Reflect on parents' behavior
This story comes from a real case: my father is a successful person with a brilliant career and deep connections, but he is not an excellent parent. Four years ago, when my son volunteered to fill in the college entrance examination, my father dominated the day-only I had the final say! My son succumbed to his father's opinion under high pressure, but after four years in college, he failed several subjects when he graduated. As a result, he can only get a diploma, but he can't get a degree certificate.
Fortunately, his father has a wide relationship, and the client found a job in a company affiliated to a Ministry in Beijing. The salary is good, but the child feels that the major is wrong, not his interest and future development. The son has his own set of arrangements, but the father doesn't agree, because the father has arranged everything and created the best conditions. The children don't have to worry too much, and the future is like being put in a safe. As a result, the child's words were fierce, and he left home for five days and fled to a coastal city thousands of miles away. The father got his son's position through mobile phone positioning, and arranged a group of people to wait in that city by using various relationships. ...
I am worried about this child, afraid of his aggressive behavior, and feel sorry for this seemingly immature father!
In fact, it is not surprising that a careful analysis of the father's educational style, especially the authoritarian style of college entrance examination volunteers, has caused the father and son to turn against each other. At present, some parents' expectations and practices completely ignore their children's personality, interests and abilities. Just like laying bricks, they hope to build a safe and secure brick wall for their children to walk along. As everyone knows, this deliberate protection also makes children lose themselves, have no self-confidence and can't think. What did their parents give them? What did you give yourself? Maybe it's time to stop and think.
There are many experts who guide the college entrance examination to volunteer and pay more attention to the skills of volunteering, which is of great help to everyone's actual reporting work; However, Grasping the College Entrance Examination Volunteer from the Perspective of Parent-child Life Design focuses on the process of parent-child communication rather than the skills of reporting. "Grasping the college entrance examination volunteers from the perspective of parent-child life design" is to grasp the college entrance examination volunteers from a macro perspective and from the perspective of the whole career, rather than getting caught up in some details.
When parents consult the author with a densely filled college entrance examination volunteer form, the first thing I want to ask is-what is the guiding ideology of your volunteering? What is the main line? Many parents can't answer, or just say that they need to open technical things such as gradients. This major is journalism, that major is applied mathematics, this university is petrochemical engineering, and that university is construction engineering ... Many parents seem to forget that every volunteer filled in the volunteer form may eventually be the result of admission, which is the key to their children's four years in college and even their future life!
Three principles: let volunteers meet the future in advance
From the perspective of parent-child life design, we should pay attention to three principles in grasping the college entrance examination volunteers.
First, respect children's characteristics and wishes
According to the author's consulting experience,15 is the student who has made clear his future development direction,15 is the student who is very vague or has never considered it, and the remaining 3/5 students have vague directions. For the last 4/5 students, it is best to have a professional evaluation or consultation if possible.
Willingness and desire are the driving force of a person's development, and we need to pay more attention to them. Many parents have worked hard to prepare a thick stack of materials, and all the children have overturned it at a glance. This is because they didn't ask their children for advice in advance, and as a result, they did a lot of useless work.
Second, integrate parents' resources and wishes.
Parents must establish the concept of education investment, and the process of volunteering for the college entrance examination is a process of determining the direction of education investment. Therefore, if you want to have a good return on investment, you must make good use of your own resources. There are two kinds of resources, one is external resources, such as interpersonal resources, majors, industries, university information resources and employment resources. The other is internal resources, such as parents' wishes, wisdom, confidence, communication skills, the ability to integrate resources and so on.
So does the parents' wishes matter? Important, but on the premise of respecting children's wishes, more work is to help children understand themselves and understand external information. Then, what should be done when the wishes of parents are inconsistent with those of children? I once consulted a mother and son. The following is the main process of consultation:
As soon as Cheng Gong's mother saw me, she whispered, "Teacher Zhang, you have to persuade my son to listen to me and report to the Railway Institute in the future."
Cheng Gong loved sports since he was a child. Although he is not a school athlete, he is a "sports fan". He never misses sports programs on TV at night, and sports magazines are everywhere at home. Because of Cheng Gong's poor grades, he knew that he was wrong. He aimed at the "sports management" major of a private university in Beijing early to prepare for his dream of becoming a "sports reporter" in the future.
Unexpectedly, when he excitedly told his mother his choice, he was answered with "a pot of cold water" and "absolutely not". Because there are relatives working in the railway system, my mother wants Cheng Gong to apply for the railway college. "Sports, railway police, are so irrelevant. I want to engage in sports work! " Cheng Gong's original idea of "learning to realize the ideal of sports media" was as flat as a punctured balloon.
"In fact, what I want to do most is to be a sports reporter, but my grades are too poor, so choosing sports management in private universities is my guarantee for myself. When my mother was studying physical education, she thought she was going to play ball. Repeatedly saying that she doesn't understand is a bit unreasonable. " Cheng Gong complained during the consultation.
"So you don't consider the railway college suggested by your mother at all?" Although I didn't promise Cheng Gong's mother to be her "lobbyist", I passed her message to Cheng Gong at the right time and in the right way. "Railway Institute also has Chinese Department and Management Department. You see, this is the professional introduction of the Railway Institute ... "I have a brochure on the introduction of enrollment at hand, and I turned it over to him. "You see, this is to cultivate media talents." I said.
"Are you? Can you still work in the media after coming out of Railway Institute? How come my mother never mentioned it to me? " As soon as he heard that it was related to the media, Cheng Gong became interested.
"If you can study journalism at the Railway Institute and find a job in the future, of course you can consider it." Cheng Gong said, "Teacher Zhang, in fact, I know that my mother finds it difficult to get a job from school, and this sports management is not my favorite sports journalism major. I have also considered my mother's ideas, but I don't want to communicate with her as soon as I see her absolutely authoritative attitude. "
Throughout the consultation process, I found that children are often very reasonable. The key is to master the way of communication and have an equal communication mentality.
Third, meet the future in advance.
Life design is called career planning in the west. It has a whole set of scientific theories and methods, a career planning model, and four key words: confidant, confidant, orientation and action.
"bosom friend" is to explore yourself, so as to know yourself better. The contents of self-exploration are mainly values, interests and skills. The methods of self-exploration include standardized evaluation and non-standardized evaluation.
"Know yourself" means collecting information in order to understand the external work world. In the college entrance examination, it is mainly to collect the future employment direction of the major and meet the future in advance.
"Positioning" means setting career development goals and steps, including determining career development stages, defining your dreams, setting goals and steps, and setting goals scientifically.
"Action" includes specific measures, feedback and adjustment.
How to "welcome the future in advance"? Four words can be summed up: beginning and end. It's much easier to link the child's real dream with the real job, and then push it backwards to what university to go to, what major to choose, and how to fill it out voluntarily.
(Transferred from Beijing Academy of Social Sciences) Guangdong Examination Service Network-Voluntary Reporting Analysis System