In the process of communication with people, it is often necessary to establish feelings through chatting, avoid conflicts and obtain cooperation. And whether you talk well or not, seriously speaking, even has a great influence on the outcome of things.
In order to figure out how to chat is good, let's talk about what is bad chat first.
In daily life, what kinds of chatting methods will lead to the situation mentioned at the beginning of the article?
There are about three kinds of common:
One: Review the dialogue.
Keep asking questions to each other, as if reviewing other people's life experiences, such as:
You: How old are you?
He: Twenty years old!
You: You are only in your twenties. What do you do?
He: Just an ordinary migrant worker.
You: Ordinary migrant workers, of course. What exactly do you do?
You: You are in the IT industry.
He: IT person? Is anybody there?
You: Not yet.
Do you think the above conversation makes you feel uncomfortable?
Not to mention strangers, even good friends can't stand this censored conversation. Because your released attitude will give people an aggressive feeling.
When this aggressive conversation involves personal privacy, the result can be imagined.
Two: expose a short dialogue.
In a seemingly caring way, say something that others don't want to mention, such as:
You: Wow, there are so many pimples on your face!
He: I don't know and I don't want to.
You: Didn't you see a doctor?
He: No, I don't know what to think!
You: See a doctor quickly. It's hard to find such a girlfriend.
He: OK.
This kind of talk, although all "facts", is a fact that no one likes to hear.
Because you don't know whether these problems have caused great trouble to others. Now you add fuel to the fire, add salt to the wound, disrespect each other's face, and no one likes to chat with you.
Three: "closed conversation".
Ending is to end the conversation in one sentence no matter what you talk about. For example:
He: Do you think the current workload and salary are not equal?
You: Yes.
He: There is no direct ratio between giving and receiving. I don't know how to live this life.
You: Hmm.
He: Don't you think this phenomenon is unfair?
You: Yes.
Every sentence has many "points" that can be answered. As long as we grasp a breakthrough point and express our views, the conversation will enter a smooth interactive relationship.
And this kind of "closed dialogue" is to condense all the discourse starting points into one, and it is also the most closed one, which eventually leads to the feeling of nothing to say.
Unless you deliberately create obstacles to avoid talking to people you don't like, it is easy to make the conversation atmosphere awkward and rigid, and it is difficult to establish a * * * relationship.
Of course, these three situations are not presented in such an obvious way. Many times, they will get mixed up in the process of chatting with others, and we will commit crimes unconsciously.
Only people who can chat will adjust quickly; If you can't chat, just leave the question, and that's where the uncomfortable feeling comes from.
Only by consciously avoiding these bad chat methods can we better establish chat.
There are no fixed rules for chatting.
It is a well-known practice to combine your existing knowledge, experience and experience, and then establish a chat relationship with others in a sincere, generous and friendly way at different times and places.
As long as you can cultivate these qualities for yourself, it is not difficult to deal with chatting. In other words, it is not difficult to chat, but it is difficult to chat well.
If we classify chats, there are probably only two kinds, one is result-oriented and the other is process-oriented. The former is to initiate a conversation for a certain purpose and pay more attention to the results of the chat; The latter pays more attention to the speaker's feelings or thoughts exchange, and constructs * * * feelings for the purpose of self-expression.
But remember this sentence, when the other party is not ready to chat with you, chatting with the other party rashly can easily cause the other party's disgust.
So if you want to chat with someone, you must give them a reasonable reason, give them a reason for chatting with the other person, that is, start a topic in a result-oriented way first, and then chat with the other person in a process-oriented way.
There are different ways to use these two ways of chatting.
Many times when we chat with others, we will have a core chat purpose.
Whether it is business negotiation, consulting study, dating or conflict resolution, as long as what we say is to achieve a certain result, it is particularly important to talk in what way and improve the success rate of getting the conversation results.
Generally speaking, there are two forms to construct such a dialogue:
1, cut to the chase and have something to say;
2, innuendo, tactfully expressed;
These two forms of chat will have a dialogue purpose in the minds of the chatters.
What kind of chat form to use to initiate a conversation depends on how deep your relationship with the other party is, whether this purpose is important, whether there is time urgency, what is the current situation, and so on.
So what's the best way for this result-oriented chat?
For example, when a salesman visits a customer to talk about cooperation, he usually uses the method of chatting for the first time and comes straight to the point:
"Hello, Liu! I am the business manager of XXX company. My name is Chen XX. I took the liberty of calling on you today, just to talk to you about the commercial project of developing the new district. I heard that you are interested in investing in this project. It happens that our company has related business on this project, so we will talk to you about cooperation. "
This way of directly indicating the purpose of the conversation allows the listener to have a clear positioning of you and know what you are doing here; Talk if you can, and refuse if you can't, saving each other time.
Otherwise, rambling, beating around the bush, it is easy to cause the other side's disgust.
Therefore, if you have a clear purpose of speaking, and this purpose requires the cooperation of others to get a result, such as asking questions to the teacher and asking others for help, it is best to come straight to the point and say something.
This straightforward dialogue is not particularly difficult. As long as we express our opinions around the issues that need to be discussed and clarify the interests of the matter, we can already meet the communication needs.
Unless you want to persuade the other person to accept your point of view, or influence the other person to act according to your idea, this may involve some advanced conversation skills, but this is beyond the scope of this article.
Some things, because of personal relationships, or involve the privacy of the other party, direct questioning will cause the other party's resistance. At this time, you'd better take indirect dialogue.
For example, I want to know if a girl has a boyfriend, and which way is better to ask questions?
Type 1: Are you single now? Or do you already have a boyfriend?
Second: Today is Sunday, why don't you play with your boyfriend?
The first question is very purposeful and can easily arouse the vigilance of the other party. The other party can deliberately not answer you; The second kind is just a question thrown by the way according to the current chat content. As long as you answer this question, you will reveal some information about whether the other party has a boyfriend.
This kind of "unintentional" chat, in fact, there is a point behind every sentence you say, and there is something in it, which makes the other party "fall into the trap" and fall into the dialogue trap you built yourself. Once the other party accidentally slips up, you can get relevant information.
So this kind of chat will be more difficult than the first way, because you need to know how to "manipulate the topic", which will not directly indicate the purpose, but also guide the chat to the direction you want.
The reason why you don't indicate your purpose is because chatting can avoid putting yourself in a passive position. Because when your cards-that is, the purpose-are all exposed, it is easy for the other party to raise their chips and take countermeasures according to this purpose.
Just like under the premise of uncertainty, you can rashly confess to the object you like, and after the other person knows your purpose, he can directly refuse you in a justified way. You will not be able to show your charm slowly through the form of "letting things go".
What can be done to make this "indirect" chat more effective? There are three technologies:
1, using the phrase "playing the edge ball";
Avoid the main side when talking, but the meaning in the words still points out some problems. If your friend is lovelorn and can't accept this fact, comfort him and say, "It's just lovelorn. Who hasn't been lovelorn?" Maybe it's easy to cause his rebellious mentality.
At this time, you can say: "There are many things in life, and you can always have them without trying to cherish them. Girls cherish their looks again, and their faces will grow old; No matter how much the old people cherish their health, after all, born to die. Learning to accept what has happened is a compulsory course in our life. "
In this way, maybe you can inspire the other person to come up with the answer by himself.
2. Using suggestive methods;
For example, someone played a joke on you, because the relationship between them offended you without knowing it, so you pretended to be surprised and said, "How did I feel like swearing after listening to your words?"
People with high emotional intelligence naturally understand what you mean; If you are a person with low emotional intelligence, just say how you feel!
3. Set a language trap for the other party;
This technique must be used with great confidence, otherwise it will be counterproductive.
For example, if you propose to your girlfriend, it's too abrupt to ask directly. At this time, you can set a language trap for the other party. No matter how the other party answers, you can't escape from your "Wuzhishan".
You say, "honey, there is something I want to tell you, and that is, will you wear my ring with me for the rest of our lives, or will you wear a wedding dress to accompany me to church?"
If the other person asks a little reserved, "Is there a third option?" You can simply say, "Yes, now come with me to the Civil Affairs Bureau."
What would you say if your mouth were on you?
Chatting in daily life has no clear purpose, not to pass the time and ease the embarrassment of silence, but to enhance emotions and establish * * * feelings.
If in the process of chatting, you are inadvertently inspired by other people's words or get some useful information, then this kind of chat is very valuable.
Therefore, learning to chat is good for you.
Of course, whether it is a result-oriented chat or a process-oriented chat, how to expand the topic and make the conversation go on smoothly is also a very important ability.
Here are three tips to share.
1: Q&A dialogue
A good chat should be a process of "asking and answering", that is, asking, feeling and answering.
Only "asking questions" will become a dialogue of censorship; Only "perception" will become didactic indoctrination; Only by "answering" will you be in a passive position and unable to form a good dialogue and interaction.
According to the actual situation, allocate the proportion of the three. For example:
You: Do you think there are any special ways to exercise your eloquence? (question)
He: Why do you ask suddenly?
You: I didn't succeed in the interview before, and I was confused by HR. I don't know how to deal with it, so I really need to improve my eloquence. (answer)
He: You can only talk more and practice more. Eloquence is a skill, and skills can only be improved by continuous speaking.
You: Isn't there any other faster way? (q)
He: This is the general method.
You: It seems that improving your eloquence will not happen overnight. I hope I have the perseverance to stick to it. (Personal perception)
In the process of asking and answering questions, adding some personal feelings or opinions can buffer the oppressive feeling of asking questions and let the other party know your thoughts roughly.
Otherwise, you are hiding something, and it is easy for others to be wary if they don't know the route.
Step 2 talk succinctly
The content of chat can be divided into three categories: promotion, translation and deletion.
For example, forming the habit of reading can improve our thinking and cognitive ability.
In response to this sentence, there are three ways to build content:
Push up: In fact, many things can improve our thinking ability as long as we are willing to do them. (Summarize topics into a larger category)
Translation: If you don't have time to read books, you can also listen to others' lectures through audio to achieve similar results. (Shift the topic from reading to other categories)
Downcut: Yes, when you read, you can think and examine the contents of the book by yourself, which will naturally enhance our cognitive ability. (Dig the topic into specific details)
So, if you want to chat smoothly, dig deep into the specific details of the topic, and keep exploring around this topic, you can talk with others in Kan Kan.
During the period, you can also share different practices of similar things with others and exchange experiences. When the topic is almost finished, you can outline your thoughts and summarize them.
If every sentence is pushed up, it is easy to turn the topic into a "closed" conversation.
Then how to dig deep into the topic? Is to chat with "keywords".
3. Keyword dialogue
Catch a prominent keyword in other people's words, and then use it to build chat content.
For example, some people lament that life is simply a boring process!
What is the key word of this sentence? You can choose life, boredom and, of course, process.
When you find this keyword, you can use it as a starting point, build chat content, and dig deep into topics with cut-off conversations.
Combine the first two methods, so the dialogue can be like this:
He: Life is simply a boring process!
You: Why do you say that? (question)
He: I can't do many things I want to do, so I can only waste my time. This life is meaningless.
You: You can't do whatever you want? What do you mean? (Ask questions according to the key word "What to do")
He: Resignation and entrepreneurship. , no longer subject to the current boring work.
You: If you think this job is not good, you can quit! Start a business as soon as you find an opportunity. (Personal perception)
He: It's not that I don't want to. How can you start a business with only a little salary every month?
You: Your salary is low? No way! Isn't your position a supervisor? (Ask questions according to the keyword "salary")
He: What about the supervisor level? Less than 6 thousand a month, a lot of work every day.
You: It seems that your situation is really a bit difficult! (Personal impression of push-ups)
In daily life, it is difficult to have time to think about how to chat. We can chat at will.
But when you feel that you can't speak, using these skills consciously can at least continue to fight for "300 rounds" and prevent the chat from falling into a cold or embarrassing situation.
As long as you practice more and speak more Kan Kan dialect, I believe you can do it easily.