Everyone thinks that after marriage, they can be themselves without making any changes for their lover, marriage and family.
So the contradiction came out, and widowed parenting and widow marriage came into being.
Look at the current divorce, 80% are initiated by the woman.
Many people just because marriage is not their "ideal type", but these situations appeared a long time ago. Why did women at that time put up with it?
1) In the past, conservative women put up with it because they had to:
The basic rights of body, economy, politics, sex and marriage have been deprived. They are basically a domestic animal and a walking uterus. Why should women resist?
2) In the past, the forbearance of old-fashioned women was beneficial:
There are still many women who don't understand. When my husband divorced me, he couldn't speak ill of me. I take care of his family, my family, and I didn't say I was a good sister-in-law. How virtuous this daughter-in-law is. I take good care of my children. Going home is a hot towel, which is delicious and can make money for the family. I do my best. Why did you get divorced?
Because now it is monogamy, in the past, a man could have three wives and four concubines, and your behavior is exemplary. Maybe the country will force you. If you are widowed all your life, you still have a chastity memorial arch, just as the whole family supported Zhou Ying in Flowers. As long as you can sacrifice your right to be a woman, there will be a supporting team behind you.
But now, there is no chastity memorial arch and no family support. Your patience is meaningless.
All the excellent qualities you used to build a big house in polygamy can't be exchanged for monogamous loyalty and love.
Because in old-fashioned marriage, a man's love does not belong to the wife of a big house.
3) Nowadays, modern women live a wonderful life, without contrast or pain:
The commonly used rationalized anesthetics didn't work: women were born with a hard life, want to live a good life, and be reincarnated as men in the next life! Which woman do you think has a good marriage? Men all over the world are like this!
However, inspired by Titanic and a large number of Korean dramas, countless women have established three terrible views on straight men's cancer: love or die for me! And quite a few women seem to really have true love.
Once a woman truly experiences the feeling of being loved, she is like a beggar who is used to freezing in the cold, and it is absolutely unacceptable for him to be a beggar who is frozen and hungry again.
Therefore, it is obvious that the divorce rate is so high in the present marriage.
On the one hand, all the shackles on women have been lifted, or partially lifted.
On the other hand, the "patriarchal ideology" has not lifted the shackles on men, and the whole society has not given women a real ideological weapon to get out of their inner cage.
At the same time, the beautiful and idealized "true love life" is so coveted.
For example, many women say, Mr. Lu, what you said is so beautiful that it makes me feel like chicken blood. But when I came home and saw the dead man, I really wanted to communicate with him, but he just kept saying, even saying bad things about me. How can we turn our ideals into reality?
Then the first thing I asked was:
1) Can I get a divorce?
If you say, I can't divorce, if I divorce, I'm finished.
Then I said, then if I were your husband, I wouldn't have to talk to you.
Why should I negotiate on an equal footing with a person who has a personal attachment to me?
Is it necessary for me to communicate with my domestic animals?
So by subject, we mean that you can live well without a man. A man is not a gift in the snow, but a icing on the cake.
Only in this way can we enter a new marriage.
2) If you say I can get a divorce, but I've been divorced seven times and failed every time, it's not that I can't live without it, but that I don't want to repeat this life.
Then I have to ask, can you sum up the reasons for your divorce every time?
If you say, what's the reason, that is, you met love rat, that is, your personalities are incompatible, and that is a matter of fate.
Then I said, I can't help you.
Why? People who have been divorced for seven times and have never seriously reflected on it do not deserve a better life.
So how to reflect?
The so-called reflection is:
1, do you understand male thinking? Do you know women's minds?
2. Every time your marriage breaks up, what is the problem of conflict? Do you know your emotional button? Do you know your complex? Do you know your vision? What do you want most in a relationship? On the contrary, do you understand each other's above problems?
3. I want to know, or I already know, how can I turn a doomed relationship into a calm relationship?
I know what I want, what I am good at, and what the other side wants, and how can I combine the interests of both sides.
Some people say it's too tiring to do so? Why don't men do this?
Dear, men have been playing with women for five thousand years, and even women's liberation was initiated by men. Even this new game has been playing with us for hundreds of years. Now it's time for women to appear and women to start playing with men.
Because the most important thing is that women must get what they want most, that is happiness and value!
At this time, women in China are in the greatest pain in 5,000 years.
For five thousand years, women in China have been suffering, but not suffering.
And now women in China are suffering, but they are not.
There is a saying that "without suffering, there is no equality".
In the past, the endurance of women in China was based on the deprivation of rights, and the status of women in the whole world was also low: a harem queen may live a life that is no different from a woman who lives in a deep house.
But now some rights have been restored and some people have lived a better life. With the previous template, they can choose a better life, and everyone will not continue to suffer in marriage.