On the first day of March, I packed my bags and went to Beijing North Ring Road for a 10-day introspection.
I have been idle at home for 10 months, as if I have been looking for something.
Last April, I returned to my hometown. At that time, my mother and a colleague were in conflict at work. After greeting me, she continued to tell my father the whole story, full of anger over and over again.
At first, I felt a little out of favor. I was upstaged by this colleague I've never met. Then, it becomes easy. My mother finally didn't have time to nag me, so I was at leisure.
In the evening, my mother seems to be still involved in this matter, and I began to want to help her out of this anger, not because I am the daughter of psychology, but because I think she is trapped in her own emotions and pain, and I am very sad.
When arguing, although some people say that they are right and have the upper hand, they will not feel too comfortable. My mother tried to say that she was right and try to subdue the other side, but in fact, after anger, confrontation and hostility rose in her heart, she was the first to be hurt.
I could see that she wanted to come out, too, so when I took out my subconscious image card (oh card) and said that I would give her "work out what the problem is", she agreed at once.
Through the card, I began to take her to see her feelings about this matter, and confided in each other during meditation, and the emotional intensity gradually weakened.
After the end, she was sleepy and tired, and soon fell asleep. The next morning, when I woke up, she told me that I was still expressing my anger at the man in my dream.
In the afternoon, anger gradually turned into injustice. She began to cry and lay in bed nagging about her grievances. Over the years, she cried, fell asleep, woke up and went on.
"I'm bored. How can I be so boring? Why did you come back this time? I really want to cry. I want to cry when I see you. "
"Cry, you can cry, you can cry if you want."
All along, I just sit on the desk next to me and write calligraphy, just accompany her and respond to her when necessary.
Things are getting better. A few days after I returned to Beijing, I received a phone call from her.
"I found the construction team and decorated the house."
My house has lived for nearly 30 years, and my mother always feels difficult when decorating. She did it alone this time, and it took more than half a month.
I know that her inner strength has come out, and her inner changes have also affected the changes in the living environment of the whole family.
Dad is very grateful to me and thinks that I have made outstanding contributions to the whole family this time. I think the colleague who quarreled with my mother is also worthy of thanks, and because of her, our home decoration was repaired, and a part of my mother's heart was seen and cured. Of course, there must be something we don't know.
(btw, we also had a big fight. I'll write it after I straighten it out )
2
After returning to Beijing from my hometown, I simply resigned. A very important reason is that I want to continue to do psychology and continue to use my ability to help those who are in danger, just as I helped my mother this time.
This 10 month, I have been studying, examining myself, and doing psychological counseling is limited to my friends around me, but I always feel that I am not ready. I've been afraid, but I don't know what I'm afraid of. I've been looking for it, but I don't know what to look for.
Until the end of this 10 day of introspection, I finally knew what I was afraid of and what I was looking for.
Counseling my friends, they feel very helpful (well, they may not tell me without help, haha). But I've been worried about what to do if I can't do it well.
I know when I look in. This is called impermanence. Ups and downs are the norm, which is the fundamental attribute of the world. I always hope that there is only one result, and I will do it right away. This is against the laws of nature.
I also know how to deal with impermanence. When I know how to deal with nature, I am no longer afraid of him. That is, I can't afford to hate. I just like being praised and recognized. I just want to be obedient. This is greedy love; When criticism, frustration and frustration come, you will feel uncomfortable, you will be agitated, upset, depressed and even hostile. This is hatred.
Then why not lust after love and hate? This is Professor Vipassana's.
I was very excited when I came back. I wrote down my feelings and gains and shared them with you.
three
Keep silent for ten days, turn in your mobile phone, cut off from the outside world, sit quietly every day, and learn the methods of observing information and introspection.
This is the method discovered by Buddha, which can really relieve people's suffering. Vipassana has been completely and purely preserved in Myanmar, and now it has spread all over the world.
This method has nothing to do with religion. There are no religious ceremonies, ceremonies, chanting or chanting. We just observe our breathing and body feelings all day to see the reality of life.
Perception and equality are the purpose of this observation and training.
Improve concentration and awareness by observing natural breathing, that is, keep awareness of the present state and don't live in the past or the future; Equality is not greedy for love or hate. We like to make ourselves feel good, happy and comfortable. This is greed for love. When this comfortable feeling is not available or lost, it is easy to produce feelings of hate, resentment and anger. Greed and hatred are the roots of pain.
The body is actually the high-speed vibration of particles, and the whole world is. So how we feel and how our bodies vibrate, people and things with the same vibration frequency will appear in our lives.
Therefore, from the beginning of being aware of one's physical feelings, the pain comes without disturbing, and the feeling of comfort and pleasure comes without looking, always exists, disappears without losing, which is equal heart. Happy and unhappy feelings have a common trait, which is impermanence. They will stand up and go out.
This kind of equality will extend to daily life, without judgment, just observing truthfully.
four
This time, I gained a lot. I had many dreams in 10 days, all related to sex, aggression and death. My body aches again and again, and the buried memory is full of tears. My repressed anger, shame and pain have been melted, and my body and mind have been deeply purified.
I woke up early the next day, thinking of the dream of the previous day and crying. Those repressed things are still slowly pouring out and melting.
I will write these slowly in combination with my life in the future.
My husband took part in Vipassana a few years ago. I wrote about his changes in my last article. Why do Ma Yun, Zhang Chaoyang and Jobs love to meditate? . After introspection, we exchanged our gains and deeper feelings, embraced each other, and thanked us for having such a great blessing and meeting such a good practice.
May all sentient beings share our tranquility, peace and happiness! May we all enjoy real happiness!
Personal experience, only after experience can we really understand.
I hope you also have the opportunity to participate in Vipassana. You can get information by searching "China Vipassana", or you can consult me. I'll be happy to answer.
five
Vipassana centers around the world offer free courses and free accommodation. Teachers and legal workers who come here are also voluntary. This helps to eliminate the habit of being self-centered. We all accept alms from others and enjoy them. At the end of the course, you can give alms, donate money or volunteer to help more people study.
Teacher S.N. Goenka said:
"Give with a pure heart according to your own ability."
I was very moved and decided to follow this example:
I provide psychological counseling and spiritual companionship services to people in need.
After the consultation, you can accept charity, which can be the money I provide spiritual growth services to more people, or the law, and you can share your spiritual growth with more people …
If someone around you needs it, share it with a pure heart. What you pay will multiply like a seed and give it back to you. This is the law of nature.
Gratitude.