Because I have always insisted on spreading the theory of family education, I have been recognized by some parents, and I often receive questions from parents in the background. After reading this letter, I can understand the parents' deep anxiety and love for their children behind these problems.
Just why do these deep loves eventually become a weapon to hurt children?
A father wrote that the couple had a good relationship, and his daughter was obedient and sensible when she was a child, and she had a good relationship with him. However, after entering junior high school, my daughter suddenly seems to be a different person, with changeable emotions and anger. We can't say she won't go to school. Up to now, her daughter has not been to school for a month.
Father is anxious, but anxiety cannot solve the problem. We must explore the causes of these problems and solve them from the source.
Finally, through systematic analysis, it is found that one of the causes of children's problems is doting, so why the father dotes on children has a lot to do with his family background.
Although we are born parents, we are not necessarily good parents. We need to learn from our parents and learn from them.
Therefore, in order to help more parents learn to love their children, Sister Hua set up a column of "Family Education Q&A" to help 1-2 family system analyze the problems in family education every week for free and give reasonable solutions.
PS:
1. How to participate?
Please write down the questions you want to consult privately. The problem should be as specific as possible, not generalized. For example, what if children don't go to school?
2. Precautions:
Please leave your contact information so that we can contact you.
The following is a question from a parent:
The parent's question is:
Hello, teacher,
My daughter is thirteen years old and in the first grade. Now is adolescence, and I always go crazy with some boys and girls who don't read much at school. How can you say such a thing as falling in love? Excuse me, how can I communicate with the teacher?
We answer this question in three parts:
1. What is a "bad friend";
2. The characteristics of adolescent children making friends;
3. How should families guide their children to make friends?
First, what is a "bad friend"?
First of all, we should define the concept of "bad friends".
This bad friend just doesn't study or has poor grades. Not studying and not getting good grades are two concepts.
Poor grades mean poor learning ability, for example, science can't be understood, liberal arts can't be recited, and the foundation is too poor. This is a question of learning ability. As long as children find the right learning methods, their grades will soon improve.
Not studying is a cognitive problem or a psychological problem. For example, if you mix in society and don't want to go to school, such children may become problem of juvenile.
For the first kind of children, we can tell them that helping others is a very good quality if there are good learning methods.
For the second kind of children, we should try to keep them away, but we should also pay attention to the ways and means. Floret will give you an analysis later.
This is not to say that these children are heinous and unworthy of communication, but that their energy is too weak to change these children and they are likely to be influenced by them.
Therefore, we must first clarify the concept of "bad friends" in order to effectively guide children.
Second, the social characteristics of adolescent children;
The biggest difference between adolescent children and childhood children is that they become friends from dependent parents, from infancy to maturity, and finally to society. In this process, friends play a very important role in helping children build themselves.
Therefore, it has important psychological significance for adolescent children to make friends.
How do adolescents make friends?
On the one hand, it is interactive with classmates at school, on the other hand, it is influenced by film and television dramas and various network information, which is a new topic facing the information age.
In the past, when information was closed, children's growth was more inherited by their families. Adolescent children may not know what love is and what loyalty is, but today's children know it before they enter adolescence.
When floret was a teenager, there was a particularly famous movie called Young and Dangerous. Through this film, many children know what loyalty is and what brotherhood is. Among boys, there is a plot of "regarding loyalty as a hero and treason as a chic".
As a result, many students turned the values in this film into their own values and took pleasure in group fighting.
In addition, Qiong Yao's romantic movies have also become the spiritual home of girls, so puppy love will also become a part of girls' spiritual world.
As parents, how should we guide children to make friends?
Third, how should parents guide their children to make friends?
When parents see so much negative content about making friends, will they chase their children to make friends and stop them from making friends?
Most parents are against puppy love, but controlling adolescent children can only arouse their disgust. The more parents object, the more children have to do it.
So what should we do?
First of all, parents should be patient;
Do one thing with children, pay attention to one thing, talk about one thing, and enhance parent-child relationship. For example, nowadays TV dramas are all about love, and children are inevitably unaffected. Good TV dramas and movies will definitely convey the values of positive energy. For example, when we watched "Big Rivers" together a while ago, I would talk to my son about how Song Yunhui tried to walk from the countryside to the city. Because my father and I are both from the countryside, we will also tell our children childhood stories, and the children will listen with relish.
Not long ago, the house in my hometown was demolished, and the baby cried because the memory of childhood was gone.
I also comforted him and said, "The house was demolished, and my mother's childhood memories are still there."
So be patient and discuss all kinds of things in life with your children. Rich life and rich friends, not just learning one thing.
Secondly, we should tell children the correct values of making friends;
Tell children that different friends should be treated differently.
Friends can be roughly divided into these categories:
One is an ordinary friend, usually a classmate at school or a companion at school. We should talk as little as possible about these two kinds of psychological words. China culture says that "people only say three words in front of others, which is not all I have", so we should pay attention to chatting with friends.
One is to know yourself, which can be said to be psychological. We should cherish such friends.
Usually, adults should pay attention to convey some positive values to their children, always care about them, chat with them, be in a good mood, whether there are any interesting things in school, and so on. And don't let children feel that their parents are always busy and always on top.
Finally, I want to say that adolescent children are very different from childhood children. For children in childhood, we can educate them through orders, but in adolescence, we can only guide them by making friends and talking. Therefore, if you want to control your child's friends, you can only guide them, not chase them.