How about sheng?
How about sheng? This program is instructive to us, but it also instills some bad ideas in the dark. The enlightenment lies in:
1. Live seriously
In the program, a group of women improve their self-confidence, adjust their mentality and learn skills. Shouldn't these be the aspects that one should always pay attention to when growing up? Why didn't you think of hard work until the show? I often hear older girls say, "I didn't care when I was young, but now I'm anxious when I'm old." I can't help asking, what did you do before It doesn't matter if you are young, in fact, you are making excuses for your rough and casual life. When you are single, it doesn't hurt to be casual, but when you are on a blind date, when everyone looks at each other with extremely critical eyes, all the problems and troubles will be unobstructed.
Lack of interpersonal training, lack of attention to physical dress, inner childishness and inferiority, and never want to change the past. Of course, Mr. Steve knows that these things have not affected your life, because you are single and you don't need to accept other people's choices. It is precisely because of this indifference and luck that many people will find themselves rejected when they are in a hurry to get married. The reason is very simple, others can't see the precipitation and accumulation of twenty or thirty years of life from you. If you live a serious life, you will not be unappreciated, and your charm will not be crammed.
2. Change is possible
As an insider of emotional training, Teacher Steve is actually quite happy to see such a drama. From the perspective of industry promotion, this program can inspire and hope many people. Friends who give positive feedback can generally find their own shadow in the program, and the guidance of the tutor is also very enlightening. This is telling many confused people that as long as you decide to change and actively seek professional support, many stubborn problems will get better.
Professions such as psychological counselor and dating coach deserve more people's contact, because the changes we bring will benefit people for life. Several heroines in the play, to be honest, have not completely changed. For example, Xu Juan has a new boyfriend, but for what reason did she feel hurt before? For example, Yan Wen's date went smoothly, but the gap between her acting skills and her inner true state accumulated from 102 blind date was not touched at the end of the program. In real life, as long as there are enough professional tutors and time investment, these problems can be discussed in depth.
Learn more about not labeling.
At the beginning of the program, we will have disgust and prejudice against Wen Jie's worldly elegance, Lulu's arrogance, Bonnie's cowardice and inferiority, and Pingping's naivety. We will meet such people in our life, and then judge and label them and completely deny them. However, this program gives us a chance to know more about several girls and see their lives, experiences and families. Then you will find that several girls have their own frustrations, and you will realize that the thorns in armor are often due to difficulties in growth, not inner evil.
The enlightenment here is that sometimes people are labeled because they are impatient or don't like it, but don't give up the will to continue to understand each other, because understanding can bring tolerance and love. I don't fully agree with this drama, but I hope that after reading these girls' stories, everyone will understand the above truth and face people in life with the same mentality. Such a realm is great love.
Sheng criticism
1. Narrow and outdated value orientation
The core of this value orientation is that the value of women is determined by men's likes. If the official definition of the word leftover women given by the All-China Women's Federation in 2007 is the beginning of the frenzy of marriage and love, Sheng was re-fired seven years later, hoping to earn ratings in a way that almost despised everyone's self-esteem. This program did not put forward any new angle and explanation on the issue of "leftover women", but followed a cliche topic, which was the most disappointing part for me.
When I first saw the trailer of this drama, I had an illusion that maybe we could make some innovations and changes in China, a city with the most culture and diverse values. However, when all the tutors used the rogue logic of "men like you won't like you" and "if you are excellent, why are you still single" to educate several girls, my fantasy was completely shattered. I only remember that Wu Di mentioned in the play that if a girl wants to live a single life, it's actually quite good. This is the only scene in the play that shows "diversity" for a few seconds.
Imagine if Sheng can tell women that the main purpose of change is to become happier and more confident, and men's appreciation is a by-product; Or women don't have to try to please all men, you just need to find a few who really appreciate you (Lulu is like this, and her persistence and struggle make people feel distressed); Or even women should understand the pressure of men and the stories behind them, because it is not easy for everyone.
Many people say that Sheng advocates discrimination against women, and Teacher Steve thinks that men are also discriminated against. The men shown in the program are extremely picky, secular, picky and self-righteous. This kind of display has no positive value except aggravating the tension between men and women. There are many kind, tolerant and caring men in this world, but their voices have not appeared. Therefore, Sheng's mistake is not to discriminate against a certain gender, but to impose a narrow and single perspective on gender relations on everyone, and both men and women are victims.
2. Misleading the understanding of marriage and love.
The concept of marriage originated from political, military and economic marriage. In modern society, marriage is popularized and legalized for the convenience of government management and the stability of social structure, while contemporary marriage carries emotional, legal, social and economic purposes. So marriage is never just a matter between two people.
However, Sheng put women in a social, historical, cultural and economic vacuum, completely ignoring the impact of the environment. From beginning to end, the play emphasizes that women are single because of personality, psychology, behavior or appearance problems. It is a very dangerous direction to treat the root of emotional pain and the pain of marriage and love personally and psychologically, ignoring the big environment.
The most offensive thing is Wu Di's personality disorder theory, which directly links "excess" with individual personality defects. I don't deny that a person's personality will have an impact on intimacy, but the narrowness of personality disorder is equivalent to explaining the smog phenomenon with cooking fumes. As mentioned earlier, many young people have a rough life, so they are all defeated by picky when they get married. But have you ever wondered who stood by and even encouraged our rudeness? The emotional pain and pressure of marriage and love of marriageable people in contemporary China are closely related to our times.
Imagine, if there is no one-child policy, Shanghai's housing prices will not exceed ten times the annual income, cultural traditions do not emphasize men marrying women, and everyone has received rich social and emotional education in his youth, will we still have so much struggle? The misleading brought by prosperity is to blame individuals for the unsatisfactory marriage and love, while ignoring the responsibility to family, friends, society and economy. On the other hand, when a person gets married, many groups above will benefit. Just as small and medium-sized enterprises do not receive subsidies when they start their own businesses, the government invites them to collect various taxes and fees when they succeed in starting their own businesses. This misleading leads to wider indifference, more personal attacks and accusations, which hinders the changes that are conducive to alleviating marriage and love in the big environment.
3. One-sided introduction by professionals
Wu Di has been advocating his spicy style, but I think that being sharp, mean, strong and critical, with obvious personal value orientation, is just a very unprofessional performance as a consultant. No country in the world will recognize this practice in the psychological counseling industry. I don't deny that she has other positive aspects, but I can't agree with the way she handles the case.
Lei Ming is a person with the same surname, which is even more ridiculous. Almost every question he asks is challenging and ironic, and his body language and tone have no professional image. Sand table is a tool for him to impose his narrow and superficial delusion on others. This guy is not particularly smart. Listen carefully to his conversation, and you will find that he often likes to dig holes for himself. For example, he asked Lulu that she was not good enough for a man in China. Lulu suddenly hit back, saying that there is no need to please everyone, just a few games. Unfortunately, because of his argument, he was cut a lot by the program group.
Teacher Steve wants to clarify with you that a good consultant will not bring any value judgment, will not criticize and question, but will listen attentively and patiently support you to change. People who are obviously unprofessional cannot represent the level of the whole industry.
What would I do?
In ancient times, a wise man said: you can do it, but you can't do it. Then tell me what I would do if I were Mr. Steve.
First, interest in life is what several girls lack most. At least from the program, except for Xu Juan, the lives of several girls feel blank. To attract others to be your friends or lovers, you must be an interesting person yourself. A few girls don't give people this feeling, and it's hard for others to imagine being with you for a long time. How to make your life interesting and make others want to see it or even join it is an important direction missed in the program.
Secondly, family relationship is another extremely important aspect. At the beginning of the program, this topic was slightly touched, and then it was found that several girls had various family conflicts and growth trauma. The way you get along with your family plays an important role in the performance of intimate relationship. The pressure of marriage and love is often given by your family. But unfortunately, experts only know how to do girls' work, but forget to teach them unhappy and unconfident families.
Speaking of which, if your family members use this program to put pressure on you, you should point out to them that almost all the psychological problems of these girls come from their growing experiences, and their parents must have the greatest influence on them during their growing up. The problem of marriage and love is not smooth, and often self-righteous parents are teammates like pigs.
Third, girls still don't jump out of the absurd concept of the previous generation on the issue of mate selection, and still insist on judging by income, work, age and so on. Why is it ridiculous? Because there is no evidence to prove that this selection method of conditional search is reasonable. Two people with similar conditions may have completely different lifestyles in the future. Girls need to learn too much, so they should screen and identify their partners from a more accurate and reliable perspective.
The last sentence evaluates every girl: Lulu knows exactly what she wants, but it's actually quite good. A man smarter than her can hold her down. After 102 blind date, Wen Hao's acting skills were excellent at the beginning of the date, but the reason why she failed 102 has not changed at all. Pingping needs to sleep in separate beds with his mother, or move out by himself. Xu Juan's problem is not the first step of love, and the root cause of emotional injury has not changed at all. Yin Rong should stick to her way of life and ignore the so-called leprechaun training. Bonnie changed the most. I hope she can keep growing.