You associate your partner with an unpleasant experience, so the casual words and deeds of the other party at present are a stimulating signal to remind you of the unpleasant past. In order to avoid such troubles and pains, you want to avoid associating with this person.
The solution is to change the cognitive model, and the suggestions are as follows.
1. What happened in the past has some truth, so let it go, there is no need to entangle.
2. Things are developing and people are changing. Just because someone once made you unhappy doesn't mean that he intends to hurt you now. As long as he is friendly to you at present, turn over the once unpleasant article and leave it alone.
3. Keeping private information related to one's vital interests in one's heart and not easily revealing it to people who don't care can alleviate the anxiety of being hurt.
Beijing Heart-to-Heart Counselor, Xiaowen Li:
Hello, I'm thinking, if you can reflect like this, maybe it's time for you to jump out of this mode.
Instead of going through similar things again and again, you stop to reflect and say, it seems that I need to adjust and change myself, and I don't want to do this anymore. You seem insecure about the relationship with your. You will always remember the negative information others said about yourself. After a long time, you will become paranoid, suspicious and worried about being hurt.
To break this pattern, we must first know ourselves and ourselves. How do I evaluate myself? Will my evaluation change because of other people's opinions? If you have a basic objective understanding of yourself, then at least you are internally stable in the relationship, and the uncertainty of the other party can be understood through communication.
As for why I always have negative information that others have said, I think it may be related to the past interpersonal injury experience and the stability of my own evaluation, which can be sorted out in the process of knowing myself.
This is a typical person who lives in someone else's world. He needs others' approval, so he attaches great importance to others' opinions. For example, if you wear a new dress, some people will say that your dress is ugly, and then you really don't like it, but you forget that you bought it because you like it. This is a typical person who lives in someone else's world. There is another kind of person who laughs at this kind of thing, or I think it looks good. This kind of person lives in his own world. He doesn't need other people's approval, just his own. I think it's a bit too difficult for people to live in the world. Let everyone think that you are good and have no shortcomings, or just let your heart follow me and let nature take its course.
Prove that you pay great attention to your image, especially your image in the eyes of others. Sometimes, a word from others will make you lose sleep for several days. People with this personality are generally more motivated and pursue perfection. But no one is perfect. No matter how well you do, no one will like you. There will always be people who are dissatisfied with you. Some people are jealous of you, others hate you. Anyway, if people want to say that you are not good, there will always be reasons. There is absolutely no need to pay attention to these people. If they do. It will have a great negative impact on you and even damage your image. You can collect evidence and sue him for libel. If what they say doesn't affect you, then you don't need to pay attention at all. So don't be afraid of what others say. No one said dead, even some people died, and some people said they were right or wrong. Don't care too much. Just pretend you don't know those negative news. Otherwise, you will feel sorry for yourself.
In fact, this kind of question is unlikely to have a standard answer. I can only look at your description and talk about my own thoughts.
I think for a while, my own life was hard, and the direct reason was that I didn't get the promotion quota that year. Everyone said that my boss didn't like me at that time, but I knew that my mood at that time was more of a fear than a grievance. It is the kind of fear that you really feel bad and unlovable, suddenly realize that what others say may be right, and that what you have been proud of may be wrong, and then stay up all night.
Will it be a bit like your current state? I am very concerned about other people's negative comments, perhaps the root cause is self-doubt. If we clearly believe that our hearts are not like that, we are usually more angry and want to fight back, or we are more open-minded and ignore it. If we are very clear, why should we argue? If you really spend time thinking about those comments, do you have some recognition in your heart?
The solution is simple, just admit that you are really not good enough. Accept this self and convince yourself that if I am not good enough, I can still be cute. I have my own unique place worthy of being liked by others. Or try to make yourself better, maybe just change your mind and take the initiative to do something you don't usually do, or maybe just a simple compliment to others. Whether or not to change, how to change, depends on your expectations of yourself!
Actually, think about it, most people are not perfect! Everyone has his own shortcomings. You have to believe that you are the ordinary one. Maybe you are not particularly favored and lovable, but you must not be particularly exclusive and particularly annoying. Keep a normal heart and try to face the world with tolerance and peace. Of course, no one can completely ignore the external evaluation. The most comfortable environment is to make sure that people around me accept me. So try to be honest with each other! Tell the truth, do what you really want to do, and feel at ease, so-called negative comments will not affect you.
It's a mess, I hope I can comfort you!
Maybe you have a tendency to pursue perfection, and love to compete with yourself may be more or less forced.
You can respond with mindfulness. As long as you do it seriously, the effect will be good.