the future. When it comes to this matter, Lu Xiao and Chao always smile and sigh the wonder of fate.
-04-
Lu Xiao and Achao have been in love for about a year. They live together in the house Achao bought.
After a long period of contact, Xiao Lu also learned about Chao's family. A Chao has a good family. His parents both work in state-owned enterprises. He also has a sister who is in college.
My little sister Chao was spoiled by her parents since she was a child, and Chao also spoiled her very much, so she was a little spoiled. I can't put it down when I see Xiao Lu on weekdays.
Not only that, my sister often goes to A Chao's house, regardless of Lu Xiao's embarrassment. In her words, my brother's home is my home, and I can come whenever I want.
A Chao also likes his sister very much and often dotes on her. I often give money to my sister on weekdays, for fear that she doesn't have enough money to spend. Sister-in-law is also very good at spending money. If she has no money, she will ask her parents and brother for it.
For a time, Xiao Lu was a little jealous, thinking that Chao was better to his sister than himself. I have never spoiled myself like that. A Chao comforted her and said that it was his sister, who had been so fond of her since childhood. Besides, how can you compete with her? You are my daughter-in-law, and the days when I spoiled you are over.
Lv Xiao was very happy after listening to Chao's sweet words, and she was less hostile to her sister-in-law.
-05-
After more than a year of love, two people are ready to get married. Both parents are very much in favor of their marriage, and there are no twists and turns in the marriage.
Before getting married, Lv Xiao and A Chao discussed going abroad for their honeymoon after getting married. After a long discussion, the two men finally decided to travel to Maldives.
Traveling abroad is very expensive, especially in places like Maldives. Two people add up to almost 30 thousand.
But Lu Xiao wanted to go, and Achaia agreed. After getting married, the two made preparations for this and prepared to travel with the group.
Unexpectedly, my sister-in-law didn't know where they were going to travel to Maldives, so she clamored to go with them.
Lu Xiao certainly disagreed. This is a honeymoon trip, not a couple trip. What are you doing with an outsider? Is it a mess?
Unexpectedly, my sister-in-law turned against me, clamoring to follow, and called her parents to come over, forcing Xiao Lu into the palace.
My parents-in-law dotes on this daughter very much, so they discuss with Lu Xiao: Otherwise, you can take her away. It's a family anyway. This is a big deal. We'll pay.
-06-
Xiao Lu's attitude is very firm: "Mom and Dad, it's not that I don't want to take her. As you know, this is a honeymoon trip. I just want to go with Chao. Travel again in the future and bring your sister-in-law. "
When my in-laws saw Xiao Lu's resolute attitude, there was nothing to say. Unexpectedly, my sister-in-law went to beg for Chao and rolled on the ground begging her brother to take her away.
Chao relented and agreed. As soon as sister-in-law heard her brother's consent, she proudly said to Lu Xiao, "Are you useful without me? My brother took me to see what you can do to me. "
Lu Xiao was very angry and said to her, "Why are you so ignorant? This is my honeymoon trip with your brother. You can get married if you want to travel! "
The two men quarreled, and finally Lu Xiao shouted at A Chao, "You took her away, didn't you?" Ok, I won't go, you two go! "
Lu Xiao really canceled the flight and went home angrily. After returning home, Chao kept complaining that he was not sensible and was so angry with a little girl.
Xiao Lu suddenly broke out: "We just got married, and your sister followed everything. This family will not fall out with her in the future, will it? " I tell you, that's your sister, not my sister. I have no obligation to spoil her. She will come to me again in the future, don't blame me for being rude! "
-07-
Because of this, Lv Xiao and Chao had a quarrel. It was originally a happy event, but because of the intervention of the sister-in-law, it became a contradiction between husband and wife.
Many times, some family of origin members don't understand the term sense of boundary. They always interfere in the marriage of husband and wife at will, causing conflicts between husband and wife.
At this time, both husband and wife should pay attention to it and handle it properly in line with the principle of "helping parents". Only in this way can we convince both sides. There will be no crisis of trust between husband and wife, and the relationship will be smooth sailing.
It is not advisable to indulge family members blindly, because it will only ruin your marriage and disappoint your other half. This is not worth the loss.