The objective fact of separation is before us. In that case, is there really a way to get him back?
As a professional psychological counselor, I can tell you responsibly that there is no doubt about the reference answer, and there are countless successful examples.
Before that, we must first understand that we don't have to treat emotions too abstractly. We think that two unrelated people can last forever just by liking and fitting in. As Zhang Ailing often said, "You can get love in any way you want, but you need wisdom to maintain love."
In the feelings, it lays the groundwork for this learning mentality. Below, you can discuss how to get your predecessor back.
Everything happens for a reason. The first step for everyone to deal with the problem is to establish the source of the problem, recognize the essence of separation and be problem-oriented.
The whole process of "doubt-test-chilling-cracking" is the necessity for ordinary couples to break up. Here, I will combine the basic theory with the concrete, list two basic types and main manifestations of ex separation, and briefly analyze the reasons.
1.
Many girls are likely to feel this way when dealing with breakups. "Why did he forgive me before, but finally broke up because of this little thing?"
Zhang Ailing's separation is mainly manifested as "trivial matters become the last straw to crush love": on a very small matter, she is arrogant and unreasonable. Needless to say, she doesn't have to make too many statements, and finally she clearly puts forward separation.
Here are some common things in the past:
You often show disdain for one of his shortcomings, and one day you will be separated by your casual jokes.
You always need him to reject all your friends of the opposite sex, and then because a girl wants to talk to him, you accuse and doubt and leave decisively.
You always know arrogantly, "What day is it today? Don't you love me?" Every time you ask, it will increase your work pressure.
"During the avalanche, _ a cloud was wronged." The accumulation of long-term dissatisfaction will always have "the last straw to crush the predecessor."
2.
Social research data show that impulsive separation also accounts for a very large proportion of lovers, in short, it is also because of some sudden stimuli that lead to emotional loss of control between each other.
Zhang Ailing's separation is mainly manifested as "hot": strong arguments, mutual slander and abuse, deletion of all contact numbers, and publicity of the result of separation without leaving any ladder for the other party.
In fact, in many film and television works, in order to better pursue the perfect "super-abuse" actual effect, impulsive separation often occurs. For example, in the recently hit TV series "Honey Is as Heavy as Frost", the heroine Feng Hsu was stimulated by her father's death. After losing her mind, she mistakenly thought it was the hero Feng Hsu, and then irrationally indicated that she broke up with the hero, which led to her falling in love but breaking up.
It is not difficult to see that it is not enough to rely solely on rationality in love. There are too many accidents that endanger the relationship in daily life, and the impulsive separation is also due to the impersonality caused by laissez-faire rationality, resulting in the result of "one hundred days of lovers".
The reason for breaking up has long been established, but no matter what the reason is, as long as we get rid of the subconscious misconceptions and integrate the following specific steps and practices in stages, it is just around the corner to get back our predecessors.
First, prevent extrusion and rupture, and eliminate the concentration value to break the deadlock.
John ford once said: "True love is the king in my heart; It makes reason unclear; It didn't listen to advice and ran directly in the direction of drunkenness. " This psychological state is mainly manifested in the early separation of the company:
Send an apology message with your life, which keeps happening around your ex, selling sympathy and pestering (squeezing)
Break up with cold violence, remain indifferent, and no one cares about each other.
In fact, the above two treatment processes are what we must prevent in the whole retention process. It should be understood that after breaking up, the other party's security boundary will be improved, and usually self-sealing will be adopted to strengthen their own security category.
At this time, both the overstocked separation and the impulsive separation are very contradictory to the cold violence of pressure to break up, and it is also a traumatic psychological phenomenon. Therefore, it is reasonable for everyone to actively eliminate the associated concentration value and complete the ice-breaking journey.
The specific steps are as follows:
Zhang Ailing returned the contact number, trying to push some topics that have nothing to do with feelings, so that the other party can learn to let go of emotional pressure.
Zhang Ailing's rational personal description, looking for other reasons for the inaccuracy before, such as "damage to family relations" and "uncontrollable love for each other", will wrongly transfer herself.
Zhang Ailing chose to decline her logical thinking and take a step back, indicating that although we are separated now, we can still be friends, and there is no need to be too formal.
Second, prevent the delay of blindly following the trend, change your true identity and seek comfort.
Zhang Xiaoxian once said, "Everyone learns to let go of self-esteem, personality and persistence because they can't forget a person." What needs to be measured here is, which is more important, self-esteem or predecessor?
If you think self-esteem is more important, then you can walk away with your hair tossed. If you care more about your ex-boyfriend, listen to me.
In this case, we must not stay too long on the ice-breaking trip, that is, to prevent delay. At the same time, it is not appropriate to rush for success because of blindly following the trend. What is more needed is to start from the shallow to the deep, and lay the groundwork for comfort again.
Zhang Ailing transformed her ex-girlfriend's true identity into a new friend.
Talking about daily chores, enjoying emotions reasonably, and dealing with the waste test that he is likely to put forward, such as the positive waste test of "Don't bother me, I don't want to talk to you" and the negative waste test of "I don't listen, I'm busy", all need to make full preparations and countermeasures in advance, namely:
He is strong, you are soft, and he regresses.
Highlight friendship, temporarily let go of love, and refuse to talk about love crossing the line.
Prevent the taste of breaking up and falling in love, and create a reasonable brand image of good friends.
In other words, we should immediately change our true identity, so that our predecessors are no longer your enemies and put you on the opposite side. But let you become a good friend and re-enter his daily life.
Zhang Ailing used WeChat to chat and send a circle of friends until she was invited to meet.
Through the above practical operations, everyone has now become a new friend of his predecessor, so it is logical to take the following countermeasures:
Continuous intermittent chat: that is, every three or four days, have a trivial chat to convey your positive attitude and then make your ex feel comfortable.
Show the use value of WeChat circle of friends: that is, according to the negative brand image constantly exposed by WeChat circle of friends, use "johari window" to achieve the practical effect of constantly introducing positive attitude. For example:
√ I have been insecure and love testing before, so I sent myself to carry out some activities, expand my social circle and improve myself.
I used to be irrational, so I must send less emotional and creative copywriting to ensure self-discipline, self-esteem and self-love, mainly showing objectivity.
Take the initiative to invite people to meet: Go back and apply the ambiguous jokes and suggestive teasing appropriately. I can save Libra's ex-boyfriend from having a new love. Once he wants to take over, it shows that comfort has laid the foundation for success, and it is natural to meet.