Continuing the first two weeks of brain lessons, the first lesson talks about how to master the critical period of learning by playing games, and the second lesson talks about the benefits of reading to the brain. The theme of this lesson is emotional development and emotional education. Both adults and children should understand how emotions are generated, and then understand how to identify and deal with their own emotions. Emotions run in front of our brains, and before we want to control our emotions rationally, our whole body has reacted quickly: people are trembling with anger, their hearts are pounding with excitement, and their stomachs are knotted with tension? Let's first understand how emotions are generated and what terrible effects they will have. Then think about how to make the mood recover faster.
In the past, parents paid attention to how their children became smart and how to make progress in learning. In the past, parenting courses followed this theme. Traditionally, people in China do not attach importance to emotional problems, but like to suppress and belittle emotions. They think that good emotions mean no emotions. However, in recent years, "positive psychology" and "happiness research" have become popular at home and abroad, and everyone realizes that it is very important to live with positive and happy emotions, which is related to the happiness and satisfaction of one's life.
& gt& gt Extended reading: What is positive psychology? Positive psychology is to find out children's positive abilities and balance their negative views on themselves. When you are under pressure, because you know your own resources and abilities, you can easily get over it. Please refer to positive psychology: focus on what works for children.
Adults often hate children's bitter faces, but they are not allowed to get carried away, unhappy or too happy. Among the traditional values of China people, the favorite emotions are "Mount Tai collapses in front without changing its color" and "emotions are invisible", and people who express their emotions are not liked.
Therefore, when we observe that today's children are more eloquent and smarter, we often feel that they seem to be a little more "annoying". Every child has some unspeakable situations-he doesn't know how to get along with himself and others. This actually highlights the importance of emotional education.
Teacher Zhou mentioned a sad case: a child with excellent qualifications chose to end his life because of learning setbacks. The child's mother is a friend of Teacher Zhou. Talking about this matter, the child's mother mentioned that the child actually wanted to transfer to another school for a change of environment, but at that time, the mother felt that she could try again. Afterwards, everyone was thinking, if the child can understand his emotions, can he pass through this checkpoint safely?
Use your body to regulate your mood.
If the child is a child who loves to lose his temper and is easy to show his emotions from an early age, this kind of child will soon let people know his situation. What really worries people are those good children who swallow all their sufferings in their hearts. They can't digest their emotions and can't discuss them.
Have you ever thought about where emotions come from? Why are there emotions? What about your emotions?
We used to think that emotions are in the "heart", but in fact, emotions are built in the "brain" and then cause the whole body to react. I have a stomachache when I'm nervous, I tremble when I'm angry, and my heart will burst when I'm excited? Emotion is connected with the whole body physiology, and people's emotions are stimulated by the whole body, so conversely, to adjust emotions, we should also adjust them from the physical condition.
When you are in a bad mood, some people will say that you want to "change your mind", but often you can't. Instead of sitting there racking their brains, why not have a good meal and go running outside? Let the body react to regulate emotions. Instead of teaching children "don't be angry" and "do you want to think about the usefulness of being so angry", sometimes it is better to take them for a run.
In the early stage of brain science research, scientists can only use EEG and other testing tools for cognitive research, but they can't confirm from the experimental results which brain region emotions actually operate from. Later, it was found that people's emotional operation is not in the cerebral cortex, but in the limbic system of the brain. The operation of limbic system is different from that of cerebral cortex. The limbic system is related to survival and is a reflection. It doesn't need to be thought by consciousness, and it can't be controlled by consciousness. It's like shining a flashlight on the pupil. We can't help ourselves, and hope our pupils don't contract.
People's emotions come from reflection, which happened before we wanted to control them with consciousness. We often say that "emotion overwhelms reason", because after emotion occurs, the speed of reflection is faster than that of cognitive response, so it is impossible to control emotion through consciousness. The hippocampus processes emotional memory (emotional response that has occurred) and performs rapid reflex processing.
Emotion is not only controlled by the present situation, but also related to the memory of the past. Our consciousness and subconscious will affect the way we deal with emotions.
Don't try to get rid of emotions. Emotions are a necessary reaction to survival.
Emotion can be controlled by learning, but the effect is limited and slow. But can people really live better without emotions? Some religions advocate that people can cultivate immortality without worldly desires, but from the perspective of babies, human babies have feelings, which can help them survive-the higher the animals, the more they need the care of their parents. The way for a fragile and helpless baby to survive is to rely on his own emotional expression, crying and begging his parents to help him change diapers, feeding and begging for fun, and smiling to make the caregivers feel worthwhile.
It takes a month and a half to two months for a child to have a really happy smile. When newborns are born, most of them laugh in their sleep, which is a reflex reaction that automatically affects when they enter the eye movement period during sleep.
Babies' crying, laughing and fear are all necessary reactions to survival. The baby's survival is related to his mood. When babies are conscious, they will begin to have fear of survival: when the main caregivers leave, they will have separation anxiety; When you start climbing, you will start to be afraid of heights. When you climb to the bed, you will start to be afraid of falling off the bed. After learning to walk, you will gradually eliminate your fear of bed height. This is all for self-protection.
The early treatment of manic patients is frontal lobectomy, which cuts off the connection between frontal lobe and brain. 1930- 1940s thinks this method is very stable, so it is widely used to treat mental patients. However, it was later found that although the connection between the patient's emotion and cognition was cut off and the patient seemed to be stable, the patient no longer had emotions: he no longer felt happy or sad. Moreover, the suicide rate of patients is very high about five to eight years after operation.
It is found that patients who have undergone frontal lobectomy will feel great emptiness and pain after losing their emotions, and feel that they are no longer needed, and their lives are worse than death. This makes everyone find that removing emotions does not make people feel detached, but makes people feel that life is meaningless. Therefore, what we need is not to get rid of emotions, but to learn how to get along with them.
The secret under the iceberg: the formation of the basic mode of human emotion
If emotions are regarded as icebergs, and the icebergs on the water are emotional learning, we can understand the causes of emotions. The iceberg under the water is emotional type's personality, healthy and positive, and can react normally to any * * *. However, if emotional personality implies a lot of broken and hurt, people will react to anger and hurt quickly.
Teacher Zhou gave a simple and clear example: a student went to an EQ class to learn how emotions came from and how to control them, and made up his mind to treat his partner with a smile after returning home. However, when he opened the door at home and saw his partner's normal supercilious behavior, he still intuitively "lit a fire".
People can learn many skills to face emotions, but it is difficult to improve their ability to really change their emotions through short-term study.
Psychoanalysis Perry used the ink test to analyze the patient's psychology, and found that when the patient explained the appearance of ink, he was describing a certain life experience. After accumulating a lot of ink test research, it is found that people who become mental patients in adulthood have one thing in common, that is, they have had an unhappy childhood. People's emotional personality construction period is childhood. If there is childhood trauma at that time, it will affect people's treatment and partnership after growth, and even be passed down from generation to generation.
When animal behavior research flourished, some people used animals for attachment research. In the well-known "Rhesus Monkey Experiment", newborn monkeys separated from the female monkeys were allowed to touch the barbed wire female monkeys (with bottles on them) and the velvet female monkeys (without providing the milk needed for survival, only touching them).
Although it is traditionally believed that "a mother with milk is a mother", little monkeys only go to a female monkey with barbed wire when they are hungry, and most of the time they cling to the female monkey with warm arms. In the next version of the experiment, the female marmoset will be removed. The experimental results show that little monkeys who are not taken care of can't get along with other monkeys in adulthood, and even attack the opposite sex in the * * * period. For animals, reproduction is an important instinct, and not being able to contact the opposite sex during the period of * * * is a serious disability. ?
& gt& gt Reference: The conclusion of the rhesus monkey experiment points out that the essence of love is to provide children with soft contact, slight shaking and interactive play. For more detailed experimental process, please refer to the pan-scientific website "Monkey Baby and His Mammy".
Teacher Zhou gives another example. The protagonist group is Romanian orphans after World War II. Because of the shortage of manpower and material resources after the war, the nursery can't take care of the children properly, so the children only wash their urine twice a day, and the bottle is hung in front of the crib for the children to eat by themselves, so there is no more manpower to touch and take care of their feelings.
When the researchers entered the kindergarten, they found that if there were not a large number of babies crying in the places where babies gathered (as mentioned above, babies' crying and laughing were the reversal of their survival instinct), there were only sporadic crying in the hospital. When they see that adults' eyes are empty and they don't ask for hugs, they repeatedly slap themselves or shake their heads. The school time develops slowly and their attention is extremely low, so they can't maintain stable feelings and work. These children who lack family care have a high proportion of schizophrenics when they grow up. Explain that love is the basic demand of human development.
Brain science researchers compared the brains of abused children with those of other children, and found that there were obvious defects in the brain areas of abused children, and the posterior temporal lobe was severely atrophied. The researchers observed children who were physically abused and speculated that children who grew up in extreme fear had a high concentration of cortisone in their brains, which damaged their brain development. As mentioned in the previous two weeks, 0-6 years old is an important period for children's brain development. Excessive brain stress hormones in childhood will seriously damage children's brains and cause permanent damage. Not only abused children who are physically injured, children who have been maliciously scolded, humiliated and deliberately ignored by their parents for a long time, or children who have witnessed domestic violence as parents, will also have brain hypoplasia or defects.
Warm parent-child relationship is the foundation of children's growth, and husband-wife relationship of mutual trust and love is the foundation of family. If we want to make our child better, we should not reprimand him when he does something wrong and urge him to do his homework urgently, but give him a good brain and a stable personality. China people pay more attention to the "parent-child axis" rather than the "husband-wife axis", and are very concerned about maintaining the parent-child relationship, but ignore the management of the relationship between husband and wife. However, a broken and uneasy family is likely to cause heavy damage to children's brains.
Many couples say "we don't quarrel in front of the children", but the children know the atmosphere floating at home. Seeing the relationship between parents and husbands in childhood will affect the emotional relationship of children in the future, and will almost replicate the same situation and let the tragedy be passed down from generation to generation.
How to teach children "emotions"?
Emotional learning usually involves three things:
Emotional expression
? Children's initial emotional learning is to hit people and throw things reflexively immediately after emotions appear. The strategy at this time is to "teach children to express their emotions."
Many people simply tell their children, "You should express your emotions and don't cry", but children's vocabulary is limited, so they won't express their feelings and won't "express their emotions" at all. At this time, adults should give examples to let children know how to express themselves, instead of just asking them to say it.
After teaching children to "express their emotions", they should also let them know "Don't talk nonsense".
For example, on the bus, the child said loudly, "That aunt is so fat." At this time, you can tell him, "I don't like what you said, and I don't like the malice in your words."
? Children should learn emotional rules and express the right reaction at the right time. When and how to express it so that the other party won't feel hurt? Don't let children become glib children. ? Emotional expression should convey inner state (learn to speak) and conform to social culture (don't talk nonsense). ?
? Emotional understanding
? Take children to understand what is behind emotions. Why?
Some children seldom talk emotionally. Being happy is "cool" and vice versa, but it's hard to say why they are happy or unhappy. ? Guide the child to know what kind of mood he is now, what is the current state (happy, sad, angry), and explore with him why. Don't let children grow up in a hazy state. ?
? Emotional regulation
? When there is an extreme emotional state (great joy and great sorrow), how to restore the normal emotional state? Try to find your own adjustment method. ? Teacher Zhou takes everyone to think about what can be done to help them recover when emotions appear. Some people choose sports, some people need someone to talk to, and some people want to be alone? Everyone has a different way. What works for others may not work for yourself. But what is even more worrying is that "I can't figure out how to adjust my mood." Anyway, I need to have several effective emotional adjustment strategies. ? Don't just passively face emotions, and don't "hide emotions in your heart and let them go with time." If emotions are not regulated, stress hormones will accumulate in the brain and affect the brain for a long time, which may turn into depression for a long time. Depression is easy to relapse and difficult to cure, which shows the importance of emotional regulation strategies. ? It is useful for life to help yourself and your children find their own emotional adjustment strategies. To know the normal level of your mental state, is it a peaceful and happy person or a person who is easily nervous and anxious? Long-term tension is negative, so we should practice the habit of deliberately training ourselves to be healthy and happy. Adults practice dealing with emotions first, and children will naturally have better emotional management.
Emotional management in different periods
Babies?
In the past, the older generation would say, "If you don't hold your baby, you will spoil it. If you don't hug him, you won't cry. " But the child stopped crying, probably because he "learned helplessness." He found that his parents were indifferent to his crying, so he gave up expressing his emotions.
It is important to build children's sense of security and trust, and to have more contacts, hugs and interactions. When the child is crying, try to help him deal with his problems, such as clockwise abdomen, to help the child get rid of flatulence. If the child's muscle tension is poor, it is necessary to help the child strengthen his muscles. * * *, press from the outside to the inside with the center of the body. On the contrary, if you want to help your child relax muscles, press from the child's midline.
In the "pre-oral period" when babies can't speak, they can be taught to communicate with baby sign language. Baby sign language doesn't need to be learned deliberately, as long as parents and children can communicate a few actions that are often needed in daily life, such as: thank you, help, eat, want, don't, etc., hug, water, ㄋㄟㄟㄟ? If you really can't design your own sign language, you can refer to Taiwan Province online natural sign language.
& gt& gt Extended reading: If you want to learn natural sign language, you can refer to the online dictionary of Taiwanese sign language of the Institute of Linguistics of Chung Cheng University.
Children learning both spoken language and sign language at the same time will not make their spoken language develop backward, but will help their language development to be completed ahead of schedule.
initial stage
Teach children to say who they are. Use rich emotional vocabulary. In terms of positive vocabulary, the States of "happy", "proud", "happy" and "comfortable" are all different, so let children describe their inner state with more accurate words. Children with too few emotional words say "angry" when they are angry, "angry" when they are sad, and "angry" when they are anxious, so it is difficult to sort out their state.
Teacher Zhou Yuru designed a game to practice expressing emotions: guiding children to express their emotions with four basic emotions: happiness, anger, sadness and fear.
The first stage: describe "my emotions", "I feel very ○ because? The second stage: describe "his emotions". Let participant A describe the emotions of participant B, let A practice observing and describing the explicit emotions of B, then let B confirm his true feelings and let A practice observing the emotions of others. This exercise can make children focus on others. After a long time, children will pay attention to the situation of others. " He looked happy today, but something happened to him, so I ran to comfort him. "The third stage: description" is the most? Experience ",with the emotional card face down, let participants draw a card and recall their past emotional events through randomly obtained emotional vocabulary. The real life experience with emotions can make the expression of children the richest. If children can get used to sharing their emotional experiences freely with others, sometimes they can hear many experiences that children have never mentioned before. Teacher Zhou Yuru said that in her kindergarten teacher training, a teacher shared the experience of emotional practice in class. When the children shared, "Halloween activities, I was very scared to see the props in the basement." This sharing of children allows teachers and parents to trace back to the source and find abnormal reactions such as children's fear of sleeping and bed wetting at that time, but if it is not this activity, children will put their emotions in their hearts, and teachers can't find the source of these reactions at all.
Adult's Emotional Learning
The three levels of happiness are:
Sensory pleasure: eating delicious food, wearing beautiful clothes and other sensory and instant enjoyment. Happiness: delay satisfaction and get deeper happiness, such as: after a busy day, see the calm face of the child sleeping; Study hard before the exam and have no fun. A week later, the exam results were announced and I saw beautiful results. The meaning of happiness: it just accomplished some valuable things, such as voluntary service. Adults tend to forget what sensory pleasure is. As they grow up and take responsibility, they dare not and do not seek sensory pleasure. However, Teacher Zhou Yuru suggested to everyone present, "If you feel tired and you feel that you are going to be exhausted, then give yourself a vacation. Think about it, all the happiness is for you, and you should enjoy it. 」
People should pursue happiness and meaning. Sensory pleasure is really temporary, but it is also very useful if they can enhance their energy.
Rome was not built in a day. It is not easy to deal with emotions, and it is also difficult to repair the relationship between people. There are some emotional injuries that knowledge learning cannot do. Maybe we can rebuild our relationship with * * *. * * * can be aimed at premature babies, infants and even teenagers, couples and elderly parents.
Teacher Zhou Yuru mentioned a case: the mother of a second-grade girl was distressed because her daughter didn't talk to her for half a year. Teacher Zhou proposed to help children make an arm, which later became the beginning of the reconstruction of mother-daughter relationship. Maybe you can try this as the beginning of contact.
Teacher Zhou's question and answer with the audience; once
Q: The problem of preschool teachers: When they meet children who are very anxious and separated at the teaching point, they especially reject older teachers and only trust certain single teachers. I hope to know how to help the child. What is good for children?
A: Think back, how do children connect from home to kindergarten? Children may need to find a "reliable person" emotionally, and maybe that teacher is the first person that children catch. Usually, a child will be better after going to school for two or three weeks, but if it is still like this after two or three months, it may be necessary to understand his family situation.
At school, you can give your child a task (feeding small animals or watering potted plants), or let your brothers and sisters in the class be little angels to help take care of the child and transfer his feelings.
In the teaching scene, the teacher's actions are also very important: Did the teacher let the children interact with other children? Did you help him shift his mood? Who is the main caregiver in the family? Teachers can try in these directions.
Q: There was a problem at the beginning of the speech. The child wanted to transfer to another school. How can we make sure that the child can persist for a while, face the challenge, or help him jump over this hurdle?
A: Children are afraid of failure. Maybe their parents used to praise them too much, and everything they did was answered with "You are great", which made them afraid of failure. Children who live in applause will worry that they can't do well. Give children a game experience in daily life and let them practice winning or losing. Parents should not get involved too much and let their children play casually. Let him naturally get the "intrinsic reward" in the fun of the game (the satisfaction that learners get when they find the "solution to the problem").
Q: The parents who asked questions mentioned that they didn't have their own strategies to regulate their emotions, but they successfully transferred their emotions because they had the opportunity to exercise a lot during adolescence. In the past experience, it is found that many children with poor emotional expression skills often choose "eating" as their own emotional regulation strategy, which leads to children who are prone to emotional ups and downs being fatter. After leading children to understand emotional changes, how to find a rule for children to find healthy and good strategies?
A: If an adult has never been properly cared for, he will have an injured child in his heart. If you find that your emotions need to be repaired, but you can't find the real reason, you can try to record the events of your emotional fluctuations, know who and what, and let your emotions happen. Don't try to comment on your negative experience, just record it. After a week, I will find out the pattern of my emotional response, and I can find out where the emotional starting point is. Help yourself to float emotional problems from the subconscious to the conscious level in order to deal with them.
If parents demonstrate an appropriate emotion regulation strategy in front of children, children will imitate it. For example, one day after work, I announced to my children, "I was scolded by my boss for going to work today." I am in a bad mood and want to go out for a walk. Who will accompany me? " Children will know that this is a good strategy for emotional regulation. In addition, if the child excessively adopts the strategy of emotional regulation, he should first help him find the starting point of the source of emotion and help the child solve the problem, and then consider the appropriateness of the strategy.
Personal experience: listening to emotions together.
In retrospect, it is sometimes difficult to learn how to talk to children properly. Personally, when I was growing up, it was still an era when parents would give rattan and boards and welcome teachers to beat children until they became good. At that time, as Mr. Zhou mentioned in the first half of the course, the elders would expect us to be completely emotional and obedient.
Now we encourage children to have the ability to think independently, and we should also channel their emotions accordingly and understand what they want to express behind each emotion. Children who embrace happiness and joy also capture negative emotions and become a net to capture children who are caught in emotions.
On the way home from class, I saw YouTuber mention her childhood traumatic experience on facebook: "I always want my parents to know that I don't care what you did or didn't do. In my memory, my father was overwhelmed by business, my stepmother's wrist was cut all the way, and my mother's crying came from the phone. At that time, I didn't know exactly how I felt. Now I realize that part of my pain comes from seeing the adults who are supposed to protect me so vulnerable and helpless. 」
Everyone will remember events and the emotions behind them in various ways. Perhaps what is needed is the emotional strategy mentioned by Mr. Zhou, so that all kinds of emotional scenes can open a door and people with pressure and emotions can leave the painful environment smoothly. Stay away from it and look back. Negative emotions can be the energy for growth.
Recommend it to you who want to learn to understand the true feelings expressed behind emotions!
Related links
20 17 parenting school: 10 parenting golden lesson April course: Teacher Zhou Yuru tells you the little secret of brain and learning (which has come to an end) May course: Teacher Wang takes you to understand the essence of children and get rid of them June course: Teacher Liao Shengguang helps children improve their concentration?
* This article is published with the authorization of enthusiastic youth, and it is forbidden to reprint without permission.
"This article is the author's view on cooperative innovation, not his position."