The first aspect is the child's guardian himself, usually the child's parents and parents, who must set an example and develop good household habits on weekdays. All kinds of things in the house are arranged neatly, orderly, clean, regular, comprehensive, relaxed and well controlled. Never scratch your eyebrows and beard, confused. This is fish begins to stink at the head, so you must start with yourself and give it to your children.
In the second aspect, you found your own shortcomings. Let's start with yourself. We changed ourselves. If a child gets along with us day and night, he will see it in his eyes and keep it in his heart, which will definitely exert a subtle influence on change. Under our influence, you should also have the confidence to educate your children well. After a long time, you will get used to things that need to be adjusted and get used to being with children. It is natural that your child's minor problems will soon be improved.
Finally, we must think about many things from the other side. We should not only see the shortcomings of others, but also look for our own shortcomings. Only in this way can we find problems and find solutions.
We can try to raise the training of children to the level of "learning to choose and choose" and "training planning ability"
abstract
? From the very beginning, let the children establish the mood of "intentional organization", prepare the conditions and environment of "do it yourself" for the children, and let the children think "I will come again next time!" Over time, storage and sorting will become a habit.
? Children can really learn and master the ability of thinking through daily practice: thinking about the lifestyle they really want to live, so as to cultivate their ability to choose their favorite lifestyle.
In the morning, the child suddenly shouted "I forgot to bring XXX". Just as the family was preparing to go out to school, there was a sudden commotion and shouted, "My colored fountain pen is gone!" "
Everyone is racing against the clock in the morning, and so am I, "You just didn't prepare what you need today yesterday, so that's why!" " As long as I nag, Dajuan will answer back: "I clearly put the colored fountain pen in the pencil case yesterday!" " "Although she continued to look for a pen, it was not easy to find it because the toys she played with Alice last night were untidy and messy.
It's almost time to go to school, so I have no choice but to accompany her to find it.
Is this your daily drama, too? Helping to find things so frequently has become my mother's "daily chores outside the scope of routine housework." I find that children only devote themselves to what they are interested in one day, ignoring others, and often can't get things ready.
Next, as if nothing had happened, I walked out easily, while my exhausted mother searched for something-
"I found it!" When I took out my pen from under the sofa, Du Wan said with a smile, "Ah! Yes, I also feel as if I fell under the sofa yesterday "... Look at her as if nothing had happened, but these conditions are really destructive and make people upset early in the morning.
I was exhausted at once, but Bao Nan was the opposite of me. With a look of "what a relief", she casually said "Let's go" and went to school happily. Of course, children can easily change their emotions quickly, so she has completely forgotten that I was angry with her just now. ...
You have to pay taxes after delivering the big newspaper. When I arrived at the tax bureau, I found that I didn't bring my employee list, and I forgot to take it out in the morning. ...
It turned out that I was the one who really forgot to bring something.
Sister-in-law should have learned from the painful experience and had to turn things around. First of all, we must change Dajuan's careless behavior, which is totally irrelevant.
After careful thinking, I came up with a train of thought.
First of all, I plan a mechanism to let the children clean up by themselves. Every time I invite my friends to my house to play, I will write three chapters on the scroll, but at the end of each time, if I don't make the final arrangements myself, I won't reach the ideal state. It stands to reason that children grow up slowly, and the matter of "doing it yourself" should also be gradually increased bit by bit. But the feeling is really unsatisfactory, not up to expectations, so that "how did this happen?" A surprised reaction.
First of all, I focused on planning the mechanism of "letting children do it themselves". Carefully observe children's habits, including storage space, storage methods, and utensils and containers used by children. I have screened it. Then tell them exactly what they need to do.
As long as we let them establish the mentality of "intentional organization" from the beginning and prepare the conditions and environment for children to come by themselves, we can make them think that they can come, and I will come again next time! As time goes on, you will get used to it.
This measure has been implemented for only one week and has received immediate results. First of all, the number of times to find things in large volumes dropped sharply immediately, and daily life became much easier.
In order to avoid just feeling good about yourself, it is necessary to evaluate the effect objectively. How to evaluate, this sister-in-law summed it up:
At the end of each time, if mom doesn't clean up, she can't clean up the mess.
Often asked by children to "open this" and "bring that".
You changed the place where children put things after they fell asleep.
So far, no child has decided to stop wanting toys.
There was a pile of rubbish there before I started cleaning up.
As long as one of the above items meets, it must be re-examined.
Not only items, but also the storage and arrangement of time and information are very important! With the plan storage and classification mechanism, we have also seen the effect. Although she began to store her belongings, she still dragged her feet.
When there are activities at home, we are still in a hurry, and the home is in a mess immediately, forming a vicious circle of "things are gone, time is running out, it is too late". In fact, the key to finding something is not just the reason why the sorting mechanism is not planned.
The key to the problem may be that children don't notice that there is definitely not enough time to prepare "today's supplies" in the busy morning. Then, you should tell her clearly: "There is no time for you to prepare today's products leisurely in the morning", instead of yelling at her: "Get it quickly". You can tell him the opportunity to "sort out the time" now, so that the child can understand the cause and effect now.
If it is "children can't master today's scheduled itinerary and personal belongings list", then this situation can be transformed into "it's time for children to learn to master information sorting".
"Oh, she's been playing video games all day recently, and she's keen on animation, so she spends more time watching movies." Then it is necessary to start with "first of all, understand that there are several hours (time and information arrangement) in a day that can be used freely."
In addition, "game machine, is it what you really want?" The problem of "fund management" seems to have nothing to do with the reason for the morning delay, but it is likely to be traced back to the root of the problem. So I thought it was just a case of "putting the watercolor pen in the pencil box after use", but it can be seen that various problems surrounding our daily life are actually interlocking.
The expression is a little tangled. Simply put, it is to integrate the various needs of children into management and relate to each other. It must not be understood as threatening her with "not buying any toys"
It may be easier to understand in the following order:
Problem: I couldn't find the marker in the morning, so I dragged my feet.
Solution 1: Put it in your schoolbag at any time after use. (arrangement of things)
Solution 2: Let children realize that "there is no time in the morning" and should get everything ready the night before. (time schedule)
Solution 3: Let the children know when using other stationery, and put the stationery into the pencil box in advance. (information sorting)
Solution 4: Let children realize that if they lose stationery, they must use their pocket money to buy it, and be careful not to lose anything. (Funding arrangement)
There is a knack for using the right method and pressing the action switch to make children willing to organize themselves. It is in the complicated problems that our family has sorted out and untied these complicated threads one by one, thus getting out of the bad habit of procrastination and moving towards the "desired lifestyle" step by step.
Indeed, we are now in a state of "just sorting things out, and we can't finish sorting them out" (strictly speaking, we can't maintain them at all). At this time, it is actually a "life plan" to start from the root and rectify the lifestyle.
Corresponding to the child's habits, if she can't convince herself to agree, it will be difficult to be called. Therefore, it is very important for her to agree and accept. On the contrary, if you put some thoughts into communication skills, so that she can understand effectively, once she understands and agrees, she will take action spontaneously.
As long as you put your mind on the thinking mode of "life planning", carefully design practical mechanisms, pay more attention to the methods of speaking and communication, and inject these into every field of daily life bit by bit and apply them to your life, children can learn the management methods of storing and sorting things, time, information (network) and money, and learn the skills of rectifying their lives. Children who fully master these abilities also have the ability to think about their "lifestyle they want to live" and know how to shape the life they want.
My wife wants everyone to understand that children can really learn and master "thinking ability" by practicing "tidying up" every day.
An example of how to make children want to organize things automatically is "XX and XX, which do you want to do?" Replace imperative "do XX"
Say to him, "Ready, go!" Instead of ordering him: "Do it quickly!"
Tell him through his favorite athlete or idol star: "Don't forget to bring your team uniform!" " "Don't say to mom," Don't forget to bring your uniform! " "
What is the most important thing? Instead of "which thing to throw away?"
Will "tidying up" affect children's future? There is a saying in Shakespeare's plays that "life is a series of choices".
"Do you want to buy this book?" "How to open a bookstore?" "What should I wear?"
Every day, we are accumulating tiny choices, because those choices have made us who we are today.
After growing up in such constant choices, we tend to be inclined to "do this because we can't do this or that, so we must do it!" , to select by exclusion. Is this very similar to the storage and sorting method starting from "discarding things"?
Therefore, this lady believes that children should be taught to "choose important things" as the principle from an early age, instead of "abandoning" the way of dealing with people through repeated storage and sorting every day. Then, with the growth of children, such as "club activities, which one should I participate in?" "Which school do you want to apply for?" Even "What do I want to do in the future?" By analogy, when faced with the need to choose by himself, he will take the initiative to tidy up his head: "Because I want to do this, I will do it!" "
I hope children can learn to choose, so I convey and promote this idea.
Sorting things is not just sorting things out, but prompting people to think about the lifestyle they really want to live, so as to cultivate their ability to choose what they like, which is also equal to "viability."
Many children love to throw things about. They don't pick up the books they have read and the toys they have played. They throw things around the house, which makes many mothers very upset. Undoubtedly, although these problems are secondary, they are very important for children to develop good habits in the future. Parents should give appropriate guidance to help their children develop clean and tidy habits.
First, no child doesn't like playing games. Parents can play a "where to take" game with their children. Parents can find a weekend to organize their children's books, toys and other supplies with their children, specify where to put them, and it is best to label them so that everything has its own fixed position. Read the "formula": "where to put it" every time you use it, and gradually help children develop good habits.
Secondly, some children's schoolbags are always in a mess. Parents can buy a storage magic called "Bao Bao Zhong" for their children and put it in their schoolbags. Usually, children know exactly which book to put in their schoolbags, so it won't be messy again.
Third, at home, parents can also be good at some "storage artifacts", such as toy boxes, bookcases and small bookshelves. To avoid the embarrassment of taking one or two books and the rest falling down.
Fourth, you can use picture books to guide children, let them know the necessity of cleanliness and develop good living habits.
If your child litters at the age of one and a half to two and a half, I want to tell you to be patient. This is the staged performance of children.
The child is now in a critical period of physical development. He needs to complete the coordination, flexibility and cooperation of his hands and arms through various movements, so the child will often throw things that the player can throw.
As parents, we should first put away unsafe or expensive things at home, and then prepare more toys that can be thrown, patted, beaten, twisted and caught to interact with children. If a child likes to throw the ball around between one and a half years old and two and a half years old, it is actually the stage when the child learns to control his emotions. Every time he throws it, it is equal to an emotional catharsis. When he gets it back, he will gradually learn to control his mental state, which is good.
As for children not accepting things, I think it is normal for children under one and a half years old not to accept things. If you don't clean up afterwards, it is a bad habit.
Parents should establish rules when their children are one and a half years old, that is, when they interact with their children, such as telling them to put away their toys after playing. Slowly, as the child grows older, they can slowly make him realize where anything should be taken and put. We often say that we love children, but don't forget to make rules before doing anything. Love and rules should coexist.
In fact, our children know very well that the toys in the kindergarten will naturally be put back, and why they can do this in the kindergarten. Don't you clean at home? It's a change of environment. He doesn't participate in the family, so I suggest that parents participate in the process of collecting toys and turn toys into games, so that children will do it as more interesting things.
Teacher Matthew: director of giraffe kindergarten, child psychological behavior consultant.
Honey, I'm a little excited to see this question. We are fellow travelers and are also looking for the answer to this question.
In order to let children get rid of the bad habit of not cleaning up, I tried the following:
First, guide children to feel the influence of family environment.
They made a mess of the house. I asked them to stand at the door and have a good look at the scene, and then asked them, "Do you like a clean and tidy home environment or a mess?"
Usually, children will not answer you directly. They like a clean and tidy environment, because they know in their hearts that we adults should start the education model.
Having said that, the key is to supervise the implementation.
For example, after the game, children are usually reluctant to clean up. At the initial stage of this primary training, we will enforce it. Children are generally reluctant to clean up, and they can gradually transition from cleaning up with their children to letting them clean up independently. Children are not easy to clean up anyway. The next activity is not allowed at all.
I took my children out to play yesterday, and when I saw their clothes all over the sofa, I immediately got angry. But I held back my anger and just asked him to fold and tidy up his clothes before we set off. When to do it and when to leave. Resolutely implement it!
The children soon packed up.
Of course, this move depends on the situation and should be properly implemented according to the child's expectations for the next item. Don't apply high pressure frequently.
Second, seize the opportunity to guide children to feel the benefits of timely finishing.
My children often throw away their clothes, socks, books, etc. And they are in a hurry when they need it.
In the first and second grades, children often remember which books they didn't bring and which materials they didn't bring when they went out. The key is to find them after remembering, they don't know where to put them. Because of the tight school time, they are afraid of being late, so going out in the morning has become a kind of chicken flying a dog jumping.
Timely "You see, it is very important to collect and organize items in time, so you must put them back in time."
Then, choose a harmonious atmosphere and reiterate the requirements for timely storage and sorting.
Then, when the children come home, we need to remind them to put the books they have read back in their original places and put them in their schoolbags in time after finishing their homework ... This timely training requires us to supervise the children to finish at a fixed time.
After a period of training, children will know to put their school supplies back in time and put them away after finishing their homework.
This process is the most tiring in the initial stage. Children who don't cooperate at first will be angry and angry. We need to put up with their complaints and shouts, but as long as we don't get angry and supervise the implementation gently and firmly, the children will eventually get better.
My Dani didn't learn to put the things in the bag neatly until the third grade! In this way, the chances of children losing and forgetting school supplies are reduced, their troubles are reduced, and they are more willing to listen to my reminders.
I believe that as long as you try your best to make children experience the positive impact on their lives after finishing, they will gradually accept your request.
My baby will listen now. After I remind her, she will tidy up the desk and sofa in the study immediately. Before going to bed at night, make the bed and train for nearly half a year before forming a habit.
Cultivating children's good habits is like a long March, which takes time and energy. I hope that you who are on the road of parenting will continue to study and make progress with me!
No, parents are children's mirrors. If you are a clean and tidy person, I believe that children will imitate you soon.
My daughter is two-sided, and she doesn't realize that she needs to tidy things at home, but her schoolbag is neat.
Let's start with her bag. I haven't tidied her schoolbag since kindergarten. I tidied it up twice in the first grade. Later, I heard from friends that children should be responsible independently and their schoolbags should be sorted by themselves. So, it's up to her to let go or not.
No matter what the books in her bag are, she arranged them herself. Anyway, she won't talk about her. Slowly, she put them in order, where to put the big books, where to put the small books, and the exercise books and pens outside were neatly arranged.
The only bad thing is that she doesn't want to throw away the unused paper, but fortunately she can sort it out.
At home, it's the other side. Throw away the unpacked snack bags, and sometimes don't throw the trash can when reminded. For a while, I was annoyed and stopped buying snacks, telling her when she realized that she had to throw the trash can in time and when to buy it again.
The same virtue next time.
Once, I told her calmly: I am very sad that my mother saw you throw garbage casually and didn't cherish the fruits of my mother's labor. I hope that after you unpack the snack bags, you can throw the garbage into the trash can in time and keep your home clean together. The child looked at me and promised to raise it together.
The back is better. Every time I see her thrown into the trash can, I also give her a positive praise. Sometimes when she sees something that hasn't been sorted out, she understands it at a glance. I believe it will get better and better.
Since children don't want to pack their things, they can accept their behavior first, and then take them to pack together. Children can't change at once. Encourage your child to change slowly and give him some time. I believe that children will do better and better.
I have encountered the same problem as you, but now I have solved it well. Let me share my experience:
There is a child and four adults in our family. They love children very much at ordinary times, and she basically cares nothing. When I was more than 4 years old, I wanted adults to do many things, such as dressing, eating, packing toys and so on.
I don't think I can indulge any more, so I made a rule: I said, in the future, you should do your own thing and I will help.
This rule is not only for children, but also for the whole family.
The two of them can't wait to feed their children every meal. They usually "clean up the mess" after their children, and they will clean up their toys, wardrobes and picture books. On the one hand, they spoil, on the other hand, they feel that their children are incapable of cleaning up.
In fact, children can organize their own things from the age of 3. Not as neat as adults, but basically neat. Therefore, you can't do everything, you must dare to let go, otherwise the child will always feel that "someone will do it."
At the same time, don't pursue perfection too much. After all, children don't do as well as we do.
Although it is children's own business to pack their own things, we can't stand and drink six or all kinds of blows. As parents, our task is to help children grow up and form good habits.
Therefore, when sorting out this matter, we should help children and stand with them to defeat bad habits, instead of standing on the side of bad habits and fighting together.
Knowing this, we can change our thinking and help our children.
Make this process more interesting. For example, I will compete with my children to see who can clean up quickly. I will pretend to be a toy in the way and see if the child can help me solve this "trouble".
I saw you put your small stool in the right place to prevent grandma from tripping. This is also for the consideration of others ... we can talk more in our daily life.
I believe you can do this, so it is not difficult for children to organize their things consciously.
We think simple things are not easy for children, such as using chopsticks. We are used to it. Children encounter many difficulties when they first start learning, which will make them shrink back, especially children who don't have much psychological energy.
The same is true of finishing. It is difficult for a child who is used to being taken care of by others. Therefore, we should pave this road more smoothly.
So how to pave it smoothly?
As we said before, finishing can be regarded as a game, and children love to play games. It is not difficult to start.
After you start, clean up a person's joy bit by bit. After cleaning up, I feel quite fulfilled-remember to record it as a successful activity with a sense of ceremony.
Next time, the child will be more willing.
For example, the storage boxes in my house are all in the shape of small animals chosen by the children themselves, and she likes them-small animals should be full every day, and they are uncomfortable when they are empty.
My friend's children especially like colorful things, so she bought colorful storage cabinets to let them take good care of their "rainbow baby" every day.
You can play by yourself, which is fun in form. When children think that sorting is a good memory, it is easier to start, which is also a way to reduce resistance on the path.
I like to explain something to my children with picture books.
Because picture books are stories, the author put some truth in them and edited them well. Children can feel it naturally from stories. If we can discuss it again, they will form concepts in their hearts, and then the resistance to action will be much smaller.
At that time, I used a picture book called "It doesn't matter if I have difficulties", which is one of a set of picture books called "Children's Training in Adversity Quotient".
I chose this book because I don't think children are out of order. It's not that she doesn't know how to tidy up, but that she feels "Alexander" after a mess. Her family used to help her when she was in trouble, but now she has to do it by herself. There is pressure-in fact, if you think about it carefully, you will find that many children have not developed the habit of tidying up, which is the psychology.
This is the book, and this is the inside page.
I read this book with her:
Of course, these are all told in the form of stories, and I have discussed them with my children. In the process of doing other things later, you can also use these contents repeatedly for analogy.
If you are interested, you can click on the link to view this set of books, which I attach below. It has 12 themes, which is very helpful for children to accumulate psychological energy and improve adversity quotient.
Good quality, high cost performance, and can be reused for many years.
12 theme, a picture book cultivated in adversity quotient, suitable for children aged 2-8.
Children also need to be separated.
The more things you have, the more confused you are, which is not conducive to the cultivation of children's concentration, making the family messy and adults in a bad mood.
Therefore, adults should control themselves and buy less-this is not easy, because we always want to give more to our children.
Children should learn to say goodbye here-these things have always been with us, and now they have embarked on a new journey like us.
Well, that's my answer. Now, to sum up briefly:
Finally, I want to talk about some of my thoughts:
Some friends may say, I can't write any of this, but I am good at demand and command-this is normal. Everyone will choose the easier way. But the hardest road leads to the most beautiful scenery.
If you don't work hard, the gap with others will get bigger and bigger over time. And if you accumulate a little, you will become stronger and stronger, and the years will certainly not disappoint you.
Once or twice at the beginning, it should be a warning: tell your child that this is wrong, and throwing things around will lead you to develop bad habits of forgetfulness and carelessness in the future; If you don't correct it, you need a warning and talk seriously. If it still doesn't work, you must force your child to clean up, you can't be soft-hearted, and you must have punishment measures to make your child aware of the consequences.
If you buy a lot of toys, things and clothes for your child, I can only say that you need to take some responsibility for the messy room of your child.
It is recommended to accompany your child to choose some toys and supplies he likes and put them in a fixed place. Things you don't need can be given away or donated to charity. But don't threaten children: if they don't take good care of their belongings, you have to take them away or throw them away. Don't bribe or reward children because they have done what they need to do. It is the responsibility of children to help their families to tidy up their rooms and things. They don't need to be paid to do it. Pocket money should not be associated with tidying up the room.
You can say to younger children: Will you clean this toy or shall I? Or take an item and ask the child: I don't know where this item is. Can you show it to me? When the child puts this away, move on to the next one until it is all packed.