But just because you are different from her, you and I are just the same, so the pain I suffered because of my personality may happen to you in the future. I hope this long letter can help you avoid detours. I used to talk to you occasionally, but it's a pity that your father has a serious tendency to "kill his relatives." The closer he gets to people, the more fierce he becomes, and it is inevitable that he will rush into it and make you resist. These are dad's problems, not yours. So, today, I tell you some secrets of my father in another way. Although I can't walk through your life for you, or even experience any setbacks for you, it's worthwhile if you wake up from my past lessons and gain strength from my experience.
The last time I saw you was three years ago. When you came home to help you change your sheets in summer, you found the trace of "map" and accidentally found a worn-out porn in "The Old Man and the Sea", neatly wrapped under the pillow. I took the film with me, and nobody said anything. Now that I think about it, I think it's silly to be so quiet, because it can't nourish you at all, and it may make you misunderstand that dad stole your personal belongings. And according to your personality, in order to revenge, in order to show resistance, you will turn your head to find another movie. It's better to stuff you with some good discs I've read in books, which will be cost-effective and save you time watching movies with misleading ideas and making unrealistic comparisons. Anyway, when I was young, I always compared myself with the fighters in the film, which always brought me great inferiority. I found that my technology is not as good as others, and my combat effectiveness is far behind. When I grew up, I found that the filmmakers were all liars. Just look at this and satisfy your curiosity. If you keep looking at it, it will do more harm than good to your long-term health. More importantly, you will inexplicably fall into the sorrow that you are a person full of low tastes. That's how I struggled at that time.
I remember the first time I masturbated. That was when I 13 was in the third grade in Shanghai. I stayed at your fifth uncle's house for a few days during the summer vacation. One of them took a bath in the bathtub at noon, holding a martial arts novel. It is estimated that the novel is very fragrant and was stabbed by a certain plot. It turns out that extubation (as you say now) is very comfortable. Inadvertently, semen flows out of it. That totally freaked me out. Why does urine turn milky white? For the next month, I thought I was dying and immersed in depression. What's more troublesome is that no one can say it, and I don't know who to talk to. At that time, there was no network, unlike now, you can post anonymously in the post bar at any time for answers, and there is no Baidu to solve the problem.
I say this because I fully understand that friends who secretly study pornography at your age are curious and sexually depressed, and our sex education is still shy and secretive. In fact, after reading a few pieces of paper, you will find that it is better to fight with the person you love. If someone around you is addicted to this, you should stay away from him, which only shows that he has no pursuit and can only rely on sexual fantasies to fill the emptiness and idleness in his heart. Although even if you have socialist ideals, it is impossible to eliminate the desires of men and women; But there is no doubt that if you don't have something meaningful to support you and indulge in the vicious circle of "sexual fantasy-watching porn-masturbation" all day, you will definitely die.
Love in college is closer to adults than most door-to-door love in middle school, and there is not much difference except that everyone can't make any positive results basically. So, your sister plays house with boys, and I told her that the most important thing is to look at your grades, protect yourself, be careful of fire and stay away from extremes. To tell the truth, I really want to strangle your sister and those little boys' ignorance, but I know this kind of thing, wildfire never completely consumes them, and they grow taller in the spring breeze, so let her try to understand the stakes. However, for you, these are no longer problems. You are a junior, completely independent. Because of your mother and me, you have been very independent since childhood, but it is not enough. You should be responsible for yourself in all directions, in all directions.
This kind of thing, love is completely human instinct. You are civilized early and self-taught. You don't need to read any anecdote love books. If you learn your father's personality and color well, you can naturally understand others, how to get along with different people, and naturally see your own smelly problems. If you get along, you will be very happy together. If you don't get along well, say goodbye calmly and keep thinking about death. Nothing can help except that you haven't grown up. I don't say this because I don't expect your heart to break when you are lovelorn. You will, and it will be worse than your father. I only say this in the hope that you can read this passage again after your next attack. There are many books that will tell you that there is only one girl suitable for you in the vast sea of people, which is sheer nonsense. There are many books in the world that are nonsense, so you should be careful to identify them. In fact, in your life, there will be many girls who are suitable for you in the world. You think you'll die if you leave the girl you see now. Don't worry, you won't die. You are harder to kill than Xiao Qiang, and you will thrive in lovelorn love.
Before you feel the need to consult me one day, I have three suggestions: 1 Love is just a part of your life, not your whole life. You must know what kind of life you want. Even if you tell me now that you only want this woman in your life, you still have to do something after you have this woman. You can't say love and make love to this woman every day of your life. 2. Don't be hurt by others emotionally. For a radical person like you, you need your own life experience; However, don't hurt others when breaking up, it depends on the cultivation of your character. All your excited words, decisions and actions, if not controlled, may hurt others and make you regret it for a lifetime; Please take safety measures if you have sex. Kung fu is not enough, girls are easy to get caught, which is harmful to girls' health. No telling the truth. I just don't want this little thing that was easy to control to mess you up and make you feel heartless and unfair.
Stop talking about love. Let's talk about the future, dreams, friends and truth.
Regarding the future, the core is what you do, what kind of life path you will take, and how you will realize the value of life.
You still have a lot of time to think, or you don't have much time to think. There are many times, because many people seem to have been exploring all their lives, but they have never explored it until they die, either because of their quick thinking or because they are wandering between dreams and reality, and finally they bow their heads helplessly to face reality. Your time is running out, which means time passes much faster than you think. If you are happy with your girlfriend now, if you don't think about your future early, you will soon be forced to bow to reality. Your girlfriend is likely to be abducted by a Gao Fushuai who has worked in society for several years. You don't need me to teach you in peacetime. To put it bluntly, what you do on campus is worthless to enter the society, and the many opponents you will face are much more ferocious than you think.
You have artistic cells, but it's hard for you to become an artist, because I haven't found any artistic field in you, so that you have the strength to survive without being crazy. If you are not crazy enough, it is difficult for you to get ahead in the field of art, and you don't want to do nothing all your life. So, if you can't reach the peak of your imagination and your artistic ability is not enough, you will blame yourself all your life and never be happy. Of course, it doesn't matter if this happens to your sister. For her heartless character, happiness is easy to get. For those of us with yellow personalities, we will never be satisfied and happy without making achievements.
You have a business mind, but it is difficult for you to become an outstanding businessman. When you were a sophomore, you knew that quilts and bedding in the freshman dormitory were a good deal. It's a pity that you don't have a strong desire to make money and no follow-up pursuit. The first potential of becoming an outstanding businessman is that you must have a strong desire to make money. You have a better life than your father, and your father's family has a better life than your father, so you won't feel the embarrassment brought by poverty in your life unless you are ready to experience life, tear yourself apart and start over.
You are very talented in swimming. If you love sports very much and stick to the road of professional athletes, I won't stop you, but I don't want you to take this road in my heart. Under the training of our current national sports system, I'm afraid you know nothing but swimming in the end. I don't want you to be physically developed and simple-minded all your life, and only shout about serving your country.
There is no old saying in our family, so there is no day when I die that I leave a message saying that future generations can never do anything, but in my deepest heart, I don't want you to go into politics. Because you can't do that job. You lack perseverance, harmony, personality and sensibility. More importantly, you know too little about the things in the system and the cruelty of politics, and you may die inexplicably before you start serving your country. Most people in politics are full of enthusiasm at first, but after a long time, they find that they can't change, and they are gradually assimilated. Few people can stick to their dreams, but when it was his turn to be influential, he found that when he was looking at the low end of officialdom, he was actually just looking at flowers in the fog. Facts cannot make him do everything. Sometimes constraints come not only from above but also from below. Politicians full of idealism have been defeated by realism in history, and their loyalty to the country can only be remembered with their lifeless inscriptions. I say this not because I don't want you to serve the country, but because of my understanding of your personality now. It is too difficult to choose the road of serving the country at present, and it has no effect, unless you meet the granddaughter of a contemporary minister and eventually become a good official in Qin Jin, and you still have the ambition to be a good official in history. Although dad is king, he looks at you from a distance and doesn't give you any trouble. When necessary, he is on call.
Judging from the process of influencing society, great politicians are the fastest. But judging from the contribution to society and the far-reaching influence on society, an outstanding businessman and a thinker with conscience have the same energy, far exceeding politicians. But you should be careful not to always talk about the motherland of scholars. If you can't be a warrior who can turn a pen into a knife, it's better to be a businessman who counts real money every day and enrich the country. You see, those guys who engage in WeChat Weibo may not have thought of it at first, but they are imperceptibly influencing the country and society. Of course, I don't expect you to have such a grand plan, and I won't ask you to do what your father can't do; Tell you what your father did just to let you know; But what your father wanted to do in his life but didn't do, if you can achieve it, you will naturally be very proud of your ancestors. However, it doesn't matter what I want you to do, because your ancestors don't even know your father himself. They are definitely not noble families. One is a generation fisherman in Baifeng Township, Beilun, Ningbo, and the other is a small and medium-sized bandit leader in Jiading Mountain, who was arrested and blown away during liberation. Since neither of us is sure, the only important thing is that what you do in the future can give full play to your potential. When you leave this world, you can say to yourself, I won't waste my next life.
Whatever you do, listen carefully. I hope what you do can be selfish and altruistic. Simple egoism is like a walking corpse, which has no life value. For you, if you get more happiness, you must be able to help as many people as possible. Whether inspiring people's wisdom or being a good doctor, your true happiness must be based on spiritual abundance rather than material enrichment. After the money you earn can meet all your living expenses in the future, you will find that excessive luxury will only make you empty and unhappy, so you should strive for spiritual prosperity; All false and empty things will not last long, and all things that are divorced from human nature will not last long. There are quite a few such things in society, so you should distinguish them carefully.
Strictly speaking, this belongs to the future. But on your father's way to the future, I found all the future problems. In the final analysis, it still falls here.
The first time you saw close-up magic on TV, you told me that you also wanted to be a magician. Remember when I opened three cartons under the bed and dug out professional props and professional videos? If you haven't forgotten, do you still remember the oath you swore to me? How many girls did you hook up with with your poker and coin tricks? Are you still practicing now?
Although your personality is "red+yellow", which is different from your sister's typical red personality, you two are birds of a feather, because your interest in the red part is changeable. When I tell you the story of how I got everything in these cartons, I hope I can make you understand that your father is such a changeable person. Passion is coming, he is crazy, searching for famous teachers and searching the internet. Once the passion fades, it is easy to like the new and hate the old. This feature made me pay a lot of unnecessary money in my past career development. Because I can't insist on digging deep wells, I always stop at a place where the well water is less than 10 meters, and then dig another well, so that there are no holes in caves everywhere.
I don't blame you for saying that, because I am such a person, and I am not qualified to let you directly become a person who knows what you want from the beginning. When I say this, I actually want to repeat that "books should be miscellaneous and learning should be refined." However, it is really difficult to find the dream of true love at once.
Suppose you give up a dream soon, which means that this dream is not your real dream at all, and you don't really love it enough. It is normal that you will have many dreams at different stages of your life. Just like the girl you like, with the increase of age and experience, your taste and appreciation of girls will definitely change. You can keep trying until you find the person you love the most, but you must understand that there is a price to try. This is the same as buying clothes. Sometimes you are instantly attracted to a certain style. In fact, after you leave it for one night, you may not like it. You should be especially careful of this lightning-fast love. I suggest that when you encounter this kind, put it for a while and go back every few days. If you are still thinking about it repeatedly, you may really like it.
Your dream will be laughed at by many people. Those who have accomplished nothing in their lives like to laugh at and attack others, because then you will fall back and stay with them on the way to climb. The reason why they do this is that they don't want to feel like a failure. They certainly hope that the more people in their camp, the better. If you do what they want to do but don't, they worry that others will judge you as incompetent. So they will try their best to prove that you got these things because of your luck or your speculation, and they will completely ignore your great efforts and say something jealous; Some vicious people will slander you and do their best to slander you. They know that most people in this world like to join in the fun. As long as they incite a group of people who join in the fun to judge you arbitrarily, it will make you suffer, and only if you suffer can they feel better. It's like a retail investor who has lost from one million yuan to only 10,000 yuan. He always hopes that more people will lose 1000 yuan like him, so that he won't feel too bad.
When you have a deep understanding of this little thought of human nature, you will understand why people always bump into you on the road of your life. So, do your own thing and don't care about comments. After comparing countless powerful people with vulnerable people, your father made an important discovery, secretly telling you that vulnerable people often read online comments, they need to gain growth strength from praise, and naturally they are easily hurt by swearing, because their strength comes from the outside, which is "from the outside to the inside"; Strong people never read comments, because their strength does not need external recognition. They will give themselves strength to support and abuse themselves unharmed, because their strength comes from the heart and is "from the inside out".
I've been thinking for many years, whether your dream should be spoken out loud or hidden in your heart. The final conclusion is that in principle, you should keep them in your heart and don't let others steal your dreams. More importantly, before your dreams are formed, you should tread them carefully to death, which is also to prevent a fragile child like you from suffering too many unnecessary blows in advance. On this issue, success tells you to tell your dreams to motivate yourself, which only applies to two situations: First, there are positive people around you who will encourage your dreams. After you said it, you were embarrassed not to realize it, so you had to use it to push yourself forward; Secondly, you said it because in some cases, your conditions are basically met and need to be accelerated.
Many years ago, my teacher told me that it depends on what a young man can do in the future and how many older friends he has around him. Whether a middle-aged man still has vitality depends on how many young friends he has around him. I've been thinking about this for many years, and I think it suits you now.
At your present stage, try to find friends who are older and stronger than you. That's why I encourage you to work-study programs and step into society as soon as possible. For a while, I saw you having fun with a group of children below yourself and enjoying being the boss among them. I'm very worried about you. Although we have the same personality, we are all "red+yellow", but in contrast, you are more eager to be a leader, and Dad is more willing to be a lone ranger. I was pushed forward by everyone to a great extent. That's why when you read Jin Yong's works, I told you that you are more like Qiao Feng, and dad prefers to be Ling Huchong.
If you really want to be a leader, you must associate with those who are older than you, because you will draw energy from those who are better and more experienced than you. If you always play with people your age or weaker than you, you will feel comfortable because the stars hold the moon, which will make you mistakenly think that you are awesome, but you are nothing. You are afraid to be with people older than you because you are afraid that they will reject you, and you think you can't make them give in. You can't have enough confidence in such a group of people. Remember, when you are old, if you are interesting enough, there will be many young people willing to play with you. Now, it's time for you to absorb nutrients and grow up quickly.
In your circle, your guitar performance at school, the flowers you usually make in the student union, and your ease in the water will make many girls fall for it, but put you in a larger group, what can you be? If you say so, you won't accept it. Although I know you will have a strong day in the future, you can't do it for the time being with your skill. I hope the day when you despise me will come soon.
No matter how powerful you are, you must always understand that there are too many people who are better than you in this world, and the real master is among the people. I have told you this truth many times before, but you always disagree. One day, you will pay for it. In this world, the higher you go, the more knowledgeable you are, and the more you know your shallowness. I encourage you to show off boldly and use your talents to help and benefit more people, but you should be careful, there is only a thin line between showing off and showing off. There are still many talented people in this world. Because there are no opportunities, it seems that their achievements are not as good as those who have ordinary talents but get opportunities. Therefore, if you get the opportunity, work hard and always have awe of countless masters hidden in this world, your awe will make you live longer.
Help those who are weaker than you, especially remember to help others when they are depressed. Before your father knew your mother, the most influential woman in your father's life was not your mother, but your aunt Lu. Because the hardest day of your father's life was at the age of 22, when she and I only had 20 yuan a week to live on; You once asked me why Grandpa was so close to me because he had little contact with me. It's because when your father was most sad, Grandpa Pang accompanied your father in that dark hut on Pingwu Road and watched him cry for three days and three nights. Too many people in this world would rather add icing on the cake than send charcoal in the snow. After your father made a TV program, countless people found your father and wanted to continue to do other programs, but most of them hoped to consume your father's current influence and fame to achieve their goals, but they were not interested in excavating your father's true value and caring about what his father wanted to do. When one day your father becomes an old Huang, everyone will abandon your father instantly without mercy. Therefore, seeing the truth clearly will make you more patient and wait for the opportunity you have been working hard and need, so that you will not be moved by the flowers in this world.
The most important friend I got in my life was to borrow money from me when she was in trouble. At that time, I gave her all my thousands of dollars. I lost a friend in my life. She went to England to study. Soon after, her wallet was stolen. I called her from overseas, hoping that I could lend her some money to cope with the difficulties. At that time, I had a deposit of 23,000 yuan, so I didn't borrow it because I might need it soon. I regretted it for 13 years, and later tried to make it up, but it didn't help. I just want to tell you that when a friend is in trouble, I must lend a helping hand. Even a slight greeting is so warm. Because I know that one day, you will fall down. If you don't want to make you miserable at that time, you should learn to help those who need and deserve help as much as possible from now on. You must remember that giving charcoal in the snow is more meaningful than icing on the cake.
If someone has helped you, you should return the favor and learn to be grateful, which will make you feel better about yourself. If you have the opportunity to help others, don't expect others to thank you. You help others because you feel good, noble, happy and valuable. If you help him in order to get a return, and he doesn't give you a return in the end, it can only prove that your investment vision is poor and your investment has failed, so improve your investment accuracy next time. But if you never intend to, when you help, it is to make yourself happy. If the other party is grateful, you will earn; If not, you won't be lost, because you didn't expect it. You are suffering because you are always thinking about what others owe you, and you are suffering from Buddhism. Many people in this world have long forgotten. If you can't get what you want, you always complain that people are not old and living more and more troublesome.
Being with you, without talking about pursuing individuality, seems to be an innate sign of your generation. For your grandparents' generation, who asked everyone to wear yellow-green army pants, they didn't know the word "personality", but for you, obviously there is no such problem. But I'm worried that you unilaterally equate "individuality" with "being different" and deliberately pursue "being different" for the sake of "being different", such as wearing nose rings, tattooed totems, and knee-length pants, which make it difficult for you to walk, so as to show your uniqueness and attract others' attention. In fact, this is just the lowest personality. This so-called "personality" is just a blind pursuit of novelty on the surface, which is not advanced enough. Just like a woman's low-level sexy, she only wears heavy makeup and wears a short B skirt, revealing deep cleavage; There is also that kind of advanced sexiness, which is reflected in her bones. The way she drinks a glass of water can make you ecstatic. Really advanced personality, respect for the group's * * *, he can be unique, but he does not despise the public. He can have a clear head and not be captured by the false culture created by the media. He can know what he wants when he consumes, and he will not waver when others tell him what is good ... The "personality" I want you to achieve is not a simple freshness, but a power that can make you. Because, you have a mysterious power that can attract both men and women to explore you.
Maintain inner independence, especially the independence of thinking, don't blindly follow, don't believe, don't talk nonsense. In this era when information is everywhere and right and wrong are confused, you should have your own accurate judgment of things so that you won't be used by others and shot without knowing it. Cultivate independent thinking. At your age, the most important thing is to read more books, especially history. No matter the official history or unofficial history, you should read as much as possible. In order to beautify themselves, the rulers of many dynasties wrote a history that was not necessarily true, and it was revised by the next generation of historians. Taking history as a mirror, we can know the rise and fall. If you dig deep into history, you will find that everything is reincarnation. Compared with the ancients, our wisdom may not have made any progress. Everything you have experienced and will experience has rules to follow. I hope you can have your own beliefs. Even if you are an atheist all your life, keeping your heart in awe of God and heaven will give you something to trust and admire, and you will never mess around.
"Truth" is not what you learn from some TV and newspapers, but what kind of person you are, and you can show it to your heart, whether you are good or bad. Yes, each of us has shortcomings, but letting our shortcomings hurt others at will is just to cover up the fact that we refuse to correct them under the guise of "truth." The original meaning of "truth" is to learn to respect your own sincerity. Most people distort the facts. A reader once asked me, how can a person be beautiful if he can't be true? People who have such doubts have an idea buried in their bones-if you want to accept my goodness, you must accept all my badness. If all the bad things are gone, I am not real. At first glance, this makes sense. In fact, I don't want to change my shortcomings, so I make excuses for it.
The longer you stay in society, the more you will find that it is more difficult to be true to yourself than to stick to your own personality. In your future life, you will struggle back and forth between "keeping the truth" and "compromising the reality" for a long time, and you will suffer greatly from it. Even if you read what I wrote today, you can't escape, because I can't go through this process instead of you. You need to go through it yourself. As I said, I'm talking about this in the hope that when you encounter problems, I can provide you with a shortcut to avoid detours as much as possible.
When I was young, I had a strong self-esteem. Of course, there is no great progress in this issue now. If my father had told me that there was a shortcut to help me achieve my goal, I would swear allegiance to the death. I will tell him that this is a test given to me by God, and I will go by myself without your help! It's like a bumpy road. My dad told me you had to bypass the pit. I said no, I would fall. If I hadn't fallen, I wouldn't have experienced this pain. Many years later, I realized that if I hadn't fallen into those pits, I could have achieved my goal earlier and done more. My understanding of life experience at that time was too narrow. In Buddhism, practitioners who truly practice the right path can not only get rid of the suffering of the fire of material desires, but also do not have to accept the painful torture like ascetics. To put it bluntly, true practitioners do not advocate pleasure or asceticism. To emphasize asceticism blindly means to emphasize form and ignore essence. I say this because I know that you are more stubborn than me and have more self-esteem than me. I want you to know clearly that although I hope you are better than shining on you, as long as you can make your own satisfactory achievements in your intoxicated world, I will be gratified enough.
I want to say too much. These four things may not be urgent, but they must be very important, and countless pains in your future are related to them. This afternoon, I just learned that an old friend of mine has colon cancer, aged 33. Staying up late for a long time, eating vagrantly, pursuing success all his life, and wasting his life by relying on his big waist and strong firepower. I can't cry. God doesn't always say hello in advance when he intends to take someone's life. Your father was in good health when he was young. In order to realize his dream, he overdrawn for many years and exchanged health for grades. Now he is paying his debts. So, in the last sentence, if you want to do great things, the only magic weapon to kill your opponent is to compare with your own body and see who spends more money, even if you don't live long. In order not to make your opponent proud, your body is better than his, you will wear him to death, and you will die later than him. Have a good exercise, son.