Cao Zeneng, chief counselor of Zhuhai Bangda Psychological Counseling Co., Ltd.: Helping others and being enthusiastic about public welfare has always been advocated by society. From "Learn from Lei Feng Day" on March 5th every year to "Learn from Lei Feng Month" every March now, society is forming a positive energy. As far as you and your children are concerned, it is also obvious that you will be infected by a positive atmosphere.
Psychologically, this kind of prosocial behavior is called "altruism", which is a kind of practice of "doing my best for the world and society from the heart without expecting anything in return". No matter what kind of behavior, as long as it is out of love for people around you, it belongs to altruism. Your child's willingness to help others is a commendable altruistic behavior.
There are generally three reasons why people have altruistic behavior. One is about the genetic factors of biological basis; Second, the social and cultural norms of altruistic behavior, such as people should help those who have helped themselves, so as to improve their sense of self-worth and reduce anxiety; The third is the study and imitation of altruistic behavior. Usually parents encourage their children to help others, such as helping their parents with housework and helping their younger children. These practices will gradually remove children's selfish behavior and strengthen children's goodwill towards others. The reason why your children give everything to their classmates is inseparable from their parents' words and deeds.
There are three factors that affect a person's altruistic behavior. The first is external factors. The comfort of climate and environment is refreshing and will increase altruistic behavior; The more people present, the less altruistic behavior, and when there are many people, people are easy to personalize, resulting in the idea that "everyone is watching anyway, and it's not my fault alone"; If you are in a hurry to go to work and go to school, it is difficult to be altruistic; If the beneficiary cooperates with altruism and expresses gratitude, it will make others more passionate. On the contrary, if you refuse to cooperate or even speak ill of each other, it will interfere with a person's altruistic mood and behavior. Obviously, your child feels wronged because of being teased by his classmates.
The second is the psychological characteristics of altruists. People are often altruistic when they are happy; If you do something wrong and want to make up for it, you can reduce your guilt and be altruistic. People with a strong sense of social responsibility and strong emotional ability are also easy to be altruistic.
Third, there are certain altruistic skills and resources. It is to use advantages to help people, such as teachers teaching, doctors practicing medicine and singers offering songs. Your child's donation of pocket money is responsive, which also shows that she has these resources and love to help others through the "bridge".
As a child who is not deeply involved in the world, it is a normal psychological motivation to do good deeds with good wishes and hope to gain the recognition of the students around him. Gratitude is also respected in the positive education of parents, schools and society. In the face of others' blows, children's psychological gap is large and their mood fluctuates greatly. I guess other kids will be upset, too.
Suggestion: First of all, parents should fully affirm their children's "choosing good deeds". While "sending roses", we should also "have incense in our hands", because "a flower is a world, and a leaf is a bodhi. Those who love love to return, and those who are blessed are blessed. " Altruism can bring at least five "causal cycles": first, altruistic thinking will improve a person's pattern and make people broad-minded and powerful, which is one of the necessary habits of successful people; Second, the horse power is known from a distance, and people will see it for a long time. When warm-hearted people leave a good impression on others, the personality of altruists will be recognized by everyone. This is an invisible charm business card;
Third, it will accumulate more and more contacts and opportunities for altruists; Fourth, forming a virtuous circle, altruists will have more opportunities to experience themselves and constantly improve their abilities in the process of helping others; Fifth, the stronger your ability to serve others and society, the greater your self-worth, and the more confident you will be to face life and the future. According to the above ideas, parents should help their children sum up the specific gains, so that children will understand better that helping others is the "first beneficiary", because they have their own needs, and they will constantly strengthen their choices and beliefs. The more confused people are, the more they need the support of their inner beliefs.
Secondly, parents should guide their children to understand that her grievances and troubles stem from being accidentally injured by her expected return. In other words, others can hurt themselves because we set boundaries for ourselves and expect their positive response. In fact, people's motives are not single, and everything has two sides. Children should face up to their inner needs, don't be influenced by other people's attitudes, don't be discouraged by others' bad words, and don't be complacent because others say good things. When "doing good deeds" comes first, and "don't ask the end of the song" comes later, children will treat their enthusiasm calmly, will persist in their efforts without regrets, and will regard helping others as a way of life.
Finally, no matter what embarrassment or frustration, parents should stick to their beliefs with their children. No matter whether students are joking or making fun of them intentionally, children can't decide their attitude, but they can influence their attitude and correct their image of themselves. When children are unmoved by the outside world and do what they like, over time, students will re-examine you and cherish you.
In addition, because parents did not mention more information such as the child's real age, the above focuses on * * * gender analysis and suggestions. If the child is too young, he must learn to protect himself and know how to refuse appropriately. For example, when you find that others are up to no good, when you find that you have potential safety hazards, when you are too tired or unwilling, you should bravely "say no" and know how to adjust your methods in time. The purpose of doing good deeds is to make society better, and this process also needs to protect itself.