Xiao Wei works in Beijing and is currently planning in a company. His team is responsible for planning the company's activities. Xiao Wei is a dispensable presence in the company at ordinary times. Although they are screws, the team are all standard and unified screws. The inventory is larger than the actual needs, and she is much less. She has a shallow relationship with her colleagues in the company, and she just smiles and nods when she meets them in the company.
Xiao Wei rents in a residential area near the company. Two rooms and one living room, one of which is Xiaowei's permanent residence, and the other is short rent, where people come and go occasionally. The micro-routine from six to six is very regular, regularly avoiding the opportunity to meet other tenants.
Xiao Wei has graduated for five years and is currently single. Because of her passive personality, Xiao Wei never took the initiative to be nice to boys, nor did she find that she had different ideas about someone. Two years ago, someone from a company took the initiative to contact Xiao Wei. Although he didn't feel anything special, Xiao Wei went out to eat with him twice. After the second meal, he invited Xiao Wei to rest in the hotel. Xiaowei stare big incredible eyes, looked at him for a few seconds, and his mouth was awkward. Finally, I euphemistically said that I had something to do and left directly. Since then, the two have never met alone. I can't see it in the company now, because the other party has jumped ship.
On holidays, Xiao Wei always stays in the rental house, brushing videos and eating snacks. Time flies. She has few friends in Beijing, so she has no weekend date. The only friend who has contact is in my hometown, but since my old friend got married and gave birth to a baby last year, I have gradually lost contact. At most, I occasionally leave a message in my circle of friends, "The baby is so cute", and I am replied, "When will you come back to get together?"
She doesn't often go home. The last time was three years ago. There is no point in going home. Dad is very happy with his stepmother and stepsisters. He is a dispensable outsider, no, it should be said that it is best not to appear. The only communication is when to get married. I didn't ask her to be my sister, because my father said, "If you save your salary, it will be your bride price."
Xiao Wei felt that she was completely cut off from her family. Without her, she wouldn't go against it.
One night, I opened the door to get takeout as usual, and the deliveryman smiled at her and said, "Hello, hello again". Xiao Wei just smiled and brought a lunch box and a small cup of milk tea from the store. Then thank you and close the door.
When she picked up chopsticks to eat rice noodles, she remembered what the courier had said, and suddenly realized that the person who knew her best had become this stranger who delivered takeout every day. She asked herself, why does it need to exist? She put down her chopsticks and thought hard. She has nothing in her career, love, friendship and family, and no one needs her. What would happen without me? Maybe my father will shed a few tears, my old friend will cry for two days, and then everything will be calm, life will remain the same, and the world will remain the same.
In this way, Xiao Wei decided to die.
Xiao Wei didn't want to trouble others, so she had to finish the last work before she died.
For the company, she put all relevant documents in a desktop folder, and also established a description document with detailed index information. Make sure that the people who take over this computer and related work can connect seamlessly.
She found out her bank card and paid off all the credit cards. Find a note and write down all passwords and related information of bank card, WeChat payment and Alipay. In this way, after her death, her family can get their savings smoothly. While sorting out Alipay, she saw a regular donation of 100 yuan per month for a lunch plan for a mountain child. Thinking that this account would empty the balance in the future, she donated 10 thousand yuan at a time, which was considered as early payment, and then canceled the regular donation.
Next is the social account. After his death, these data have no meaning. She emptied her QQ space, Weibo and her circle of friends. When the past dynamics were deleted one by one, she felt that she had entered the death ceremony ahead of schedule, and those lacking beautiful past emerged in front of her eyes, and then burst like a bubble.
Finally, she cleaned the rented house, just like returning the rent. She packed her bags. What's useless is thrown away or donated. It's just a small box to carry with you. She will leave with this little box. It's like a person going to another place by train.
It is her habit to take out her mobile phone in advance and order tomorrow's dinner. Before the payment, she remembered that she could drink the milk tea sent by the store every day recently, so she wrote a sentence in her message, "Thank you, the manager, for sending milk tea every time, and wish the business prosperity".
After doing these things, Xiao Wei felt ready. The time is set for tomorrow night. During the day, she will go to work as usual. After work, she will come back for the last takeaway dinner, wash up, and then jump off the bridge across the river with the box and finish everything.
Today is the last day of the small and micro plan, Friday. Before leaving work, she packed the things in the cubicle with extra care. Although I am used to neatness at ordinary times, I feel a little different today.
At this moment, the telephone rang. I looked at it, and it was an unknown number. This may be a fraudulent phone call, but Xiao Wei still picked it up. After all, occasionally someone calls her as an invisible person for work reasons and asks her to find a colleague.
"Hey, I come to three places a day." On the other end of the phone is a hearty middle-aged man.
Xiao Wei ordered dinner in this store, but this is the first time he heard the boss's phone call. "Hello, what can I do for you?" Xiao Wei thinks that takeout may not be delivered.
"Yes," Xiao Wei heard the familiar local accent. "I saw your message that we sent milk tea. We don't have this activity. We didn't sell milk tea at home. "
It turned out that when I ordered takeout yesterday, I wrote on impulse, "I have received a cup of milk tea every day for the last week, didn't you send it?" She still can't help but confirm again.
"It's nothing to drop. We sell milk tea next door, unless the delivery man is mistaken. Ask him next time. "
"Well, thank you, boss. Today's takeaway is as usual. " Before Xiao Wei planned to hang up, he casually asked, "Is the boss from Changsha?"
"hmm!" The boss smiled happily. "Home?"
"Half a fellow in the county below." Xiao Wei was unconsciously given a local accent by his boss.
Hearing this, the boss happily invited Xiao Wei to the store for dinner, saying that there was no need to pack and cook more spicy food for her. After that, I finally want to hang up and continue to be busy. Sure enough, he is irritable.
Xiao Wei listened to the busy tone on the other end of the phone, with some entanglements. She was going to die after delivery tonight, but there is something wrong with it.
What is the milk tea these days? People have to make up the money themselves if they send it wrong, otherwise the takeaway will have to pay for it themselves. Besides, after drinking so much for nothing, she always feels insecure and owes someone something. Xiao Wei never wants to owe anyone.
Until he came home from work, Xiao Wei was still struggling with this matter. A cup of milk tea has gone bad According to the careful plan, she died cleanly.
She has never been like today, sitting and waiting for the courier to come to her door. The main thing is that everything has been handled, just this one.
When the doorbell rang, Xiao Wei reacted about two seconds faster than usual. But when I opened the door, there was no milk tea, and it was not the same person who sent her takeout before.
Xiao Wei opened the take-away software, but unfortunately they all used the virtual phone number, so they couldn't contact the previous take-away clerk. Now this man is in the vast sea, where to find him.
On second thought, I can only try my luck in Sanxiang and the shop next door tomorrow.
She felt that she was delaying her death.
Xiao Wei hasn't gone out on weekends for a long time. When she explained her purpose to the boss, the boss gladly asked her to sit in the store and wait for her, and told her that the general delivery staff would deliver food in a fixed area.
It was noon when I arrived at the shop. Xiao Wei ordered a signature farmer's stir-fried meat and sat alone in the corner, eating silently. The food just out of the pot is really delicious. After a while, the boss smiled and brought her a plate of chopped pepper for her to taste. "You give it a try. We just made it ourselves. Very fresh. Let's see if it tastes like this. "
Xiao Wei hasn't eaten homemade chopped pepper for a long time. He put a chopstick in his mouth. It is spicy and salty. He suddenly tasted it for a long time and even choked up tears. The last time I tasted this was ten years ago, before my mother died.
She took out a box of paper from the table to wipe her tears. She must have not eaten spicy food for too long, and her tears can't stop.
Until the dinner peak passed, Xiao Wei didn't find the familiar face from the two groups of takeaway people at noon and evening. Throughout the afternoon, Xiao Wei sat in the shop, occasionally playing with his mobile phone, occasionally staring at the pedestrians outside the window in a daze, and occasionally chatting with the idle boss. At 8 o'clock in the evening, she walked out of the three villages of the day with a small glass jar that the boss wanted to give her.
Seeing the lighted sign in the tea shop next door, I ran to buy a cup of milk tea. These days, I seem to have got used to the taste of milk tea.
Holding milk tea, Xiao Wei walked to the bus stop. A 98 bus just closed its door and left. It seems that it will take 10 minutes. She looked at the starting bus when a passenger near the back of the window was turning to look out of the window.
It's him! Xiao Wei recognized this person as the little brother who had delivered takeout with milk tea before. She couldn't help but want to lift her heels in the past, realizing that it was just in vain and stopped at the same place. The man in the window seemed to recognize Xiao Wei and waved to her with a smile.
Xiao Wei was a little discouraged. After waiting for a day, people slipped away from under their noses. Does this have to be delayed? She just wants to tidy up her own affairs and die quietly. Why is there such trouble suddenly?
Xiao Wei is a little depressed at the thought that he can't die as planned today. Just don't wait for the bus, so go back two stops.
Walking slowly on the road, it was past 9 o'clock when I got home. Xiao Wei took out the key and just wanted to open the door. He felt very strange when he saw the post-it note on the door. He tore it off and went into the house to have a closer look-
"Hello, I am the takeaway" little brother "who just greeted you on the bus. Can you add a WeChat? My micro signal is XXX. "
Xiao Wei couldn't help laughing when he saw the contents of the note. It was a relieved smile, a smile that didn't take much effort, not the kind of smile that usually reciprocates others out of courtesy.
With WeChat, Xiao Wei went straight to the point. After some communication between the two, things finally came out.
Last winter, Xiao Wei ordered a stew. When the takeaway arrived, I found that the takeaway brother fell on the road because of the slippery road and spilled more than half of the soup. At that time, the other party offered transfer compensation, hoping that Xiao Wei would not give bad reviews. Xiao Wei looked at each other's cut trouser legs, thinking that the cold wind outside would be very cold, and he couldn't bear to pay compensation. Instead, tell the takeaway to be careful on the way back and go home from work early to rest.
The takeaway is actually not a takeaway, but a graduate student, Zhu Xiao. He personally delivered takeout for half a year, just to collect paper materials. In order to enrich the experience as much as possible, Zhu Xiao specially went to various urban areas in Beijing to experience the life of a takeaway. It was not until a week ago that I returned to this area where Xiao Wei lived again.
Zhu Xiao just received an order from Xiao Wei that day. He remembered Xiao Wei's friendliness, so he decided to grab her order every day in the last few days and send milk tea in the name of the store.
Xiao Wei breathed a sigh of relief when the truth came out, but should this milk tea be returned and how should it be returned?
On the day after he planned to die, Xiao Wei still didn't die, as if he had procrastination again.
The tinkling alarm woke Xiao Wei from a vague dream. She narrowed her eyes and rolled over to touch her mobile phone. As usual, she has to cancel the flight mode first, and plans to look at the weather forecast and brush up the hot search list. After unlocking, I found that the flight mode was not turned on. When I saw the red dot on WeChat, I opened it and found a new contact here-Zhu Xiao.
It turned out that I fell asleep unconsciously when chatting on WeChat last night. Zhu Xiao refused to accept a red envelope for milk tea. The last message was sent after Xiao Wei fell asleep. "Shall we have dinner together tomorrow?"
Xiao Wei immediately felt that those sleepy people had fled. She rubbed her face, sleepy, unable to say how she felt.
It's good to have someone to eat with you before you die. Xiao Wei thought it must be because of this, so he wanted to promise this meal. She simply answered a word "good".
In this way, Xiao Wei got up and cleaned himself up, opened the door and went to the bathroom to wash. Just about to go in, I saw the door of another room was pulled inward, revealing a head inside. I glanced at her and immediately exclaimed, "Great!"
Last night, a little girl from short rent lived next door. She's only a teenager, maybe she's underage. A long black hair was scattered randomly on the shoulders. At the moment, it is a bit like a flower and bone flower destroyed by heavy rain. Although it barely smiled, it was hard to hide the pain between the eyebrows and turned to Xiao Wei for help.
Xiao Wei brought her some sanitary products to relieve her urgent need. The little girl is still lying in bed with a cold sweat on her forehead. Seeing this, Xiao Wei went to the kitchen to boil a pot of hot water, and found a piece of old ginger from the refrigerator, which was left over from the last time a short tenant bought food and cooked. Wash the old ginger, cut it into shredded ginger, put it in hot water and continue to cook on the fire. If you can't find brown sugar, you have to use a packet of sucrose instead.
When doing these things, Xiao Wei remembered the way her mother used to make ginger soup for her. In the first few years, my mother cooked her brown sugar ginger tea every time, and sometimes boiled angelica eggs, which adjusted her body very well and never hurt her like this girl. Later, no one cooked for her, and she stopped eating and never felt pain. If you don't think about it, you think you have forgotten it. I didn't expect to remember so clearly.
The little girl drank ginger soup, thanked her and slept comfortably. Xiao Wei remembered to look at his mobile phone, and Zhu Xiao had sent several messages. Because he couldn't bear to leave the little girl, Xiao Wei had to explain the situation to Zhu Xiao and discuss changing the meal time. Zhu Xiao didn't say much, only said "you wait".
I thought what he meant was that I have something to do now, and we'll discuss when to change it later. Unexpectedly, the doorbell rang. Pushing open the door, it turned out to be Zhu Xiao, a delivery man who didn't wear a rider's uniform. He is carrying a box with three fragrances a day and three cups of milk tea. Seeing Xiao Wei's surprised expression, Zhu Xiao said to himself, "Don't blame me for rushing to the door."
Xiao Wei was amused and turned to let Zhu Xiao in. Hardly had they sat down in the living room when they heard the little girl open the door and come out. After taking a nap, my stomach will not hurt and the little girl will be full of energy. First, I thanked him in an exaggerated way. "Sister, you are really my savior!" Then I saw the food on the table, touched my growling stomach and shouted, "It smells good." .
The three of them sat together and had a sumptuous meal. Xiao Wei found that all these things brought by Zhu Xiao were her favorite foods. Maybe he referred to his usual takeaway list. What a careful boy. After eating, the lively little girl turned into a little magpie and began to chatter.
Xiao Wei always answers questions, and Zhu Xiao is equally frank, occasionally joking humorously. Little girl, I have a lot to say. The three of them ate and talked until they went out for dinner again.
In the evening, when packing in bed, Xiao Wei didn't play mobile phone as before for the first time. This past Sunday was unbelievable. How many years has she not had such a pleasant and warm time? For a long time, so long that she doesn't remember.
For the first time, I hit it off with two strangers. She was about to fall off the cliff and seemed to be pulled back into the world.
She recalled what she had heard during the day. Zhu Xiao went deep into the group of riders, only to get real and detailed first-hand information, but unexpectedly gained many touches in other people's lives. The life of this group is mostly difficult, but in the absence of choice, they still live and struggle hard.
Xiao Wei didn't expect that his humble kindness not only relieved them of the burden of compensation and anxiety of getting bad reviews, but also warmed their hearts and gave them some support energy. It never occurred to her that she would have such a great influence on others.
This incident gave her a great blow, and she began to doubt her decision to die. Although she is very lucky, do you really want to give up everything easily?
This optimistic and cheerful little girl named Xiao Lu comes from a small county. She is old enough to dare to think and do, and she is infinite in youth. I came to Beijing this time just to see my ideal school in advance. She likes to write while walking, dreaming of becoming a writer one day.
She always communicates enthusiastically with everyone she meets, showing herself without reservation and sharing other people's stories. Her appeal made Xiao Wei laugh as recklessly as she did unconsciously, and she dared to say it directly without having to turn around a thousand times.
One is a newborn calf that is full of hope for the future and feels that everything is possible; One is a person who has seen the world and still embraces the world kindly and warmly. Wei suddenly realized why she could get along with them. The deer is lost, and Zhu Xiao is the ideal buried in her heart.
Xiao Wei hasn't thought of her dead mother for years, but now she can't help but take out a tightly sewn cloth bag from the depths of her packed suitcase. The innermost layer of this amulet-like cloth bag is a photo of her and her mother. Over the years, since her mother died, she has gradually closed herself up and always accepted everything calmly and indifferently. Without those who love her and those who need her love, she gradually lost her purpose in life.
Carefully open the bag in your hand, layer by layer, and finally take out the slightly yellow photo. In the photo, I look a little similar to the deer, equally flamboyant and youthful. The mother standing by is somewhat similar to her now, except that her eyebrows are not distant and indifferent, but gentle and serene. The date is written on the back of the photo, 20 12 May 12.
She remembers that afternoon. Mom came to boarding high school to pick her up by bike. She chatted with her mother on the way about what happened at school recently. A senior went back to school to give a speech. That senior was admitted to a first-class university by his own efforts. After graduation, she went to the mountainous area to teach for several years, and then went back to school to study as a graduate student.
After listening to the senior's description, Xiao Wei was deeply touched. I told my mother excitedly that I would teach in the future. As usual, my mother said seriously, "My mother will support whatever you do. You can go if you want." .
I just didn't expect that sentence to be the last thing my mother said to her. A car accident took my mother away forever. From then on, she sealed all the beautiful things of that day and the past in photos, and never dared to touch them again.
Mom, if only you were still here.
Xiao Wei put the photo on her chest and couldn't put it down for a long time. Everything has been messed up by mistake since the suicide decision was made a few days ago. Until today, I dug up my mother's photo again. It suddenly occurred to Xiao Wei that maybe her mother had been by her side and didn't go far. Maybe it was my mother's arrangement that made her turn for the better before she did something irreversible.
On Monday morning, Xiao Wei didn't go to the company again and submitted his resignation to the company directly by email. The relevant documents in the company have also been sorted out and can be handed over easily. There is no need to go again.
My luggage has been packed and I have nothing to worry about. She came to the railway station and bought a ticket to Daliangshan. Since then, there have been no white-collar workers, only teachers who teach. This meaningless life, let it burn elsewhere.
The deer looked back at the story he had written about Wei and seemed dissatisfied with the ending. So I added this paragraph at the end-
As for the following story, the deer added naughtily, "Life is long, to be continued! 』
Ps: There are many reasons for writing this story, including my own confusion, my thinking about the meaning of life, and my deep desire. See? The story behind Xiao Wei? And the source of inspiration "A man named Ovi decided to die".