What kind of people give the impression that they are false? They talk to people and talk nonsense. This is our most direct and clear view of the dummy. In fact, the communication between people is wonderful. A person has many faces. What kind of people below give people the impression that they are fake?
What kind of person makes people feel fake? 1 When dealing with people, we all hope to have a "friendship between gentlemen". Old people often tell us to "be a gentleman and stay away from villains", so we will avoid "villains" and try not to be intimate with them.
However, nothing in the world can be judged by simple "right and wrong", and natural persons can not be simply divided into "gentlemen" and "villains".
Even in interpersonal communication, we would rather meet "real villains" than those hypocritical "hypocrites". Because the "real villain" is in the light, you can be prepared; But those hypocritical people often make you hard to see through, difficult to guard against, and even more terrible.
Therefore, we need to polish our eyes, observe carefully, and make certain judgments through each other's words and deeds.
The more hypocritical people are, the more they will have the following four manifestations. If you find one, you should try to stay away from it.
Keep your word and be mercenary.
Why put "dishonesty" and "mercenary" together? It is because many times we can easily distinguish people who have broken their promises. Such people belong to "real villains".
But "hypocrites" make it difficult for you to distinguish them, mainly because they belong to those who sometimes keep their promises and sometimes break their promises.
Everyone will always encounter some unexpected situations when doing things, and sometimes things promised to others may be delayed because of these unexpected situations, thus causing the situation of "breaking promises to others".
Occasionally encounter such a situation, in fact, is not a "broken word" person.
And those hypocritical people, on the issue of "keeping promises" and "keeping promises", often have a rule to follow: stakeholders often "keep promises"; If it has nothing to do with interests or few, it will often be "broken".
In other words, when they are profitable, they can "keep their word"; When there is no profit, they will "break their word". Their reputation is based on interests rather than morality, so this is also a "mercenary" person.
Just looking at "breaking your word" or "being mercenary" belongs to "real villains"
Only when the two are combined, we can't distinguish clearly, and we can be regarded as real "hypocritical" people.
Seek fame by fishing, and get it by kindness.
This view is clearly stated in Caigen Tan: "If a gentleman has a good name, he will deceive others; The villain is justified, but he is afraid of others. If an old friend has a good reputation, it will open the door for derailment; Making people unknown is the only way to become good people. This person who slanders a good name should judge the husband and gentleman and not expect too much from the villain. "
It means that people who like fame too much will cheat others in order to maintain their reputation or improve their reputation.
However, it is necessary to "judge the situation and blame the husband" and not "expect too much from the villain". Because true villains are easy to prevent, and hypocrites are hard to distinguish.
There are usually only two kinds of people who are addicted to fame and fortune: real villains will be straightforward; Hypocrites are good at cheating.
Understandably, the pursuit of fame and fortune is a hypocritical person. But in communication, it is often difficult to distinguish, in fact, people who "know their names by virtue of goodness."
This kind of person usually seems indifferent to fame and fortune, but as long as he meets something that can let him show his talent, his connotation and his moral character, he is often very enthusiastic.
They like to "do good deeds", but they often have an obvious feature: they need exposure.
For example, some people like to send money to themselves in the name of charity, which is a typical hypocritical person.
Kindness is a virtue, but in the hypocrite world, it has become a bargaining chip. Such a hypocritical person, try to stay away from it.
Hypocrisy, duplicity.
There is such a person who talks with you about benevolence and morality and acts like a modest gentleman. However, when you get to know them better, you will find that they have done all the bad things behind their backs.
Then I advise you to say, "Be kind."
It is often difficult for us to distinguish such hypocritical people. Because until we get to know them better, they all seem to be doing very well.
A truly ethical person tends to keep a low profile. Their conduct is a kind of moral character, which is manifested in inner awe and adherence to the bottom line.
Those who are hypocritical and duplicitous often like to make superficial articles, for fear that no one will know that they are a saint who combines benevolence, righteousness and morality.
This kind of person often has a very obvious feature, that is, he likes to constantly "add drama" to his benevolence and morality when he speaks.
Even if you are talking about "one plus one equals several", they will talk about morality, benevolence and righteousness.
Such a person has a high probability of being a duplicitous person. So try to stay away from each other when you meet, and don't be intimate.
Noble, vulgar, ideological giant
Zeng Guofan once said: "People who have low eyes and high skills, unreasonable opinions and unconventional behaviors can do nothing."
People who have low eyes and high skills tend to overestimate themselves and underestimate others and difficulties. Such people are generally difficult to achieve great things. As long as they encounter some obstacles, they will choose to escape, even at the expense of others to say that they are incompetent.
Unreasonable people are usually self-centered, no matter right or wrong, as long as others can listen to him. What these people are most afraid of is not being recognized, but their own ability is not good, so they can only gain the recognition of others through "unreasonable" means.
People who are unconventional like to "catch their eyes", so they even sacrifice the interests of the team.
Generally speaking, these three types of people will have one common feature: giants of thought and dwarfs of action.
Such people like to tell you theories, perhaps because they have rich theoretical knowledge, so they are very good at "talking on paper".
A little carelessness will make people feel like a great person, but when they really take action, they are often the first to back down.
This kind of people is usually difficult for us to distinguish in life, because when we encounter difficulties in practical actions, we all work together in Qi Xin to solve them, so we seldom pay attention to their "quitting the group".
But after careful observation, we can find some outstanding performances: when encountering difficulties, everyone will solve them together, and of course he will take credit, thinking that he can succeed only because of the previous "theory."
Write it at the end
As the saying goes: "There is no need to harm people, and there is no need to prevent people."
In this world, we will meet all kinds of people. Some people deserve to be friends, while others need to be alienated.
True villains are easy to distinguish, but hypocrites are hard to guard against. If we can't cultivate a pair of critical eyes, then we may be confused by some appearances and make some false friends by mistake.
Finally, I can only sigh "making friends carelessly", and it is too late to regret it.
Faced with hypocritical people, we need to be alienated and take more precautions; When we meet a real gentleman, we need sincerity, sincerity.
At the same time, we should also remind ourselves not to be such hypocritical people as "perfidy, mercenary", "gain fame, borrow good reputation", "hypocrisy, duplicity", "arrogance and ideological giants".
We should be good at distinguishing and self-denial.
Don't be intimate with hypocritical people, and don't be hypocritical people. This is the way to get better.
What kind of people feel fake? 2. pseudo-honest people.
1 close-up, eyes floating. When chatting with others normally, it is to look at others' eyes or noses. This is a kind of respect for people, let them know that you are listening quietly and attentively, and give him a very important feeling. Second, it is a kind of communication. In fact, we can capture a lot of information by observing our eyes, and we can also tell whether a person's speech is true or not from their eyes.
A real honest man, his eyes are firm and he can say whatever he wants, but those who pretend to be honest, his eyes are erratic because their minds may be thinking about other things. So the eyes are floating, and such people usually pretend to be honest.
The second feature is that the skin smiles but the flesh doesn't smile. In our real life, smiling can bring the relationship and distance between two people closer. But there are many kinds of laughter, one is sincere, the other is false, that is, we say that it is very uncomfortable to laugh without laughing. Honest people don't care too much about other people's mistakes, so their smiles are real. When something happens, they will laugh it off and it is from the heart.
But those who pretend to be honest, they will laugh when they meet the same thing, but their smiles are unnatural and fake, with stiff expressions and bright eyes. It is conceivable that behind such a smile, he is malicious. They may be thinking about how to get back at you, and they may use some means and some shady tricks to get back at you. Besides, people like them are not nostalgic. On the surface, they look kind, but in fact, they are very insidious and cunning.
If you have such a person who smiles but doesn't smile, you must be vigilant and pay more attention. They may be false honest people.
The third feature is that words and deeds are different. Everyone knows that honest people are not good at words. They usually talk very little, but they will certainly keep their words. If they encounter conflicts of interest, they would rather suffer for themselves than tear their faces and tolerate. But there are still some people who don't like to talk at ordinary times and look a little dull, but when such people have conflicts of interest, even good friends will turn their faces and deny others.
Such people can't give themselves anything to eat, and they are also pretending to be honest. So look at a person, not at the surface, not at what he says, but at what he does, so people who say they don't do it are fake and honest.
I wonder if there are such people around us? In short, you can't fake it, you can't fake it. If we look honest on the surface, but there are people around us who don't do what they say, laugh but don't laugh, and have erratic eyes, then we should try to stay away from each other and not become close. Pay more attention, because 80% of these people are honest people.
What kind of people feel fake? Why do some people always look at fakes?
The breeze on the conscious level blows, and the waves on the subconscious level are monstrous. Many people dare not express their anger, because the anger at the conscious level is reasonable, but the anger at the subconscious level has reached the point where they wish others to die.
Many people dare not express their desires, because it seems normal on the conscious level, but on the subconscious level, they want to monopolize the world. Psychoanalysis particularly emphasizes the universality of aggression, and all kinds of delays, lateness, even early arrival and pandering in consultation may be expressing anger and dissatisfaction.
Everyone, including himself, looks like a nice guy, but in fact he has the same fundamental narcissism and is easy to get angry, but he just doesn't express it. Once you get the chance, you will show your revenge. So what is the significance of these deep aggressiveness in human nature?
Aggression makes people more attractive.
From a psychological point of view, watching American movies will reveal that all superhero movies first talk about all-round narcissism, and those heroes shoulder the heavy responsibility of saving the whole city and even the earth.
Two of the series talked about aggression and directly used black as a metaphor. Batman will always be black; Spider-Man's first film was about pure white Spider-Man, with only love, truth, goodness and beauty. At the same time, you will see a classic good man who is shy, closed, curtsy and a little hunched. Although he will touch you, he seems to lack charm.
The second part is about the alien black energy attached to Spider-Man. He immediately became a somewhat evil person. Interestingly, he suddenly became handsome, walked on his high horse and had electricity all over his body. Everywhere he goes, women are fascinated by it and have extraordinary charm.
Why did Spider-Man suddenly become attractive after being blackened?
If you understand that aggression is human nature, then you can have an inference: strip off the aggressive man and strip off your own nature; Aggressive men are real, so the latter is more attractive than the former.
The same applies to women: simple good women, praised by people, but aggressive women, are more likely to be vivid and attractive.
Get a sense of survival
Psychoanalytic counseling and therapy take the improvement of aggression as the core part, but why do most people not live in aggression, and even tend to regard aggression as destructive and tend to suppress it?
Introduce an interesting statement in psychoanalysis: a child needs to get the feeling that his mother or object can survive after his attack.
Logical reasoning: since babies feel omnipotent from the beginning, they will naturally worry that their mother and even the whole world will be destroyed because of their attacks. All kinds of superhero movies depict this feeling, as if the earth and the universe are too fragile.
Teacher Wu really understood this, or in a consultation, the visitor said: Teacher Wu, I dare not express my anger to you, because I am afraid that if I express my anger to you, you will be destroyed by me.
If some visitors suffer the death of their loved ones when they are young, then they know rationally that it is not their fault, but deep down in their subconscious, they really feel that it seems to be caused by his aggression.
For example, the sister of a tourist died in a car accident when she was a child. When she grew up, she naturally knew that it was a car accident and an objective accident. But deep down in my subconscious, I really think this is caused by her aggressiveness.
This psychological phenomenon can be extended to many places, and it is concluded that children naturally think that all the misfortunes at home are the result of his attacks, such as the accidental death of relatives and the divorce of parents, which leads him to suppress his aggression and even release it. It is presented in a destructive way.
For example, Mr. Wu, whose mother has severe depression, never said in language that he should be responsible for her pain, but through in-depth psychoanalysis, I found that Mr. Wu would really feel that his mother's fragility and pain were caused by herself.
Because children have all-round narcissism and aggression, the above inference is a natural part. Parents need to remind their children that these things at home are not caused by him.
On the contrary, in many families, parents will tell their children over and over again that we are divorced because of you, and we are unfortunate because of you ... which is devastating to the children's hearts.
A friend of Mr. Wu divorced his ex-wife for many years. When his son was in the third or fourth grade of elementary school, he asked him: Dad, is it really not because I didn't study well that you divorced your mother?
When my friend heard his son say this, his heart was broken and his tears came down. He hugged his son and comforted him, saying that this is between my mother and me. How could you have caused it? Besides, my father thinks you study well. It is a great thing that he said this to his children.
However, during the consultation process, Mr. Wu found that some visitors with a particularly strong sense of omnipotence often seem to have no feelings or even lost feelings after such explanations.
If we go on, we will find that they want to have the ability to influence and even decide everything around them, so human nature is really interesting.
Aggression equals vitality.
Aggressiveness is human nature, and aggression easily brings guilt. What should we do?
Emphasize Winnipeg's theory that aggression equals vitality or motivation. Everyone's ego is like an energy ball. When the energy ball stretches itself, aggression will naturally occur.
Teacher Wu extended it and thought that when a person extends his will to the outside world, it is like extending an energy antenna. If this energy antenna establishes a good relationship with other beings, then this energy antenna will be illuminated and become vitality such as enthusiasm and creativity;
If this energy antenna is ignored or rejected without establishing a relationship with other beings, it will become black energy, aggressive, outward attack and destructive; The inward attack turned into depression.
This is an intuitive statement, and Winnicott said that aggression is a natural vitality. In a good promoting environment, children's aggression can be integrated; In the harsh deprivation environment, aggression becomes destructive and manifests itself in an antisocial way.
He also said that if the mother survived the attack of the baby, it would make the baby realize that the mother is not a part of him, not under his control, but another existence besides him.
Mother's survival means that she has neither died nor left, and at the same time she has not retaliated and punished her.
For Xiao Baobao, the concept of "object stability" has not yet been formed, so when his mother leaves, it will make the baby feel that his mother seems to have been killed by his aggression.
Therefore, it is very important for the mother or the first caregiver to maintain a basically stable relationship with the child when the child is young.
The so-called object stability refers to the ability to maintain the stable image of the object, especially the mother. It is found that a child can only form the concept of "object stability" when he is one and a half years old, that is, when something is taken away from his eyes, he will not be too alarmed because he knows it still exists.
But before the concept of object stability is formed, he will either panic or not care at all, because he thinks that this thing will disappear completely once it disappears in front of his eyes.
A classic example is "hide and seek". When children grow up and develop this ability, games can no longer be played. In Mr. Wu's words, it is "the person you love lives in your heart". When a lover moves in, a person has the ability to really bear loneliness.
Similarly, if the mother retaliates and punishes the child, it will make the child feel that aggression is really a terrible thing and can really destroy the world. Therefore, the outside world should suppress his aggression, punish him and let him know that he can't release it at will.
Of course, it is still possible to cultivate aggressive children in both cases, but the aggression at this time has been seriously biased towards destruction.
The logic is that aggression is bad, so once aggression is vented, it will be expressed in a bad way. Thirdly, in Winnicott, aggression equals vitality. It's natural for children to stretch themselves.
I've been looking for someone, and I've been looking for you. Aggression can be understood as a natural thing when I came to you.
In babies, aggression is: "part of the original expression of love, the initial impulse of love, is destructive, but destruction is not the baby's purpose, because he doesn't know what sympathy is at this time."
When the mother can catch the baby's attack, then the mother has established contact with the baby, so it can be said that the baby's self has found the object. In the relationship, the aggression in the monistic relationship becomes the enthusiasm in the binary relationship.
Kohut believes that mental health is vitality that can nourish self and is self-confidence; Vitality can nourish the object, which is enthusiasm. There must be vitality in the relationship, otherwise both sides will feel that the relationship is empty.
Vitality is always aggressive, so no matter how much we are afraid of aggression, we actually experience that if a person is not aggressive, he is like a fake, and it is difficult for him to establish a vivid and true relationship with others.
abstract
1, aggression is human nature, and those who strip away aggression also strip off their own nature; Aggressive people are real, so they are more attractive.
2. There is a saying in psychoanalysis: A child needs to feel that his mother or object can survive after his attack.
Because of all-round narcissism and aggression, the child naturally thinks that all the misfortunes in the family are the result of his attack.
This will suppress their aggression, or even if released, it will be presented in a destructive way. Parents need to remind their children that these things at home are not caused by him.
3. Winnicott believes that aggression equals vitality. If the mother can survive the attack of the baby-the mother is neither dead nor gone, and there is no revenge to punish him, it will make the baby realize that the mother is not a part of him, not under his control, but another existence besides him.
When the mother can catch the baby's attack, the mother establishes contact with the baby, and the aggression in the monistic relationship becomes the enthusiasm in the relationship between the two.
4. vitality is always aggressive. No matter how much we are afraid of aggression, we actually experience that if a person is not aggressive, he is prone to hypocrisy and it is difficult to establish a vivid and true relationship with others.
think
Dad's words in the article made me burst into tears in an instant, and I was moved by him. I always thought that the problems between my parents were caused by my aggression, so I burst into tears in an instant.
In my life, I am trying to establish and enter an intimate relationship, but I always feel that I can't touch each other. Now I think it may be because aggression has been pulled away from him. So I think he's fake.
Truly express your aggression and tell each other your real bad feelings; At the same time, we should also learn to meet each other's aggression and let black energy meet light. Let the energy flow, maybe this is confidence and enthusiasm.
People need a shadow. With shadows, they will be stereoscopic, not one-dimensional and two-dimensional. Don't be afraid of the shadow, it is opposite to the light, and the light may pass through the shadow. Cracks are where light comes in.